I Don't, Do I?
I drop heavily into the chair beside James' bed as he fumbles around in his closet, looking for a shirt. "Does it totally freak you out that Moony's like… married?" he asks, slipping his Montrose Magpies shirt over his head.
Shrugging, I say, "A little yeah." I snort, actually thinking about. "Who would have thought 'Mr. I can't have a relationship' would have gotten married first?"
"I know," he laughs and rolls his eyes. "If anyone, I thought I would be the one to marry first."
Lifting an eyebrow, I jeer, "You?"
"Yeah," he says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
I shake my head, smirking. "What made you think that? Lily wouldn't even talk to you until this year, and you wouldn't date anyone else."
Dropping to his bed, he begins pulling on his boots. "So?" he shrugs. "Look at the rest of you. You are a slut, Moony thinks, or thought, that he was incapable of having a relationship, and Wormtail… Well, maybe there is someone somewhere who thinks a 5'4", pudgy, bucked-toothed guy is attractive. I don't, but you know, I don't really find any man attractive."
With a bark like laugh, I nod. "I suppose you are right."
"Of course, I am," he responds, hopping off the bed. "So, what are we doing again?"
I shove my hands into my pockets, strolling toward the door. "Damn, Prongs, we just went over this. We're going down to the Hufflepuff common room for some remodeling before the game tomorrow. Geeze, you have the memory span of a goldfish."
"I do not! I can remember things for way longer than three seconds!" he practically shouts.
I chuckle to myself. "Yeah, like five seconds." I turn to him as I reach for the door. "You had better quiet down. You'll wake Lily from her nap if you don't."
"Yeah," he sighs, grabbing his Invisibility Cloak. "Hey, where are Moony and Wormtail anyway?"
Pulling the door open, I shrug. "Wormtail didn't come back after class. He has been hanging out with that little Ravenclaw with the thick glasses…"
"Cindy Davis?" he offers, following me out.
"Do you know everyone? I swear you always know who I am talking about even when I don't know who I am talking about."
He rolls his eyes. "Head Boy. It is my job to know everyone."
"Well, it's weird," I mumble, running my hand through my hair to get the black locks out of my eyes.
"I guess," he sighs. "And Moony? Where is he?"
"Moony and Lucy got all extremely giddy when I mentioned going out for a prank tonight. There is a hat on the doorknob. I think that means I am going to see if Cole will let me stay over tonight. Honestly, those two are like rabbits."
Clapping me on the back, he grins. "Just be glad you have a place to go. Pete's gonna be banished to the couch when he gets back."
"Poor guy," I sigh dramatically as we head out of the Gryffindor Tower and down toward the Hufflepuff common room. It's dinnertime so they'll all be in the Great Hall. If not, we'll put up a "flooded" sign again to keep them out. Hufflepuffs are so gullible.
O
As I attempt to make my "Go Gryffindor!" sign stick to the wall in the Hufflepuff common room, I look down at James who is staring blankly at his wand as he sits in the middle of the floor. He is supposed to be turning the walls red. "Prongs, man, are you alright? Did you hit your head again or something?"
His hazel eyes flick up to me. "Do you think I should ask Lily to marry me?" he whispers.
I almost fall off my ladder. "What?" I try to keep my voice low, but I rather shouted that.
"Well, I want to marry her, and…" His voice trails off.
Hopping of my ladder, I stride over to him. "Well, there goes redecorating their common room. C'mon, let's go to the kitchens. We can't discuss this here." I offer him my hand, and he sighs heavily before letting me pull him off the ground.
He grabs his cloak, and we leave the room, half painted, with various signs in support of the Gryffindor Quidditch team covering the floor. Oh, well, they'll still get the message. We are going to kick their asses tomorrow, even if Lucy is still forbidden to be in the air for more than an hour.
"Now, why exactly are you thinking about proposing?" I ask, as we make our way to the big portrait of a fruit bowl down the corridor.
Running his hand through his hair nervously, he sighs. "I don't know. I love her, and after we graduate, well, I won't see her everyday like I do now, but if we got married then… we could move in together."
"I don't think Lily is ready for marriage, James. She is going to want to get her life set-up before she does something like that."
He nods slowly. "Yeah, you're probably right."
"That doesn't mean I don't think she'd marry you because I do. I think she is more than willing to spend the rest of her life with you," I say, smiling at him. "I just don't think she'll make the commitment now. Let her graduate first, get herself a steady job, her own place, then ask her when you know that it's the right time to get married, not just when you want it to be."
He tickles the pear, and it giggles a little before revealing a doorknob. As he opens the door and steps inside, he says, "I hate it when you give advice. It's just awkward. That's Moony's job."
I chuckle. "But my advice is just as good as his."
"Yes, but still," he whines as a perky little house elf latches herself onto his leg.
"Mr. Potter!" she squeaks. "Tibby is most pleased to see you. It has been such a long time. Tibby was beginning to think you had forgotten Tibby."
Grinning, he pats her head. "Of course not, Tibs. I've just been busy with all this Head Boy stuff. Can't seem to sneak out nearly as often as I used to."
"Oh, of course, Tibby forgot all about you being Head Boy, Mr. Potter. You must be very, very busy. Can Tibby get you something? Ice cream, maybe?" she asks excitedly, leading him to a table.
I trudge along behind them. None of them ever treat me like that when I come down here. They just get me whatever I want really quickly and send me out. I think they are still rather afraid of me after the incident with the fireworks in second year. A whole package of the little buggers went off in my bag, flying all over the kitchens. It almost scared the poor little elves to death. I laughed my ass off.
