Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns The Outsiders. Needtobreathe owns "Devil's Been Talking."

Hanging on by a thread,
Life, it hasn't left me yet,
But I won't forget

March 1, 1969

A pilgrimage to Windrixville had become tradition for them. The drive through the country to the tiny little town in the middle of nowhere was something she shared with Pony, and Pony only. It was nice. She was happy to have him all to herself, away from Wade and everyone else. Sometimes it felt like old times, even if it was a reminder that Johnny wasn't there.

Pony had turned sixteen the summer before and she had been worried that he would have asked her to stay home, now that he could get himself there, but he hadn't. It made her happy that he still wanted her there. She also liked that they stopped going in the fall.

They visited Jay Mountain and found the relatively unchanged pile of blackened boards and grass. Pony pumped water from the pump and stared out at the horizon. She stayed back from him as he looked out, knowing he was reliving something she would never be a part of.

After their brief memorial, they drove around the little town, which was really only the one main street. Every trip, their time on the little mountain got shorter and shorter.

They stopped at the one little burger place in town and found a table outside. It was a warm March day, the type where they only need a jacket. The sun warmed the table and her arms. They spent their time talking about nothing of much importance. The place still had meaning for them, just like it always would, but it wasn't as heartbreaking as it had been once upon a time. Certain scars were healing. They were living again.

XXX

Dally hefted lumber into Lane's old truck, dropping it harder than necessary, just to make some noise in the one-horse-town. A few old farmer types were gathered near the door of the hardware store and stared at him. Dally stared right back.

He walked back into the store, right past the old timers and their quiet stares, and picked up the rest of the stuff his uncle had ordered and walked it back to the truck, tossing the load in with as much vigor as he had with the lumber. This time he looked up and gave the old timers a smirk. One spit tobacco juice, the rest ignored him. Building a fence wasn't exactly his idea of a good time, but it certainly sounded better than sitting in Windrixville standing around a door like everyone else in the damn town.

Brushing his hands off, he headed for the driver's door and stopped when he heard a girl laugh. The familiarity of it froze him in his tracks and he looked around, his eyes falling over to Bud's Burgers across the way. Sitting at a picnic table was a boy and a girl. Her back was to him, but he could the boy clearly. He was older, taller and definitely a bit more filled out, but he would have recognized the kid anywhere. It was Ponyboy.

A panicky feeling crept into him as he looked from the kid to the girl. The hair was a lot longer, but pulled back into a ponytail. She laughed again and she turned her head slightly enough he caught her in profile for a split second. It was Ellie.

They had found him out.

Quickly, he climbed into the truck and started the engine. He put the gear shift into drive, but he didn't take his foot from the brake. Very aware of how hard his heart was beating, he looked over again, his gaze narrowing in on Ellie. Even as far away as he was, he could see the smile on her face every time she turned her head a little. There was something different about her, something he didn't know how to place.

His gaze moved from her over to Ponyboy who was staring right at him. Dally felt a dread filling his chest, worse than when he had been shot so long ago or when he had been arrested after. For a second longer, he looked at the kid and took in his hard stare.

He stepped on the gas and swung out of the parking spot onto the main street. He floored it as he turned the corner. He never slowed down until he made it back to Lane's, and only realized when he struggled to take the keys out of the ignition how badly his hands were shaking.

XXX

Pony stopped mid-sentence when he saw the beat-up pickup truck. It wasn't the truck that took him by surprise; it was the ghost sitting behind the wheel. That was the best way he could describe Dally, someone he had never expected to see again. The longer he was away, the more Pony wanted him to stay gone.

The sight of Dallas Winston shocked him so much that he heard absolutely nothing. He fell deaf to everything Ellie was saying, his eyes locked on Dally's . He looked mostly the same, he guessed. It was hard to remember. He was still lean, and looked as mean as ever. He noticed, though, that he looked older.

A couple years ago, he would have stuck up for Dally just like anyone else would do for their buddy. Once he was gone, though, and had left them all to pick up the pieces that he couldn't face, Pony didn't want him back. The longer he was gone, the more Pony wondered if they were ever really buddies in the first place.

