I finally gave up trying to sleep, and got out out of bed to go find something to eat. I went over to the mini-kitchen and got out a package of Pop-Tarts. The journal that I had seen before, with all of the pages with symbols and stuff, was on the counter, and it was open. Someone had written down information about the crocotta. I leaned on the counter on my elbow, skimming the page, and then I started to flip through the book.
A hand reached around me and closed the book. I gasped and stood up straight, turning around. Dad stood behind me, and he looked angry. He picked up the journal and buttoned the strap on it closed.
"This is my personal journal," he said curtly. "It has information about cases, but it also has private things in it too. You don't go looking through a hunter's journal without permission, you hear me?"
Tears came to my eyes. I had just woken up and I had managed to get myself in trouble again!
"I'm sorry Dad!" I said. "I—I didn't know!"
"I know you didn't, that's why I'm letting it go this time. If you go into my journal again, you will be in trouble, is that clear?"
"Y-yes sir, I'm sorry," I said again.
He put the journal on the table and then pulled me to him for a hug. "I'm sorry, Kate, I don't mean to be so stern with you. I'm a little protective of my journal because it has...it has information about my wife, and I don't want the boys to see it. They're not ready. And Sammy can't know anything about it yet."
"I shouldn't have been looking at it, it's your personal journal." I hugged him back, enjoying the feeling of his arms around me. "I was so scared" I whispered.
"I'm sure you were," he said quietly. "But you're safe now, remember that." He dropped a kiss on my head and then let me go.
"We're going to leave today, and go back to Pastor Jim's. I've got to start making plans for the fall."
"Okay," I said. I didn't want to ask if he was going to punish me today, although I was curious. The thought of facing that made me lose my appetite, and I put the half-eaten Pop Tart back into its sleeve and put it on the counter.
Dad picked up his journal and took it over to one of the duffles that was across the room.
Caleb sat up on the sofa, blinking his eyes, and he stretched and yawned. I heard the two men talking quietly to each other as I walked around the divider to where my bag was. I got out a pair of shorts and a shirt, and went to change in the bathroom.
When I came out, the boys were awake. Dean got up and turned the t.v. on, and found some cartoons. As he was laying back down in bed, Dad came over.
"We're going back to Pastor Jim's today," he told us. "You need to pack your duffles up; we'll go get breakfast in a little while."
"Can we go to the pool before we leave?" Sam asked.
"No, I don't think so," Dad said. "I'd like to get on the road soon. We'll go out for breakfast after we're all packed, and then come back here. I need to have a talk with Kate."
I had been putting my pajamas in my bag, and I turned to look at him.
"Um, you mean..." I looked a question at him.
"Yes, Kate," he nodded, and then turned and went back over to the sofa.
I swallowed and tears came to my eyes. Sam and Dean looked at me sympathetically.
"Sorry, Kate," Dean whispered.
I shrugged. "It's my own dumb fault," I said.
"Boys, turn the t.v. off and get moving," Dad called over.
"We can watch while we pack," Sam said.
"No, you can't. You get too distracted by the t.v. Turn it off," Dad repeated.
Sam got off of the bed in a huff and grabbed the remote to turn the t.v. off, muttering something under his breath.
Dad came back around the wall and looked at Sam with his eyebrows raised.
"Excuse me, young man?" he said sternly. "Do I need to have a talk with you as well?"
Sam blushed, and looked at his feet. "No sir," he said.
Dad looked at him for a long moment. "Put the attitude away and get a move on," he said in a low voice. He turned and went into the bathroom.
"Sam, you can't do that, you know he has ears like a bat!" Dean hissed.
"I wanna watch cartoons!" Sam complained. "And swim in the pool!"
"Well, at least we're gonna go out for breakfast. You can get pancakes!" Dean tried to make Sam feel better. The three of us finished packing our bags and brought them over to the door for Dad to put in the car when he was ready.
Caleb came with us to the diner. I wasn't hungry, my stomach was in knots because of the impending 'talk' that I was going to be having with Dad.
When it was my turn to order, I looked up at the waitress and shook my head. "Just a glass of orange juice, please." I said.
"No food? You sure, hon?"
