Notes:
Reminder: The Bonus chapter takes place some time after this one. So what happens in this chapter is the first :)
This chapter hasn't been beta read.
It's late when I make my way to Mona's chambers. Most of Skyhold is asleep with the exception of the guards. I feel my heartbeat getting stronger with each step I take up the stairs towards her quarters. There was a promise in what she said earlier, but I know this isn't wise. I know I should not indulge this longing and fantasy. I should act with wisdom as well as I speak it, but I find that I can't. Had she not known, what I am, it might have been easier to keep my distance. It would have been a lie and that conflict might have sobered me. But I have no such shield to hide behind. She has seen more of me than most, and still she does not flee. She does not condemn or judge. She merely looks at me, and is not fearful or repulsed by what she sees.
What she offers is open, accepting and honest, despite her many secrets - and in her presence I can be the same. I reach the door and it is my last chance to think better of it, but I can't.
Unsurprisingly, Atish'an is the first to greet me as I open the door. Her faithful, fierce and loyal protector. If all allies were like this dog, then no one would ever need to fear corruption. As I walk up the stairs Mona walks towards them smiling at me. Her eyes are hooded again and her features tense despite the heartfelt smile on her lips. I kiss her affectionately as I reach the top of the stairs and when she pulls away she rests her forehead against my chest.
"Migraine again?" I asks, my voice heavy with concern.
"Yes… I'm sorry," she mumbles.
"You needn't be sorry. Here. Let me help you."
I guide her to sit on the couch and make her sit with her back turned towards me as I sit behind her. I reach around her and pull the lace keeping her corset in place. She tenses for a moment before giggling.
"Well, that's rather forward."
I kiss her cheek without giving any further response. As the lace has been loosened I push her shirt down her shoulders leaving her neck and shoulders exposed. The muscles in her back starts to relax and her shoulders fall. I put one hand on her neck and let a little healing magic emanate from my hand. Her muscles relax further and she gives a sigh of relief.
"That feels wonderful. Thank you."
"You're welcome. You should have come to me sooner. It would not have taken the same hold if you had," I frown.
"You have enough on your mind without worrying about me."
I wrap my arms around her waist pulling her close and kissing her shoulder.
"I will do so regardless, and the Inquisition will not benefit from you being fatigued or in pain."
She gives an audible smile and turns her head to kiss my temple. As she does so my eyes catch sight of her cleavage and the soft expanse of her barely covered breasts. I lean back and focus on the task at hand instead of letting my desire linger. My hands reach for her hair releasing it from its bondage and letting her auburn waves fall. She rubs her scalp as soon as it falls making a sound of relief. I brush her hair to the side and start massaging her neck with healing and cold magic soothing her.
"I have a question for you."
" You have a question for me ? Did I enter some alternate reality?" She grins, "Ask away."
"What were you doing after Adamant?"
"I've been funding Philippe's archeological excavations - well, the Inquisition has, technically. He has been held back for so long and I owe him. When I got that letter he said he had found some odd metals that he couldn't decide where came from. He made it sound otherworldly, so I went there as quickly as I could."
"You thought it would be from your home, but it wasn't."
"No… it was another false lead. I need to accept that this is my home, but even with you right here - loving me - I can't let go. Why can't I let go?" There is a frustration carried in her voice that intermingles with a deep hurt.
"Because, you still feel a duty towards those you left behind."
She reaches back and rests one of her hands on top of mine, as if she means to give me comfort. Selfishly, it does help me. I should carry my burden alone, but her thoughtfulness and her ability to relate to what I'm feeling makes it difficult for my to contain it all. I want her understanding, her sympathy, her love. My People please forgive, but I want all of her. Being near her makes it easier to breathe. She winches in pain and leans forward.
"Did I hurt you?" I feel my heart tighten at the sight.
"No. It just felt like a electric charge going from my neck to above my eye. It wasn't your fault," she grimaces as she holds her head.
"Here, lean back towards me," I guide her shoulders back and I change the healing spell making her muscles relax again. Her relief almost sounds like pleasure and despite my concern I give a small smile.
"Does that rune always have this effect on you?" I ask with concern, hoping she will reveal what exactly is waying so heavily on her mind.
"I've only used it once before. Anders treated me for weeks after. Much like you are doing now." She gives a huff. "It's odd with him. I can never remember him, without also thinking of what he did, but I just can't see him as a monster."
"He was a man who fought for his convictions," I agree, "You had good cause not to stop him. And had he not started the rebellion, who knows what might have happened."
"Like with Wisdom and Joy… I knew saving Wisdom would condemn another spirit. I-"
I pull her back into my arms as I make her turn to face me.
