They were all alone in a crowded room as the world swirled busily around them.
Nurses were throwing towels on the floor, creating a trail of stepping-stones allowing safe passage over the pools and splatters of the respiratory therapist's blood while the housekeeping staff, with buckets clattering and mops sloshing in disinfecting cleaning water, arrived on the scene and started to clean the blood from the machinery, bed rails, and floor.
All the while, almost completely ignored, no one in the room paid much attention to the two figures on the bed desperately clinging to one another. A flood of emotions swelled up and washed over Leonard and Penny: fear, desperation, mercy, thanks, relief, and joy all rose up warmly wrapped them, separating them and carrying them far away from all the whirling activity in the room.
Surrounded but all alone, Penny held Leonard tightly.
But try as hard he might, Leonard could not return the embrace. His left arm pinned was to his side by the wrist restraint and, drugged and exhausted, he did not have the strength to lift the casted arm on his right. He was content just to have the feel of Penny against his chest, her head resting under his chin.
Still crying as she held Leonard, the wires that crisscrossed his chest under his hospital gown were pressed against Penny's cheek. This, combined with the sounds of his struggling, constricted breathing that sounded in her ear, and suddenly fearing that she may be doing more harm, Penny to quickly ended the embrace.
Repositioning herself on the bed so that now they were hip to hip and using the tissues she had in her hand after she splashed the cool water on her face, Penny gently wiped away the red streaks on Leonard's face that were created by the flow of bloody tears.
"Oh, Leonard!"
As relieved as he was to have Penny next to him, their time to act was dangerously short. There could be no more delays.
"Penny …. Penny," Leonard, short of breath, his raspy voice nearly unrecognizable from his swollen sore throat, gasped as he tightly gripped her hand. "We have …. to leave ….. there's …. the fire."
"Oh, sweetie," Penny said as she took her free hand and started stroking Leonard's brow and jaw with her thumb, her fingers toying with his curls, "we're safe! There's no fire here. You're in the hospital. There was a fire, days ago, but at the university, not here, not now. You're safe."
"No! … no! … it's in the…. hallway."
Penny's heart twisted in pain and sorrow for Leonard's profound confusion and fear. "No! Leonard! Please, please believe me! We're safe! You're in the hospital and there's no fire here or in the hallway."
"Hospital? ….. where ….. are …. we? What ….. happened," Leonard was able grind out in against the painful raw burning in this throat.
Penny swallowed. She hadn't really thought about this. How to tell Leonard everything that happened without overwhelming and distressing him? She quickly decided that she'd give him an expressed, condensed history of the last five days, giving none of the horrific details as he would certainly hear them later, most likely from Sheldon and Howard. As for all the medical stuff, she'd tell him his injuries, but would spare him all the particulars. The nurses and doctors would be better suited to do that. She'd give him just a gentle, rapid update to get Leonard from 'there' to 'here and now'.
But the gentle reorientation she had planned, to ease Leonard into present, didn't happen.
Alerted by the stat page to anesthesia that had gone out when Leonard extubated himself, his alarmed doctors, Gaithers and Chiang suddenly ran into the room along with their residents.
Someone gave Penny's arm a gentle touch that pulled her out of her reverie. Turning, she was very surprised to see all the people that had now encircled the bed. Through the throng of people, she saw a nurse making a waving gesture at her, indicating that she should be getting up and off the bed. Taking an extra moment to give Leonard a quick hug, she quickly complied and retook her spot in the corner.
After a brief conference with Tarik for the reason for the stat call, Dr. Gaithers approached Leonard's bed. Despite his youth, his time in Afghanistan had war hardened him and he was not inclined to sugarcoat any details. His working philosophy: give the facts to the patient so they can start to accept their situation and learn what they need to do to get to their optimal level of functioning. In other words, man-up and deal. Putting his hand on Leonard's shoulder, he spoke gently to him.
