After the first phone call it seemed they then spent nearly every day sending text messages or calling one another. At first it was just at night when the two of them had the time to talk, Skwisgaar noticed Toki seemed somehow more awake and like his old self when they talked at night. He seemed happy, they never talked about anything all that important; he didn't really want to talk about what the church was telling him, teaching him. That's when he'd get quiet or seem nervous, the kid had never been that great of a liar. Skwisgaar was just happy to talk to him at all, to hear the nightmares were over, and that in two more days he would be home. It wasn't long until they talked during the day too, he noticed when they talked during the day that Toki spoke more quietly and often times seemed to be withdrawn. He sounded nervous almost like he did the times he would speak about or remember his parents. So Skwisgaar decided to try and call him more at night or to distract him from whatever seemed to be bothering him. One time he'd asked him why he sounded so odd, but he hadn't gotten all too much out of him.

"I'm just tired"

"You sound weird, not tired."

"No I'm not, I haven't slept." He replied quickly

He always kept his voice low, most likely he was supposed to be doing something else at these times, but instead was talking to Skwisgaar. The Swedish man didn't feel bad about distracting his friend even if he should have, sometimes he could hear voices in the background generally Charles.

"You would tell me if something is wrong, right?"

He knew better, there were times he would tell him anything whether he wanted to hear it or not. Other times he kept things to himself, this was one of those.

"Yeah of course I would, you're my best friend."

Even in one sentence he sounded fakely happy; he could picture him wincing as he said that lie. The rest of that conversation had been short for the most part, had ended with a voice in the background asking him nicely to hang up. The next time they talked it was Toki who called while the band was in a recording session. The others were fine with it until the conversation was drawn out for well over an hour. He noticed they looked annoyed, Pickles and Nathan alternating between whose turn it was to glare at the lead guitarist. He ignored them for the most part, he didn't care; not his fault that he wanted to find out how Toki was doing, even if it seemed to be an every day thing at this point.

"Dude fucking hang up already, Christ he's gonna be back in what like a day or some shit?" Pickles said reaching for the phone, Skwisgaar easily held it out of the shorter man's reach.

"Fine, fine don't be a baby...Hey um I'll call you tonight, yeah I love you too."

"Did you just tell him you love him?" Murderface asked staring at the blond haired man.

Skwisgaar put his phone away, he folded his arms across his chest and raised an eyebrow in daring question at the pudgier man.

"Yeah, problem?"

"Oh shit here we go" Pickles muttered looking between his two band mates smirking clearly amused that it had taken this long for the bassist to figure this out.

"Wait so you're telling me that you're fucking gay?"

"Uh no I'm not gay, just dating Toki"

He wasn't gay, he liked women a lot; he just didn't necessarily care about them lately.

"Oh my god you're fucking gay"

Pickles laughed, Nathan rubbed at his forehead.

"Christ dude you just now got that; he fucking told us what like I don't even know when. Seriously good work, fucking fast thinking there."

"Dude what the fuck I thought you liked chicks, I always fucking figured Toki was gay. Fucking weird little shit, course he likes dick."

"Careful dude he'll kick your ass."

"Done now?" Skwisgaar asked slightly bored with the older man's outburst.

The bassist was still looking at him like when a kid found out a superhero wasn't real. He wasn't sure if it was extremely amusing or just mildly pathetic, he decided on the middle ground, but kept the same bored expression on his face. Murderface went on for another ten minutes before just getting up and leaving the room.

"Great we fucking needed him for the bass...Ugh never fucking mind, Skwisgaar get your ass in the recording booth." Nathan grumbled still obviously annoyed by all the things keeping them from finishing.

They were so close to done, but it seemed there was always another personal problem keeping them from getting this done. They had a dead line now and if they crossed it they were fucked in many more ways than the normal ways they used to be. Skwisgaar missed those days; just being drunk, high off his ass, and hoping that really dirty slut in the first row didn't have an STD. Now everything was different, everything looked, and felt different; he'd liked the idea of rejecting it. For whatever reason people did that by nature; they thought they could reject bad things in reality. You could drink, do drugs, and fuck until it went away. Until you were back in your previous reality before everything was slammed into a strange ethereal darkness. He didn't like it and God it scared him to death, he was well into his thirties, but this felt like being a teenager and plunged into adulthood all over again.

