AN: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! Uni has started, but nonetheless I'll try to update regularly.
While I wrote this I listened to:
My love - Sia (this song is also the one at the beginning)
In the House, In a Heartbeat - John Murphy
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Marvel.
Chapter 25
My love, leave yourself behind,
Beat inside me, leave you blind,
My love, you have found peace,
You were searching for release.
You gave it all into the call,
You took a chance and,
You took the fall for us.
You came thoughtfully,
Loved me faithfully,
You taught me honor,
You did it for me.
Tonight you will sleep for good,
You will wait for me, my love.
Now I am strong, you gave me all,
You gave all you had,
And now I am home.
My love, leave yourself behind,
Beat inside me, leave you blind,
My love, look what you can do,
I am mending, I'll be with you.
You took my hand and added a plan,
You gave me your heart,
I asked you to dance with me.
You loved honestly,
Did what you could release,
Now I am strong, you gave me all,
You gave all you had,
And now I am home.
My love, leave yourself behind,
Beat inside me, I'll be with you.
'Here- let me-' she reached to touch his forearm that clenched itself over his abdomen. The moment her fingers brushed his amour clad forearm, he screamed.
'Don't you dare touch me, creature!' he gritted through his teeth in rage and pain.
...
'I cannot die!' he barked suddenly at her 'Or are you so brainless and unintelligent that such simple a thought could slip your little mind!?' Loki's eyes reduced to slits.
'I don't know why I even helped you in the first place!' Darcy said bitterly.
'I did not ask it of you.' he snarled, his patience wearing thin, as he slowly stood up to his full towering height.
'You could've at least said thank you!' Darcy yelled.
'I do not owe my gratitude to anyone! Especially not a mortal!'
…
'All those books that you read are nothing!' Loki motioned with his hands at the bookshelf filled with books on the other side of the large room. 'They mean nothing, because mortals who wrote them know nothing! And YOU know NOTHING!'
'Prove it then! Prove it if you can!' More tears surged forward, leaking in torrents down her pale cheeks.
'I do not have to prove anything to you - a pathetic, silly little girl !'
...
As she sewed his wound, both were silent.
'Am I hurting you?' she asked.
...
'Loki...' Darcy started, placing her palm on his chest softly.
Frozen heart skipped a beat as Loki breathed more deeply, his cold skin flamed by Darcy's small palm that rested so daintily on his chest. Slowly, Loki's arms trailed up, gently tracing Darcy's delicate bare shoulders, then softly touched her around her neck.
'Darcy-' he started, deep voice growling and she looked at him with desperate brown eyes, slightly parted lips that just begged to be kissed. She mouthed the name of the god of mischief, out of pure need for him, as her eyes fluttered closed. Their eager lips only seconds apart.
...
'I thank you...' He said softly, looking at her like a hawk, with a slightly bowed head '...For not telling him.'
'You are growing fond of me, are you not?' he smiled toothily, finally stepping so close to her.
'Well...' Darcy smiled shyly 'I only hope I won't come to regret it.'
'I imagine Asgard would sooner come falling down upon Midgard, than you feeling regret.' The long, pale finger that held Darcy's chin caressed her jawline slowly, stroking it in gentle deep movements.
Darcy was speechless, looking up at the god of mischief timidly. When Darcy tried to move slowly around him, Loki's free hand went up and caught her upper arm in his.
'We are not done yet.' This time the trickster voiced his thoughts. And slowly, like a shadow, with half-lidded eyes, he leaned down.
...
'Woman…' he growled, desire and need evident in his deep tenor '…give me your lips.'
You will be mine…
Loki then moved his palm gently to the back of her neck, holding her. He gazed deeply into her eyes, and pulling her towards him, instantly covered her lips with his own.
...
Her delicate back quivered with barely suppressed sobs as he pulled her in, his eyebrows knitted. With a tender hold on her shaking chin, Loki lifted her face to his, longing to see her beautiful eyes, her lips. Then, he gently placed the necklace around her pale neck
Tears still leaked from her eyes, and she surrendered sadly to Loki.
...
'Loki-' she whimpered, crying 'Loki-' She tried to yell his name, but gurgled slightly 'Help me-'
Blood pounded in Loki's head, and there it boiled, sending him in a fit of rage.
He moved his hands over her body, trying to find a spell strong enough to close her wounds, but his mind was blank, and nothing came.
His fists clenched, shaking in anger as he grasped her and lifted her upper body even more. Then, he took a gentle hold on her face.
