Chapter 25: If at First You Don't Succeed, Ed Again
Ed sat in his kitchen, staring down at his math homework. "We've been over this one about 7 times already…" May pointed her pencil to the problem. "How do you find what x equals?" Ed didn't blink. He continued to look at the paper as though he might bore holes through it.
Finally, he looked up, taking a deep breath, replying. "X equals the value of a dollar." May cover her face letting out a cry. "No, x equals the circumference of the earth!" Ed gasped. May laid her head down onto the table. "X isn't actually the problem, it's the solution!" Ed smiled. May looked up to Ed looking exhausted.
"Are you just saying whatever sounds smart?" May asked in defeat.
"Gravy break." Ed stood up, walking into the fridge.
May listened to the laughter of Sarah as she walked by. She turned to Sarah, upset. "Hey, you picked him." Sarah reminded, walking to the living room. May sighed as Ed sat next to her with a bowl of mashed potatoes covered in gravy. He ate a spoon full of it, looking back to May.
"Don't worry my Tortoise." Ed pat May's head. "All is fair in love and war." He kissed her cheek, going back to eating his gravy potato soup.
"Double D warned me about tutoring you." May said in a dazed state.
Ed put his spoon down. "Double D can see the future." Ed wiped his face with his homework. May watched without a word. "He is a level 22 warlock."
~o~
Edd and Eddy sat in the back of the van with the doors open, parked in Edd's driveway, watching Rolf mow his lawn on his tractor. "You think Rolf has ever gone a day without doing farming?" Eddy asked, taking a swig of his root beer. Edd shrugged, doing the same. "Wonder what would happen if he did."
"That will probably remain to be one of life's mysteries." Edd put the bottle down onto the rear bumper.
"Hey, thanks for earlier." Eddy sighed. Edd smiled. "Lee is such a bitch sometimes."
"Sometimes?" Edd commented. "I truly don't understand why you put up with her as long as you have." Eddy shrugged drinking his root beer. "You are an ass, I will admit it. But… not so much so that you should put up with that."
Eddy shook his head, putting his arm around Edd. "Gotta admit. You've always got my back." Edd sighed.
"It seems to me… you were on the right track when you were with Nazz."
"Hah, tell that to her." Eddy moved his arm away from Edd. "She rather hang with self-absorbed Kevin and his bike."
"Yes, but she doesn't seem happy about it." Edd stretched, looking to the sky. "Curse the teenage dream of popularity."
Rolf turned off his tractor, glaring over to them. "Lazy Ed-boys, why do you stare at Rolf?!" He shouted. Eddy and Edd looked at each other, giving a shrug. "Come help Rolf, instead of stare." Rolf motioned them over. Edd and Eddy shook their heads. "Maybe you'll learn to stop being lazy Ed-boys."
"I'm good." Eddy held up his hands.
"No thank you." Edd agreed.
"Suit yourselves." Rolf started up his tractor riding away. "Stay noodle-armed… Rolf doesn't care."
"Wanna come over my place? I think my mom's making casserole." Eddy asked, looking to Edd. Edd took another drink of his root beer, thinking about it. "If not, can I hang out at your place? I hate casserole." Eddy smiled.
"You are aware that my parents need at least a 4-hour warning for dinner guests, right?" Edd asked. Eddy nodded, "I'll see if it's permissible." Edd got out of the van, walking into his house. Eddy got out too, closing it up. He jumped when he saw Marie standing behind the door.
"What are you doing here?!" Eddy snapped.
"Free country and I heard free food." Marie smiled.
"Apparently, my parents were expecting some guests that canceled last minute so…" Edd paused seeing both Eddy and Marie. "Hello Marie."
"Great, I'm starving!" Marie smiled, she gave Edd a pat on the back while she walked up to the door, inviting herself in. Edd watched Marie walk in with almost terror on his face. Eddy put his hand onto Edd's shoulder, pushing him into his house.
"Remember, you asked for this." Eddy smirked, pushing him in, walking in after him.
