The shadows flickered on the wall in the firelight, reminding Claire of the demons in her nightmares, but she walked past them, ignoring her fear. Things had gotten worse since she had sought out the Templars over a year ago and she knew it was a mistake to seek out the mage who ultimately had driven her down her dark path, but she had to see him, she had to apologize... she had to see his face one more time, before...
The dusty paths in Darktown were bare in the late night, just a few thugs here and there or families with nowhere else to sleep huddled around a small fire, burning what they could just to stay warm. Never mind their hunger, it wouldn't get them as quickly as the cold. The freezing temperatures of Kirkwall in the middle of winter brought with it illness, pain, and death, and there was only one healer for all of Darktown. Claire looked up at the twin flames burning brightly above the clinic and sighed. What was she going to say? What could she say?
Her steps slowed as she neared the open door, seeing Anders healing a patient. The little boy jumped off the bed and ran out ahead of his mother, smiling happily as the woman hugged Anders in thanks. It made Claire's heart twinge. She wanted nothing more than to hug him herself, to have any past resentments disappear, to start anew. But with Justice, she wasn't sure what to expect. She stopped at the doorway, her pulse beating loud in her ears as she watched Anders cleaning up the empty clinic, probably getting ready to turn in for the night. He turned and saw her, freezing in his tracks. She couldn't read his expression, but it troubled her.
She took a couple steps towards him, then hesitated. "Anders..." It came out more a strangled gasp than anything else, but he heard, and hurried over to her, grasping her tightly.
"Claire..." He sobbed. "I thought you'd died!"
"I'm sorry, Anders, I'm so sorry!" She cried, hugging him back. "I messed up and I've never regretted anything more. Please forgive me..."
"Claire, there's nothing to forgive, you didn't do anything wrong." He stepped back, worried.
"I did, I should have listened to you and your fears, but I didn't. I got too cocky, I think, and I underestimated the Templars... I..."
"What happened? Why did you wait so long to find me?" She tried not to cry as she thought about what she'd just escaped, what Evan had saved her from.
"I was captured, Anders." She said, looking away. "I came as soon as I could, Evan knew exactly where you'd gone... but it took him so long to find me, and the others. The Templars... their knight-captain was corrupted, possessed by a Pride demon, and the Templars were allowed t-to do whatever they wanted with us..." He looked at her with horror in his eyes and she felt all the depression come back on her like a tidal wave.
"I should have gone after you..." He murmured, hugging her again. "Then none of this would have happened. I'm... I'm not the same man you fell in love with all those years ago, though I'm sure you know."
"I don't know... there were many different paths, but one was certain, that Rolan was going to betray you, and I failed at stopping him." She started crying again, knowing exactly what had happened.
"He paid with his life. I merged with Justice, and we killed him." Anders sighed. "Tell me, did you know that was going to happen? That I would turn my friend into a demon?"
She pulled back and wiped her eyes as she looked at him. "Not entirely. It was an option I saw at the end of things, but there was another path I suppose I was hoping would be taken, that you wouldn't merge, and he would find his way back into the Fade. But I was unable to achieve that one."
"Why didn't you warn me?" He asked, his tone sounding almost hurt, as if he couldn't believe she wouldn't have told him about something so drastic.
"Because I hoped to change it." She said. "Look, you've already made a life here, starting fresh. I probably shouldn't have come, I just wanted to apologize. You don't need me fucking up your life again and if I hadn't promised, I'd just make you forget me. I should never have talked to you in the first place, I should have just let you think I was dead all those years ago. I don't belong here! I've never belonged in this world... and there's only one way I can think to get out, to make things better. Something I should have finished back in the Wilds. I've hurt too many people, most of all you, and I need to go somewhere I will never hurt anyone again." She looked at him, the tears pouring down her face, and smiled.
He was staring at her with a bewildered and upset expression, reminding Claire of a kicked puppy. "Goodbye, Anders. It was great knowing you and I'm sorry for all the crap I put you through." She turned and hurried towards the door, but she felt a paralyze spell on her, slowing her movements. She shook it off and ran to one of the large openings overlooking the river. She didn't teleport because she didn't really want to leave, but it was difficult. She wanted Anders, so much did she want him, but more than ever did she want to be done with all the pain, and all the pain she'd put him through, by telling him things she should have kept secret and by putting herself in danger without thinking about his feelings.