'Darcy-' he caressed her cheekbone with his thumb 'L-Listen to my voice!'
Loki quivered, his chest heaving with breaths he took. All the possessiveness came bursting at the black door of his mind, and for a moment, he felt… out of control.
He thought that if she perished, so would the small amount of sanity he still held inside.
'I-' She whispered to him, her eyes now half-lidded.
Darcy covered his cold hand with her own, and moved it to her heart.
The paleness of the tips of his long fingers smeared in her hot blood, as she guided him to take hold of her necklace.
'I have no freedom without you.'
...
Loki sat on the bench inside the glass cell.
Like a marble statue frozen in time, his dark, tense form was completely still and painfully strained.
The Trickster knew the night has fallen. And even though the Midgardian eyes filmed him, Loki knew there weren't many watchful minds resting upon him.
And so he sat. Silent, tired and passive.
An aura of defeat creeped behind, towering like a morbid shadow over him. This defeat could be noticed only by someone who knew him, and knew him well...
But as far as Loki was concerned, there was not a living person who could read him. Not anymore.
Loki gritted his teeth, biting the inside of him mouth until it bled heavily, because he knew what was approaching. It was this grotesque emotion, so foreign to him, so distant to his mind... And now – he felt it poisoned him, slowly flowing and crawling through each millimeter of him.
Guilt.
Unforgiving, torturing guilt. So cruel, so hard for him to handle. Because it nearly killed him, nearly drained all that he loved and knew when Baldr died. After that day, Loki vowed never to feel it again. He hated it more than he hated Thor, more than he hated Thanos, Odin, Laufey, Fury, this planet. He hated it because it was the only thing that could bring him to his knees, draw salty tears upon his frozen cheeks... make him run in circles, lost inside a foggy maze until he curled in the corner of his own agony, and screamed.
And now... Darcy's shadow followed him to this flying beast. Loomed over him, filled this chamber until he couldn't breathe. Her smell, her eyes, her warmth, the distant echo of her laughter – it all twisted around him, making him retreat to the corner and close his eyes.
Why did I listen to her? Why did I take her with me? Why was she so stubborn? Why did I yell at her? Why did I call her all those dreadful names? She tried to help me. I screamed at her. I hurt her. I should have walked out of the house alone. She didn't have to die. She -
Loki's face was warped in inconsolable sadness, as he bowed it down, angry at his own weakness. His eyes watered, as cold tears threatened to fall down his cheeks.
Steel hand clutched his heart, squeezing it in its unforgiving grip as Loki remembered Darcy.
The small line of concentration that would form between her eyebrows while she read something, the way she folded her hands in front of her when she was embarrassed, the softness of her warm hand upon his scalp, the much too loud laughter that would burst out of her mouth, her inappropriate humor, her terrible cooking, her soft, cotton, peach colored garment that clung onto her curves, her red fingernails, her chocolate eyes, her books. Her smile. Her kiss.
His large palms enclosed over his eyes, his mouth stretching in a mute wail, as he drew short breaths, wishing with each fiber of his being Darcy was there, sitting next to him, with a bored expression on her beautiful face, annoyingly blowing a strand of wild brown hair what constantly fell into her eyes. She could've been a perfect mother, a beautiful wife, an unparalleled friend and a life companion.
All of these possibilities, fantasies, alternative futures and distant wishes – all of them were gone, because Darcy was gone – and what made Loki seethe with anger was - he knew it was partially his fault.
For the first time in so many months, his ever brewing wrath was pushed into shadow to continue its dangerous existence, while guilt took over.
The god of mischief was known as the sinner. The one who embraced what was darkest and most mysterious inside all of us. All of these imperfections and flaws both mortals and gods so desperately tried to wipe out or hide… Loki accepted them, placing them next to his throne, keeping the balance in the universe. Except one.
His one sin Loki wanted to burn, together with himself, because the woman he loved died because of it. Because of his arrogance, his thirst for vengeance, his nerve… his own sick pride.
And Loki learned just then, once all of his turmoil came crashing down on him… He learned how terribly he missed her.
Valhalla, he missed her.
The strained plea found its way out of the very pit of Loki's undying soul, flowing out of his mouth like black liquid, dripping on the metal floor, nearly turning his eyes red, nearly turning his skin blue.
'Please forgive me.'
...
A rustling of a silver bag of blueberries swirled in the glass lab along with the soft hum of the computers. Loki's scepter glinted menacingly, propped elegantly on the large desk in front of Bruce Banner and Tony Stark like a piece of fine art.