"Why don't you surprise me?" James smiles, dropping down into a chair. Tibby the house elf squeals with excitement before rushing off to join her friends to "surprise" the fabulous Mr. Potter.
"So, back to Lily," I say, sliding into the seat across from him.
Scratching his head, he gazes at the ceiling for a moment. "Padfoot, man, I love her. I mean I don't go five minutes without thinking of her. Even when I am sleeping I am thinking about her. It's different than it was. Before I just thought I loved her; now, I know I love her."
"And what exactly brought on this revelation?" I ask, trying not to laugh at the dazed and dreamy look on his face. He hasn't had that expression since third year when Lily kissed his cheek in what she called a momentary lapse of sanity.
His expression turns decidedly serious as his eyes flick to mine. "When she was in Mungo's, laying there in that bed, I felt this intense burning inside of my chest. I thought I would die from it. She was so absolutely vulnerable, and I knew, right then, there was nothing more important to me than her. I would have given up my life to take her pain away or just for her to smile, one smile. Her happiness, her safety, her life means more to me than anything, and I would give anything for it." He smiles slightly. "You have no idea how happy I am that she lets me love her. I couldn't imagine not being the one who gets to make her smile."
I really don't know what to say to that so I just smile and nod.
"Dude, you act like you don't know what I am talking about," he snorts. I don't know what he is talking about, do I? "Don't tell me you don't realize it, Padfoot."
Staring at him, I frown. "What are you on about?"
He shakes head, giving me a disappointed smile. "I can't believe you don't realize it. I mean, you're dense but honestly."
"Prongs, stop being so fucking high and mighty and holding this above my head. What are you talking about?" I demand, crossing my arms and glaring at him.
Rising an eyebrow, he says, "Cole."
"What about her?" I huff in annoyance. I hate it when he does this shit.
Shrugging, he looks down at the tabletop. "I'm not sure I should tell you. I mean maybe it's something you need to figure out for yourself."
"Prongs," I growl warningly.
His hazel eyes look up at me questioningly. "Padfoot, man, do you love her?"
I stare blankly at him. Do I love her? Do I love her? Do I love her? "How the fuck am I supposed to know?" I snap.
Glancing over at the congregation of house elves bringing a huge ice cream sundae toward him, he sighs, "I don't know, man, you just know."
O
Fucking James. I can't get it out of my head. Do I love her? I don't know. I mean I like her. I more than like her, but do I love her? She doesn't love me. I sigh. She trusts me, though, and that is almost better than love from someone like her. Why the fuck would he say something like that? Now I am all fucking confused.
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I force a smile and knock softly at Cole's door. I hear some shuffling around and her tell Hunter not to touch the door. "Who's there?" she asks rather weakly. My brows furrow; she's never answered the door like that before. If she worried about who it is, she just gets a curse ready.
"It's me. No worries," I answer jauntily, though I feel more muddled and confused than I ever have in my life.
The doorknob rattles, and she peaks her head out, her wand pointed at me. She is extremely peaky. "I think I am rather contagious at the moment," her voice has a stuffy, raw tone to it. She forces a smile and sways slightly before pulling her head back behind the door and coughing violently.
I push the door a little, stepping inside as she sniffs and tries to collect herself before turning back to me. "Have you been to see Madam Pomfrey yet?" I ask as she turns around. Her eyes are watery, her nose is red, and I don't even have to check to know she has a fever.
"Luke was–" she starts before placing her hand to her mouth and running toward her bathroom.
I look over to Hunter who gives me a weak smile. "Two days," he shrugs. Sometimes I think he is an adult trapped in a child's body.
Giving Hunter a small nod, I make sure the door is firmly shut before striding into Cole's bedroom. Her bathroom door is open, and she is sitting on the floor, her head leaning against the cool tile. "You're sick an awful lot, you know," I say lightly, sitting down beside her and rubbing her back as she starts coughing again.
"I stay rather anemic. Blood loss," she says between coughs, attempting to sit up. She sways, and I place a steadying hand on her shoulder. "Luke was supposed to be here this morning to take me to Poppy if I wasn't better. I thought I'd get over it on my own." I raise my eyebrows questioningly. Why would she try to fight off an illness when she could just take a potion and be better overnight? "He's allergic to Sophorous Beans, and it's rather common in cures because of its sleeping agents. If I built up my own immunities to whatever illness, by not taking the easy way, he'll receive them through my blood, which in turn will prevent him from getting sick. He already goes through enough without being sickly on top of all of it," she explains without me having to ask.
Helping her up of the floor, I mutter, "Well, I am not going to comment on that." She is practically killing herself just so Hunter won't get a cold. It's ridiculous. "I'm taking you to Poppy," I inform her, scooping her up.
She coughs a little, wiping her nose and resting her head on my shoulder. "No, I don't want to spend the night in the Hospital Wing," she sniffs.
"Fine, I'm putting you in bed and going to get Poppy, then." I smile a little, carrying her out of the bathroom.
As I place her on the bed, she is overcome by another bout of violent coughing. I kiss her forehead and guide her down to the pillows once she has stopped. "Shush. Just breathe, huh? Nice and slow." Smoothing down her hair, I pull the blankets up over her as she shivers. "Alright, I'm going to go get Hunter to sit in here with you, and then I'll be right back with Poppy, okay?" She nods weakly, and I give her a small smile before kissing her eyes closed and leaving the room.
