Oh my, I'm so bad with terms :( I don't even know why I say when I would update, since it's obvious I won't be able to update then. I should just publish a chapter when I finish translating it. Period -.-"
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter even though it took me so long to update. I take all the blame, I'm really horrible. And please, forgive the typos... I know they're there even if I re-read the chapter, they're still there.
Chapter 25. The Order gathers
No. No she most certainly wouldn't survive that. Her stomach was clamped in a knot that caused her a strange sense of nausea. Perhaps it was the air saturated with greetings and smiles that reached down her throat and tightened the noose even more; perhaps it was the faces that whirled around to penetrate forcefully in her chest with all the fire of inevitability.
Lily leaned out of the wooden handrail on the first floor to spy on the idle chatter. She did not to expose herself, intimidated by the crowd that had gathered in the hall. She tried to take a deep breath, but whatever knot blocked her stomach it affected her lungs as well and all she could do was a slight gasp as she threw out the air. She glanced behind at the slightly ajar door, longing for the safeness of her room: she just wanted to run in and lock the door, and there to wait in silence, alone, in peace.
Her eyes moved along the corridor and stopped as they met the door of Severus' room. It was ajar too and a pale ray of light seeped through the fissure. Most likely, Severus had his own tight knot in his chest tied by other hands, by the sharp fingers of loneliness and inadequacy. As she thought about that, Lily regretted asking him such a sacrifice, but on the other hand she couldn't hop to cope with all this on her own. All those all friends were like scissors, each one removing the stitches on her heart; she needed a safe haven and, at the time, her only refuge was Severus.
Lily took a deep breath and walked slowly towards the dark door. She gently knocked twice, but then, not receiving any answer, she opened the door and peered inside the room.
Severus was sitting on the bed, his elbows resting on his knees, his back bent. His eyes were lost beyond the window in the twilight haze and hid among the dust as they were part of the same, dreary world.
"Sev?" Lily whispered as she closed the behind her.
Severus did not answer, his shoulders only rose and fell under the push of a sigh.
"People keep arriving", Lily said approaching him, her voice betrayed her discomfort.
The boy turned his head toward her and looked at her, his veiled eyes obscured by the trail of eventide they had just stolen from the evening.
"You don't have to go", he said flatly.
"I know", Lily answered as she began to play with her hair, "but I feel sorry not to go".
"They're gonna encircle you like a pack of ravenous wolves", Severus grimaced.
"I'm afraid", Lily confessed sadly, lowering her head.
Severus then stood up and walked toward her. He looked at her seriously as if he tried to absorb the girl's discomfort and drown it in his black wells, forever locked away from her in a land of iron grates and lakes of mud. For that shadow was not to be, not on the bright face of his Lily. That shadow belong with its peers in the black desert of his heart.
"What are you afraid of?" Severus asked gently.
"Meeting them", she answered, "all Them. Mostly Remus and Sirius."
"You can't avoid them, Lily: you'll have to face them sooner or later. Hiding is useless", Severus said.
"What do you mean?" the green, sparkling eyes looked up at him, holding the quivering naivety of a girl who just began understand loss or confusion.
Severus sighed. He tried to smile, but the sad curve on his lips was nothing more than a weak light casting longer shadows in an already gloomy room.
"I spent my life hiding." He said simply, with a confidence in his voice that almost frightened Lily. "Like a spider. No one knows of my existence, nor they care, as long as they don't fall in my web and they're given a reason to blame me".
Lily was taken aback by those words, but decided not to get to the bottom of it. She was not sure of what she could find down there, the wounds that were still bleeding in his soul.
She did not know, but the greater of those wounds bore her name. A truth like a deep cut that breathed the poisonous fumes of guilt and awareness... the awareness of the approaching time when he would lose her again. He knew Those were the last days when he could still have her at his side. The truth could not be concealed forever between bleeding lips. He was a shadow among the shadows. No light in him could touch Lily's skin, nothing: just a dark chill that would dispel her warmness and slap her with the broken glass of truth.
Severus did not even think about what he was doing. He stretched out his arms and wrapped them around Lily's shoulders, hugging her warmly. And Lily did not even think for a second to pull away. She accepted the embrace tightening her arms around the young man's waist and leant her head against his chest, just like looking for a way to hide inside his very heart which beating so close to her. She enjoyed the warmth of the boy's body while Severus hold tightly on her with all the urgency of desperation. Eyes closed to embrace with their black the only and simple warmth of a dream.
They stayed like that for a while, leaning to each other, trying to force himself to each other, to find a safe haven in warm embrace.
"You shouldn't hide away, Lily", Severus whispered to her ear. "My cob's not for you. And, besides, how can you interrogate Aberforth if you don't go?". She could feel his lips curving up in a smile against her hair. She smiled too.
