Chapter 25: Burn Brightly
The tears in God's eyes were very real, and He shed them without shame. Gabriel brushed them away one at a time, for they were more precious to him than his own blood. His voice was soft as he spoke.
"All of my long life I have served without question and asked for nothing. That is as it should be. You, who gave me life and loved me in Your way always. You, who showed me what it was to draw breath and to fly, to feel, to live. I shall not forget that Love, my Creator and my Father and my Joy. But my heart yearns for things that You cannot show me. Michael understood the beauty of the frail little creatures You, in Your wisdom and curiosity, formed from dust. I did not see their beauty until now. Audrey Anderson is fascinating and priceless to me. She will live the briefest of spans, I know this. And I, forever. This too, I know. But my Lord, there is something that I wish to explain. There is a lesson You taught me long ago. The firefly. Remember."
Of course God remembered. He remembered all things. And now He nodded, getting to His feet again and moving to the marble bench by the citrine columns to their right. Zeus followed, head down, and Gabriel sat beside his Lord and waited for Him to speak.
"The fireflies, yes. Raphael wept to see them, and you were concerned for your brother and needed to know why."
Gabriel nodded, looking down at Zeus.
"They live as larvae for so long, so long in the darkness. Earthbound. And then, for a brief span of only a handful of days, they take flight and spread their wings and fly and rise and mate and shine forth their light into the world. And it is beautiful, but so brief. Two months at most. For those months, though, they shine with a brighter fire than ever before in the long dark years beneath the soil. A fleeting moment of light is worth an eternity of darkness."
God said nothing to this. It was apparent where the conversation was headed. After a moment, the archangel continued.
"I have done Your will from the moment I was made. I do not lament it, nor do I bear any ill will. How could I, when there would have been no life without You?" Now his voice was soft, tender. A son speaking to his Father in the last hour before a life changing moment. God did not look at him, both of them simply watching the dog. But finally, He spoke.
"You want your moment of light."
"Yes."
God rose to His feet and looked out over the land, hands clasped. Gabriel did not break the silence. Patience had never been something for which he was unprepared, it was a vital aspect of the soul of an angel. Especially an archangel of his stature. Far off, the smoke rising from the distant valley of hell seemed but a whisper against the brilliant azure sky. Why had he never truly regarded it before?
Feathers rustling, he rose to stand as well, and reached out to touch God's shoulder. No words. But the Shepherd turned, and the two beings embraced for a long time. When at last they parted, the tears had dried, and there was understanding and acceptance in their eyes.
"I thank you, Father." Gabriel told Him softly. God nodded wordlessly, then lifted the archangel's hand to His lips and kissed it. He could not speak, so great was the emotion in His eyes.
Gabriel turned, extended his wings, and lifted himself into the air with the grace of an eagle.
He was going to her now. To Audrey. His choice made, and his path clear. And it would be worth it.
"Gabriel", the Voice of God caused him to pause, looking back. Below, on the promontory, the Shepherd gestured to him to return.
"Before you leave, there's a few small matters we need to take care of."
Audrey was alone in the field, and Michael was not with her. Millie needed help with some small tasks around the house, and with the repairing of a fence just outside that had come down and was letting the cows of the pasture in to graze on her small flower bed. Hammer in hand, the archangel had quietly gone to set it right, leaving Audrey to wander on her own for a change. She welcomed it, the feeling of being outside and alone in the late afternoon sunshine. It was the mountains that caught her attention, that filled her mind. Ever since the conversation while wading in the river with Michael, she'd been deep in thought and didn't know how to put it into words. Or even how to feel. But there was a peace that had descended over her tumultuous soul. She felt, for the first time in a long time, that she could wait as long as it took for Gabriel's return. She could find solace in the waiting.
As long as Michael was nearby.
The amount of compassion he'd shown her was astonishing and healing, bringing grace to what had been an open would in her heart. Closing her eyes, Audrey touched the aching place on her chest where the memories lived of a cave, firelight, unreadable books and pale eyes and black wings. The cathedral of her love for something beyond human understanding who, beyond all belief, returned that love. She knew he did.