"Claire, no!" Anders called after her.
"But if I die, then you won't have to worry anymore about me, or my visions." She said, leaning against the fence. "I don't belong here. I'm some sort of magical mistake and I need to fix it. No one should have these powers... I can't handle it anymore, I can't handle the pain, the memories, I can't handle the accusations and limitations, and I can't handle messing up and hurting you anymore..." He was suddenly beside her, gripping her arm.
"I love you, Claire, I've never stopped." He said. "Do you think that your death will not cause me more pain? I thought you were dead for the past year, and then to see you again, alive, has brought me more happiness than I've felt in a long time. Please, stay, help me here. I can't bear to lose you again."
"You care that much about me?" She asked, surprised. Why, she wasn't sure, but it took her off guard nonetheless. "I thought, after everything, you'd not want me around anymore..."
"What did those Templars do to you to make you think such a thing?" He asked. "How could I stop loving you? You have no idea what torture it was not knowing what became of you."
"I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me." She said. "I have a lot to work through, I think." She tried to laugh but it felt hollow.
Anders could almost feel the despair that was plaguing his love, and he was worried for her. She had been willing to jump to her death, fully believing he didn't want her around, and he couldn't understand why or how she could think such a thing, but there she was, still staring at the darkness below them.
"I hope Evan made the Templars pay." He growled as he gripped her tightly in a hug, mostly to make sure she didn't do anything rash.
"We both did..." She said. "As soon as I was freed, I burned whoever was left with my rage. It's fitting, is it not, that we should be fated to be lovers, each burning Templars in rage." She held him tightly as well, and he prayed it would be enough to keep her with him. He could feel a strange conflict within himself and recognized it as Justice being uncertain about Claire being there, though he couldn't deny the love Anders felt for her and their history together. Justice had wondered, while he'd been in Kristoff's body, about love, about the memories he had of Kristoff's wife.
Could he consider Claire his wife? "Claire... will you be my wife...?" She pulled herself quickly away in surprise, staring at him.
"Anders! I... I didn't think you cared about such things. I mean, it's just a label, it doesn't change how I feel about you. If you want to call me your wife, I will be your wife gladly." He kissed her, and she kissed him back, more passionately than ever before.
"Well, who's your friend, Anders?" A cocky voice called out. Anders looked over and saw Hawke, a man with shaggy black hair and beard, red smear across his nose, and twin daggers on his back, walking towards them. Behind him stood Varric, the beardless dwarf with his trusty crossbow, and Fenris, the lyrium tattooed elf from Tevinter. He felt Claire stiffen in his arms as she turned to look. "Maker, what happened to her?" Hawke recoiled.
"Hawke." Anders was not the most pleased to see the man who supported the Templars there, especially at such a delicate time. The last thing he needed was for someone to push Claire further into her depression.
"My name is Claire." Claire said, bristling. "I fought the darkspawn at Ostagar." Hawke composed himself and smiled, taking her hand and swiftly kissed it in an attempt at being suave.
"It's a pleasure to meet you." He said. "They call me Hawke, and this is Varric and Fenris." Varric was giving her a strange look, as if he almost recognized her, but then shook his head. "What brings you to Darktown on such a cold and bitter night?"
She pursed her lips before responding. "Personal reasons, mostly, and some... unfinished Warden business." Hawke raised an eyebrow and looked at Anders. "I was investigating a sect of Templars who had gone against the Chantry, who had... targeted my husband, among others." She glanced at him nervously.
"Husband? You two are married? I take it they've been taken care of then? Are you a Warden as well?" Hawke asked, then turned to Anders. "Was that why you came here, Anders?"
"Only in part." He replied, still not wanting them to know the circumstances involving his joining with Justice. "The other was Karl, as you well know."
"You're not planning on leaving now, are you?" Hawke seemed disappointed.
"You know I can't leave." The healer sighed. "Not until every mage in Kirkwall is freed."
"I pray you never see that happen." Fenris growled. "The last thing this world needs is another Imperium rising up."
Claire stepped between Fenris and Anders quickly. "All right, look, it's been a very long day for me, and I'm exhausted. I'm just going to go find somewhere to sleep... It was nice to meet you all." She smiled, but then Anders saw Fenris grab her arm tightly as he stared at her.