I nodded, and then glanced across the table at Dad. He was looking at me with a stern look on his face. When the waitress left, he leaned over.
"You're not going to start this again, where you don't eat anything," he said firmly.
"I won't," I said. "I just- I'm not hungry, because of- of later. And I had part of a Pop Tart this morning."
He sat up and sighed. "All right. You make sure you finish it later, though."
I played tic-tac-toe on the paper placemats with the boys, and then we played hangman. I drank my juice and looked out the window while they ate.
I got more nervous as they finished up. We drove back to the hotel, and then Dad told the boys that Caleb was going to take them to the playground for a while. The three of them left the room, and Dad turned to me.
"We're going to get to your punishment," Dad said, "But first, we need to have a talk." He held his hand out and I took it. He led me over to my bed and we sat down on the end of it. He turned to me and put his hands on his knees.
"I talked to Caleb and he told me everything else that happened to you," he said. "I also called Pastor Jim last night and talked with him."
I looked at Dad. "You did? Why?"
He nodded. "Because I think there's more going on here than you breaking rules and leaving. I wanted to get his opinion about everything. And that's what I want to talk to you about."
He shifted on the bed and smiled at me.
"I know you were babysitting the boys before, and you were responsible for them, and you did a good job with that. But what has happened over the past couple of days is not something I would have expected from you, because you are such a responsible kid. You do the right thing, for the most part. You never would have left the boys alone in the middle of the night before, you never would have let Dean go off on his own, you would not have broken curfew or any of the rules I put into place."
Tears came to my eyes. "I'm sor-"
He held his hand up and cut me off. "No, I don't want you to start feeling bad and saying you're sorry. Right now I want you to just listen to me, all right?"
I took a deep breath and nodded.
"I have to look at what is different now from how it was before. And I realized that it's only been a short times since your parents- since your life completely changed. You're still adjusting to everything, and you're still grieving, even of you're not aware of it."
"What do you mean?" I asked defensively."The- the creature said the same thing, but I'm not grieving anymore! I'm not having dreams about- about the vampire, or that night, any more."
Dad looked at me, and his eyes were sad. "Sweetheart, grief takes a long time. Just because you're not having nightmares anymore doesn't mean that you're finished. My wife passed 6 years ago, and not a day goes by that I don't wake up and miss her and grieve her. You've got to take your time with it, and not bury it, so that it gets dealt with."
He put his hand on my shoulder. "And you're not just grieving the loss of your parents, but the realization that your relationship with them and your life before wasn't- wasn't good."
I swallowed, and then tears started to pour down my face. He pulled me close to him and held me, and I cried for a few minutes.
"I didn't know..." I said. "I didn't know it was going to be like this, that it was going to be hard sometimes."
He pulled back and tilted my chin up so I was looking at him. "Well, why do you think you went to find your mother? Because you still have grief inside that hasn't been dealt with. And as screwed up as that creature was, I think he was right when he said that you went to him because you were still hoping to find some sort of relationship with your mother."
I put my head on his chest again and sobbed. He rubbed my back as I calmed down.
After a couple of minutes, he started to talk again. "Even though I gave you rules to follow, and expected you to completely fall in line, I understand now that I can't do that with you, because this is different than what you've known previously. You're not used to having rules in place to follow, rules that are meant to keep you safe. You're not used to not having to take care of the adults in your life and everyone around you. That was your job before. You're not used to having people who care about you and want to make sure you're safe. You're not used to having someone hold you accountable for breaking rules, and showing that they care by making those rules."
During this speech, my eyes filled with tears again. He was right in everything he was saying. The only rules in my life before had had to do with keeping my parent's house running smoothly, and had nothing to do with taking care of me. Dad saw that there were more tears in my eyes, and he reached over and put his hand on mine and smiled again.
"So I guess I was wrong in expecting you to just be able to do all that, when I can't, because it's not how you grew up. I have to remember that you were in a family where they expected you to take care of them and do everything, and your needs and wants were not taken into consideration. So of course you're not going to tell me when something upsetting is happening to you. I saw how your father reacted to you when that boy came on to you at The Circle- remember how upset you were, and how he didn't give you any sympathy?"