A sound behind her caused her eyes to open again, but she didn't turn around. Feathers in the wind, and the touching down of feet on dry grass. Michael must have come to find her, maybe to call her inside for supper in the little green trailer where Pete would bat at his feathers as he sat at the table with them all in fellowship.
"Did you fix the fence?"
Silence, and then strong arms were going around her and she was being lifted up, turned, crushed against a broad chest so tightly that it took her breath away. Above them, barely audible, there was again the sound of wings. Audrey didn't even notice, so great was her emotion. In a rush of feeling and relief and the purest unutterable joy she had ever known, a joy so great that it nearly broke her, Audrey found herself looking up into the face she had been desperate to see.
"GABRIEL!" Her cry broke off in a sob, and she flung her arms around his neck as he cradled her in arms that were devoid of metal and leather. No armor.
And as her hands moved to his back to embrace him more closely, she found that this was not the only thing missing.
"My God…..my God…." She slid back from him, sinking to her knees, hugging herself as she looked up at him in horror. "Your wings! What happened to your wings?!"
Gabriel remembered what Michael had told him when this all began. 'To not feel their burden is a dream.' How correct he had been.
Leaning down, going to one knee not before God but before this small broken mortal so precious to him, the archangel touched her cheek where warm tears had begun to spill down her flesh.
"No. Oh no no no no."
"Audrey." His voice stopped her, and she reached for him. Beyond them both, Michael was coming across the field. Walking slowly, his eyes on his brother's wingless form.
"Audrey. It's alright. More than alright. This was my decision, and I made it for you and I together."
She wiped at her eyes, then grasped his large hands in hers. "What?"
A soft smile touched his face. For the first time in thousands of years; the Archangel Gabriel smiled with genuine happiness. He looked up as Michael reached them, and his brother's expression was filled with doubt and alarm. Gabriel rose to his feet, tugging Audrey with him. He folded her into his arms again and soothingly rubbed her back. More free with his affections than he ever had been before. This was not the angel who had sought to destroy life a few short months ago. Michael could see it in his eyes and in every movement of his body.
He said nothing.
"I made the decision to come to you, little one. My Father and I spoke at length. He showed me many things, and I opened my heart to Him and told him all that was within it. At last, He relented. And I am here now, Audrey. I am here, and I will not leave again."
Audrey burst into tears, clinging to him and burying her face in the simple linen shirt he wore. But Michael didn't move. He and his brother looked at one another, and something passed between them.
"At what cost, Gabriel?" Michael asked, and his voice was so quiet that only the other archangel could hear him.
"A price that I did not find to be too high." Gabriel eased Audrey back, and stroked her hair away from her tear-stained face with his fingertips. He smiled, and she beamed back at him. "God is merciful. For the rest of your life, Audrey, I shall be here to guard you."
"Not too high…" Michael repeated. He seemed to be about to say more, but then Gabriel looked at him sharply. And he fell silent and turned away to hide the tears in his eyes.
Later in the house there were many tears and much laughter as Howard and Millie hugged Gabriel, fussed over the bare and scarless place on his back where his magnificent wings once grew. Howard fixed his glasses and peered at the place. Two crescent-shaped patches of paler flesh arched around the angel's spine like parentheses, but there was no blood or bruising and no raised flesh. It was as though the mighty feathered appendages had simply vanished. Michael stayed in the background, waiting patiently for a chance to speak with Gabriel alone. But it was clear that Howard especially didn't want to let his favorite angel out of his sight for a moment.
Millie cleaned off the kitchen table. She made a large meal. Howard wanted to know all about Zeus, the hound of hell that stood beside God in the Garden. Old Pete, as mad for feathers as always, stayed near Michael and watched Gabriel warily. The only one who seemed truly and completely happy was Audrey, and her face shone like the morning sun every time she looked at Gabriel. There would be log talks, of course. There would be awkward silences, questions, the blush of new love growing into something even more. There would be many firsts. But for now it was enough to simply sit at the table and be together and enjoy the moment.
At last, even Michael joined them. The misgivings in his heart were strong. He worried that perhaps Gabriel did not say all that had transpired in Paradise during his time away. But the wings were gone, and he'd not cut them off. Only God could remove them so gently.
The little group talked and laughed for hours, and a strange and beautiful lightness of spirit filled the room. At some point, Michael rose from the table and slipped out into the light of the sunset.