It had taken a long time to think about everything that had happened the night Bob died, and when he did, the only thing he could think of the fact that Dally sent them away. He probably looked at it like he was some big hero, hiding out his friends, but Pony and Johnny were the ones that were on the run. If it was up to them, they probably would have hid out at Buck's until they were caught. Dally's plans, however, had them hopping trains and going to some little town where they didn't know anybody. If something had happened, no one would have known where to find them. Maybe they deserved it after what had happened, but they were just kids. They were terrified and in a place they didn't know without any idea when anyone was going to come get them. Even after all this time, Pony still resented him for it.

"What's the matter?"

Ellie's voice surprised him and when he turned to face her, he knocked over his Coke and it dumped onto her lap. She stood up quickly, brushing ice and Coke from her clothes.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, Ellie," he said, stealing another glance at the truck. It was gone, and so was Dally.

"It's okay," she said. "Are you all right?"

"I guess I got distracted." He handed her some napkins. "I'll go get some more."

He rushed inside and grabbed another handful, his heart pounding in his ears. He looked out the dusty window, but there was still no sign of Dally. He breathed out uneasily as he rushed back out with the napkins.

"Really, El. I'm so sorry."

"No harm done," she assured him. "We should probably head back home, though, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so." He rubbed at his forehead a little, feeling wary all of a sudden. Windrixville had always been a place of bad memories, but it was his. In some bizarre way, it belonged to him and Johnny. Dally had no right taking that from either of them.

"Pony, I swear, it's no big deal," Ellie said as they walked back to her car. "Stop worrying about it."

He looked at her and started to say something when he shut up again. She was talking about the Coke he spilled on her. She hadn't seen Dallas, and he didn't have any plans on ever telling her that he had.

XXX

Ellie had tried just about every topic possible, and Pony tried to keep a conversation going, but there wasn't any chance of it happening with the things flying through his mind. They ended up driving most of the way home in silence, and he chewed his fingernails down to the quick.

Since Dally had been released he hadn't given a care as to where he had gone as long as it wasn't Tulsa. Knowing he was so close had set him on edge. He didn't want to ever have to face him again.

He couldn't be happier when she pulled onto his street, and he had to keep himself from jumping out of the car before she completely stopped.

"Thanks again for coming with me," he said quickly as he climbed out.

"No problem. I had a good time." She leaned over the seat a little way and looked at him closely. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I'm still really sorry about spilling my Coke all over you. I hope I didn't ruin your clothes."

She shrugged with a smile. "It'll be fine. At least it's dry now."

He nodded and began to shut the car door when he heard the door to the house open up behind him.

"Is that Ellie?" Allison called.

"Yeah," he said. "She was just dropping me off."

She hurried down the porch steps and joined Pony at the car. "Don't run off yet, Ellie, okay? Come inside."

Pony tried not to hide his disappointment as Ellie turned off the car and followed them inside. It was just that he needed a few minutes to himself to wrap his mind around the thought that Dally wasn't so far away anymore.

"What happened to you?" Allison asked as they walked inside.

Pony snapped out of his daze long enough to realize she was talking to Ellie.

"Pony's as clumsy as ever," she said as she nudged him with her elbow. "I got a lap full of Coke in Windrixville."

"Sorry," he mumbled again. He tried to hide his surprise when he found everybody in the house. Steve and Evie were on the couch, Two-Bit and Carolyn were sitting on the floor, and Soda and Darry were in the kitchen.

"What's this?" Ellie asked.

"Well, we all know what today is," Allison said, "and I feel like you guys never really do anything together. I didn't know Johnny very good, but I thought he might at least want you guys to hang out or something."

"Did you bake Johnny a birthday cake?" Pony said.

Allison blushed a little and shrugged.

"Y'all know she's got this obsession with birthday cakes. She's Perfect Mom like that," Soda said, carrying one from the counter over to the kitchen table. He looked at Ellie. "Remember our birthdays?"

"I can't help it that you guys never celebrate anything!" she said. "I just thought this might be nice."

"It is nice," Pony said. Even though he didn't remember her at all before Darry started going out with her, he knew that she took care of Johnny in the hospital.

"Yeah, it is," Ellie agreed beside him.

"Let's dig in," Steve suggested.

Evie elbowed him. "That would be your biggest concern."

"Johnny would want us to enjoy that cake, right, Two-Bit?"

"Oh, yeah. In fact, he would probably want me to have a couple slices to make sure I really enjoy it."

"Well, don't be shy," Darry said, handing over a knife to Steve and laying out the plates.

Everybody cut their own pieces and settled into their seats around the living room.

"Don't you want a piece, Pone?" Darry asked.