'You think Fury's hiding something?' Steve Rogers looked coldly at Stark, their heated conversation nearly becoming a real argument.
As always, Tony was quick to retort, 'He's a spy.'
His heart glowed under his printed t shirt - 'Captain, he's the spy. His secrets have secrets.' He nonchalantly popped a blueberry inside his quick mouth.
Then he pointed at Banner, chewing loudly 'It's bugging him too, isn't it?'
'Uh...I just wanna finish my work here and...' Bruce was hesitant, like a small child who ran home after witnessing a fight in the school yard, afraid to be seen, to be involved.
'Doctor?'
Bruce Banner swallowed, his eyes watering under the glasses 'A warm light for all mankind...' Bruce took off his glasses, motioning with them 'Loki's jab at Fury about the Cube.'
Steve's expression remained intact, distant and cold. 'I heard it.'
'Well, I think that was meant for you.' Bruce pointed with his glasses to Tony 'Even if Barton didn't tell Loki about the Tower it was still all over the news.'
...
It was a highly unusual sight, even on an object such as Hellicarrier.
The god of thunder and Son of Coul. The mighty god and the mortal walked slowly across many steel bridges that overlooked the large room, brimming with agents.
Thor's huge, muscled hands swung by his sides as he strutted next to Phil Coulson, talking to him as if they were some old friends. Relief was visible on his face – the knowledge that Jane was safe and away comforted him, relaxing the ever-present knot at the base of his stomach.
Thor continued, his deep voice heavy with troubled thoughts, strained with tears that he would never release in front of these people. Thor's tall form walked to the glass wall on the side of the large chamber, observing the night and the cloudy, hollow ground underneath him.
'When I first came to Earth, Loki's rage followed me here and your people paid the price.' Thor looked to the floor in distress, swallowing the molten sorrow inside his throat. 'And now again.'
'In my youth I courted war.' Thor said desperately, look to the sky with bitter regret.
The blond boy came out of nowhere, cutting in, his blue gaze shining in boyish spunk 'When I am king, I'll hunt the monsters down and slay them all!' He smiled breathlessly 'Just as you did, Father.'
'The Jötuns must pay for what they have done!'
'March into Jotunheim as you once did! Teach them a lesson! Break their spirits, so they would never dare try to cross our borders again!'
Phil listened to the god of thunder with a solemn expression, his arms folded in front of him.
'War hasn't started yet.' Out of nowhere, Fury appeared, as dark as ever 'You think you can make Loki tell us what the Tesseract is?'
He was like a black raven, hiding inside a knotted canopy... You never knew when it was listening or when it will fly out.
Phil had to look the other way. He knew the act fury was putting up all to well. And the fact that he was hiding the truth about Darcy Lewis from Thor and the rest of the Avengers never ceased to shock agent Coulson. Disgust at the Director's actions once again welled up inside him.
'I do not know.' Thor's proud forehead wrinkled in worry and anger 'Loki's mind is far afield, it's not just power he craves, it's vengeance...' And Thor stopped. Then, he lied '...upon me.'
But the god of thunder didn't have to lie for too long. The next words were as true as the title Thor carried with his name.
'There is no pain that would prise his need from him.'
The god of lightning knew that all too well... Loki's insanity came from his deepest pain. And Thor feared for everyone. Even himself. But this was a secret Thor decided to keep. Another layer of frost upon his brother didn't have to be revealed to these mortals, as much as Thor helped and respected them.
'A lot of guys think that...' Fury soundlessly stepped down '...until the pain starts.'
'What are you asking me to do?' Thor inquired, his eyes uncertain.
Fury leaned closer, his ardent face saying more than his words 'I'm asking, what are you prepared to do?'
Coulson simply watched silently, a distant observer in the shadow of the background.
'Loki is a prisoner.'
As if that meant something.
The Director rose his voice, his eyes boring into Thor's 'Then why do I feel like he's the only person on this boat that wants to be here?'
What neither Thor, Coulson nor Fury knew, was they all shared a secret, a fact, a crucial information that would play a large role in the outcome of the war, that will change the very meaning of heroes and villains.
Because, their lives, their actions and morals were so ridiculously mingled, one could not separate heroes from villains, valor from arrogance, good from evil.
Not even a pair of scared brown eyes, peeping from under a collar, bundled in a navy blue sweatshirt, flying on ten thousand feet over the Atlantic, hoping to arrive home on time.