Chapter 25: The Human Touch

It took every second of the six weeks, but I returned to school more healed than I had thought possible. The words from the old priest had slowly released my grief and eased my guilt. I still felt the loss and crippling loneliness, but I was at least able to accept it.

I was also beginning to accept myself. I had been trying to use my visions to control my life, but that wasn't their purpose. They were just a look forward. The visions showed a possible future and could quickly change, but I didn't need to be the one to force the events I saw into or out of existence. The future would unfold on its own accord, and the only things I could change were the ones that were under my direct control. I no longer felt the strong compulsion to force the future to bend to my wishes. What would happen, would happen. I didn't need to find the small diner, or force my path to cross Jasper's. That was set, and it simply would happen. Sometime.

I hated "sometime."

"Sometime" wasn't now.

Now I was sitting in the small family restaurant that Emily worked in to try a cherry Coke from the soda fountain. I was fairly sure that I wouldn't like the concoction, but my most recent vision had shown me what my "regular" was: one double shot cherry Coke with a cherry on top. Emily was making it for me now.

This time, when I had walked into the restaurant at the end of August to say hello, Emily did hug me. It was very sweet, but all the patrons of the diner suddenly became silent as they watched her grab me and hold me tight. They knew it was somehow wrong to embrace me, but Emily was blissfully unaware. In fact, she jumped a little joyous jump when I told her what I wanted – I had never eaten at her little restaurant even though she often asked me to stop by – and she was now ecstatically making me the largest drink I had ever seen.

"I just know you will love it, Alice!" She was bubbling with excitement as she put the huge glass on the table.

Suddenly, I wasn't so sure about my visions at all. I wasn't sure I wanted to sit here among humans and do this to myself. I steeled myself and smiled up at her, grabbed the straw and took a mighty gulp.

Vampires have incredible suction.

I drained half of the glass in one fell slurp. It was, of course, a bit too much, and Emily's eyes just about bulged out of their sockets.

"Sorry," I gasped as the bubbles burst their way down my throat. "I was very thirsty today." I somehow managed to smile as the tangy, bubbly, and sickeningly sweet mess washed into my unprepared stomach. Carbonated beverages bubble even harder when they hit something cold, like vampire stomachs. That was going to feel very uncomfortable until I could get it back out.

I tried not to think about what it would feel like coming back up or how long such a thing would take.

I smiled at Emily and tried it again, thinking that perhaps the taste might grow on me, but the same horrid, cherry flavored bubbling remained.

Nope.

I did not like my "regular" drink from the vision. What on earth had happened between now and then to persuade me to order such a thing?

Trying not to show my disgust and discomfort at having bubbles bursting in my belly, I smiled at Emily and asked how her summer had been. It was like breaching a dam.

"My summer has been nothing short of both awful and incredible. Did you know someone paid for my schooling? If I am careful, there could be enough left over to help my brothers. Everyone has been so kind to me since, well, you know... and I got extra work here to take up my time. I can't wait to start school again, though. I'm hoping it will help take my mind off of the war..."

I began to realize that the bubbles in my belly were becoming a pressure, and that pressure was growing. It rapidly became difficult to keep the gas inside. The carbonation was producing so much pressure that I actually felt discomfort. I tried to keep the discomfort from appearing on my face, but Emily saw right through.

"Alice? Alice are you all right?"

I managed a tiny smile and then rose to exit the restaurant quickly before I exploded.

I tried to hold back what I knew was coming with all my strength, but when I jumped up, the explosion broke through.

I let out a vampire sized burp that lasted almost 30 seconds.

I and everyone around me froze. Emily's eyes got as big as saucers and she backed up a few feet as she covered her gaping mouth. I had done it. I had finally scared her - with a burp.

Then she broke out in the loudest laugh I'd ever heard. She was squealing with delight and laughing so hard that she doubled over and sat on the ground. Giggles began to rise from the booths around me as the rest of the restaurant began to react the same way. The giggles grew to chuckles and the chuckles grew to roars of laughter.

"I...never...heard...such...a...big...one...come...from...such...a...small...girl," gasped one man.