Playing bass didn't give him the same sensation of distraction. It was a different instrument, not enough chords for his long calloused fingers to play over. The notes were never as high or pained as a guitar could be, it felt foreign; it felt like somebody cut off his right arm and replaced it with a wooden spoon. He could play bass beautifully, he could play damn near anything; he had made sure of that many years ago, but it didn't feel right. He was a guitarist, literally created for that purpose according to the old priest men. When he thought of it that way, if he thought of it too much late at night then it scared him; it panicked him. He didn't mention it until he talked to Toki on the phone that night.

"Do you ever freak out about this?" He asked breaking a silence that had begun quickly growing leaving an eerie dead air between them.

"Sometimes...A lot, now especially" He admitted sounding odd, sad.

"If I think about it a lot I fucking panic, panic attack or whatever; those things you have all the time." He said, he shrugged even though nobody could see him. He shifted on his bed so that he faced the window.

"Remember first time I had one, you thought I was dying or something. You were crying like a baby, kind of funny." He said laughing lightly.

"Shut up, it's not funny"

"I know...It's nice you were worried like that"

Skwisgaar sighed sounding bored, but really he was uncomfortable.

"I don't like the idea of you dying, it scares me."

It always had; even in a theoretical way it made him nauseous and sad. Ever since the day they had met he had sworn to himself he'd keep that malnourished homeless boy safe. At first he had done it maybe as a favor, then possibly as a chore, then as a friend, as a brother, and now he did it as...Something else, like all of the above things combined, but he could never find the right word for it. Toki was young, he would always be much younger than the four of them and the idea of somebody that young dying bothered him.

"It'll happen someday though..." The younger man said, voice soft.

Skwisgaar felt the familiar tightness in his chest and pain in his stomach. He ran his fingers back through his hair which was in desperate need of being brushed or combed.

"Shut up, I'll be gone long before you; you're a baby."

The laugh the other man gave was sad, forced. Before he could ask just what was going on with him Toki began talking again most likely knowing he wanted to delve into a dangerous topic.

"Nathan still hear nothing from Abigail?"

"Uh I think she called once, he still has the idea you're screwing her. Stupid I mean you are with me and all, no reason to cheat."

When Toki laughed this time it sounded more like normal, it eased Skwisgaar's mind a bit.

"Don't worry Skwis, I wouldn't do that."

"I know you wouldn't, told you I know you wouldn't do that to me."

He still worried, not a lot. Just a little bit. It was a left over paranoia from childhood; his mother had been with plenty of men who trusted her, men he had liked a bit. She would cheat on them and hurt them deeply, he felt for them and promised to never put himself in a situation like the ones they had. He had obviously failed in that time and time again, but it was usually he who left or fucked things up.

"Don't worry, I miss you though...I'll be back soon, I found out something else about the prophecy."

"I figured you'd know more than a bit."

There was a silence before he continued.

"It's going to happen the night of our first show after the album is done. Not sure when, like no exact time or nothing."

"Do you know what we do or what happens?"

More silence, this time it was like he was trying to filter what to say and what to keep locked inside of himself. Skwisgaar wanted to yell at him to just tell the truth, he was a grown man he could handle hearing whatever the hell it was that he was hiding. He didn't like being kept out of the loop on something this important.

"No just it, it happens and...We either win or we lose, but there's a good chance we'll win."

The silence bloomed all over again, white noise crackled on the phone line making everything seem eerie. Skwisgaar again shifted uncomfortably on his bed just now realizing how large and lonely it was, even the sheets felt cold against his bare flesh.

"Body count?" He found himself asking

The question was morbid and initially it sounded so wide, like he could just mean fans. People in towns, cities, or the universe. He did mean that, but he meant something more intimate...Something more harmful.

The on going silence only caused more panic and fear run through his mind.

"Toki?"

"Yeah there will be one, but nothing too big if we do things right." He answered trying to sound calm about this, but towards the end his voice turned quiet.