"Then we should go", Lily said, murmuring the words in the heat of Severus's chest. She did not want to part with him, but they could not stay like this forever, even though it was what their hearts desired.
Severus did not answer immediately, his eyes could see the overcoming gap that separates dream from reality and slowly fell back in the cold and painful objectivity.
"We?" he asked, uncertain.
"You promised", Lily reminded him.
Neither of them dared to make a move, still too tied to that feeling of being at peace together at last. Without that damn curtain pressing down on their shoulders trying to crush them under its black weight. Together. Severus was free to forget the feral cries of the Erinyes who tore his soul, faithful they were to their ancestral duty, avengers that torture the murderer to madness. And Lily, Lily felt the burden of anxiety lighten, the stress for Harry's fate and the sorrow James' death evaporated in the gentle warmth Severus' body.
Severus was the first one to loosen the embrace, while a nostalgic sigh escaped his lips. The girl, whose arms still encircled his waist, looked up to meet his eyes. Her own eyes were orphaned of the music of Severus' heartbeat.
They looked at each other, only a brief moment before Lily turned away and grabbed his hands, inviting him to follow her out of the room. And Severus allowed her to lead him in the corridor and just stopped to peer down at what was happening downstairs.
Dumbledore was warmly shaking Remus Lupin's hand. Severus saw them exchange a few words and smiles before Albus invited the young man to enter dining room, which entrance opened to their right. Severus grimaced, disgusted. He did not know what Dumbledore had in his twisted mind, and, to be honest, he would do just fine without knowing. He was there, though, and could not go backwards: he had promised. Severus glanced at the girl who, just like him, was looking down on the others Order members; on her pretty face a melancholic shadow threatened to turn off the light in her eyes. A shadow that grew darker as her eyes met the seedy figure of Lupin.
Just at that moment, Albus Dumbledore turned and his blue eyes snapped toward them, as if he had always known that they were there, but, after all, nothing escaped those sky-blue hounds, not even the shadows of ghosts.
Albus gave them a sly smile that just flapped against the lenses of his half-moon spectacles to shine more brightly. The Headmaster waved at them and Lily and Severus exchanged a quick look but eventually capitulates and slowly started descend the stairs. Remus, who had not yet taken the chance to walk away, smiled softly when he saw Lily and took a few steps forward to meet the girl as soon as possible.
"Hello, Lily", he said happily as soon as she put her foot on the bottom step
"Remus!" Lily exclaimed, jumping forward and hugging the sandy blonde man. Severus though, from where he stood a few steps behind, could unmistakably hear the sad note that veiled Lily's voice. The boy move quickly away from her and Lupin to reach Dumbledore's side and get caught under the one's arm that came down to encircle his shoulders.
"Knew you'd come", the Headmaster told him, smiling. A smile that Severus didn't return. He kept quiet, his gaze lingered on Lily still wrapped in Remus's embrace, an embrace so different from the one she had exchange with him.
Dumbledore perfectly notice some kind of nostalgia in Severus' eyes, but nothing more than that. He knew the boy was not at his ease, that he would have much preferred to take refuge in his room, waiting for all these people to leave, but he didn't betrayed any of these feelings. That one and only shade of sadness was the only one allowed to show in his eyes as they didn't leave Lily's form for a second. Dumbledore could see how Severus struggle to remain there, among people who regarded him as a Death Eater and a traitor, and not to run away. Yet he was there. He was there for Lily.
"Well, looks like we're all here. Let's begin, hmm?", Dumbledore said and his arm slipped down from Severus shoulders as he walked toward the room whence the rampant chatter came.
Severus was about to follow the Headmaster, but then stopped in the doorway at the sight of the crowd talking and smiling in the cozy room. There really was nearly the entire Order, included a substantial delegation of hopeless chit-chatters. Around twenty people, all in all, but they seemed many, many more. Of course, that hairy whale of Rubeus Hagrid counted as three or four people alone and certainly didn't go unnoticed since his head grazed one of the large crystal chandeliers as he amiably chatted with Dedalus Diggle. Severus saw Minerva McGonagall, in a sober dark green dress, discussing with two other members of the Order just before Dumbledore stepped in.
Some members of the Order had already taken place around the long, dark table in the center of the room, and they included Elphias Doge and Aberforth Dumbledore. Severus wondered when Lily would have approached him, seeing that she wouldn't have the time to speak with him before the meeting began. He actually felt sorry for Aberforth, he knew how it was to be put under interrogation by Lily, but there was nothing he could do: old Aberforth was doomed.
In a dark corner, near the door to the garden, Severus saw a lurking Brix. The Elf carefully observed everything that happened in the living room, waiting to serve and help in whichever way.