"Oh...I...wish...Frank...had...been...here," choked out a woman from a far table between snorting fits.

"Alice...Alice...that was the...funniest...thing...and...your...face...you...haven't you ever...you...looked like you were...so...shocked..." Emily was rolling back and forth now.

I wanted to growl and bolt from this place, but a giggle somehow made its way through my clenched teeth instead.

I think I was probably the only vampire in history to burp.

I began to chuckle along with the others. Now that I wasn't in pain, it really was rather humorous. I was very glad no other vampire had been here, I wouldn't live this down for a millennium.

After about five minutes, the laughter died out and I tried to mend my shredded dignity. Emily just shook her head in mirth.

"I told you not to drink it so fast. My brothers do that on purpose, you know. Bobby can burp the whole Pledge of Allegiance when he drinks pop. All of his friends are so jealous of him. Wait until I tell him what you did, though, he will be impressed..."

She went on for almost forty minutes straight as she somehow managed to waitress several tables and continuously talk to me at the same time. She wasn't the same child-like girl I had met, but she was healing. Time had begun its work.

I was jealous of her frail humanity that allowed for such pain and such healing all in one lifetime. All I could do was hide my remaining pain behind my perfect vampire facade. Of course, Emily saw through my well placed mask within an hour.

"...and then the whole garden flooded, can you believe it? Alice, what's wrong? You seem very off tonight."

The question and assumption fell from her rambling words so fast that I barely had time to catch them. I began to wonder at her gift and what she would be like as a vampire, but then I banished the thought with a shudder. She deserved this wonderful human life that she had been given. She was just so good at it.

"I found out that some friends died in a bombing raid in Europe," I said simply. There was no use in lying about it, anyway. She would have probably seen through the lie instantly.

"Oh, Alice, oh no." She put her hands over her mouth in shock, and then put her warm hands over my stone cold ones. "I am so very sorry. I know how you must feel. Why didn't you tell me earlier instead of letting me go on and on about my life?"

Her genuine compassion and concern made my cold, bubbling, cherry flavored insides feel somewhat warmer.

"You have been through enough, Emily. You don't need my problems on top of it." I was gentle but firm. I had forever to deal with my pain, she needed to go on with her short life.

"But I want to help. Oh, no! It wasn't Jasper was it?" she asked as her voice became shrill.

"No, no he's fine," I quickly calmed her. He was fine. I saw him just yesterday watching a nighttime baseball game from the top of the light pole. "I will be all right. Their deaths just caught me off guard. School will help distract me, too." At least I hoped it would.

"I'll get you another soda on the house! Just wait here, I'll make it my way with more carbonation. You'll love the way it feels!" She whirled off so fast that she couldn't see the obvious fear and dread that spread across my face.

O~o~O

Emily's family welcomed me back with open arms. Well, not quite open, but not unfriendly either, so that was an improvement. The dog ripped the hem of my plaid skirt.

Now that I was back in Pittsburgh, I constantly fought the urge to try to find the diner that Jasper and I would meet in, but I refused to interfere again. It would happen, that was certain, and I would let it happen in its own good time.

Maybe.

Without the constant traveling, I was able to read and focus on my now looming art show and senior classes. I also threw myself headlong into clothing design just for fun. Thus, the fall and winter months of 1943 seemed to fly by even to my vampiric mind, and before I knew it, it was Christmastime. I didn't return to New York for Christmas this year. I simply couldn't. So I decided to try my hand at throwing a party again. This time, it would be for human guests.

With gas rationing so tight this winter, I knew that many students and most faculty would never be able to travel over Christmas, so I threw a Christmas party at the Veterans of Foreign Wars dance hall.

I knew that I was probably the first vampire ever to host a Christmas party for humans at which humans were not on the menu, and the idea of doing such a unique and unusual thing thrilled me. I also knew that there was a possibility of no one showing up, but that was only a small possibility. In college, if you throw a party, people will come regardless of who or what you are. Given the typical college student's love of free food, I could have greeted the guests from a coffin and they would probably still come in.