"Dr. Hofstadter. It's a pleasure to finally speak with you. I'm your surgeon, Dr. John Gaithers and I've been taking care of you for the past several days. You are in the hospital after suffering a blast injury. For the past five days, you were in a barbiturate coma and on a ventilator. We reversed that and," Dr. Gaithers said as he glanced up at one of the monitors for confirmation, "you seem to be breathing very nicely on your own. From the blast, you sustained many severe wounds, chief among them: a broken arm and leg, a ruptured bowel, and facial fractures. We were able to revascularize your right leg after a very nasty femoral break, saving it from amputation. It's a very complex injury so we'll be monitoring that closely. There are multiple medical issues as well, primarily kidney failure, smoke inhalation, and a collapsed lung. Your medical doctor, Dr. Chiang, is here with me now to answer any questions you might have. I know you're just back with us after the coma reversal and you're not sure what is real and are completely overwhelmed. It's going to be a long haul but please know we are here with you to answer any questions you may have day or night and will be with you every step of the way."
Leonard's face was the picture of stunned disbelief. His eyebrows were raised in surprise and Penny could tell that behind the gauze that covered them, his eyes were open. Under the oxygen mask, his mouth was gaping.
"No …. there's a fire, I think …. in the hallway …."
Dr. Gaithers spoke. "No, there's no fire. You're safe. There was, days ago, but not now. What you're experiencing is what we call 'sleep drunkenness'. You've been getting a lot of meds that have put you into one of the deepest stages of sleep called a slow wave sleep. It's the stage where we continue to have sleep brain activity if we're awoken from it. Sleep and dreams impinge on wakefulness and reality making it rather hard to tell what's real. It can be discomforting but please know that it's benign. And there is another matter. Regarding the explosion at the university, it's an on-going criminal investigation. The detectives have been in contact with me and have been waiting to speak with you. I'm obligated to report to the authorities that you're now awake and aware."
Leonard felt as if were spinning wildly in a free fall, desperately trying to make sense of everything.
Or anything.
A criminal investigation? Was it the elevator? Did he burn down the apartment? Amputation? Smoke inhalation? What was real? What was false? He wasn't sure. If he closed his eyes in was in their apartment's burning hallway; if he opened them, he couldn't see anything but bursts of white light.
He was trying run, to get away from the fire but found that he was weighted down, unable to move, only his left leg would minimally obey him.
Penny said there was no fire.
Listening.
Sounds.
Beeps. Clicks. No yelling. No panic. Distant conversations. People talking. Occasional bursts of laughter. In a soft bed. A velvety blanket under his arm.
It doesn't fit. It doesn't fit. It doesn't make any sense.
"Too much … this is all ….. too much," Leonard choked out.
Leonard's confusion and emotional distress became physically evident. His respirations became elevated and shallow as a cold sweat broke across his brow. The monitor showed an increasing heart rate and a decreasing oxygen level.
"I feel like ….. I'm going to faint."
"Jesus Christ! John, you really need to be more delicate," Dr. Chiang barked at Dr. Gaithers as she pushed him aside and put her hand on Leonard's arm. "Dr. Hofstadter, this is Dr. Chiang. What will help is if you can control your breathing. The oxygen is flowing around your nose and mouth. Just take nice regular breaths in and out and blow it out like you're blowing out birthday candles."
Responding to her soft guidance, Dr. Chiang watched as Leonard pulled in a deep breath.
"That's it. Nice and easy. In and out. Now just blow out like you're blowing out birthday candles. That's it! You got it," she said as she watched Leonard purse his lips and blow out. "That's right, just like that," Dr. Chiang encouraged as she breathed in unison with him. "Is the dizziness passing?"
Leonard nodded.
"Good, good. Just keep breathing like that." Dr. Chiang then spied a crying woman across the room, remembering her from the first night. "Dr. Hofstadter, we've overwhelmed you and I think the best thing we can do for the moment is to leave you to rest," she said as she pointed to Penny and motioned for her to come forward. "But remember, if you have any questions, just ask your nurse to page us at any time. But for right now, we'll leave you in the company of your friend who has barely left your side this entire time."