~o~
It was possibly one of the most awkward dinners Edd had ever sat through with his parents, though it he was the only one to think so. Marie sat between Edd and Eddy, enjoying the food, smiling widely. Edd's parents sat across from them, eating their food in silence. Eddy picked at the carrots with his elbow on the table. Edd nudged him, pointing at his elbow. Eddy sat up straight, moving his arm to his lap.
"This is so good!" Marie exclaimed, pointing at the chicken on her plate. "Are you guys like, master chefs?!" Edd glanced at her, swallowing hard.
"No, they're actually…"
"How was your trip?" Eddy asked, interrupting Edd, trying to be a polite and proper as possible. He would put on the airs for Edd's parents, even though they hated him, mainly for them to not forbid Edd from hanging out. "I heard you got to see an alligator."
Edd's parents looked to each other, nodding at Eddy with a halfhearted smile.
"I've heard so much about you guys, mainly from sticky notes… I can see where Double… I mean, Mari… uh, Eddward got his good looks from." Marie waved her fork around. Edd stared at her slowly chewing his food. He glanced to his parents seeing them give each other somber looks, then back to Marie. "You should have made more." Edd swallowed hard, letting out a cough.
Eddy snorted. "Good one." He muttered. Marie glanced at him, shrugging.
Edd gave a nervous smile to his parents who looked taken aback. "One child is enough if you ask me; children can be quite expensive." Edd defended his parents. "And hard to deal with."
"You going to eat that?" Marie pointed to Eddy's carrots, ignoring Edd, taking them off the plate before Eddy could reply. Edd covered his face, too afraid to see the expressions on his parents' faces.
Eddy frowned, grabbing the carrots back from Marie. "Yes I am." He snapped. Edd finally got the nerve to look up to see his parents watching with intrigue as Marie and Eddy fought over the carrots that were on Eddy's plate.
"Not at the table please…" Edd begged, seeing as Marie took a bite of the carrot in Eddy's hand, shoving Eddy away.
"Hey!" Eddy frowned, crossing his arms. "That ain't polite use of manners at the table!"
"Is not." Edd whispered, correcting Eddy's grammar, "or isn't."
"Well you were picking at the poor carrots, they deserve a loving stomach." Marie complained.
To Edd's shock, he heard his parents laugh. He looked up to them with his jaw agape. Edd sighed, feeling somewhat relieved that his parents weren't completely appalled by Marie at least, knowing Eddy was a whole other story.
"Thank you, I also perform at Parties and showers!" Marie stood up bowing Edd's parents began to applaud Marie. Eddy sunk in his chair, becoming angry at the fact Marie won over Edd's parents so easily, he rolled his eyes.
~o~
After dinner, Edd, Eddy and Marie hung out in Edd's room. Eddy sat in Edd's desk chair, playing with his phone. He glanced up to see Marie who was looking at the books, pulling them out, flipping through them. She shrugged putting them away. Edd laid on the floor with his face covered. "That was possibly the most stressful meal I have ever sat through." He whined, staring up to the ceiling.
"You call that stressful? That's adorable, your parents seem nice." Marie smiled. "For the longest time I really thought they were sticky notes."
"They're very… old school." Eddy commented picking up the skull on Edd's desk.
"Conservative being the proper word." Edd sat up.
"Didn't seem like they liked you either, sorry 'bout your luck." Eddy glanced over to Marie solemnly.
Marie's eyebrows rosed towards Eddy. "You're right Short Stack. They Loved Me." She smirked. "So, are you hated by all the parents in the neighborhood, or just Oven-Mitt's and yours?" Eddy placed the skull down, glaring at her. "Or is it 'cause they know you're brother?"
Eddy jumped out of the seat at Marie. Edd quickly stood up grabbing him in time to hold him back. "How about you run back to your boyfriend and get another arrest under your belt?!"
Marie smiled at Eddy, patting his head. "I don't need my ex for that sweetie. All I need is to lay your ass out."