I nodded and sniffled.
"I know now that I need to change things with you, I can't keep giving you all of these responsibilities with the boys, because you need to get used to being part of a family. You need to be one of the kids who is taken care of, not the one who is taking care of everyone else. I'm going to have to work on changing that, we all are. And I'm going to have to give you time to get used to being part of a family where you are loved and cared about instead of being treated like a servant."
He let go of my hand and brushed a tear off of my face with his fingertip. Then he sat up straight.
"Having said all that, we still have to deal with the fact that you did something very dangerous. You put yourself in danger, and part of your actions also put the boys in danger. I take that very seriously. In this life, you can't do things that deliberately put yourself in danger, you have to assess the situation properly and decide what to do. You didn't do any of that, you ran off half-cocked into a situation that could have- could have gotten you killed.
"You know that I spank the boys, and when they do something serious like put themselves in danger they get a more serious punishment. When I caught Sam playing with matches he got a bare- bottom spanking. When Dean took the gun out of my safe, he got a couple of swats with my belt added on to the end of his spanking. I grew up with my grandfather doling out my punishments, and he was an old-fashioned, strict man, and if I had done what you did he would have made me cut a switch and then worn me out with it."
"A switch?" I asked. I had no idea what that was.
"A thin tree branch. It makes sitting very painful for at least a couple of days."
"Oh gosh," I said.
"Now, I'm not that harsh, but I believe that putting yourself or others in danger should be dealt with by serious consequences. So I'm going to spank you, and at the end I'm going to give you one swat with the belt for every rule that was broken. I know you are already due a spanking for breaking the rule about staying together, and letting Dean stay at the pool, but I'm going to include that in the spanking."
He held his hand up and ticked off each rule on a finger as he said it.
"You left the boys alone in the room, which is one, you crossed the highway, which is two, you broke curfew, which is three, you answered the phone when it wasn't me, not once, but three times, which is four, you lied to me by not telling me what was going on- which is a lie of omission, which is five, you continued to with-hold information, which is keeping secrets, which is six."
He put his hand down and sighed. "Let's deal with this now."
I swallowed, my throat suddenly gone dry. I felt even more nervous now.
He took his belt off and then folded it in half and set it next to him. He beckoned me to him, and I hesitated, then laid myself down over his lap, so that my torso was on the bed and my legs were dangling off of his lap. Tears were already in my eyes as I felt him put his hand on my lower back. I took hold of the comforter on the bed in both hands.
He began spanking me, and the swats weren't too hard at first. Slowly the sting built up, and I started to shift uncomfortably as he started to spank me harder. I began to sob as he laid down a set of harder, faster swats, making the sting in my bottom worse.
Then he paused, and I felt him moving, and I heard the belt buckle jingle as he picked it up.
"You're going to tell me the rules that you broke, and then you'll get a swat for each one. Do you understand?"
"Y-yes sir," I said, fear twisting in my stomach.
"Uh, the first one, I mean, I, um, I left the boys alone in the room." I swallowed, and I heard a swishing sound, and then a loud smack, and then I felt a line of pain explode on my bottom, and I let out a little shriek and burst into tears.
"I'm sorry!" I sobbed. "I'm so sorry!"
"I know, Kate. What's the next rule you broke?"
"Um, I, I broke curfew, I left the room late at night," I braced myself for the next swat, but it didn't help, it hurt as much as the first one. I gasped as the belt connected with my bottom. I twisted the comforter on the bed towards me and held on.
"Next," he said simply.
"I crossed the highway," I said. "Please!" I reached back to cover my rear.
"Please what?" he asked. "You don't think you deserve this? How many rules did you break?"
"I'm sorry! I just- I just-"
"You have to face the consequences of your actions," he said sternly. "Now move your hand."
"I—I can't!" I wailed.
"You can, and you will," he paused. "If you don't move your hand, I will add extra licks onto the end. Is that what you want?"
"No! Please!" I moved my hand back and grabbed the comforter again, pulling it towards me and bunching it up so I could bury my face in it.
I tensed up as I heard the buckle jingle, and then there was the smack of the belt and the pain across my bottom, and I yelped. I sobbed into the comforter.