The surgeons in scrubs and the medical staff in lab coats slowly began to filter out of the room as Penny, once again, took the place at Leonard's side.
"Sweetie, I'm back with you," Penny said gently as she took Leonard's hand. "Do you remember anything?"
Leonard's brow furrowed as he searched for and scanned his faulty memories. Pale, water thin shreds of elusive memory teased him. But they were fragile and slick and broke into nothing at the clumsy touch of his mental grasp.
Struggling to surface from the drug cocktail that was pumped into him, he remembered …. he remembered …..
"There was ….. a fire …. not ….. the elevator?"
"Yes! That's right, from the explosion at the university just a few days ago. It has nothing to do with our elevator or the hallway."
There was nothing else he remembered, but there was something he felt.
Strongly.
It was overwhelming guilt and a sense of loss.
For some reason, and he didn't know why, but he clearly knew he had led Penny to the fire and he had lost her there.
"You ….. were …... there?" He asked, having no idea where 'there' actually was.
"Yes! We met in the parking lot and you invited me to go with you! You were showing me your lab!"
So this one haunted feeling of his was correct. He had led Penny into the fire. Leonard's face crumpled as he started to cry again. "I'm sorry …. so very sorry … I would never … want to hurt you."
Seeing Leonard so distressed and struggling to form words over the sharp pain in his throat broke Penny's heart.
Penny's hand tightened around his. "And you never will."
"All right, Wild Man, my turn," Tarik said as he returned to the room with two co-workers and carrying a patient gown, sheets, pillow cases, and a canister of bleach wipes. "I'm here with two other nurses Mrs. Ryals and Mrs. Waifer. We're gonna get you cleaned up after that outburst of yours and try to sanitize that cast. Make it less of a biohazard."
At Tarik's words, Penny turned to look at Leonard's right arm and for the first time noticed the spray of blood that dotted Leonard's gown, pillow, and sheets. Clots of dark congealed gore lay in patches on his casted forearm.
Penny scrunched up her face at the exposed body fluids. "Ewww."
"Penny, this will just take a minute or two. You don't have to go far. You can wait just outside the door if you like," Tarik said pointing towards the glass wall of Leonard's room.
"Oh! No problem! I'll just wait outside," Penny said as she stood. But before stepping away from the bedside, she turned once again towards Leonard, squeezing his arm. "Leonard, sweetie, I'll be right back. I'm just going to wait in the hallway while the nurses get you cleaned up. I won't be far."
"OK, Wild Man. My name's Tarik and I'm your nurse today. I've got some helpers here and we're gonna get you cleaned up. But before we move you, I'm just gonna give you a bolus dose of medication to help ease the pain," Tarik said as he opened the IV pump with his key and started pushing buttons, sending a dose of Dilaudid through Leonard's IV line and into his system. "You'll feel that take hold in a minute or two. While we wait for the meds to kick in, I'm going to get this cast cleaned and sanitized. I'm also removing this wrist restraint," Tarik said as he undid the velco tie. "But, you have other tubes, the nasogastric and, more importantly, the chest tube. So don't pull at anything."
Having no idea to what the nurse was referring and as it would use too much strength and be too exhausting to try and figure it out, Leonard just nodded as it seemed the person was waiting for some sort of response from him.
After putting gloves on their hands and then removing the clots off the cast, Ryals and Waifer scrubbed it thoroughly with the bleach wipes. "Well, it don't look pretty," Tarik said as he examined the dark stains that remained, "but at least it's disinfected. All right, Wild Man, we're just going to start to turn you so we can make the bed."
Peeking through the glass wall, Penny watched as the nurses gently lifted Leonard's right leg housed in the skeletal traction and start to turn him. Her nails dug into the palms of her hands as Leonard's sudden scream turned into pleading as he begged them to stop.