"She wasn't this bad earlier," Hunter tells me as I step out into the sitting room. "I think she is coughing up blood." A tiny frown wrinkles his brow, and he glances worriedly up at me, biting his lip.
"What? Why?" I ask, wide-eyed.
His little shoulders rise up in a shrug. "I can smell it."
"Oh, okay, well I'll tell Poppy that then." I smile faintly at him, trying not to let him see my worry. "Do you want to go sit with her while I go get Miss Poppy?"
He nods slowly. "She'll be okay, right?" His eyes are filled with tears, and his voice shakes.
"Of course," I say softly, kneeling down in front of him and pulling him into a hug. "She'll be just fine. I think it's just the flu." His tiny body quivers as he cries, and I hold him tightly. I have never wanted someone to stop crying more in my life. Little kids shouldn't ever feel this heartbroken. "Oh, Hunter, it's okay. I promise she's alright." He tries to nod and wraps his arms around me.
"Don't let her die. Please, I don't want her to die," he whimpers.
"Hey," I say softly, "she's not going to die. She's just sick." I hug him for a moment longer and then pull away. Kissing his forehead and wiping away his tears, I smile. "I promise you. She will be just fine." He gives a shaky little nod, and I brush away another tear. "Come on now. You can't be crying when you go in there," I say lightly.
Forcing a small smile, he mumbles, "I know."
I ruffle his hair as he manages to halt his tears. He is unbelievably grown up for such a young age. "You okay?" He nods again before tottering off toward her room. "Okay," I whisper as I follow him into Cole's room and help him up onto her bed, still rather dazed in amazement at him.
"Hey, kiddo," she whispers hoarsely, opening her eyes as he sits beside her.
He strokes her hair. "Hiya." He forces a grin. "Sirius is going to go get Miss Poppy. She'll bring something to make you feel better," I hear him whisper as I walk out of the room.
O
Madam Pomfrey tuts and tsks over Cole as she shoos Hunter from the room. He gives her a distraught look, but she ignores it. His chin quivers, and he nervously fidgets with his hands as he hesitates to leave. I gently place my hand on his shoulder. "I'll walk you out, kiddo." I shoot Poppy a glare, but she doesn't notice.
As he climbs up onto the couch, I try to think of something to keep him busy for a moment. I see a book on the table and make my way toward it. Mentally whacking myself, I think, He is four, you idiot. He can't read. "Do you have a coloring book or something? Just to keep your mind occupied?" I ask. Fuck. I have no idea what I am doing.
"I'll be okay." He gives me a dim smile. "Just go be with Becca, please." Fixing him with a nervous look, I bite my lip. His dark brown eyes glance up at me when I don't move. "I'll go play the piano, okay? You don't have to worry. Just keep her safe."
"Alright," I nod, and he slips off the couch. As I leave the room, Chopsticks sounds in my ears, and I smile. He can't read, but he can play the piano. The kid is an anomaly.
When I enter Cole's room again, Poppy is yelling at her. "Honestly, Rebecca, you can't keep doing this. You weigh less than six stones, and don't you dare tell me it's because you aren't eating. You're sick more often that you are not. You're fatigued all of the time. I told you that couldn't keep feeding him alone. You just have to be so damn stubborn. Well, this is the end of it. You either start letting Albus or I help, or I am going to take him from you and place him in the care of someone who realizes they cannot do everything!"
"Don't you fucking dare threaten me, Poppy," Cole rasps out hoarsely, glowering at her. "You have no idea the toll it has on him just to think about drinking my blood. He doesn't need to be dependent on more than just me. He can't trust anyone, but me. I am not–" She starts coughing again, gripping her chest with every rough exhalation of air.
Why the hell would Poppy just come in here and upset her?
"Fucking stop it, both of you," I say disgustedly, sitting down on the bed beside Cole. "Breathe, love," I whisper, rubbing her back, trying to get her to relax enough to stop coughing. I glare up at Poppy. "If you aren't going to do anything more than upset her, get out."
She scowls fiercely at me, and I think for a moment she really is just going to storm out of the room. She settles for slamming her medical bag down on the foot of Cole's bed, the little glass vials inside clinking together but not breaking.
As Cole finally stops coughing, I wrap my arm around her and stroke her hair. She is drenched in sweat and shivering even though her skin is on fire. "You're okay," I tell her gently, kissing her head. Every breath she takes sounds painful, and she is extremely weak. She just rather slumps against me like she doesn't have the energy to hold herself up.
I feel Poppy's eyes on me so I look up. Taking a deep, calming breath, she says, "We need to get her temperature down. Fill up the bath with lukewarm water." Nodding, I stand up and make my way to the bathroom.
Once the tub is full, I stride back into the bedroom to find Poppy attempting to help Cole out of the bed. It would be rather difficult for her to do that even if they weren't pissed at each other as she isn't exactly that much bigger than Cole. I silently nudge her out of the way, lifting the coughing Cole up and carrying her into the bathroom. I carefully place her on her feet. Placing her hands on my shoulders to help her keep her balance, I start to unbutton her shirt. Poppy stands in the doorway staring at me, but I just ignore her. Honestly, I don't know what to say to her anyway.
"You don't have to do this," Cole murmurs as I slip her skirt down her hips.
"I want to," I whisper, smiling softly, before picking her up and lowering her into the water. I brush her hair back. "I'm going to go talk to Poppy. Please keep your head above the water," I say lightly. She graces me with a faint smile, and I kiss her head.