The boy shook his head and turned around, gazing at Lily and Lupin.
Lily was smiling kindly. There was so much conflict within her, the happiness of seeing Remus and the fear of not being able to deal with what was waiting for her in the other room. But despite this, she really could not help smiling to Remus' kindness.
"I'm okay" she was simply answering, and a furtive glance was thrown at Severus who was watching leaned against the doorframe.
Remus sighed, and his sweet expression turned into some kind of sympathy as he met again Lily's eyes returning from their brief trip toward Severus.
"Listen, I don't actually know what words are to be said for this kind of things... I... I suppose whatever they are they're not what you want to hear now, am I right?" said Lupin kindly.
"Yes... I..." Lily tried to say Lily, but could not find the right words and began chewing nervously her bottom lip. "I'm sorry, Remus. I myself don't know what I should do or say".
Lupin acknowledged that with a nod.
"I understand," he said, "come, let's join the others shall we ?". He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and led her the living room.
Lily let him conduct her, although she had no intention to enter that room colourful of the clothes of the members of the Order of the Phoenix. She was afraid that everyone would just jump on her like a pack of hungry wolves, like Severus has said, overwhelming her with the same phrases and words that Remus, mercifully, had spared her. All she wanted to do was sit alone in a corner, maybe with the only exception of Severus with her.
Lupin had been amazed to see Snape with Lily. Even more amazed to know that he would take part in the meeting. He would never have believed that Severus would actually accept to join the members in a meeting. Especially if the meeting was actually about James and his family. Yet there he was: leaning against the door frame with a disgusted eye focused on the people in the lounge and a troubled one placed firmly on Lily. He was there for her, Remus decided; for her and for no one and nothing else.
"Snape", Lupin greeted him as soon as he found himself in front of the Slytherin. He held out his hand out of sheer civility, a gesture he knew would not be returned.
Severus looked down on that hand and scanned it as if was a poisonous snake, then his dark eyes focused on Lupin's face and his lips curved into a crooked, sarcastic smirk.
"Looking for your next victim, Lupin?" he asked mockingly nodding and the people beyond the door.
Remus looked at him and did not get perturbed by the words. "And you? Since when you care about James or his family?" he said, hinting a wry smile.
Severus glanced at Lily, who looked at him in silence probably afraid that he would just curse Lupin on the spot.
"I don't" Severus answered, laconically. Then added, icy: "I'm here for Lily. Because she asked me, Lupin. I don't give a damn about Potter's golden sarcophagus, not the stupid blabbing of the Order. I would actually rather be somewhere right now." He could feel Lily stiffen at his words.
"Know something, Severus? You really should improve your social skills", Remus told him, smiling openly.
"Says the werewolf pariah".
"Not too different, are we Severus?" Lupin patted him on the shoulder and moved away from him. "Oh, and I forgot", he added, turning around just before he entered the living room, "thank you."
Severus gave him a murderous look as he walked away. He was sincere. He was sincerely grateful to him, and that, more than anything was what made him furious. What had he done, after all? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Except taking upon himself what the Order fools were too dull-witted to do. He did not need their mawkishness.
"Sev?" Lily called him, "shall we go?"
Severus looked down at her and could not suppress an averse look. "You don't have to stay with me, Lily", he said. "You may go ahead with Lupin".
Lily blatantly ignored his statement and dragged him along
Acting inconspicuous did not work at all, of course. As soon as she –and Severus- stepped in the room almost everyone crowded around her grabbing her hand and shaking it, patting encouragingly her back. Severus lost count of the 'Condolences, Lily', 'How are you feeling?', 'It'll be okay", "everything's going to be all right.' That was, until Aberfoth charged in and broke down the walls of people crowding around Lily, from which even Severus could not see a way out.
Aberforth made his way through the crowd trying to overcome Arthur Weasley and Elphias Doge.
"That's enough! Leave the girl alone!", he roared amidst the astonished gazes of which he suddenly became the target. Lily breathed a long sigh of relief at hearing those words, silently thanking whichever god or supernatural being for the existence of Aberforth Dumbledore.
"Shoo! Get lost!" the latter ordered, waving his arms.
As the members of the Order, as it looked a bit offended, slowly strayed under the gruff request of the Headmaster's brother, Severus and Lily took the chance to sneak away. But their escape failed right away for they literally bumped into Hagrid's bulk.
The half-giant turned immediately around and looked down at them with his warm, black eyes that looked like two small, gleaming insects in the forest of hair that surrounded them.
"Lily!" he exclaimed with his deep voice.
"Hello, Hagrid" the girl answered, sloppily.
"'Ello, Professer Snape", Hagrid continued cheerfully, obtaining just a mechanical nod from Severus.