Still, as I made the final inspections of the decorations, done by me, and the food, prepared by Emily's restaurant, I was unbelievably nervous. The hall was layered in red and green decorations and glittering with so much tinsel that the original wall color was only barely visible after all my hard work. The band was one that advertised on the college campus and whom I had heard at other functions. I knew that they would be a hit, though to my ears they were just short of terrible.

Even if this gathering fell through, though, it really didn't matter much. I just needed to throw a party; I didn't need a lot of people to attend. Besides, celebrating life, even with humans, was the greatest lesson Annette had taught me, and I just couldn't let it go to waste. So, in her memory and just for fun, I opened the doors to the glittering VFW full of food and a live band and waited to see what happened.

I really shouldn't have worried.

Emily and all the art students spread the word, and when I went to open the doors, a small crowd had already gathered. They looked a little tense as I led them into the brightly decorated hall, which I had admittedly gone a little overboard on, but they relaxed immediately when they saw the food and heard the band.

Within a half hour, the building was completely full. In fact, it was overflowing, and there was a small crowd near the doors still trying to get in. It looked as if the entire campus and most of the staff were present, as well as a few party crashers that I knew to expect. It felt like old times.

I stayed in the shadows near the walls to talk with people and bask in the success of my party. Everyone I passed congratulated me. It didn't matter that I wasn't allowed in the tight groups of talking students or that no one invited me to dance. They were having a wonderful time.

Suddenly, Emily burst out of a group of chattering girls, grabbed my elbow and pulled me into her circle of friends. I was so surprised that I almost didn't allow her to lead me. How did she see so much and yet not feel my rock hard arm under the gold chiffon dress?

"See? This is Alice. Isn't she wonderful? She isn't scary at all." She was beaming as she held me in her group for their inspection. My own smile was locked on my face while I cringed inwardly.

Of course I was scary to them. Her friends were frozen in fear as they looked at me. None of them wanted to be anywhere near me, and a few backed away, but most of them were too polite to walk away from the hostess. Several smiled at me with small grimaces.

"I am so very glad you decided to come to my party," I said quickly. I needed to make them feel comfortable somehow, but there was little I could do to calm them until I went away.

"Thank you for inviting us," said one of the girls quickly.

"It really is quite a party," joined in another. Emily must have been encouraging them from behind.

"It, um, was nice of you to think of having this party," began another, "because I can't, um, go home. So, um, thanks!"

I smiled again, but this time at the whole situation. I could see Emily's reflection in their wide eyes as she tried to direct them. Her arms were rapidly moving and she was mouthing words for them to say. Each girl obediently complimented me as Emily pointed to them. It was hard not to laugh out loud.

I finally retreated, much to the girls' relief, and began to casually mix with my guests again, but this time from a safe distance. A lovely but apprehensive young woman whose name I didn't know approached me with caution.

"You're Alice, aren't you?" she said a little nervously.

"Yes," I smiled pleasantly back. No need to scare her too.

"This party is incredible! I have never seen such wonderful decorations. Did you do this yourself?"

"Yes, with a little help from a band and some caterers. I love throwing parties, and everyone seemed to need a party right now."

"Would you consider helping my committee with the decorations for the senior graduation dance? I know you are a senior, so when I saw what you did with this room, I thought you could be in charge of the decorating for us. None of us has much experience in it," she added with a nervous shrug.

I nearly jumped for joy. I was being asked by a classmate to help throw a party. Life just didn't get much better than that for me.

"I would love to help," I cooed as I did a small twirl rather than a large jump. I was having a hard time reigning in my enthusiasm, but I really didn't want to scare her. The senior dance! My smile grew a little too wide.

She stood there nervously pulling at her sweater.

"Is there something else?" I asked, still beaming.

"Well, um, you know how times are tough... and, well, none of us have new dresses. I know you do your own clothes. They are so stylish, and, um, well, could you help us make our dresses a little nicer?" The last question came out high pitched and fast, and she was looking at me with round, fear filled eyes.

I nearly leapt on her in my joy. They liked what I wore. They wanted me to help them remake their dresses. They wanted my help. I think I would have cried if I could. I held on tightly to my enthusiasm and simply nodded. I didn't dare speak.

"We are meeting on Tuesday night at seven. Can you make it?" she asked as she began to back away, trembling a bit. So much for not scaring her.