"I know, Wild Man, I know," Tarik soothed as he held a moaning Leonard on his left side and gently rubbed his back. "We'll be done in just another half a minute and I'll make sure Penny gets right back in here to be with you," the nurse spoke softly as he watched his coworkers rapidly tuck the sheets in on the right side of the bed. Leonard gave a small yelp of discomfort as he was lowered to his back and then carefully turned onto his right side. It was Tarik's turn as he pulled the sheets from under Leonard's back and started to make the left side of the bed. Just as Tarik had done, Mrs. Ryals and Mrs. Waifer spoke to Leonard as they held him, tenderly rubbing his back, telling him what they were doing and assuring him that they were nearly done.
Task completed, Leonard was one again positioned on his back with his head elevated and his right leg up on pillows.
Penny came back to his side and retook his hand.
"You … know what," Leonard gasped as little tears rolled down his cheeks, "after that …. I'm starting to believe … that I am …. in the hospital."
Penny once again dried his tears and after, she dried her own.
"Oh, sweetie!"
"Penny ….. what happened?"
And Penny told him.
The detailed events of that painful night, which she could easily recall second by agonizing second, would be forever clear in her mind.
And she told him. Stopping only to dry their tears, she told him. Everything: how they met in the parking lot after he left the apartment from having a fight with Sheldon, he left her in his lab after going to the computer mainframe, his yell for her to leave the building, the fire alarm, the explosion, seeing him run back inside while desperately screaming her name. And after, the medical care he received and their torturous five day wait.
"I can't ….. see."
"It's just because your eyes have been bandaged. The nurse explained this. She said that there are fractures around your eyes and the jelly has squeezed out. They were just waiting for the swelling to go down. She said surgery will be sometime next week."
"OH! MY! GOD!"
Penny turned at the yell only to see a wide-eyed Raj barreling towards the bed while screaming.
"LEONARD!"
Reflexively, Penny stood and put her hands up indicating to Raj that he should slow his breakneck speed and to try and stop him from forcefully crashing into Leonard. But even though Raj's joy and excitement were overwhelming him, it did not override his commonsense. He skidded to a stop at the bedside and reached down, carefully wrapping his arms around Leonard's shoulders, pulled him forward and held him gently in a tender hug.
Raj sobbed. "Oh, Leonard! You had us so worried! It's so good to see you awake like this!" His words sounded low and far away as he spoke them into the bed and Leonard's back.
Leonard couldn't see him, of course, but he could hear the joy and relief in his friend's voice.
"Raj," Leonard was able to rasp out.
"Leonard! Oh my God! Finally! You're awake! How are you feeling, buddy?"
Leonard felt a second person join the hug.
"Howard …..,"
"Leonard! Oh goody! Oh goody! Oh goody! You're awake! You gave us quite the scare! We were so worried! And please be assured that Howard is no you. I've molded and shaped you so carefully that everyone else comes up lacking."
Leonard could tell that a third person had now joined them on the bed in a group hug.
"Sheldon ….."
"Oh what the hell! I'm joining in," Penny said as joined the huddle piled on top of Leonard.
Not since Penny had publically dumped him but for the first time in months, Leonard felt once again what he wanted most in his life: the warmth of human contact, the feeling that someone actually cared about him, seeing him as worthwhile and that he was worthy of their affection and maybe even their love. OK, so Penny didn't love him and he was quite likely doomed to die alone but if this was all he would ever get in his life, the caring and love of friends, well, that was really great too. He'd happily take it. Warmth spread across Leonard's chest as his battered heart swelled. A trail of tears slid down his face.
As the wrist restraint was now off left arm, he could lift it. And now, he felt the strength to lift the cast on his right too. Leonard spread his arms and wrapped them around all his friends and held them all tightly, for as long as his strength allowed.
He was able to give his friends a really long hug.
By his counting, it was at least five Mississippis.
"Thank you ….. all for …. being here …. for everything," Leonard was able to gasp out over the blistered soreness in his throat.
From the jumbled mass on top of Leonard came Howard's voice. "I can hear Leonard wheezing. It feels like he's struggling to breathe. What do you say we all get off his chest?"