Poppy has her arms crossed and is leaning sulkily against the doorframe as I pass by her. "I am just going to pretend I didn't see all of that, and I have no idea you are spending the night here," she says, striding back into the bedroom before falling into a diagnosis. "She has a mild case of pneumonia. It probably started out as a cold, but she doesn't take care of herself so…" she explains in a huff. "I've given her something that should clear it up by tomorrow afternoon. Let her stay in the water for about twenty minutes, dress her in something light, and put her to bed. Make sure she drinks lots of water and, though this should be obvious, but I am dealing with the two of you, no sex."
Walking over to her bag, she pulls out a vial of purple potion. "If the coughing prevents her from sleeping, give her this. Don't take no for an answer. She needs sleep. Hunter feeds tomorrow so she'll put up a fight." I take the sleeping potion from her, nodding slightly. She bites her lip for a moment. "You know, she probably hasn't had anything to eat today. I'll have the house elves bring up some soup." Clicking the clasps closed on her bag, she runs her fingers through her mousy hair. "I suppose I'll take Hunter with me tonight."
"No," I say suddenly, "that's okay. I don't mind looking after him. He'll probably just sleep anyway." For some reason, I don't want him to be too far away.
She gazes up at me contemplatively. "Mm, I suppose you're right." Slipping her bag over her shoulder, she starts toward the door. "Well, then, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah," I breathe. "Yeah, tomorrow."
After she is gone, I step back out into the sitting room where Hunter is sitting timidly on the piano stool staring unseeingly at the door to Cole's room. "Hey," I say, and he jumps, startled, flicking his dark brown eyes to me. "She's alright, just a cold. She's in the bath right now, but as soon as she gets out and gets dressed, you can see her, okay?"
He releases a deep breath as if he had been holding it this whole time. "Okay," he sobs softly in relief. His eyes are full of tears when he looks up at me. "Thank you." Oh God, he shouldn't have to worry so.
"Are you okay?" I ask gently, coming to sit beside him. I straddle the bench, and he turns to face me, his little legs crossed at the ankles.
Sniffling, he gazes down at the black and white keys. He is so tiny and so young; you forget that when you talk to him. "She gets so sick because of me."
"No, kiddo," I tell him, "she just over does it sometimes, it doesn't have anything to do with you."
His chin quivers as he shakes his head. "Yes, it does." Big tears roll down his cheeks, and his shoulders tremble as he tries to keep from crying. "I suck the life from her."
"What?" I breathe out. "Who told you that?"
"They sai– they said that that's wh-what I am do-doing when I drink her blood. Tha-that I am taking a-away her life," he says between sobs, and I pull him into a hug. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself before I answer.
"No, Hunter. That's not what you are doing. Whoever told you that was lying. That was a very cruel thing for someone to say." I try to keep my voice even, not let my anger seep through, but I am not sure it worked. I can't believe someone would tell him something like that. "I swear to you that you are not hurting her."
He wipes away at his cheeks roughly, ridding them of tears. "Don't tell her I cried," he whispers.
"Of course not, what we tell each other will always stay between us. That's what guys do. They keep each other's secrets." I smile at him, ruffling his hair as he pulls back.
Nodding, he looks up at me. "Can…" he starts but stops abruptly and sighs. "She isn't going to sleep tonight." It is extremely odd to hear that little voice say something so knowledgeable.
"Well, Miss Poppy gave me a sleeping potion for her to take," I say, trying to let him know that I'll make sure she sleeps.
He chews on his lip for a moment. "She won't take it unless… Can–" he stops again.
I think I know what he is trying to ask, so I offer. "Do you want to maybe drink my blood tonight so you don't have to have hers tomorrow?" His big, hopeful eyes glance up at me, and he nods. "We could do that." I smile. She is going to murder me.
He looks up at me nervously so I ask, "Alright, so how do we do this?" hoping the question will help him relax a bit, show him that it is okay.
"You just have to nick your wrist. I can stop on my own and everything now," he says uneasily.
"Okay." I nod, smiling and pulling out my wand. I look down at my wrist, gazing apprehensively at the blue tinged veins that are just barely visible. "About here?" I ask, pointing to a spot with the tip of my wand.
"Yeah," he says, nodding anxiously, licking his lips. I flick my wand, and a little slice appears in my skin, blood gently leaking from it. His eyes lose their dark brown color before he hungrily latches onto my arm, and I can feel his little fangs digging into my skin. It's a rather odd feeling– your blood being sucked from your veins. You would think that it would make you dizzy or uncomfortable or something, but it doesn't. It just feels odd.
He pulls back after a moment and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, his usually white teeth are tinged pink, and the two canines are a bit longer than normal. It is the first time I have noticed that.
I quickly mend the wound, and all that is left behind are his little teeth marks. "Sorry," he mumbles.
"Don't be." I grin. "That was kind of cool." He blushes and looks away. I decide to keep making it out to be something cool. "Dude, I gotta ask. Do you have the fangs all the time, or just when you do that?" I ask excitedly.
He smiles a closed-mouth smile, laughing through his nose at my eagerness. "All the time."
Glancing at my fingers, I chew on my lip in mock nervousness. "Dude, can I see them?"
Smiling widely, he nods. "I guess." He opens his mouth and touches his left canine.
"That is so rad. I am so jealous," I tell him, and he blushes again.
"Thanks," he says quietly, sliding off the stool. "I have to go brush my teeth. They'll stain if I don't."