"I'll be there. Bring all the dresses and sewing kits," I ordered.

"Great. I'll see you then," she called in retreat.

It was the best Christmas present any human could give me.

x~X~x

I ventured back to New York during the spring break. I only planned to spend a few days there because I needed to finish all the preparations for the senior art show and shop for decorative additions for the dresses that my classmates brought me. I was now in charge of preparing for both the senior art exhibit and decorating for the graduation dance. I also had about thirty dresses to try and fix up. It was difficult for someone like me to stay within the shoestring budgets I had been given, but my creative side loved the challenge as I set myself to stay within boring human limits. This was, after all, a human school.

The house hadn't changed a bit, but the scent of my friends continued to grow steadily fainter. It was still a comforting place for me to be, but it also seemed haunted with the memories of lost companionship.

The only other change was that the pile of mail now dwarfed the table and spilled onto the hallway floor. I sighed, and began sorting through the white and manila mountain.

As I sifted through the mail, opening everything, I wondered what became of abandoned vampire property. I didn't wonder for long. Several requests from Lowe and Associates, the crooked law firm that vampires in New York turned to for legal matters, caught my attention. They were originally addressed to Paul, but the last few were addressed to me. The firm used my last acquired name, Alice Stoker.

The letters addressed to Paul Simpson were requests for him to contact a William Trudel about certain "legal matters." The ones to me simply let me know that I needed to contact them immediately.

Fair enough. I was curious about what the lawyer needed, but I also dreaded the coming conversation.

I called the law firm first thing Monday morning.

"Lowe and Associates, Mary speaking, how may I help you?" droned the receptionist.

"Hello, I am Alice Stoker, and I need to speak with William Trudel, please." I droned the request just as flatly. I didn't want my curiosity to show.

"Oh, my. Miss Stoker, we have been waiting for your call," said the suddenly breathless woman. "I will connect you right away. I am so glad you finally called us."

"Hello, Miss Stoker?" said a man's voice almost immediately. He must have been standing there.

"Yes. Your letters indicated that you needed to talk with me about some urgent matter. What is this about?"

"Miss Stoker, when Paul and Annette Simpson and Marianne and Gregorio Bonacci left for their global trip, they left us some very specific and rather strange instructions. Were you aware of this?"

"No. What kind of instructions did they leave?" I asked even more perplexed.

"Well, it's rather complex, but your friends left us instructions that if their letters did not arrive every month we should try to contact you at their address. Mr. Simpson said you would always know what happened to them, and that we should ask you for instructions. We have been trying to contact you for the last six months," he finished.

I was stunned. Did Paul really trust my gift that much? If so, why didn't they trust me enough to stay away from the battlegrounds?

"Miss Stoker?"

"Yes, I'm still here. I'm sorry that I wasn't available, I have been away at school and didn't get the notices until today." The reply was automatic as fresh pain and guilt over their deaths swept through me, as well as a measure of anger.

Why hadn't they trusted me?

"Do you know where we can contact them? We need to make some changes in their estates."

"They're dead."

The silence was absolute. After a minute I had enough control to continue.

"A bomb hit the ship they were on in the Pacific," I lied through clenched teeth. It was hard enough admitting their deaths, but coming up with an appropriate lie was even harder. How was I supposed to tell him that they had died eating refugees in Germany?

"Are your sure?" he choked out sounding shocked. All of his businesslike mannerisms were now gone. "When did this happen, and how? How do you know that they are all dead?"

I took a long breath and prepared my lie.

"They told me that they were planning to go to Fiji. They were island hopping in the South Pacific trying to make their way home, and apparently their ship was either torpedoed or bombed from above. It was last July. When they didn't show up in Fiji, I became worried and contacted the shipping company. They informed me what had happened. I don't positively know that they are dead, but the company found no survivors." I said it quickly and with finality, but I had no idea if he believed me during the long pause that followed my hasty explanation.

"I...I'm so sorry to hear that. They have been valuable clients here for so long that we never thought they would...it just seemed that they never even...excuse me."