"Oh yeah?! Prove it bitch!" Eddy jumped at Marie again, dragging Edd down in the process. Edd landed on top of Eddy, looking up at Marie, then down to Eddy.
"Would you two stop?!" Edd snapped. "You both, as everyone else in society, have your issues." Edd pushed himself off Eddy. "Now if you please." He dusted himself off. "Next time, please don't come unannounced." Edd begged Marie. "My mother and father dislike unexpected visitors, and I promise you I will be lectured about that tonight." Marie closed the book in her hands staring up at Edd, then Eddy.
"Shorty was coming unannounced. Why ain't you telling him this shit?"
"Hey, it took years to hone them." Eddy snapped. "Now they always expect me!"
Marie frowned, looking to Edd. "It's true. They're surprised when he, or Ed are not over." Edd agreed.
"Then I guess I should start honing them too." Eddy and Edd stared at her. "It shouldn't be too much of a problem… considering they actually like me." Marie put the book in the wrong place smiling.
"Pardon?" Edd walking in between Marie, moving the book to its proper place. Marie walked closer to him, Eddy watched seeing Edd wasn't reacting to the obvious signals. Marie put her arms behind her back, staring up at Edd. "Was the dinner that enjoyable?"
"You're the genius." Marie smirked. Edd put his finger to his chin, analyzing her expression. "You tell me."
Eddy stood up walking over to Edd, putting his arm around him. "Excuse us." Eddy smiled, turning Edd around so their backs were facing Marie. "Are you stupid?!" Eddy punched Edd's arm.
"Ow!"
"I think he is." Marie replied. Eddy glared at her, shooing her away from them. Marie backed away with a smile.
"Whispering helps if you are attempting to have a private conversation." Edd explained to Eddy sarcastically.
"Shut up." Eddy slapped Edd. "How many girls have you dated?" Eddy questioned.
"3." Edd replied.
"3?!" Eddy shouted. "Since when?! Ugh, whatever." Eddy dragged Edd closer. "Then you should know the body language." Eddy whispered. Edd nodded with his finger to his chin. His jaw moving forward as he thought about where Eddy was going with this information. He looked back to Marie, who was now playing with his insect collection.
"Please be careful with those… they're rare fossilized arthropods, dated back to prehistoric times." Eddy smacked him again. "Would you please stop?" Edd snapped, glaring at Eddy. "Oh." Edd had a look of revelation, looking back to Marie, then Eddy. "Oh!"
"Yeah, you get it?" Eddy snapped. "I'm outta here. I got some report due that you won't do for me." He patting Edd's back, leaving the room. Marie looked at her phone to see the time. She looked up to see Edd staring at her with his face completely red.
"You okay, Oven-Mitt?" She questioned with her brow furrowed.
"We… we should walk Eddy home." Edd rushed out of his room. Marie rolled her eyes following.
~o~
"I don't get you." Eddy scoffed, with his hands in his pockets. Edd walked next to him while Marie followed behind with her arms crossed. Eddy took the cigarette out of his mouth, sighing. "Who was the 3rd?" Eddy asked. Edd smiled shaking his head.
"Hey, guys…" Marie called.
"It's going to bother you, isn't it?" Edd asked, as Eddy named off a list of women.
"Guys…" Marie watched as they kept bickering amongst themselves. "HIT THE DECK!" She finally screamed. Eddy and Edd turned, Eddy seeing a fence falling towards them. Eddy grabbed Edd's arm pulling him away. The fence hit the ground, barely missing Edd's legs. They stared down at it in shock. Edd and Eddy looked up to see Jonny standing in the yard, then burst into a run into his house.
Marie walked up to them, staring at Jonny. "God that kid is weird." Marie sighed.
"Jimmy, did you see that?" They heard Sarah's voice. They looked up to see Sarah and Jimmy running towards them, with Jimmy taking pictures.
"I got it all." Jimmy smiled. "The fan club is going to love this!"
"What the hell do you pipsqueaks want?!" Eddy snapped putting the cigarette into his mouth. "And what fan club?" Marie walked in front of Edd and Eddy, looking at Jimmy and Sarah.