I nod, standing up. "Alright. Why don't you get ready for bed as well? I'll go check on Becca, and then you can say goodnight, and I'll tuck you in?"
"Alright." He bobs his head in agreement, before wobbling off to his room.
When I stroll back into the bathroom, Cole is sound asleep in the bath. She has her arms folded across the edge with her head propped up on them. The position really can't be comfortable, but I think that was the only position that would keep her from slipping under the water if she did fall asleep. I slowly back out and make my way to her closet, shuffling around though the clothes for something light, but still warm. After a minute or two of fumbling around, I find a pair of bright green cotton pajama pants and a thin, white, long-sleeved shirt. Grabbing a pair of panties out of a basket atop a chest of drawers shoved against a wall, I leave the closet.
Kneeling down beside her, I gently caress her cheek. "Hey, you gotta wake up. You can't spend the night in the water." Her eyes flicker open slowly, and she coughs a little. "Come on, you'll freeze in there."
I help her dry off and dress before leading her to bed. Propping her up on some pillows, I pull the blankets over her legs. "Poppy says you are supposed to eat so I'm going to go get some soup."
She nods weakly. "Thanks."
"No worries." I smile, kissing her head.
Hunter is standing in the kitchen when I leave the bedroom again. "The house elves came. They brought some soup."
"Oh, good," I say. "Why don't you go talk to her, and I'll be right behind you with her food?" He nods, and I begin to wonder if he has eaten anything. "Hey, are you hungry?" I ask as he starts to leave.
He shrugs. "I'm alright."
"Not what I asked." I chuckle. "Are you hungry?"
"Yeah," he answers.
I smile at him. "Okay, what do you want? I'll run down to the kitchens and pick it up for you while this cools down a bit."
"Umm," he stalls, thinking. "Fish and chips?" he says with a grin.
Laughing, I shake my head. "Dude, she's already going to be peeved at us. Do you really want to add that to it as well?"
Frowning and sighing heavily, he shakes his head. "I guess some shepherd's pie."
"Alright-y then." I grin. "I'll be back."
O
"Can I sleep with you?" Hunter asks Cole softly as I clear away their dinner dishes.
She hesitates, and I ruffle his hair. "Of course, I'll crash on the couch." I think they'll both sleep better if they are together.
He shakes his head. "No, I want you to stay, too."
I look to Cole, not knowing how to deal with this. She smiles faintly. "Yeah, sure, that's fine. You can sleep here." Her voice is still raspy from all her coughing though it has died down a lot since her bath and Poppy's drugs. "Why don't you run and go get your book, and we'll read the next chapter?" He nods happily, crawling off the bed. I start to follow him out, and Cole stops me. "You can just put those by the door, the house elves will get them." She wants to talk to me about something; I can tell by the way she said it. Crap, he told her. She is so going to kill me.
"Alright." I shrug, placing the tray outside her door.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I wait for her to speak, staring nervously at my hands. "Thank you," she says softly, and my eyes flick up to hers. I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting her to be completely pissed about Hunter using me to feed. She sees my shocked expression, and she looks away. "I don't appreciate you knowingly going against my wishes, but," she sighs and looks at me smiling a little, "he has never thought his fangs were cool before." Tears well up in her eyes, and she starts coughing again.
I crawl beside her, hugging her tightly. "Sometimes boys just like to hear that something is cool from another boy. Girls have cooties after all," I tell her, and she chuckles a little.
Hunter comes back into the room, carrying a little, yellow paperback book and his teddy bear. He tosses the book onto the bed and climbs up before snuggling up next to Cole, his bear clutched to his chest. She picks up the book. "Okay, where were we?" she asks, sniffling, her voice still raw.
Slipping the book out of her hands, I say, "How 'bout I read tonight?" She gives me a faint smile as she helps Hunter under the blankets.
"Yeah, Becca, let Sirius read. You sound weird," he mumbles sleepily, laying his head on her arm. She kisses his head and toys with his hair, pulling the blanket up over his shoulder. "We where at the part with Tiger Lily," he informs me.
I open the book to the marked page and begin to read, idly toying with Cole's hair. "If you shut your eyes and are a lucky one, you may sometimes see a shapeless pool of lovely pale colors suspended in the darkness…"
Before Tiger Lily is saved, both of them have drifted off to sleep. I mark the page and close the book, placing it on the bedside table. Sliding off the bed, I step out of my trousers and gaze down at them. Cole is curled up around Hunter's little body, her arm draped over his waist. Her breaths are a little wheezy, and her cheeks are still pink with fever, but she seems content. Hunter is sleeping peacefully, his eyes flickering behind his lids, dreaming of pirates most likely.
After tossing my shirt near my pants, I crawl into the bed and lay on my side, gazing at them as they sleep peacefully. After a little while Cole wakes, her eyes peeking open at me. "You're not sleeping," she whispers.
"I like to watch you sleep," I say softly, and she smiles tiredly. She carefully slips her arm out from under Hunter's head and climbs over him, gently rolling him over and laying in-between us.
Resting her head on my bicep, she snuggles back against me, taking my hand and intertwining our fingers before draping them across Hunter. "You have a game in the morning; you need to sleep," she tells me, kissing my arm.
"Yeah," I murmur, kissing her head and trying to fade off to sleep, James' words floating around in my head. Padfoot, man, do you love her? Do you love her?