He realized he was still standing in the same spot and that most everybody was looking at him funny.

"Sure," he said. "Just wanted to make sure Two-Bit wasn't going to trample me to get his second piece."

"He almost trampled me just to get his first piece," Carolyn said.

Pony was glad she was there because once she and Two-Bit started in, nobody was focusing on him anymore. He sat at the kitchen table, eating the chocolate cake without tasting a bite of it.

XXX

It took him hours and a whole pack of cigarettes to get up the guts to go back into town. Dally figured he couldn't hide out in Lane's house all day, especially not with the way the old man kept eyeing him. It would have driven him less crazy if he would have just asked what was going on, but instead he just stared at Dally. He finally grabbed the keys to the truck and drove back towards Main Street.

He crept along the street, keeping his eyes wide open for any sign of Pony or Ellie, but he didn't see either. That didn't calm him down any, though. The way the kid had stared at him he knew there wasn't a chance Pony didn't see him. Dally just couldn't figure out why he didn't do anything. He didn't tell Ellie, he didn't point at him, wave to him, nothing.

He pulled into a spot next to the one and only place to drink in Windrixville. It used to be an old gas station that somewhere along the line had been turned into a bar. It was only a small step higher in class than Buck's, and that wasn't saying a whole lot.

As he nursed a beer and smoked, he thought. It was the last thing he wanted to do, but no matter how much he tried to ignore what he saw that afternoon, he knew he'd never be able to keep those two out of his head.

The longer he thought about it, the more he realized he hadn't stuck around long enough to really see Ponyboy's reaction. As soon as Dally flew out of that parking spot, Pony had to have nudged Ellie and pointed after the old rusted bucket of Lane's. She wouldn't believe him, naturally. That was the typical Ellie thing to do. Pony would convince her and then … and then what? Ellie would make him go with her all over the little town, trying to pin him down. There's not a chance she would go home without even trying to find him, and in a place like Windrixville, there's not a chance she wouldn't have found him.

Unless she didn't want to find him, he decided as he ordered a second beer. Or maybe she just hadn't believed Pony in the first place. Maybe Pony hadn't believed his eyes when he spotted him. Dally could hardly believe what he was seeing, and he should have known a kid like Pony would come back to Windrixville.

"Hey," Dally said, rapping his knuckles on the top of the bar. "Hey."

The bartender finally came back over. "Yeah?"

"What day is it?"

"Saturday."

"No, I mean, the date. What's the date?"

The guy thought about it for a second. "The first. March first."

Dally nodded and thought on that for a second before it hit him. He didn't have a fucking clue when any of his other friends' birthdays were, except that Tim's was close to his. He knew Ellie and Soda had close birthdays, but he'd be damned if he knew when they were. Johnny's was the only one he knew for sure, mostly because if his friends didn't know it, Johnny probably wouldn't have known it either for as much as his fucking parents cared.

He ran a hand through his hair. Of course Pony would come to Windrixville for something like that. He should have known better than to let his guard down like that, waltzing around the town like somebody he knew, somebody like Pony and Ellie, wouldn't just drive up there and run right into him. He was an idiot.

He glanced around, suddenly feeling vulnerable, like maybe it wasn't just Pony and Ellie that had made the trip. The bar wasn't packed, even for a Saturday night, and he didn't see anyone he recognized. He figured in a place like Windrixville, most everyone bought their own booze and sat on their own front porches to drink it like his uncle did.

"You look like you're having a rough night."

Dally glanced over to his left and found a woman walking up to him, a mixed drink in her hand. She was blonde, very blonde, and looked about fifteen years older than him. When she was closer to him, though, he figured that underneath all that makeup, she was probably only a few years older.

"I'm fine."

"You sure?" she asked.

There was something about her – the familiar way in which she leaned against the bar beside him, the tone of her voice, the way she looked at him – that reminded him a lot of Sylvia.

He drained the rest of his beer before he nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"I don't think I believe you. Let me buy you another one." He tried to cut her off, but she rested a well-manicured hand on his knee. "Stan, send down another beer, would you?"

It occurred to him that he was getting picked up in a shitty little bar in a shitty little town, and he had to remind himself that it wasn't Sylvia standing next to him. She looked enough like her, though, and at that moment, it was somebody like Sylvia that he needed to get his mind off everything else. Besides, he was only human, and it had been a long, long time.

This hell is cold,
The chorus sings,
This is home,
The devil's been talking