"Almost every football player has one." Sarah said nonchalantly, pulling out her notepad.
"Since when?" Marie snapped crossing her arms. Sarah glared up to Marie, with Jimmy giving her the side eye. "Trust me, we know every club in that school. None of them involved a 'football player's fan club'. If it did, they have a lot of 'taxes' to catch up on."
"We weren't talking to you, Kanker." Sarah snapped, Jimmy nodded. "So why don't you run back to your shack as terrorize the possum population."
Marie's eyes narrowed, grabbing Sarah by the hair. "I'm sorry…you wanna try and run that by me one more time, Bitch?! I don't think I heard you correctly." She growled, pulling Sarah towards her.
Eddy gave a small smile, nudging Edd excitedly. "Cat fight!" He whispered to Edd, almost bouncing. Edd's hands covered his mouth, shaking his head.
"Bet you Marie is gonna beat some ass." Kevin appeared from nowhere next to Edd and Eddy, holding a 5-dollar bill. Eddy quickly reached for his wallet, pulling out a 5.
"You're on!" Edd glared to Kevin and Eddy. "Calm down Marion. You can bet too." Eddy pat his back.
"I always thought May was the dumb one." Sarah balled her fist, preparing for a fight. Jimmy gasped, grabbing at Sarah. "Stay out of the Jimmy!" Sarah snapped. Jimmy backed away, clasping his camera.
Marie pulled Sarah up by the hair to make eye contact. Eddy and Kevin smiled widely, waiting. "Looks like a brat needs to be put back in her place."
Edd quickly slapped Marie's hand, pulling her away from Sarah, while using his foot to hold Sarah back, Jimmy blinked, grabbing Sarah. Kevin and Eddy's jaws dropped.
"Ladies please." Edd snapped. "That was a very rudimentary statement, Sarah, I am appalled you would even say such a thing!" He looked to Sarah, shaking his head, then Marie. "And as for you Marie, there is no need for…" His face going turning the deepest red when he realized he was holding Marie back by her chest. He quickly let go, turning to a very angry Eddy and Kevin. Sarah and Jimmy looked to each other after seeing Edd's reaction. Marie rolled her eyes, shaking her head.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Kevin shouted.
"You never stop a cat fight!" Eddy growled, slapping Edd.
"I can't believe this." Kevin shoved his money back into his pocket. "Here I thought you were finally becoming cool." Kevin scoffed, leaving. "The fan club chicks are cooler, and they're nuts." Kevin commented.
Edd sighed, rubbing the back of his head. Marie smile, patting his back. "Shall we go then?" Edd asked, noticing an odd look from Eddy.
Eddy stared dumbfounded with his cigarette half hanging out of his mouth. "Eddy? Oh no…" Edd groaned, seeing Eddy's expression, knowing what was coming next. Marie looked to Eddy.
"What?" She asked. Edd covered his mouth pointing to Eddy.
"Are there chicks in this fan club?" Eddy asked finally with a maniacal smile, turning to Sarah and Jimmy. Edd slapped his hand to his forehead.
"Majority of them." Jimmy replied.
"Of course I saved Double D! He's my best friend!" Eddy began, putting his arm around Edd, dragging him closer. Edd rolled his eyes, frowning. Sarah put her hand onto her hip, watching Eddy pinch Edd's cheek. Marie watched also with her eyebrows raised.
"Guess we're back on that now." Marie muttered.
"And he's always getting into trouble the little scoundrel! He's always putting himself in the middle of fights, as you saw, but luckily, this little chump has me by his side."
"Excuse us." Edd smiled, putting up his pointer. He spun Eddy around to talk with him. "What the hell man?!" Edd snapped. "You know full well almost any fights I ever get in the middle of just so happen to be yours!"
"Do they do this often?" Marie asked Sarah and Jimmy, pointing to Edd and Eddy. Sarah and Jimmy gave a glare to her.