"I'm waiting." he said. "Next rule broken."
"Uh, I answered the ph- phone, when it w- wasn't you, three ti- times." I gulped nervously, waiting for the next smack to fall. The belt came down lower on my bottom and I cried out.
"Next."
"I—I lied to you-please, Dad-" My breath hitched with my sobs.
The belt fell again and I kicked my feet and threw my hand back to cover my bottom again.
"Kate," he said in a deeper voice. "Move your hand NOW."
He waited a moment. "All right, that's one extra."
"No!" I whimpered and struggled, pushing up with my feet.
"That's two extra." he said in a hard voice. "You do not tell me no."
"Pleeease!" I whined, starting to cry harder.
"Kate, you are disobeying me while you are in the middle of being punished! Should I just give you another spanking with the belt right now, for disobeying me?"
"Noooo!" I howled, moving my hand. I started to twist, pushing up on the bed to try and get up from his lap, but he pulled me towards him, holding my body against his side and putting his arm around my waist to keep me held there. Now my body was bent slightly and I couldn't reach back any more, and I couldn't get up.
"What's the next rule you broke?"
I couldn't think, I was so upset. "I—I- uh—I don't knoooow!" I wailed.
"You kept everything a secret, and you with-held what was going on. This whole thing could have been avoided if you had just been honest and talked to me!" he said in an angry voice.
The belt crashed down, right on the lowest part of my butt, and I wailed wordlessly.
"We'd be done now if you had obeyed me, but you've earned two extra." he said.
The belt came down again, right where it had before, right in that place where butt meets thigh, and he laid both swats down one right after the other. I kicked my feet and sobbed aloud.
I felt him moving again and heard the buckle clank as he put the belt down on the bed. I laid over his lap sobbing for a few moments, then he helped me to sit up in his lap. My bottom was throbbing and stinging. I threw my arms around him and buried my face in his shirt and sobbed. He put his arms around me and held me tightly.
"All right, it's done." he said, rubbing the back of my head. He smoothed my hair back from my face. "It's over and done, you're all right, shh."
"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I'm sorry I put the boys in danger and myself and I didn't talk to you about anything and—and-"
"Shhh, Kate, I know you're sorry. It's over and dealt with, sweetheart."
"How can you care about me when I did so many bad things?" I sobbed.
"Because you're my family, and family always care about each other. They don't shut their kids away in their room and forget about them, or expect them to take care of everything for them. You're my daughter, and I'm going to take care of you." He continued to hold me and rubbed my back for a few minutes.
"I'm making your shirt all wet," I mumbled.
"It's all right, Kate," he said with a chuckle. "I can change my shirt."
He looked down at me. "When we get back, I want you to continue to talk with Pastor Jim. I think it will do you good. And, I want you to talk to me too. I know you're not used to being able to rely on the parental figures in your life for support, but try to remind yourself that things are different now. I'm going to ask you how you are doing, and I want you to be honest with me. I want you to get comfortable with telling me things. All right?"
"Yes, sir," I sniffled.
"Good girl," he kissed my forehead. "We should get going, check out is soon."
I stood up and went over to the sink to splash water on my face and blow my nose. Dad went to the door and picked up our duffles to load them in the car. I heard him calling across the parking lot to Caleb and the boys. In a couple of minutes, they were in the room, getting water to drink. Sam and Dean looked at my face cautiously, trying to gauge how upset I was.
I smiled at them. "I'm okay," I told them in a low voice.
Caleb and Dad chatted for a few minutes, and then Caleb said he was going to leave. He came over and shook my hand, and then the boy's hands as well.
"Y'all be good," he said. "Take care of each other, and your old man, too."
"Who you calling old?" Dad said, and Caleb grinned at him. "You, old man," he said.
"Go on and get outta here," Dad said to him with a fake growl.
We did one last check of the room, and picked up the bags with the food and snacks, and then got into the car. Dad stopped by the office to check out, and then we were on the road.
I discovered that like the boys, I didn't like riding in the car with a sore butt either. I was in the back with Sam and Dean, and I kept having to shift position.