Uriel was waiting for him, arms folded and lips pursed. Sword at his side, white robes moving slightly in a wind that was not there. The moment he saw his face, Michael's spirits fell even further.
"What news, Uriel? You look very grave."
"You will too in a moment." His brother told him, and his voice was soft and sad. "Michael…Gabriel saw Raphael. God took him to Hell and showed him where our brother now spends his days. He's trapped there, enduring torments he doesn't deserve, while Gabriel was given permission to come back to Earth and do as he wants."
"What terrible bargain was made for this permission? Do you know?"
"No. Only that Gabriel had that look on his face when he came out of the Throne Room. You know the one. His battle expression, that squaring of the shoulders and lowering of the head that means grim determination. Of course, he usually looks like that, but under the circumstances it's hard to tell what it means."
Michael was agitated. He couldn't even guess at what may have been agreed upon. What rules would need to be followed. And what the price of breaking them would be. For an angel to go to a mortal in love was forbidden, they all knew that. They all knew the wages of such a sin. If Gabriel had agreed to refrain from intimacy with the girl, that may spare him the harsh judgment that had befallen Raphael. Surely no other arrangement could have been arrived at.
He clasped Uriel's hand in solidarity, saying nothing of his thoughts for the moment.
"We will watch, then. And wait to see what the future holds. I know that you have tasks that must be seen to. So do I. I cannot linger here indefinitely, especially now that Gabriel has returned. The instructions were to remain with Audrey until he came back. We will need to leave soon."
Uriel tucked a lock of silken gold hair behind his ear, his fair face set in a look of concern.
"Do you want to know what I think?"
"Of course."
"I think that your other half has done something brave and noble and stupid. And I think that, if anything happens to him like what's happened to my other half…..there will be a war in Heaven."
"We could ask him outright. He will not lie to us any more than we could lie to him."
"I fear his answer. And I don't want to take this joy from him, fleeting though it might be. Maybe God had a change of heart."
"You know better."
The two angels were quiet for a little. Hushed and subdued, tall spirits of an otherworldly light that stood in the gathering darkness of the yard, and were troubled.
Inside the small trailer, Gabriel laughed. Actually laughed, and Michael came to a decision.
"Come. Now, while he's engaged in conversation and reveling in happiness. The Father demanded so much from him for so long. He has earned this, Uriel. I will return in a week's time to speak with him. But for now…we can give him this. You and I have made errors with him in the past, taking Audrey from him was wrong. Let us not compound it now by prying into his arrangement with the Most High. A week. We can give him a week of uninterrupted bliss."
Uriel nodded slowly, letting Michael's words sink in. He was right. All the misgivings in the world seemed small in comparison to the rare and wonderful sound of their brother's laugh. He never laughed. But now, there was happiness in this return. True happiness, and they had no right to strip him of it. Whatever understanding had been reached, Gabriel's wings were gone. He was here. The deal had been sealed and the price agreed upon. To demand answers and subject him to their combined concern for his wellbeing seemed moot at this point, as it would effect no change.
Together, the two angels took to the air. They did not look back at the vanishing trailer beneath them. They kept their eyes on the widening sky, and the million stars glinting down at them with cool, tremulous light.
Down below, the revelry wound down with the lengthening of the shadows and the coming of night. At long last, sensing the need for Audrey and Gabriel to spend time alone with one another, Millie again offered use of the converted barn house that she and Howard had shared for so many years. And this time, Gabriel did not reject the idea. All thoughts of keeping Audrey away from other human beings in perpetuity had vanished from his mind.
"I'll just put together a box of food for you kids to take with you. Pack up some clothing for the both of you while Howard gets the truck warmed up. The phones and electricity have been off at the old place for years, but there's a fireplace and plenty of candles and lamps. And a payphone only about ten minute's walk from the front door. You need anything, you call. We'll see about getting some kind of transportation for you, Audrey. I got a feeling this big fella here doesn't have a driver's license."
Audrey giggled, her hand on Gabriel's huge arm.
"I don't think so. Thanks, Millie. We owe you both so much."
Millie playfully flapped her dish towel at the young girl, then turned back to piling the plates beside the sink.