Sheldon nodded. "Sounds good to me."
"OK. Everybody break on three. Ready? One, two, three," Howard counted. The tangled group of people piled on top of Leonard quickly dispersed and took their places around the bed.
"Thank …. you," Leonard gasped.
Howard put his hand on Leonard's shoulder. "Buddy! We have so much to catch up on!"
"It was Nutty Abe, dude," Raj interrupted excitedly. "Nutty Abe tried to blow up the research labs but you stopped him! You broke his jaw with a fire extinguisher! Totally badass move! And oh my God! You should see the university! They just let us in for the first time today so we could get some of our things! The whole second floor of the biology wing has crashed down on the first! Entirely collapsed! And you were there when it happened, dude! Right in the middle of it!"
"Well, technically, he didn't stop him," Sheldon added. "But who knows? The damages could have been a lot worse."
"Nutty … Abe?"
"Yeah! He was thrown out of the university about two years ago because he was such a psycho nut job," Howard clarified. "You remember him, right?"
Leonard searched his memory trying to remember why that name sounded so familiar.
"And, if you don't, there is the surveillance footage. Howard put together a video timeline of all the events, start to finish. When you're up to it, you can review the entire sequence."
Penny glared at Sheldon. "Jesus, Sheldon! What's the matter with you? He lived it! Why would Leonard want to put himself through all that again?"
"Because Leonard is a enthusiastic completist," Sheldon responded arrogantly. "He will want to know everything."
"And you're an Internet star," Raj happily added. "You do this crazy little dance on the video and everyone has green-screened it! It's gone viral! You're dancing with the likes of Pee Wee Herman, Groucho Marx, Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly! But my absolute favorite is when you're dancing with Patrick Swayze! That was truly magical," Raj said with an appreciative sigh.
Penny, enraged, turned her fury to Raj. "Oh my God! What is wrong with you? Why would you even bring that up?"
Raj looked confused. "What? What did I do? Even Howard made one of Leonard dancing with James Brown."
Howard nodded sadly. "Sorry, buddy. You gave it a good effort but no way you can compare to 'The Godfather of Soul'. You were pretty pathetic in comparison. But you'll be happy to know when I green-screened you with the Scottish Highland dancers, you shined."
"OK ….. good … to know."
Sheldon smiled as he recalled fondly. "I think my favorite is the one where Leonard is dancing with Kevin Bacon."
"Ooooh! That was good," Raj happily agreed.
"Listen. Let's not overwhelm him, OK? He just woke up," Penny pleaded, trying to be reasonable.
"Leonard! Aside from being an Internet sensation, there's possibly more good news! You're mother is en route from Romania. She should be here in a day or two," Sheldon said feeling compelled to use the word 'possibly' as a proviso to his statement because he still felt the sting from Dorothy's and Michael's visit. But he felt obligated to use the 'good' as he was enjoyed at the prospect of Beverly's company and always looked forward to her visits.
"Oh …. God," Leonard moaned.
"And your brother and sister had visited you too."
"Oh ….. no! What … did they … do?"
"Nothing! Nothing! It's all good," Howard answered calmly while simultaneously mouthing the words 'say nothing' which was accompanied by furious and very threatening slashing gestures he made with his hands.
Penny was beside herself. "Sheldon! Why would you say any of that is beyond me! Enough of the good news, OK?"
His friend's voices were getting distant, fading in and out. Leonard could feel sleep enveloping him and pulling him down. He was fighting sleep and losing. It was painful to keep his eyes open so he let them close.
"And anyway, aren't there too many of us here? Remember our ICU rules. Only two visitors for thirty minutes." It was not often that rule-bendy Penny was eager to tow the line.
"Nah! It's all right," Howard said, waving his hand dismissively. "One of the nurses waved us all in. He said, 'Go on in. Wild Man needs his friends right now'."
"Cool nickname, dude. How'd you get that?"
From Leonard, there was no response. His respirations deep and regular, his friends just watched as his head lolled slightly forward in sleep.