"Put your leg under you so that you're sitting on that and not on the seat, it gives part of your butt a break," Dean told me quietly.
I tried that for a while, but I still had to shift around.
Dad stopped at a drive-through for lunch, and kept driving, so that we could be back by that evening. We pulled into the driveway right after dinnertime.
Dad opened the trunk and began to pass bags to us. Each of us carried something into the house, and dropped them at the bottom of the stairs.
"Well, hey, y'all," Rosemary came out to the living room. "How's everyone doing?"
"Glad to be out of the car," Dad said, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Well, there's chicken casserole on the counter, it should still be warm. You kids hungry?" she smiled at us. We followed her into the kitchen and she got us each a plate of food.
"John, you want some coffee?" Pastor Jim was at the counter in the kitchen.
"You know I do," Dad said, accepting a mug from him.
"So things were...eventful," Pastor Jim said.
"You could say that," Dad said, looking at me.
"Kate ran away," Sam piped up. "Someone tricked her and made her think that her Mom was calling her and she went to see who it was and Daddy's friend found her and brought her back to us!"
"That sounds very stressful," Pastor Jim said.
"It was," Sam said. "We were worried we would never see her again!" He looked at me. "We were so scared, Kate!"
Tears came to my eyes. I hadn't even thought about how my actions would affect the boys.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I—I wasn't thinking clearly. I'll never do something like that again."
"Well, she's home safe now, and that's what matters, right?" Rosemary asked.
Once we had finished eating, Dean and I cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher. Then we sat on the front porch, eating ice cream.
"I'm going to have to get your transcripts together, boys," Dad said.
"What's tran- scrip?" Sam asked.
"It's your records for school," Dad explained to him. "And Bobby's getting some made for you, too, Kate. We'll have to sit down and figure out some family history for you, also."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, people will ask questions sometimes, about your history or whatever. It's good to have a story in place beforehand, rather than making something up on the spot. If you already have something in mind, it's easier to remember, than it is when you make things up. I got your baby book and your school paperwork from your parent's house, so we can look through that and figure things out."
"Oh," I shifted uncomfortably. I didn't really relish the idea of looking back through photos and information about my childhood right now. But I guess we'd have to at some point.
That night, at bedtime, Dad came into my room to tuck me in. It made me feel good that he still did that for me, my parents hadn't done anything like that in a long time.
He sat down on the bed facing me. "School is going to start in less than a month," he told me.
"Where are we going to live?" I asked. "Where will we go to school?"
"I'm going to be working on that tomorrow," Dad said. "How are you doing?"
"I'm nervous," I admitted. "I grew up going to the same school system all my life, seeing the same kids in the hallways and classes every year. And everything is going to be different now."
"It is," he agreed, nodding. "But I think it will work out. There will be an adjustment period, but there always is when you start a new school year, right?"
"Yeah, there is."
He leaned forward and hugged me, and kissed the top of my head. "Get some sleep."
I laid down and he pulled the covers up.
"Thanks for taking me in, Dad." I said softly.
He smiled down at me. "You belonged with us, it was obvious for a long time." he said.
"I'm glad it worked out."
"Me too. Good night, Kate."
"Good night, Dad."
I didn't have any nightmares or even remember my dreams that night.
In the morning, Rosemary was the only one in the kitchen. She had made sausage and was cooking a pan of scrambled eggs.
"Your Dad went into town with Pastor Jim to take care of a few things," she told me.
I sat down at the table, and Sam and Dean came in, rubbing their eyes sleepily.
"Is that bacon?" Sam asked.
"No, silly, it's sausage!" Dean said.
"I'm not silly!" Sam shoved Dean.
"Can't you tell the difference?" Dean asked. "I can!"
"Settle down, you two," Rosemary said. "Why don't y'all set the table instead of bickering?"
We got up and set out dishes and silverware.
"Can we go to the playground, now that the bear is gone?" Sam asked. "Daddy said we could go by ourselves sometimes."
"I don't know about that, Sam," Rosemary said doubtfully. "I'd like to check with him before I let you go off on your own. He and Pastor Jim should be back by this afternoon, they can take you over then."