"Listen carefully, you are not responsible for that. You cannot keep blaming yourself."
"Said the pot to the kettle." She gives wry smile.
I lean my forehead against hers; "Please, vhenan ."
"I'll try," she murmurs and gives me a kiss. "I didn't expect this you know."
She gives a giggle, there is nothing more than a huff of air, as I give her a curious look.
"I'm afraid you will have to elaborate."
"Us falling for each other. I mean, I always cared about you… a great deal, but I thought that after more than ten years that would have dwindled. That, when I finally found, you we could be friends and I would be able to distance myself from everything I had felt." She looks at me with a bright smile. "And then there you were. As arrogant and judgemental as ever, but all I could remember was how intelligent and altruistic I knew you to be." Her hand strokes my cheek fondly as if to mellow her words.
I cringe as I remember my treatment of her caused by my suspicion.
" Ir abelas, vhenan . I have made so many mistakes. It was-"
"Solas, it's alright. I'm not upset about any of it," she smiles.
"Even so, I wish to apologize to you. Experience has taught me not to trust even friends, but you not only kept my secrets, you tried to protect me from my own mistakes. You devoted your life to it. To find a spirit like yours in all this chaos, and for me not to recognize it..." I reach for her cheek. "I should have treasured it from the beginning. I'm so sorry."
"Love, you couldn't have known. There was nothing strange about your behaviour. And yes it did hurt, but I don't blame you. Not even for a moment."
I catch her lips in a deep kiss. I lean back into the sofa pulling her with me as the kisses are slow, deep and lingering.
"Forgiveness," I whisper against her lips.
"What?"
"You asked me once what spirit I thought you'd be. Forgiveness is a variation of love and empathy, just as Compassion is. When I look at you that's what I see."
The look she gives me wavers between affectionate, astounded, and speechless, as her breath hitches in her throat. She closes her eyes and kisses me, while I let my hands slide across her body. Her breath is uneven and I feel her body tense.
" Vhenan , you're trembling."
"I know," she gives an awkward chuckle, "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've spent ten years… and now... It wasn't supposed to be like this," she hisses in frustration and gets up as walks away from me.
It occurs to me how long she must have struggled with these feelings. All those years waiting to confront me - a brief conversation before she would have to leave. And all these months spent in each others company. For me this is new and exiting. For her it's the reunion with with a lover after more than decade.
I get up and walk up to her as she looks shyly into the ground. I cup her jaw with both hands as I pull her to me in a lingering kiss and feel her quiver against me. Her lips are searing against mine as her lips slightly part my tongue caresses hers. Panting, I pull away only a few centimeters resting my brow against hers. I feel a tear on her cheek as I stroke it. She pulls away and looks up at me - her features heavy with emotion.
"All this time I have tried to save as many lives as I could. Tried to just save… something. Without making things worse or unpredictable. I was afraid that if I changed too much Corypheus plans would change. And that it would have meant losing everything," she sighs, then reaches for me - her palm stroking my face.
"But during all that time you were always with me. It didn't matter who I was with or what I was doing, you were always there. When everything seemed hopeless I would close my eyes and try to remember your voice. Imagine the advice you would give me." She takes a breath before she continues. "I love you, Solas."
My breath escapes my lungs and I feel my heart expanding. It is the first time I have heard her actually tell me how she feels about me. I knew, certainly, but hearing it somehow makes it more real. It's both terrifying and breathtaking.
" Ma lath, Ir abelas. I love you, too, my heart."
She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me. I will do anything I can to ease the emotional pain she has been carrying for so long.
"Does your head still hurt?" I murmur as she pulls away.
"No," she sighs rewarding me with a small smile.
"Good."
With a passionate kiss I pull her to me once more and press her body against mine. The People forgive me, but I need her. My hands travel effortless across her body as I discover her every curve. My one hand goes to her neck as I kiss the other side of it. She moans as my kiss deepens and I can feel her pulse quickening. The sound is so beautiful and sends a tremor down my spine. My fingers travels down her neck with a light touch following her pulse till it reaches her collarbone. Her skin is so soft, warm, and inviting, as her arms wrap around me and I can feel her holding on to my sweater while giving a breathless sigh. My fingers travel across her collarbone while my palm brushes against the very top of her breast. I pull a gasp from her lips as I kiss her further down her neck towards her shoulder and reach a particular sensitive spot. I feel my blood rush through me as I feel her thigh between mine, releasing an almost feral need within me.
"The bed," she breathes and pulls from me. She takes a step towards the bed before I pull her back to me - her back against my chest. She moans as I caress her neck with deep kisses, her body pressed against mine as if she needs my support to stand. Her one hand rests on my neck, while I feel the other travel up my thigh. I pull the strings in the front of her corset as her hand moves to my rear. I smile as she moans again, her emotional shudders being substituted for ones of pleasure.