"I really wish you were here right now." Skwisgaar admitted

He wanted to hold him, he wanted to see his face. He wanted to be able to see every sign that he was lying through his teeth. Over the phone lying was mildly easier, Skwisgaar couldn't see his face or his body language like he wished that he could. He wanted to know for sure he was keeping something from him, wanted to hold him close and kiss him hard.

"I'll be there...A day if I can, two at the longest. I should probably go now, sleep some...I have some stuff to do tomorrow. I love you a lot Skwisgaar."

"I love you too...Be safe, okay?"

"Yeah I will, I am..Bye"

Skwisgaar hung up tossing his phone to the side. They would talk again, they would talk and text until the day Toki would come back home. It was normal for them, he couldn't help but miss him though. He couldn't help but worry and over think, try to figure out what he was hiding from him. Fuck maybe it was nothing, just being paranoid. Sometimes Skwisgaar did that, he over thought; he worried far too much, especially about the man that used to be the homeless sixteen year old boy he had taken in. The one that he had watched after and grown close to even if admittedly he had treated said man like shit for most of those years. He'd always cared for him, but never knew how to show it, express it without worrying about how gay it came off or how dangerous it could be. Now he wished he could do time over again and he had no idea why, what difference would it make?

There wasn't anything wrong, not that he knew of. He found that he couldn't go to sleep, his mind wouldn't turn off and the darkness of his room only made the situation worse. He decided to get stoned, he looked around until he found the supply of weed he had stolen off of Pickles a week or so back. The drummer was more loaded than Jimi Hendrix, he doubted the red haired man would even notice the stash was gone. He seated himself on his bed and began smoking from the bong he kept hidden under his bed, he wasn't sure why any of them hid their drugs, pipes, or bongs. He remembered when Toki had joined their band they had done it. They had hidden their stashes, because well having a sixteen year old hanging around, one who knew literally nothing about drugs made it seem necessary. They hadn't really wanted him to do drugs, hadn't wanted him to drink...Well William had, he would try to get Toki high or drunk while the others were out working their crap jobs they desperately wanted to quit or be fired from. Skwisgaar would be pissed to come back to their crap home to find a stoned out rhythm guitarist and a very fucking amused bassist. By the time the boy was eighteen they had stopped really giving a fuck though, they all found it was weird how innocent and clean the kid was. They introduced him to every type of alcohol and drug known to man, introduced him to women of all walks of life clean or otherwise. It had been fun, funny as hell; Skwisgaar preferred to be the one to introduce him to things. The others joked he was like the kid's mother or some shit, not a great one, but he acted like one until Toki was well into his twenties. He'd lost interest in taking after a scrawny kid and then began to see him as competition.

As adults they would fight; fight until one time Skwisgaar had punched the younger guitarist. That had been the first and last time for that. He'd nearly forgotten the memory; how fucking hurt and scared the younger man had looked. He'd never hit him again, half ass hits out of self defense the few times they really did get down and out fighting wise. He'd only hit him hard, one time and that was all. He couldn't stand to do it again, Toki could be ripping his jugular out and he wouldn't punch him. He hadn't known for a long time that it was because of his childhood that being hit bothered him, hit by people he trusted anyway. Skwisgaar teased him and pushed him, it kept himself amused, and he always had to secretly admit to himself that the younger man was adorable when he was upset. His voice would go higher when he was being pissy, but it would get deep and have a growl to it when he was near fits of rage. Skwisgaar liked his rage modes as much as he was scared of them, he doubted still to this day that Toki would actually hurt him. He felt like he understood him better than he did himself.

Skwisgaar wondered what would happen after all of this was over. He hated that now Toki knew more than all of them. He wasn't sharing all too much, he'd probably say a lot more when he got back home. He would, he had to. This was important for all of them, but Skwisgaar felt there was something he'd probably still keep only for himself. Skwisgaar pushed the thought to the corner of his mind; the weed was making it nearly impossible to think. Good, he was getting tired of thinking. His mind drifted to more pleasant things, things that made him smile like some sort of idiot as he lay on his bed. He didn't even really notice when he fell asleep, he woke just barely when he accidentally kicked the bong onto the floor; he woke long enough to hope it hadn't broken, it had cost him eighty fucking dollars.