After we ate, we went into the living room to watch t.v. The boys wanted to watch the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or something like that. It didn't really interest me, but I sat with them anyway. After the show was over, Sam said, "Let's go out and look at the garden. Pastor Jim said the corn is almost ripe!"
"Okay," Dean said. We went out back, and walked through the rows of corn that were growing.
"Hey, come look at this caterpillar!" Sam called. I followed Dean over to where Sam was standing. There was a large, fat green caterpillar on the stalk of one of the plants.
Dean bent down. "Look, you can see him eating!" he laughed.
"Maybe we can keep him and then see what he turns into!" Sam said. He walked over to the edge of the plot.
"Let's go look to see if we can find more," he said. "Maybe there's some of those furry ones on the trees."
"Um, shouldn't we ask?" I said.
"Nah, we're just gonna be right here," Dean followed Sam over to the treeline. "And I'm good at tracking, too." he said confidently.
"I'm going to let Rosemary know what we're doing," I said, turning back to the house.
Sam gasped. "I just saw a bunny!" he pointed, squatting down. "It was brown and gray! It went over there, into that log!"
He stood up and ran towards the log, and Dean followed him. "Sam, be quiet! Walk very slowly and soft, you don't want to scare it!"
"Boys-" I said.
"C'mon, Kate!" Sam beckoned me. "Let's look for it! I'll go around the other side of the log, and you guys stay on that side, and we can grab it!"
I walked with Dean over to the log. Dean crouched down and tried to look into the end.
Sam crouched down on the other end.
"Make it come out!" Sam hissed.
"Shh!" Dean said.
Overhead, there was the sound of something in the trees, and then some flapping and squawking.
"Maybe it was hiding from that bird." Dean whispered in a stage whisper.
Sam stood up and walked over to the side of the log, and then he pounded on the top with his fist.
"Sam!" Dean scolded, and then we all saw the flash of brown as the rabbit ran out of the log and into the woods. I saw it's little white tail flip as it ran away.
Sam ran after it, laughing.
"Sam, wait!" Dean called. He ran after Sam, and I ran after Dean, not wanting to lose them.
"Boys, we shouldn't go too far," I said.
"Look, the house is just over there," Dean pointed behind him.
I turned around to look. I could see part of the edge of Pastor Jim's house through the trees. When I turned back around, Sam was gone.
"Sam, wait up!" Dean called, and he ran. I had no choice but to follow him.
"Dean! I called after him. "Slow down! Where is Sam!"
"Sammy!" Dean said loudly. "Sam, where'd you go?"
We walked for a couple of minutes, calling for Sam every once in a while.
"Dean, let's go back," I said worriedly. "We can get Dad's help."
"Nah, I'm looking for Sam," he said with confidence.
"Well hurry up and find him!" I snapped.
"I think he went this way, see how the leaves are all crunched down? It's 'cause he ran over them." he explained.
"Let's just find him," I said worriedly. "Sam!" I hollered.
"Shh, you'll scare away the animals."
"I don't care!" I said. "Finding Sam is more important!"
There was a crunching, crackling noise like something was walking through the underbrush.
"Oh my gosh, it's a woodchuck!" Dean said. He pointed. "Look, Kate, can you see it?"
I tried to see where he was pointing, but I couldn't see anything.
He started to walk away from me, fast.
"Dean, wait up," I said. Suddenly my foot caught in a tree branch and I fell forward. My hands and knees got all dirty, and my shoe came off. The shoe lace had actually gotten tangled in the little thorns on the branch. It took me a couple of minutes to work it loose, and my fingers kept catching on the thorns painfully. By the time I had gotten the lace free, a couple of my fingertips were bleeding.
I put my shoe back on and tied the laces, then started walking in the direction that Dean had gone.
"Dean? Dean!" I called. "Where are you!"
I walked several more feet and the stopped. I didn't hear anything that sounded like a boy walking through the woods. I turned around, looking for any sign of either Sam or Dean, but all I saw was green leaves and brown branches and tree trunks. I got scared. Where had they gone? How far away from Pastor Jim's house had we gotten? Where was I? How was I going to find Sam and Dean and get back?