"Can you believe it, I am finally recognized for my rugged good looks and amazing personality. I have my well-deserved Fan Club." Eddy said in a daze. "Fan club Double D… with chicks." Eddy bounced. Edd rolled his eyes. "I bet you they're single too… and guess what, I'm single!" Eddy squealed, giving a bounce. "We've gotta find out who's in this club! Hey, if you help me, I'll let you check on out." Eddy winked.
Edd pinched the bridge of his nose. "Whoa, that's a generous offer, I say take it Oven-Mitt!" Marie smiled at Edd.
Edd gave a dull glance to Eddy. "As tempting as that offer sounds, there are more pressing matters, do you not recall Jonny pushing a fence in our general direction? Are you not concerned?"
"I'm concerned…" Eddy nodded, looking stern. "Concerned about who is in my fan club. You think it's the girl who made out with me last week? She was not shy."
"Eddy!" Edd hissed, smacking him.
"Nope, this is Ed." Edd and Eddy jumped, looking forward to see Ed ducked down in the conversation too. "Why are we whispering?" Eddy stared at Ed as Edd sighed.
"Guys, we're still here." Sarah waved.
Eddy turned around with a wide smile, he finished off his cigarette, walking over to her and Jimmy. "Still up for that interview?" Eddy asked, putting his arms around Sarah and Jimmy leaving the alley.
"Wait up! I want a interview too!" Ed called, chasing after Eddy. Edd watched, shaking his head with annoyance, being left behind by his friends. Edd paused looking to Marie who stared at him with a smile. She walked closer to him.
"I should probably be returning home." Edd slowly backed away.
Marie grabbed his wrist, pulling him over to her, forcing his arm around her waist. He swallowed hard, grabbing his hat out of precaution. Marie laughed, playfully pulling on the back of his hat just to mess with him.
"Stop being cute." She whispered.
"Fun fact, I'm not even trying." Edd gave his nervous grin, pulling his hat down. Marie brought her hands to his face, staring into his pale green eyes. "Studies show that certain eye patterns key into whether someone is either in love or just lusting." Edd stared back into Marie's brown eyes. Marie rolled her eyes, pulling Edd's hat down past his nose.
"Good night Double D." She snapped, leaving.
Edd pulled up his hat, watching her leave the alley way for home. "Do you need me to walk you back?" He offered.
Marie turned on her heel, looked at him. "And have you ruin another moment?" She asked, with her arms crossed. Edd smiled at her innocently. "Fine." She groaned. Edd walked up to her with his hands in his pockets. Marie put her arm around his, putting her hand into her own pocket. Edd looked down at her curiously. "Heard you wanted to try and be wild, want some lessons?" Marie asked with a smile.
"I'm doing fine on my own, thank you." Edd commented. Marie looked up to him, beginning to laugh. Edd frowned, looking at her.
"Untied shoelaces is the best you got?!" Marie giggled. "Or is it the knitted sweater?"
"I said 2 curse words today." He glanced to Marie seeing a wide grin on her face. He sighed, pursing his lips. "If you insist, I will accept your offer."
Marie nodded, smiling at him. "Good, first lesson, lose the sweater. Plus, you gotta at least try something once." She warned. Edd nodded, biting his lip, already regretting his decision. Marie laughed, leaning on his arm. "Welcome to the dark side."
"Marie?" He asked as they began walking towards Marie's home. "Do… you, like football?" Edd continued.
Marie looked up to Edd with her eyes narrowed. "Are you trying to ask me out?" Marie asked.
"Only if you say yes." Edd gave a little smile.
"First off, mushy shit does not work on me." Marie warned. "Secondly, sure."
"Noted." Edd smiled, feeling his heart go a mile a minute.
"Have you ever gotten drunk before?" Marie asked.
"No… why?" Edd looked down to Marie. She smiled shrugging. Edd tilted his head, giving a smile. "Is anyone aware that you have a tattoo?"
Marie smirked looking up to Edd. "Saw that did ya?"
"It's difficult not to. Especially when you were working on the van."
Marie's jaw dropped. She lightly slapped Edd's arm. "I knew you were looking!"