Lily held back a smile as she turned to look at her friend: it sounded so strange hearing someone addressing at him as 'Professor Snape'. It was quite evident, however, given his slightly annoyed expression, that the person concerned was he himself not yet accustomed to the title.
"I'm so sorry, Lily", Hagrid addressed Lily again, "we were all there and nobody was gonna doin' anythin'."
"Never mind, Hagrid. What's done is done", Lily said softly noticing the wet shine that was starting to paint the eyes of the ground keeper.
"Yeh know, I arrived shortly after He'd lef'", said Hagrid. "And then other people o' the Order came. Ev'ryone looked scared an' people came and wen'. They took James outta the house... "
"Yes, Hagrid. Thanks." Lily said trying to get away from the ground keeper, but Hagrid had no intention to end the conversation. Indeed, he pulled out his pocket a large polka dot handkerchief and wiped his moist eyes.
"But the firs' ter get there was Sirius. But then he lef' 'cause he was lookin' for someone… a traitor he said. He lef' me 'is bike. Fer custody, yeh know", he kept on but Lily was not listening at him anymore: her mind was fixed on the words 'Sirius' and 'traitor'.
"Excuse us, Hagrid, but…" Severus intervened then, uselessly.
"Dumbledore came after. He was lookin' fer Sirius. But Sirius wasn' there. So I told 'im he'd lef'…" Hagrid nodded at every period. "An' he said something o' a tratitor too. And then he told us yeh were safe, Lily", and he smiled warmly at her, "and then he began sayin' strange things".
"Strange things?" echoed Lily, suddenly catching again the line of discussion. So Dumbledore knew everything, but said nothing… yet, maybe he had let something slip that night? Surely Hagrid knew something and to make the good ground keeper talk was certainly an easier task than having to deal with the smart headmaster.
"Yeah, strange", Hagrid answered. "He said Yeh-Know-Who'd chosen little Harry. He muttered things and wen' up an' down."
Lily's heart sank. With the corner of the eye she saw Severus paled so much that for a moment she feared she should keep him from falling to the ground. He chose Harry? What did he mean 'had chosen Harry'? What did Dumbledore know? And Sirius? What did Sirius know? Why had Dumbledore told her that he and Severus held the answers she needed? How was Severus involved in this? She was about to ask for further explanation, but did not have the chance because someone literally jumped on her nearly making her loose balance.
"Lily!" Cried a cheerful voice punctuated by laughter. Lily closed her eyes exasperated: she knew that voice. She knew it very well. Too much, actually. Hagrid strode away, meanwhile, suddenly finding himself too much and went to sit on a bench near making it creak dangerously.
"Watch out, Black, you imbecile!" Severus voice growled right next to her as he impolitely pushed away the other boy, who clung hard to Lily.
Sirius let go and looked gloomy Severus.
"Why do you always have to meddle in the affairs of others, Snivellus? Eh?" he snarled.
"Please, don't..." Lily begged them, moving between the two boys.
"Because those affairs seems to be mine too?" Severus suggested.
Sirius laid his grey eyes on Lily and nodded toward Severus. "Since when you associate again with this thing, Lily?" he asked her.
"He's my friend, Sirius. And you know it", Lily answered him sternly.
"Oh, yeah?" Black said skeptically, and he looked back at Severus. "Didn't seem like that just two months ago. Neither it did when you dumped him in our fifth year". He smiled.
Lily bit her bottom lip. Sirius was right. He was right. But Severus was indeed her friend now, too. They were friends again… they had always been. She glanced at Severus, expecting to see questions written in his dark eyes, but, to her surprise, there were none: just blind acknowledgement and rancour.
Sirius noticed the latter and was delighted at it, knowing he was the target of that resentment. His smile turned into a disgusted smirk. What the hell was Snivellus doing there? Just came to ruin everything with his mere presence, filling the room with the stench of its Mark.
"Have you come to mock James' memory, Snivellus? After leaving him to die like a dog?" Sirius challenged him, completely oblivious of the girl who had just hugged happily a moment before.
"The only dog I know, Black, it is you", Severus replied coolly, folding his arms over his chest and raising his chin.
"Let's make things clear, Snape", Sirius hissed then. "Stay away from Lily". He concluded ominously.
Severus looked at him just as ominously. "Let's make things clear, Black. I do what I please and certainly don't take orders from a misery like you".
Sirius laughed coldly then and said with a smile: "But you were well willing to do your Master bidding, even let him brand you like cattle. I assure you, Snape, I am ten times better than the one you call Master".
"Then you're ten times better then Dumbledore?" Severus asked, grinning smartly.
Sirius was fuming. Lily could swear she saw smoke sipping out of his ears. "Please, stop it. Both of you", she said.