"Nonsense. Meeting you two has been the greatest thing that ever happened to Howard and me. Why, he's been acting like an excited boy tonight! You've brought him peace and purpose, both of you. Peace and purpose."
They embraced her, and accepted the box she pushed into Gabriel's hands. He chuckled softly to see a packet of Howard's sacred donuts on top.
"Do you remember when first we met, Millie? How I destroyed your door, and frightened you both? I am sorry for that." He was surprised to hear himself say. Millie looked a little surprised too. But she reached up to pat his cheek in a gesture of fondness. The weeks of coming to know him, coming to know his brother, had effected a change in her heart. Fear was replaced with love and something very close to understanding. The torments that Gabriel had endured in the service of his Father galled the kindly older woman to no end, and she felt now a fierce swell of protectiveness that stung her eyes. She patted him again.
"It's alright, honey. You made it right the second time you visited. And every time after that. I'd sacrifice a hundred doors before I'd erase that day. I am so glad that you came on back to us, and to your young lady here. She's been missing you something fierce."
Gabriel took her hand and gravely kissed the palm, looking down into her eyes.
"What aid I can offer to you and to Howard in the years ahead, I will. You showed all of us a great deal of kindness and care. I believe I would have died were it not for your care and compassion. And I will not forget your tenderness and concern when I lost my mind to injury and grief. The debt I owe to you will take decades to repay."
In the truck, Audrey in back and Gabriel seated carefully in the passenger's seat, Howard pointed out every landmark that meant something to him between the trailer and the farmhouse.
"The old post office used to be there, where the coffee shop is now. And over here's the bakery that makes the bread we like best. The owner died during the sickness that just came through. He went mighty funny before he passed away, like something else was inside his body other than himself. His son runs the place now. Does a fine job of it too. Over there's the turn I'd take to get to the vet clinic where I treat so many animals. People too. You remember that road, Audrey. When we find you a little car, that's the road you'll take to come work with me at the clinic." He looked at her happily in the rear view mirror, and Audrey hugged herself and leaned forward to kiss the old man's cheek. Everything was coming together. Everything was going to be wonderful. Literally everything.
"Hey, where did Michael go? We didn't say goodbye."
"He has undoubtedly returned to the Throne, Audrey. I am certain that he will come again to us in time. My brother is very fond of you." Gabriel told her gently. He looked out of the window at the landscape moving past them, pushing away all thoughts except the glory of Now. Howard was pointing out the tailor, the candy store, the house where the church organist, ("Mrs. Caldwell, bless her heart") lived.
Lose yourself in this. He told himself silently. Savor every moment, remember every second. It will sustain you when you are most in need of such memories.
When the clouds had lost their fiery orange glow and the shades of darkness drew across the sky, they arrived at the end of a long dirt road before a tidy red barn. Wildflowers and weeds grew in profusion across the swath of the front yard. A little fence encircled the property. Windows had been set into the sides, four on the bottom level and one small one above to indicate what must be the loft Millie once spoke of. A place where two young people in love had made a life together, long ago. Their happiness seemed to linger about the place like the scent of faded flowers pressed between the pages of a book.
It seemed like an eternity since the conversation in Millie's kitchen, when she expressed horror at the thought of keeping a young girl in a cave. Of course, they could no more return to the cave than fly to the Moon now. His wings….
But no. He would not think of it.
Instead, he got out of the truck and opened Audrey's door for her. She slipped her hand into his shyly, moving to stand beside him at the front gate while Howard hugged them both half a dozen more times. He pressed the key into Gabriel's hand before he left, squeezing it.
"Son, you take care now. Call us in a couple days no matter if you need anything or not. Audrey here has the number. Now I ain't gonna tell you your business, but you be gentle on this girl here. We've grown mighty fond of her."
And with a wink, the old man got back into his vehicle and drove away.
Gabriel looked after him, puzzled.
"Gentle on you? What in creation could he have meant? I have not been cruel with you, save in the very beginning. Does he think I would abuse you, when I have moved Heaven and Earth simply to return to your side?"
Audrey lifted his hand to her lips, kissing it, and his attention was drawn to her face.
And the uncomfortably intimate way she was looking at him.
"Gabriel," she said softly, and tugged him toward the door, "That's not what he meant at all. Come inside."