"You seem familiar... I've seen you before... but without the scar." Fenris said.
"You probably saw her in Tevinter." Anders said, not even thinking about the effect his words could have until after they'd left his mouth.
The elf's eyes searched hers, angry, and then there was the recognition. "I do remember you. I saw you with Tyranius. You were his apprentice!" Fenris quickly stepped away from her and grabbed the sword he was carrying, pointing it at her while Varric and Hawke stood there confused. Anders grabbed his staff, but Claire put her hand up to stop him before he could overreact.
"So you're a mage?" Hawke asked. "Are you a magister yourself? Was that Warden business just a lie then?" He seemed upset, but Claire was doubly so.
"Yes I'm a mage!" She managed not to yell, but her voice still echoed against the walls, frustration over everything that had happened to her spilling over, making Anders hurt for her. "I was a slave in Tevinter, nothing more. I succeeded in escaping to Ferelden just before the Blight and spent the next year trying to avoid not only the Templars but the darkspawn as well. I have not lied! The rogue Templars captured me when I got too close, kept me prisoner for almost a year before the Hero of Ferelden saved me and the other captives." Hawke smirked a little and looked at Fenris, shaking his head.
"Well then, now that that's out of the way, what do you say we resume our conversation like normal, civilized people?" Hawke said. Begrudgingly, Fenris put his blade away.
"Do not think this means I'll trust you, mage." He said. "I've seen what your kind has done."
"She is nothing like your magisters!" Anders was fuming. "She has never used her power for personal gain except to free herself from slavery! She has sacrificed a lot to protect others!"
"That doesn't mean she's immune to temptation!" Fenris yelled back.
"What could a demon offer me?" Claire asked, laughing. "What could I possibly want anymore but to be left in peace? Blood magic holds no interest to me, either. Why would I want more power?" Fenris looked at her, suspicious and bewildered, but stayed silent.
"Come on, love, let's find you a place to sleep." Anders put his arm around her shoulders and gently pulled her towards the clinic.
"Claire..." Varric finally spoke up. She turned to face him as he cleared his throat awkwardly before continuing. "You should come up to the Hanged Man one of these days and join us for a pint. I imagine you have some amazing stories you could share." She smiled a little and he winked.
She replied, "I could always tell you the time I was saved from slavers by a handsome dwarf." Her smile faltered as he grinned at her.
"I'd love to hear that one, Seer." He laughed. Anders gave her a questioning look, frowning, but she shook her head.
"Maybe later, though." She said. "I do need to get some sleep..."
Hawke gave her a soft smile, his eyes partially closed. "Well then, may you sleep well and I hope to see you again soon." Anders' grip tightened possessively on her as Fenris turned his head to look at Hawke, a look of uncertainty and surprise. Anders quickly ushered her into his clinic, shutting the doors and barring them behind them.
"You should know Hawke isn't very fond of mages." Anders said.
"He seems to like you well enough." Claire said. Anders didn't really want to admit he had felt jealousy at Hawke showing her any affection.
"Sure, right, he likes torturing me is more like it." Anders scoffed. "The way he drags me around to help him do his dirty work..."
"So why do you go?"
Anders looked down, shrugging before answering. "In the hopes that I might be able to change his mind, that I might be able to save some of the mages he hunts. I'm part of a resistance that tries to free mages from the Gallows. I thought... that Hawke might be persuaded. His own sister was a mage before she died in the Deep Roads but I think that only hardened him to our cause."
"It really means that much to you for him to side with the mages?"
"I can't explain it, it's just a feeling I have about him, that he will be able to do a great deal of good for our cause, if I could only get him to side with us."
Claire looked at the ground thoughtfully. "I wonder... if that's the person in the end of that vision, the shadowy visage with the knife..."
"You mean the one who kills me?" Anders shifted nervously at the thought. "I suppose that would make sense, for him to be the one..."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up..." She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. "I won't let him hurt you. No one will touch you, if I can help it."
"The Maker surely blessed me to have you by my side." He said. "I will try not to get myself in trouble, but I can't make any guarantees. I must help the mages here, and that does require me to risk my life."
"Which is why I must stay and help you." She said. "Someone needs to make sure you stay safe." He kissed her gently, grateful to feel her lips against his again, and she melted into his arms.