"Leave it, Lily. Mr. Snivellus Greasy doesn't take orders from others than Voldemort." Sirius told her, still staring with angry eyes the black ones in front of him. Two swords, one black and the other grey, sparkling in the duel.
"Get lost, Snivellus. You're not welcome here", he commanded then.
"No, I'm not", Severus agreed, "how could I? I'm a Death Eater who actually tried to save two members of the Order whilst the others played patience. Tell me, Black, what exactly did you do to save your worshipped Oh-I'm-so-handsome Potter-friend?".
"Severus!", Lily scolded him. She did not notice that Sirius had taken outs his wand and was pointing him menacing at Severus who just looked bored. He glanced down at the tip at the wand and then back at Sirius.
"How dare you, Snape?" Sirius barked as Lily grasped his wand arm and tried forcing him to lower it.
"Sirius, please!" she begged her friend.
"Let go off me, Lily!" Sirius shook her off. "I'm going to hex you to infirmity, Snape, if you dare pronounce James' name again!" he threatened.
Severus shrugged and smiled provocatively. "Go on then! But I warn you: I'm not fifteen any more, and you don't have your idiotic friend to support you."
Lily looked at him, appalled. Things were going to go bad if someone did not intervene to stop those two.
At that very moment Dumbledore raised his deep voice, capturing the attention of Lily and the two boys who turned to see the Headmaster standing at the head of the table.
"May I have your attention, please?" Dumbledore said, and as soon as he was sure he had the complete attention of everyone present continued. "As much as enjoyable chatting can be, I am sad to inform you that there are things that must be discussed in this meeting. Please, take your seats".
As the Order members took their seats around the long table, Lily saw Dumbledore throwing a warning glance at Sirius at Severus, like a blue invisible lightning that the boys understood very well. Sirius withdrew his wand and quietly took place between Alastor Moody –sitting at Albus' left – and Remus Lupin. Lily sat opposite him, beside Minerva McGonagall, and Severus found himself bound to take the seat between Lily and Hagrid. He snorted loudly.
"Now," Dumbledore began as soon as he made sure to have everyone's attention, "as probably already everyone knows the issue of this meeting is not Lily, though she's a leading character in this story", he glanced at the participants. He turned to his left, where Moody sat quietly glancing around like a watchdog.
"Alastor, please, would you enlighten us about the later developments?". The Headmaster exhorted, who cleared his throat and leant forward on his elbows.
"No sign of Harry Potter still", Moody declared. "That's the latest – not quite a development really", he snorted. "As a result of the utter lack of progress on this front, the Head of Magical Law Enforcement has stopped any action concerning this matter."
"What?!" Lily exclaimed, but Dumbledore silenced her: "Lily, please. Let Alastor explain".
Moody took a deep breath. "Crouch decided to assigned all Aurors actually dedicated to the search to assignments of more immediate relevance –"
"Like what?" Lily intervened again.
"Like hunting down the Death Eaters" Moody blurted. "You probably didn't notice, Evans, but Voldemort is still at work. He doesn't stop, you know? He doesn't rest. He doesn't wait for the Ministry to do as they damn please!".
"Thus my son is for the Ministry nothing more than a waste of time? Is that it?" Lily bit back.
"If you got out of your egoistic point of view, girl, you'd see there're more important matters than your son!"
"Alastor, please!" Minerva stepped in, then. "You are accusing a mother whose son has disappeared of acting out of selfishness, when it is perfectly normal that she wants only to find Harry. And you call it selfishness?".
Moody muttered something, but did not answer out loud to the Professor, instead, Dumbledore did: "Perfectly justified selfishness", he smiled and winked at Lily who smiled back.
After a moment of silence, Lupin asked: "Just, what do they suppose to do if the boy is in Voldemort's hands?"
"Nothing, Lupin. They don't give a crap about a missing child!" was Severus snarled answer.
"Charming as always, Severus", Minerva commented rolling her eyes.
"As hard as Severus' affirmation can be, it is basically right", intervened then Aberforth. "Harry is not of primary interest in Crouch's or Bagnold's politic, and for a good reason too. All comes down to priorities and the priority now is to protect the Magical and Muggle communities from Voldemort's Death Eaters".
"But Harry's fate is entwined with Voldemort's plans. Because I think it's clear now that He's using the boy against us." Elphias Doge's wheezy voice rose from the head of the table opposite to Dumbledore.
Sirius took the floor then: "Are you suggesting, Elphias, that Voldemort actually has Harry?".
Dumbledore and Severus exchanged a furtive glance, whilst everyone else's gaze was placed upon Albus' old classmate.