I waited by the phone for him to gather his thoughts and used the time to clear mine. The story was a good one, and virtually untraceable because of the war, but the news must have been totally unexpected to this firm. Obviously they had already accepted the fact that the Simpsons and Bonaccis had very long lives, and I wondered how many of them had just assumed that they would be around forever.

"Can you come in sometime this week, Miss Stoker?" asked a rushed William Trudel. "We need to act very quickly to settle their estate and as far as we can tell you and the Catholic church are the sole heirs to it. When can you come in?"

"Wednesday," I replied automatically. My mind let me see the only cloudy day of the week even as it whirled with the new information. They had given me part of the coven's wealth. They thought that much of me.

I barely heard William tell me to arrive at seven in the morning as the realization of just how much they cared for me ripped to shreds the healing scars of their loss.

~X~

The office always smelled of paper and dust and mildew. Even in the brightly lit modern room, the smell of old things hung on every piece of furniture. William Trudel was a slight, balding man with a gray goatee and was nearly invisible behind the multiple stacks of papers and ledgers that were piled on his desk. It seemed that Paul's coven had used this office for several generations of lawyers.

Mr. Trudel fidgeted uneasily as he tried to understand the impossible information before him. Two of the older lawyers were also in the room looking unsure of themselves and clearing their throats regularly. I wasn't any calmer than they were, and having a nervous vampire sitting in such a small room only exacerbated the issue.

"Well, where to start?" began Mr. Trudel slowly. "Mr. Simpson and Mr. Bonacci were clients with us for much longer than we realized." Both of the lawyers cleared their throats again and shifted slightly.

"I believe you have used our firm several times in the past, so you know that we often perform rather unusual and somewhat clandestine services for our clientele?" The statement was posed as a question. I nodded.

"It will take a while to determine the full worth of their estates, but I can assure you the value is well into the millions," he said the last word with emphasis, but I already knew that. I was the reason they had so much wealth.

"I am very aware of how much the couples were worth, Mr. Trudel," I said calmly. This part was easy. "I was their chief investor and had complete control of all of their liquid assets and investments. I brought all the information you might need." I waved my hand to the large attaché case at my feet.

"You did very well for them, then," said one of the other men. "I would love to give you some of my savings," he added with a chuckle.

Mr. Trudel shot him a quick glare and continued, "They have the three houses, and several pieces of furniture and art that are nearly priceless. These items and the investments are the total of the estate to the best of our knowledge. I don't believe they had life insurance."

I gave a quick laugh and rolled my eyes at the last bit. Of course they didn't have life insurance. They weren't technically alive.

One of the lawyers shuddered at my response.

"Are there any other items of worth that you can tell us about before we begin to order and evaluate their estates?" asked Mr. Trudel quickly. He was very red in the face, and I think that this was all a little too much for him. He struck me as the kind of man who liked his reality safe and boring. Vampires were not a part of that reality.

"No, everything I know of will be in your files or in this case. What did they want done with the estate?" I wondered how quickly I would need to move.

Mr. Trudel cleared his own throat before continuing. "The estate, except for a few small pieces that are to be given to the people listed in their will, is to be divided between you and the Catholic Church. It was their wish to be able to give enough money to build a church or monastery from their estate. You get one-third of everything. You may choose one home, one-third of the art and furniture, and will keep one-third of all monetary assets." He ticked of the list on his fingers as he stated each point.

I sat silent for a few seconds, an eternity to a vampire, as I let the information sink in. One-third of their estate was a massive inheritance, and much, much more than I deserved. They treated me as a true friend and a member of the coven, but a true friend would have stayed with them, a true friend would have given everything to protect them.

I realized that three nervous men were waiting for my response. "That was very generous of them. I didn't expect this at all," I managed to say. Though the men remained oblivious to it, my emotions were seething inside at the undeserved gift I had been given.

"It may take several months to sort out the full value of the estate and liquidate the assets. Can you tell me which house you would like? We will also need a detailed list of what furnishings and art you would like to keep. Can you get that to us within the next few days?" Mr. Trudel was all business now.

"I will bring a full list of the items I choose to you by Friday," I promised. So much for a long hunting trip.