As her corset falls to the ground she turns in my arms and captures my lips, while her nimble fingers open my belt. When I hear it fall I pull away and tear my shirt over my head along with my necklace. My lips press against hers as soon as I am free of it and I lift her up. Her legs wrap around my waist as I carry her to the bed. I lower her on the bed as I find myself entranced by the sweetness of her lips. A part of her spirit is hidden in each one as if aching for release. Her quick fingers discard my green undershirt and soon her soft touch is roaming across my chest. I kiss her down her neck as she pants and sighs, while my fingers move to the buttons. For each one I open a kiss follows and I feel her hands caressing my head and neck. When I reach her stomach I give it a tender nip and she squeals.
"That tickles!"
The joy of the noise touches my heart and I can't resist doing so again and again as I open the last of the buttons. My blood rushes through me at a quicker pace as she withers beneath me. The last button falls open and she pushes me back on my knees on the floor as she sits up on the bed. Her hands on my neck she kisses me deeply before the kisses travel along my jaw. Reaching the spot below my ear and jaw her tongue circles making me sigh in pleasure. It has been so long since anyone has touched me, both spirit and body. I feel drunk by her mere presence. My hand travels up her stomach and cup her breast - unbound by both corset and shirt. Full and soft it weighs heavy in my hand. I feel her hiss against my neck, which sends a pleasant shiver down my spine. As I gently caress her nipple her legs wrap around me pressing me to her. I moan as I feel her against me.
She pulls back and rips her shirt off before throwing it across the room. Her hands then begins to open my trousers as mine turn to the laces on hers. Trousers, legwraps and boots discarded she pulls me to the bed and places herself herself above me. I moan as she teases me by rubbing her body against mine - especially when she presses down below my abdomen.
"It's been a long time…" I warn with a sigh, while she nips and kisses my neck.
"I know… just relax," she smiles with adoration and gives me a deep kiss.
She reaches down my stomach, her touch featherlike as it closes in on my abdomen. The ghosting touch continues as I harden further.
" Vhenan ," I plead breathless against her throat and she finally takes a tender hold.
It doesn't take long for me to pant softly against her neck making her shiver in pleasure.
I press my lips against hers as she continues to tease me. My hand slips between her legs with a feathered touch, which makes her gasp into my kiss. As her breathing becomes ragged I reach for her underwear to push them down. In an effort to help them off quickly she rolls on to her back.
She grabs one of the bedposts and I her waist as she nearly falls off the bed. We both start laughing and I roll her over me so she lies on the middle off the bed, her head facing away from the headboard. She gives me another kiss laughing against my lips as she does so.
"I'm so happy you're here, love," she grins.
I shudder at her sweet words. She is a beautiful person, so intelligent and thoughtful. Her spirit vibrant and unique. She has captivated my heart and I find myself falling more deeply in love with her the more she reveals it.
"You are so beautiful," I murmur as I give her a deep, tender kiss.
My hand travels along her soft curves towards her folds - warm and soft as she sighs at even my lightest touch. A current dances on my fingertips and with a surprised moan her back arches and her breasts press against me.
"What was that?" she laughs.
"Magic," I grin as I do it again forcing another moan of pleasure from her.
"Cheater," she teases and wraps her legs around me pushing me closer to her body.
"Not yet," I murmur against her lips and kiss her. I'm already nearing my breaking point and I will not give in until I hear my name from her lips. I kiss my way down her collarbone and further, when she gently stops me.
"Please… stay here with me," she asks with a tremble, her faced flushed, her eyes closed and a shy smile on her lips.
"Whatever you wish," I reply as I give her a tender kiss before laying on my side next to her.
My one arm keeps me from bearing down on her as I run my fingers through her hair. The other continues to pleasure her as she moans against my lips. I press my forehead against hers with a groan as I feel her tightening around my fingers. I find myself lost in her.
"Solas…" she pants more desperately, " Ar… Ar lath ma, Solas. "
Happiness consumes me at her declaration in her heat of passion. Heartfelt and enrapturing, she chose to do so in my language. I catch her lips in a desirous kiss as my touch becomes more insisting. I want her to feel the extent of my love for her. How fully my spirit has been enchanted by her. Her rapture is a high pitched sound against my lips as she arches against me and her grip on me tightens.I embrace her with both arms and her leg wraps around my waist. She hides her face the the crook of my neck as she heaves for breath and her body quivers against me.
" Ar lath ma ," I murmur in return as I kiss her neck and tighten my hold on her a little. If eternity could be nothing but this moment, then I would face it gladly.