"What I'm suggesting", Doge answered, "is that, for what we know, he could. The luxury of giving things for granted is something we can not afford. Especially since we lost all chances to receive news from inside the enemy's circle" and he glanced, unknowingly, toward Snape who found himself suddenly at the center of attention.
"Oh yes", Sirius said, "our spy quitted". He smirked.
Severus was about to retort but fortunately Moody stopped whatever word was going to jump out of his lips and closed it back with is own voice. "That", and that word sounded like a period closing a not welcome discussion, "is not the only matter which need to be discussed". And he looked at each present with glinting eye. "News came from the horse's mouth about Lucius Malfoy. He seemed to have paid a visit to the Ministry Archives not too long ago".
"Malfoy?" Lily asked, intrigued by how this name kept coming along.
"Who exactly is the horse, Alastor?" inquired Sturgis Podmore, a young, blonde haired wizard.
Moody lowered his gaze as if ashamed of the name resting on his lips. "Panoplius Panoptes", he let the name slip.
"Panoptes?!" Lupin echoed, "The one who spent two months at St Mungo's because he tried to Stupefy a Muggle toaster?"
"The very same" Moody muttered under his breath.
"And he's a reliable source?" Lily asked.
"Albus says no. But I say yes", growled Moody, throwing a hard glance at Dumbledore who just raised his hands in resignation. Lily gazed up at the Headmaster but said nothing, instead she asked Moody: "Do you have any idea what Malfoy could be interested in at the Ministry?"
"As much as I know", it was Arthur Weasley who answered before Moody had the chance, "Lucius has been labelled as 'undesirable' by Minister Bagnold".
"Yeah, but we know for sure that the Death Eaters have an infiltrator in the Ministry, which is the one who provided Malfoy with a false identity and documents", concluded Moody, poking the desktop with his crooked finger.
"Did Malfoy took anything with him?" Lily asked, curiously.
"No. Nothing that we know about", answered Moody.
"That's odd", said Lily almost to herself. "What do you think?", she addressed Severus then. Snape was actually sharply pulled out of his quietness and abruptly found himself to be the center of attention again. With so many pair of eyes fixed upon him like hungry hounds, he could hardly pulled a sentence together: "I don't know", he said. "Mayhap…" he added afterwards, "Lucius is after me and Lily. Mayhap he was looking for information about the location of the Order Headquarter?" he hazarded.
And the hazard worked for all the eyes turned immediately to Dumbledore, leaving Severus free to vanish into his own chair.
Before anyone could ask anything, though, Sirius charged in like a jumping tiger. "Come on now, Snape. Are you suggesting that Malfoy can actually find something about our whereabouts in the Ministry Archives?! That's just absurd!".
"Severus does have a point, Black", Aberforth said. "What he said about Malfoy is true: he's looking for his and Lily's hiding place. That doesn't mean he actually found something at the Ministry".
Affirmative nods and gabbles of agreement followed his words. Sirius though did not seem to be convinced by Aberforth's affirmation. He leant over the table and looked Severus straight into the eye.
"May I know how do you know so much about Malfoy's 'assignment'?" he sneered.
"Albus told us", Lily intervened and Sirius silently sit back down on his chair looking at her curiously as if he couldn't understand what she had just said. Lily saw Dumbledore raising his eyebrows slightly in surprise. He needed only a little less than a moment, however, to realize that Lily was trying to conceal the existence of Lucius' letter, addressed to her and incontrovertible sign that the young Malfoy wanted to contact her, for a yet unknown reason. Unknown to Lily, for he did have a suspicion…
"We had a meeting at the Hog's Head an evening", Albus consensually played his part for Lily. "Polyjuice Potion. Lucius never suspected it was me he was talking to", he smiled at the little, justified lie because actually Lucius did suspect.
"I confirm", Aberforth said. "I was unfortunately present at the shameful performance", he added passing a hand over his face tiredly.
"Why didn't you tell us anything before?" Moody inquired then.
"Because the meeting is now, Alastor. I'm telling you, am I not?" Albus said innocently.
"The Dark Lord has a plan. For Harry, for Lily and for me", Severus stepped in and everyone looked at him. "I don't know what it is, but He needs us. His mind is twisted in a dangerous and brilliant way. It's not only revenge He seeks. This is a matter of principle. No one escapes Him and no one leaves Him", he added sadly.
"And no one pities you, Snape. Nor that filthy worm of Pettigrew! You're just of the very same disgusting kind", Sirius roared, spewing out all his grief for James' loss turned into burning resentment.
Severus did not wince. Nor he took his eyes away from Sirius' savage face. Lily was speechless for a moment, her eyes fixed on Black, held captive in the dungeons of Sirius' words.
That filthy worm of Pettigrew...
"What about Pettigrew?" she asked, her gaze jumping from Sirius to Lupin and back again.