O
"Professor, please," Lucy begs grabbing hold of Professor McGonagall's arm and clinging to it as if her life depends on it. "Please, just for the first hour. If the games not over by then you can take me out. Please." The Gryffindor Quidditch team, Lily, Peter and Remus are all standing around poor Professor McGonagall as Lucy tries to convince her to let her play. James and Moony are very obviously on McGonagall's side. I am pretending to agree with Luce whenever she glances at me but agreeing with McGonagall in reality, and I am pretty sure Lily is doing the same. The other team members are trying not to be involved but sending hopeful looks at McGonagall every now and then.
"Ms. Morgan, I have told you everyday for the past three weeks that you will not be playing. Stop begging! You are not a dog," McGonagall says in annoyance.
"But, Professor, just for an hour. Poppy said I could fly for an hour a day. Please." Lucy's eyes are big, childlike, and begging, her little lips turned down in a pout, with her bottom lip jutting out just a bit, her chin even quivers occasionally. "One hour, Professor."
McGonagall sighs in exasperation and tugs her arm out of Lucy's grasp. She fixes Lucy with an empathic gaze. "Lucy, do you think for one moment that I don't want you to play? Honestly, I want that pretty, shiny cup in my office just as much as you do. I don't want Horace's grubby hands all over it. Not having you in one game is a lot better than having you kicked out for the rest of the season or possibly the rest of your life."
"You can't–" Lucy starts to protest along with the rest of the Quidditch team. She can't kick her off the team.
Placing her hands on Lucy's shoulders, McGonagall cuts her off. "Lucy," she says in a comforting tone, "I am not threatening to kick you off the team. I am merely looking at the big picture. If you pulled a stunt today like you did back in November, though it was smashingly brilliant, you could rip that scar of yours right open, and your heart would end up splattered on the pitch." As Lucy starts to protest yet again, McGonagall shakes her head. "Don't tell me you won't pull anything stupid fearless acts today, Ms. Morgan. I played Quidditch once; you do not think of the consequences when you are in the air. I stand firmly by my decision. You are not allowed to play in this match."
Lucy almost whimpers when she realizes she doesn't stand a chance against that argument, and McGonagall gives her a faint smile. "However, the moment I receive an okay from Madam Pomfrey and the Healers at St. Mungos, I will excuse you from class for a week to get back into shape in time for the next game if that is what it takes." She gestures to the Gryffindor stands before signaling Remus to join Lucy's side. "Now, please, follow Ms. Evans, Mr. Pettigrew, and your dear Mr. Lupin up into the stands, and enjoy the match from one of the marvelous stadium seats."
Moony wraps an arm around Lucy's shoulders, and she gives a defeated sigh. "I could've played Seeker today," she mumbles to him as he kisses her head.
"Lucy, love," he murmurs softly, leading her away toward the pitch, "it'll be okay. It's just as fun to watch." She makes a squeak of disagreement, and he pulls her a little closer.
Lily looks at the team, grinning as they disappear from earshot. "Well, good luck. You had better play well, or she'll will kill you all in your sleep." With that said, she hooks her arm around Peter's neck, dragging him after Moony and Lucy. "Come on, wee little Peter, we will charm each other so we don't have to listen to Lucy complain about everything that they," she points a finger at us over her head, "do wrong."
"Nice show of confidence from your girl there, Cap," Nick says jokingly, and James rolls his eyes.
"Come on, let's suit up," James chuckles, heading for the locker rooms. He falls into step with me as everyone divides up into their own little groups, chatting idly. "Dude, you had better be on the fucking ball today. Conroy is crap."
I shake my head, sighing. "I know."
O
As I stroll in the common room, burdened down with party supplies, the only thing I can see over the top of the box in my arms is the sulking face of Lucy. She has been like this all day. I am beginning to wonder if it would have been better to have lost the game. It's the first time she has been rather sad since Moony and she married. I casually drop the heavy box on a table and stride over to where she is perched atop the back of the sofa, shuffling through the crowd of excited younger students. "Hey, babe, why the long face?"
She gives me a cheery smile and hugs me tight. "You did good today."
I chuckle. "You're ignoring my question," I whisper in her ear.
Pulling back with a heavy sigh, she shrugs, her arms still around my shoulders. "I've been such a pillock."
"Yes," I say, nodding.
Her face molds into that little "I'm so pitiful" pout of hers. "James has been so incredibly mean."
I nod, again. "I think it was required and extremely brave of him to face off with you everyday for almost a month, love."
"I know," she huffs like a petulant child.
I kiss her forehead and say, "You've had Moony to keep you distracted recently."
"Yes," she sniffs, looking away.
"Aw, baby, what's wrong?" I coo. She is completely adorable when she's like this.
Inhaling deeply, she holds her breath for a moment before exhaling and sniffling. "I just really, really wanted to play."
"I know," I whisper, and she lays her head on my shoulder. "You get to play in the next match though."
I hold her for a moment longer before stepping back; we really should be a bit more… un-whatever we are. Especially now that she's married. She gives me a little half smile. "When is Moony coming back? I think we need to shag so I can be in a party mood."
Laughing, I roll my eyes. She always pops back so quickly. "They were just a little way behind me. They should be here any minute."
"Good," she sighs, hopping down from her perch. "Tell Pete he doesn't want to come upstairs, and tell Moony I'm wearing his favorite color."
She tries to walk around me, and I grab her arm. "Lucy, we need to talk," I say seriously. Quirking an eyebrow, she glances up at me curiously. "I am fine with you placing hats or ties or whatever various articles of clothing on the doorknob to warn me of your escapades, but please, don't ask me to give your… husband naughty messages."