"Can you do something else for us?" asked one of the others. "We have the list of names of the inheritors and the items that Paul and Gregorio bequeathed to them. Could you gather the items and have them ready to be picked up?" He almost threw the list at me rather than get anywhere close to my hand. At the top of the list was Vinny's name. He got the old Rolls Royce. I couldn't help but smile.

Ivan called me that night as I began retrieving the items that were willed to various vampires and humans in New York.

"Alice? What is this notice that we received from the lawyers?" He was curt and sounded anguished.

"Ivan, I'm sorry. I tried to get a hold of you by phone and then I stopped by, but you weren't home yet." My own voice was very strained. As much as I wanted to share the pain of their loss, I had never told Ivan's coven about Paul's death. I hadn't been able to tell them earlier because of my own pain and because I knew they would never accept the death of their leader. To Ivan's coven, Paul was nothing short of a king.

"What does it mean?"

"Paul and the others died in a bombing raid somewhere in Germany where they were hunting," I said rapidly. I had promised myself that I would tell them the truth, but I wasn't sure how to do this without hurting them.

"You don't know that. Whoever told you that could be wrong." Anger began replacing anguish.

"The lawyer told me, Ivan." I said it in a whisper as I tried to calm my friend. "Paul had set up a system in which he constantly contacted the firm every month. They haven't heard from Paul or Gregorio or anyone in nine months. I saw them being attacked, but I didn't know they were dead until the lawyer contacted me. I saw it, but I wanted it not to be true. I wanted them to come home, but nine months is too long. They would have found a way to contact the firm in nine months if they were alive."

Silence.

"Are you sure?" there was no mistaking the aching and anguished tone now. They were his friends, too.

"I'm so sorry," I managed to croak out. Hearing his pain only made my own pain worse. "When will Vasily and Lena be back?" I had seen them in Chicago, but I didn't know when they would return, and I wanted to make sure they all knew what happened from my own lips.

"Tomorrow," he said flatly.

"I would like to come over and see you. I need to gather some items for the lawyer, but then I will come straight over to talk to you and wait for them. We need to talk so that you understand what happened. I have to return to school in a few days, but I want to make sure you and your coven know everything, and I want to explain it to you myself."

"Yes, I want to talk with you as well. I miss having you around. You always make the city seem a little less gray. It seems that nothing will ever be the same after this war. I think you told us that several years ago, but we didn't believe you."

"I am so very sorry, Ivan. I really wanted to tell you myself, but I didn't know where you were. You shouldn't have found out this way," I nearly moaned the last words. I had failed yet another friend.

Going through the coven's possessions was difficult at best, and it rubbed raw the healing wound of their loss. I had to ransack the house as I gathered the paintings, books, and furniture that would go to old familiar names like Chi-Yang, Gerta, and Paolo. Most of the recipients were now hunting the battlefields of Europe and Asia and would not return for a while, but the law firm promised to hold the items for them. None of those men would want to cross a vampire, even a dead one.

Once each of the twenty-five items was placed by the front door, I went over to Ivan's home. It took a full day of explanations, but the coven finally believed that their beloved friends would no longer return. It was difficult to see their pain, but I think my presence helped a bit.

When I returned to the house, I went back through each room slowly, wondering as I went which of the remaining items I would want. I knew I wanted only those items that gave me good memories. The first thing I knew I wanted was the large, gilded mirror that Annette had brought with her from France. It was twice my size, but I loved its intricate baroque design. How many times had we stood at that mirror and admired a new outfit or ball gown?

As I stood looking at my forlorn reflection in the massive mirror, a new image superimposed the one in the mirror. For just a moment, I was standing there in a tight fitting white gown wearing a veil. It was so quick that I barely caught it, but it was definitely there. If I had had a pulse, it would have been racing. As it was, I was certain that I felt an odd tightening where my heart used to beat. I tried for hours to pull the ghostlike vision out of the future again, but could only do so one other time. The second vision held not only me but two other female vampires. For just a brief flash I was again in the long white gown, but on either side of me were Esme and Rosalie, beaming at my reflection.

Sometime, somewhere in the distant future, I would be a bride.

My chest constricted once again, and I swear I felt my stone heart beat.