"What do you mean?" Black echoed surprised while Lupin sighed sadly.
"That filthy traitor sold you to Voldemort!" Sirius exclaimed. "He revealed your hiding place!"
Lily thought she had just received a punch right in her stomach. He had sold them to Voldemort? No, no, how could it be? Peter could never betray them, he didn't have the guts to turn against James and Sirius, unless he wasn't sure he would be protected by… by the Dark Lord?
"No", she said, bewildered. "No. How is that possible?"
"Dumbledore didn't tell you?" asked Lupin, amazed.
Lily shook her head looking at his two friends with eyes huge with horror and dismay.
"That rat's joined the Dark Lord", said Sirius, without caring to hide the disgust when speaking of Pettigrew. "He was at Godric's Hollow that night. Enjoying the show".
"You're not serious", Lily tried to say, her throat blocked by nausea, incredulously.
"He is, Lily", Lupin intervened kindly. "Peter betrayed you. He betrayed us all."
"I ran after him as soon as I saw him. Damn him." Sirius explained under Lily's upset gaze. "Oh, should have seen him with his beloved Dark Mark on his arm. Oh yes, I saw it. Just before he turned into a rat and disappeared into the sewers…"
Those ellipsis, for a vocation of their own or for a peremptory syntactic order, opened the way to silence, welcoming it as three faithful standard-bearers with muted trumpets. And icy silence was the one who walked in, load of electrical question marks that decorated its garments like chained slaves.
"Uhm… can we just move on and pick up another matter. I feel the room growing chill, don't you?" Elphias Doge wirily suggested.
"Lily?" Hagrid's warm voice resounded in the hall. "Yeh all right?"
"Yes, I…" Lily stammered, "I'm fine".
"Of course she's all right!" Sirius exclaimed, actually trying to cheer up the girl. "She's gonna kick Pettigrew's ass. Aren't you, Lily?"
Despite his intention, though, his words seemed to upset Lily even more, confusing her. Severus noticed it and cannot help a surge of anger to ruffle the placid waters of the vast lake and to shake the black dragon from its slumber and from his deep nightmares.
"Leave her alone, Black. You're not funny", he said harshly.
Sirius smiled. "Funny? I was dead serious. Lily's great, she's gonna destroy Pettigrew, you'll see: a finger! That's all that will remain of him!" he laughed.
Severus smiled coldly. "Instead of talking nonsense, why don't you go to count your fleas?"
"Watch out", Sirius's merry mood cooled down instantly. He pointed the index at Severus accusingly. "I know a lot about you, Snivellus. Killing James and abandoning Harry wasn't enough, was it?, now you think you can make out with his wife."
"Sirius!", Lupin intervened, "please, not again!"
"I have not killed him", Severus replied in a low growl.
"Oh, really?" Sirius scoffed, ignoring the glares coming from behind McGonagall's square glasses. "But you're very much happy that James is dead, eh?" he roared.
Severus did not reply immediately and Sirius took the opportunity to make things worse. "What's wrong? Have you lost your tongue? I hit the point, didn't I?" he said.
Severus was white as wax, his anger tinting his skin with an old, consumed brush. "Yes, you hit it. I do not mind at all that Potter now sleeps with the worms. He's finally joined his own kind. He got what he deserved. He was just an idiotic, spoiled kid who thought he had the world in his hand and was better than the others just because he was handsome and wealthy."
"Severus..." Dumbledore warned the boy nicely. Things were getting out of hands, he didn't actually thought about Sirius when he had invited Severus to join the meeting. The two boys were giving quite a show: all the other Order members looked like they were holding their breath, no one really dared to meddle with the boy's verbal fight.
"You greasy, treacherous…" Sirius sprang up from his seat and leant menacingly over it.
"That's enough!" McGonagall exclaimed, and a door opened to a time when Sirius and Severus were nothing more than students being scolded by their teacher. "I can't believe you're actually acting like two five years old! Blaming the other over something none of you had any fault. Just put aside your foolish personal fight for once!".
"Yes, enough Sirius", Lupin said, resting his hand on his friend's shoulder and gently inviting him to sit back down. "James' death is not Severus' doing. Take it all out on him won't make James' come back."
"There's only one at fault, Sirius", said Dumbledore then. "Voldemort." He looked at Severus and noticed that the boy, despite the anger still perfectly detectable on his pale face, was glancing down like a culprit who defers to the mercy of the court.
"No. There are two others at fault here", said Black coldly. "And I don't care, Dumbledore. I'll never trust a Death Eater."
Severus still did not respond, his head bowed yet the flame of pride in his black eyes far from being on their knees in front of the raised sword of guilt. He hated to admit it, but Black was right: he had his own fault. Voldemort may be the perpetrator, but he had started it, veiled by the dark side of ignorance he had offered on a silver plate something he didn't even understand. Damn Black and all his family of psychopaths.