Grinning widely, she laughs. "Oh-kaay," she drags out the word before pecking my cheek. "It won't happen again then," she says merrily before skipping of toward the dorms. Damn her.
O
The Gryffindor party has just set into full swing; the music is blaring, people are dancing, couples are snogging, Peter is working his way through the snack table, and Moony and Lucy are practically shagging on the sofa. Lily nudges my shoulder and grins up at me, offering me a Butterbeer. "We seriously need to get them shock collars or something. I mean they don't even come up for air."
I laugh a little, taking the proffered drink and popping off the top. "I know." I sip at the sweet, syrupy drink before shaking my head. "At least she isn't pouting anymore."
"Yeah, I suppose. Have you seen James?" she asks.
Shrugging, I answer, "Nah, he said something about running back down to Honeyduke's for something or another. He's probably still there."
She looks up at me hesitantly. "Would you mind going for a walk, then? The music is kind of making my head pound."
"Not at all." I sling my arm around her shoulder and guide her toward the portrait hole.
We step out into the quiet of the hall, and she sighs in relief. "Hmm, much better." Pulling her red hair up into a ponytail, she starts down the hall, and I slip into step with her. "So, after graduation, what are you doing? Besides the obvious, of course," she asks lightly.
I shrug. "I don't know. I never really pictured myself as a nine-to-five kind of guy, but I suppose I will have to find some sort of job."
"No, I suppose I don't see you doing that either, but you can't live on just your smashing good looks forever." She grins and nudges my shoulder again. She's nervous about something.
"What's up, Lils?" I ask, just getting to the point. I hate small talk. I hate talking about after Hogwarts.
Shrugging, she stops and leans against the wall, her arms crossed and her head tilted back a bit so she can see my face. "I don't want to go back to my house…" Pausing, she gazes down at the stone floor. "I just don't want to see the memories."
I sit down on the floor beside her, leaning against the wall and patting the ground. She slumps down, laying her head on my shoulder, and I intertwine our fingers. "You don't have to if you don't want to. Just put it up for sale. The Ministry will have cleaned it all up anyway. We'll start apartment hunting tomorrow."
"Whatever the house sales for will go toward the mortgage. The only reason why Petunia and Vernon have kept up with the payments is because they don't want me to live with them." She sighs tiredly. "I just– I don't know."
"Prongs will throw a fit, but you can move in with me." I smile at her, and she shakes her head.
"He would kill us. Lucy and I had been planning on moving in together. I mean Remus was going to be there as well, but I think she sort of," her voice fades, and she bites her lip, "forgot." I start to say something, but she cuts me off, speaking rather rapidly. "Or maybe she didn't. I don't think I could handle living with them shagging all over the place anyway. I thought about talking to Darla and seeing if maybe she and some of the other girls wanted to try to find an apartment together, but with this… whatever it is we are going to be doing with Dumbledore, I don't think that would work. Then there is always the Auror Academy. If I decide to take that path, they have dorms. I just feel rather confuddled at the moment, and James…" She takes a breath. "Well, James and I haven't spoken on serious matters in almost two weeks."
Giving her hand a comforting squeeze, I say, "I am sure, James and you will go back to having serious discussions in the morning. He has been rather stressed lately, but we talked so he'll be good. As for an apartment with the girls, I don't like that. Forgive me for being 'over-protective,' but I don't like the idea of you living on your own with those ditzy bimbos."
"Sirius!" she exclaims.
I grin slyly. "That was just to make sure you were paying attention, you looked like you were zoned out," I say teasingly. "I really don't know if that arrangement would mess with Dumbledore or not. And you are not serious about the Auror Academy, are you?" I ask, gazing at her. "Oh, and confuddled isn't a word."
"Yes, it is! It means confused and muddled. I invented it," she says proudly. "And, yeah, I think I am."
"That's dangerous, Lillers," I say softly, looking down at our hands.
She nods, shrugging. "I know, but we are going to be fighting anyway. I might as well get some training."
"Well, I suppose," I mumble, not liking the idea at all.
Grinning, she looks up at me. "You could join, too. Maybe you'd even get to be my partner in crime."
"Maybe," I chuckle.
We sit in silence for a moment, staring at the blank wall opposite us until she sighs. "So, what's got you all confuddled then?"
"Me? Confuddled? Honestly, Lily, I am Sirius Black. I do not get confuddled."
She breathes a little laugh, her head back on my shoulder. "Yeah, right. You've been mixed up all day. Don't you dare blame it on Lucy either."
I twirl a bit of her red hair around my finger. "I don't know, Lils. Prongs and I were talking last night after we did the Hufflepuff common room, and he just said something that," I smile, "confuddled me, I guess."
Sitting up, she changes her position so she sits directly in front of me, holding both my hands. "What exactly did he say?"
"We were talking about you, and he said that he loves you." She raises her eyebrows, smirking, and I smile before adding, "Which is a common occurrence, yes, but it was different this time. I asked him what brought about the change, and he fell into explanation of course." Grinning at me, she shakes her head; I wonder if he has told her what he told me. He definitely should.
I run my hand through my hair. "I asked him how did he know for sure, and he told me not to be stupid, that I knew, but I don't, or at least I don't think I do."
"Don't know what?" she asks, her brow furrowed.
"He said that I knew want it felt like to love someone." I shrug, gazing down at the way my pants fold and wrinkle when I sit crossed-legged. "He asked me if I love Cole. He thinks that I love Cole."