"OK, well, that's our signal. I think we should go," Howard said as he straightened, rubbing his hands on his thighs.
"Yes, you're right," Raj agreed, "Leonard does need his sleep."
"Yeah. And you've all done enough already," Penny added with a hint of a sarcastic tone.
"You said that very caustically but I could tell that Leonard was very happy to see us, even with his minimum use of words," Sheldon defended.
Penny smiled as she had to agree. "Yeah. He was."
Raj approached the sleeping form slumped in the bed and put his hand on Leonard's shoulder. "Leonard. As you rest and heal, know that we're thinking of you warmly, and wishing you a quick recovery. But don't be in hurry. Give yourself the gifts of time and rest. And know that you are surrounded by the caring thoughts of people who love you. Rest easy and well, my friend."
Raj then kissed the top of Leonard's head.
Everyone watched the tender, heartfelt display and tears sprung into Penny's eyes.
"Raj! That was beautiful," Penny said as she dried her tears.
"Got that from a Hallmark card, didn't ya?" Howard couldn't resist the quip but there was a decided huskiness to his voice. "Leonard," Howard said as he put his hand on Leonard's shoulder, "I can't top what Raj said and I'm not going to give you a kiss but I just want to say that if just knowing that someone cares about you helps the healing process, then you should be feeling better already."
Sheldon looked around the room and then at his stricken friend sleeping in the bed. "I feel as if I should say something as well but I haven't any saccharine platitudes at the ready. Hmmm …," he considered briefly before his face brightened. "I know! Leonard, what I have to offer you at this time is a favorite Japanese proverb of mine. It speaks to the positivity, perseverance, and the indomitable spirit that I know you have: 'Fall seven times and stand up eight.' I know you and your tenacity. You will stand up strongly against this adversity. I know it and I look forward to standing by your side as you do it."
The silence in the room was only broken by Raj's and Penny's quiet sobs.
Howard cleared his throat. "Leonard, I take back what I said earlier. I can't top what Raj or Sheldon said."
Raj wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "Well, I think we should be going," his voice was thick with emotion. "Leonard needs to rest and Howard and I have to pick up his mother's food for the nursing staff and return it here. Then we have to be in front of the television for the six-o'clock news. Benny said Michael was planning something."
"That's right! We need to be going," Howard said as he consulted his watch. "My mother's making chicken and dumplings for the nurses tonight. So shall we say we all meet back at the apartment around 5:30 for Chinese food? And then we can all see what Michael's up to."
Penny smiled. "That sounds good," she said as the guys started to exit the room. "I'm just going to say good-bye to Leonard and I'll see you all later."
Penny heard Sheldon's voice going down the hallway as the trio left the room. "You know what? It just occurred to me. If laughter is the best medicine, then Leonard should be telling himself some jokes."
Howard sighed heavily. "Yeah. That's how it works."
Now alone, Penny re-took her spot at Leonard's side. Putting her arms around his chest and shoulders, she rested her head in the crook of his shoulder.
"Sweetie, I know you're asleep but you're the first person I wanted to tell. I may have gotten some good news today. I sold some old jewelry and the owner of the store got this idea and she may use me in a print ad for get this … apocalyptic jewelry. I know what you're thinking and to be honest, I am too. Apocalyptic jewelry sounds kinda stupid but it was pretty. And you never know where something like this may lead …."
Penny held Leonard closely as she told him about her dreams. Still deep in sleep, with a small sigh, Leonard turned slightly and lifting his left arm, held her gently as she talked.
…..
A/N: Just a little filler chapter that I felt was necessary to get Leonard oriented to his current situation. Next chapter, we're back to substantive issues that will continue to move the story forward. As always, thank you for your great patience with me and the rarer than a blue moon updates. And as always, thank you for taking the time to read this chapter. I hope that you have enjoyed it and are continuing to enjoy the story. If you feel as if you want to leave a review or comment, I'd be thrilled and very grateful to hear from you. Blessings, Karen.