"Idiot," Severus whispered through clenched teeth.
"Well, at least now you know the true nature of the person you associate with, Lily. Lily?" Sirius called as he realized that he had just addressed his affirmation to an empty chair.
Everyone looked around for the girl, vanished through the crowd of words and insults and the captivated silence of the audience.
"Where did she go?" asked Lupin.
Hagrid's words had been the last to have reached Lily's ears. The girl had left as soon as the umpteenth spat between Severus and Sirius had begun. A spat she had no intention of paying attention to.
She headed toward the large glass door overlooking the garden, aware that no one was paying attention to her. She lowered the brass handle and exited on the terrace, slightly above the level of the garden, framed by a long white marble handrail that shone with its own light under the rising moon. Lily noiselessly closed the door and took a deep breath of the cold air of the night. It smelled of silence, of solitude... and she was left alone with a new knowledge pressing on her heart.
She walked across the terrace, hiding from the eyes of those whom she could still here the voices, back in the hall, and leant against the railing absently wiping away a few tears which were tickling her eyelids. Tears of anger, frustration and disappointment.
Peter. How could he? They trusted him.
Lily struggled to hold back a sob. He was their friend... their friend...
With that word came along a tear, and another and another. They streamed down her pale skin, cold they were under the touch of the night, but she did not care, she let them run free and liberating as they were. She did not even mind the bitter cold stabbing her skin through the fabric of the sweater.
She wondered... where was Peter now? Crawling at his Master's feet, surely. But why?
Lily wiped her tears with the sleeves of her sweater and sobbed, but along with the pain that the fragments of her broken breath procured her, she could feel rage and hatred raising against Pettigrew. She understood Sirius now. She knew what he felt... why he was so angry at everything and everyone.
One hand rested gently on her shoulder making her jump. She spun around to find Severus' deep black eyes glowing with the same glow of the night.
Lily did not think about anything else, and before she could even know what she was doing, she threw herself against Severus' chest, embracing him and allowing him embrace her back. Severus stroked her hair gently and rested his cheek on her brow, letting her taking it all out against his chest.
And Lily cried. She let out all the anxiety, the pain, the anger that had accumulated in those days, freeing them all like silver drops on Snape's black sweater, they permeated the fabric as if they were absorbed by his very soul.
"He betrayed us", Lily sobbed. "It's all Pettigrew's fault. It's his fault!"
"Hush", said Severus, holding her closer. "He's not the only one." He began to lull her gently.
"Sev?", said Lily, drifting away from reality, getting lost in the warmness of the boy's body. It was odd, but right now her heart seemed to be sleeping, prey of a wonderful dream while listening to the beating of Severus'.
"Mh?"
"How does the ballad continue?", asked Lily.
"What ballad?", said Severus, confused.
"The one of the Prince of the Night", answered Lily. "What happens after the Prince denied his father?"
"Oh", Severus smiled, "that one". Then, almost whispering, he started singing:
Don't cry oh Queen of Fire,
Closing in is the Night.
Don't fear, it'll be all right
My heart's yours as my desire.
Here I give my life to you
for your kiss I give up hope.
I beg you, see me through
Through my scarred soul
through the blood onto
my hands running warm.
Be my haven from the storm,
if I shatter, make me whole.
My Sweet Queen, don't you cry
No shadow shall stir the light
Don't cry, it will be all right.
The sword of darkness died.
Come, beyond the sin
still beating is the heart.
Awoken the drake within,
see its claws tear me apart
on the field I lay wherein.
Wake me from this dark,
may a kiss mend the spark
ere this sinner soul departs.
Don't cry o Queen of Light,
for vanquished is the Night.
Close forever is its eye,
for its Prince took his life.
Call my father and my kin
on my body lay his crown.
Call the eldest Elven King,
in his garden lay me down.
My broken sword give to him.
Under the sun dig my tomb
"Here lies the shadow who
loved a sunray as his queen".
Don't cry my Brave Queen,
Because your Prince died.
High the sun again shall rise
with no shadow to be seen.
His voice trailed off into a sigh, just whispered, wrapped in the green that quietly had risen to meet the night.
Finally, Lily could hear clearly the voice of her heart. It was a song, it was this song, a song that had become part of her, that bound her to her own prince. Their lips met in a breath of wind, a kiss bearly whispered on the notes that the darkness had inspired. A gentle kiss, light ... the drifting of a word that both had kept hidden for so long to each other.
PS. Yeah, Sirius's not my favourite character ^^
PPS. Yep, I changed the Ballad. A little. It was so bad written… probably it's even worse now, but I like it better :D