Still holding me close, she rolls onto her back and places me above her. I tremble against her as our bodies are joined and she wraps her arms tightly around me - keeping me close. It has been ages - quite literally - but even had it not I don't think I could have been prepared for this. My love for her feels more meaningful than any I have experienced before. I have changed so much since my youth, and in this moment I can truly feel how much. She matters so much more than I could ever have predicted, and in her arms I feel every obligation lifted and each regret banished. There is only my heart. When I feel her tightening around me I have to pull away for breath and start panting against her cheek. Her one hand moves my face and makes me meet her gaze, where she gives me a radiating smile.
" Ma vhenan ," I whisper hoarsely before I have to close my eyes from the pleasure.
I feel an eruption building in me, but not one that is merely physical. My heart grows and expands, as if my spirit is growing and reaching out of my body - merging with her purpose and love. My hands become tight knots into the bedsheets, as I feel pearls of sweat gather on my brow and down my spine. I have to remind myself to breathe, as I unconsciously try to hold it anticipating an allconsuming release. She trembles against me, giving soft moans as encouragement. I push against her and my body stills as a flash of white light blazes across my closed eyelids. A sound escapes me, but I am not aware enough to determine exactly what it is.
She gives me a glowing smile and kisses me before I lay down beside her. I turn to my side and pull her to me keeping her as close as I possibly can.
"I don't remember when I was last this happy," she whispers as if her saying it too loudly will break the spell.
"Neither do I." I smile and kiss her brow.
For a few minutes we lie quietly in each other's arms. The only sound is embers in the fireplace and our ragged breathing that is slowly returning to normal. I turn my head and see Atish'an lying in her basket a small room to the side - her head hidden beneath a blanket. I chuckle as I see it and Mona lifts her head giving a soft giggle as well. I let my hand run down her back and feel her damp skin starting to get cold. Wordlessly, I turn around towards the headboard and make her follow me underneath the covers. I rest my head against her hair and feel myself slipping towards the fade. She pulls from my embrace and leans over me, her hand caressing my cheek and I lean in to kiss her palm - not in the slightest bothered by the fact that she disturbed me from falling asleep. Her fingers trace my face as if she means to memorize every part of it. A feathered touch brushes over the scar above my eyebrow.
"So, my dear love, how did you get this scar?"
I smile as I'm reminded of our first meeting. Had she known then how I would grow to love her?
"I got it while removing my vallaslin," I explain letting my thumb caress her cheekbone.
Her eyes widened slightly as she looks down at me.
" You had a vallaslin?"
"Yes, but it was a long time ago," I sigh a little wistfully at the reminder of just how long ago that in reality is.
"Whose?" Her expression is filled with the curiosity that I have come to admire so much.
"Mythal's."
"Really? So did I," she replies as she starts tracing the area, where my vallaslin once was.
This time I'm the one, who is surprised. Why would she ever…?
"Excuse me?"
She gives wry smile with a faint blush.
"Well, in the "book" I was an elf - Dalish elf if you can believe it. If I choose to be human you wouldn't... Or rather I couldn't be with you. That's why I…" she trails of and turns her face away in shame.
I gently take her chin and turn her face towards me.
"I fell in love with your spirit - not your body," I give her a small kiss as reassurance.
"I know… I was just afraid. Everything was suddenly real and distant at the same time. I didn't know if me being human would bother you, though I wanted to believe it didn't matt-"
"Stop. You're perfect exactly as you are."
I kiss her tenderly conveying with the gesture promises to remove any doubt that it should be the case. A small smile grace her lips and I feel my heart tightening. That she would ever believe it to be the case disturbs me - perhaps, because I can see why it would have been an easy assumption to make. I reach for her and let my finger run against the rounded curve of her ear.
"Does it bother you that I'm an elf?"
She laughs.
"Not even a little. But let's be honest, you could be an undead at this point and I'd still love you." Her eyes sparkle with mischief.
"I'm not certain whether to be flattered or disturbed," I chuckle.
"I'd say a bit of both would be wise," she grins and I shake my head, "What? I thought you liked it when I surprised you."
I can't hold back my laugh.
"Conversations with you always seem to be surprising."
"Ar lasa mala revas," she murmurs and kisses the scar on my forehead, "You are free."
I pull her down for a soft kiss. Perhaps I am free, and this world is enough, then I am free to love her and give her everything she desires. Everything that will make her happy. There is value in this world and in her embrace - perhaps that is enough.
Notes:
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Thank you so much for your loyalty to this story. I'm so grateful.
Please, leave a comment and let me know how I did with this chapter. And if you have requests and such, please let me know.