She takes a deep breath. "Do you?"
"I don't know. I don't know what it's like to be in love, Lils. I mean I love you and Luce and the guys. I don't know." I frown, looking away from her deep, green orbs and up at the ceiling.
"James… is an idiot," she states very abruptly, and my eyes shoot back to hers. Her face is scrunched up in annoyance, and she is bouncing her thumb on her knee. That's a sign of irritation. "He lives in a simple world, Sirius. His parents love him; his friends love him; his peers love him. So for him love is easy. It is never unrequited. Not even when it came to me. I mean, yes, I rather despised him, but at the same time, I respected him, enjoyed his company and that damn way his eyes sparkle when he has a strong emotion." I smile at her; she really does love him.
She shrugs a little. "James is lucky. Love hit him hard. He just knew like the characters in a romance novel. For most people, it's not like that. It happens slowly over time, and one day you just wake up in someone's embrace, and you know that you can't be without them." Tucking my hair behind my ear, she sighs. "I don't think you love her, Sirius."
I gaze at her with despairing eyes. "Then why do I feel the urge to protect her? I mean all the time Lils– when she's sleeping, when she's sick, when she's just sitting there in the Great Hall pretending to eat. All of the time. Even right now, I am thinking I should go check on her and Hunter, make sure their door is locked, that they are safe. What is that, if it's not love?"
With a soft, sad smile, she gives my hand a squeeze. "It's who you are, Sirius. She needed you on the train. She asked you for help, and you attached yourself to her after that. It's what you do. Think about it, Sirius. You and Lucy, how'd you meet?"
Sighing, I close my eyes and think back. That was forever ago. "We were six. It was at some sort of party thing. Some kid pulled her hair or something, and she was pummeling him into the ground. Her dad rather freaked out, yanked her into an empty room; he was screaming at her. I remember going in there after he left, and there she was staring out the window, her whole body being crushed by her sadness and not letting one tear fall. After that, we kind of just sat there.
"I told her she was the bravest girl I had ever met." I smile. "I thought she was so cool, kicking some kid's ass that was twice her size and just standing there while her father screamed bloody murder at her. I hadn't ever seen someone just take it when their parents yelled at them. I was more of the type to get myself into more trouble by being a smartass or running. She defied him in a completely different way, letting him rage and silently disagreeing the entire time. At the time, I thought she was awesome. Later, I learned that she was totally detached. She wasn't silently disagreeing with him; she wasn't defying him; she wasn't there. She just left as if she flicked a switch and turned herself off." I shake my head, ridding myself of the image of tiny, little Lucy staring blankly out some random window of my past.
"You know, this year, it was the first time she has ever dealt with her emotions. I mean you remember the way she'd click off, and pretend everything was fine until it was. Moony has seriously been the best thing to ever happen to her. He doesn't let her hide. I always let her hide," I mumble the last part, and Lily squeezes my hand comfortingly.
"And what about Peter?" she asks. "You met him on the train first year, didn't you? Snape was picking on him. James was trying to come to his defense but failed rather horribly, right?"
Grinning at the memory, I nod. "Yeah, James was crap with a wand back then. Not that I was any better. Our parents actually followed the rules– a first for mine– and didn't let us use magic at home." Rolling my eyes, I shake my head. "Snape had caused a bunch of spiders to chase Pete. James was attempting to squash them all and jinx Snape at the same time. I settled for a more direct approach and broke Snape's big-ass nose. We were Pete's heroes after that."
She laughs quietly. "And you and James became inseparable."
"Yeah… and Moony was the one that patched up James' glasses. First day of school and we were friends, just like that." I smile widely; Hogwarts is really the best school ever.
"And of course, you just liked me because I was the only one who would stand up to James," she say cockily.
I nod slowly, letting her get away with no talking about it if she wants. "Yeah…"
She looks away for a moment before murmuring, "I never really thanked you, you know."
"The bastard deserved it, Lils." I try not to growl. "Plus, your smile is way more than enough thanks," I say lightly, shrugging and giving her a smile.
Faintly, she smiles in return. "Do you see what I mean, Sirius, about protecting people being who you are? It's in your nature to look after those you care about, and it's in your nature to care about those who need you." Biting her lip, she brings her gaze to mine. "You worry about her because she asked you for help though she only meant for help on the train. You found her broken and bleeding, Sirius. You have to fix her because it's what you do."
I glance down at my hands. "Does that mean I am that idiot that goes around collecting broken things, fixing them, and losing interest once they are all better?"
"No, after they are fixed, you make sure they stay that way, even if it means breaking yourself. You risk everything for those you care about. I've seen you do it."
Forcing a smile, I say, "So, I don't love her?"
"You care about her, Sirius. Maybe one day, it will become love, but right now, it isn't. If you loved her, you would know. Trust me," she tells me gently, and I nod. Lily is seriously the greatest. "Come on, we better get back in there before Lucy and Moony actually do start shagging and scar the minds of all the innocent, little first years."
As I stand, she pulls me into a tight hug. "I love you, Sirius. You know that, right?"
I laugh. "Of course, Lillers. I love you, too."
We walk slowly back toward the portrait hole, and it hits me. "You fucking knew we were going to have that conversation the whole time, didn't you?"
She chuckles and pecks my cheek. "No," she says coyly.
Laughing, I shove her a little. "Prat."
"Well, someone has to look out for you. James has been doing a shitty job lately." She grins, falling into step with me again.
O
thank you for reading