Pac-Man's Maze

Snake did not know how he had ended up in this dark maze surrounded by neon blue light. He shouted down his codec to the Colonel. "We don't know how you got there, Snake," the Colonel said. "You were offline for some time. We have no information on where you have been the last twenty-four hours."

Snaked grunted. "It's good of you to finally join me. This place is like purgatory. Seems like I keep walking down the same pathways." He heard heckling down the pathway. Ugh. That's all I need."

"What is it, Snake?"

"This damn dog keeps popping out the walls and mocking me. I'll show that mutt." He unpinned a hand grenade and chucked it at the Duck Hunt Duo. The explosion and the smoke disappeared, but the dog was still there pointing at him, laughing. "Argh! You've gotta be kidding me. That dog can't be there. I must have been spiked."

"We're trying to triangulate your location, Snake. As soon as we do, we shall send you a map. In the meantime, it's best you keep moving."

Snake moved towards the direction the Duck Hunt Duo had now disappeared from. He turned a corner and...

"You have got to be kidding me."

"What is it, Snake?"

"There is a two-dimensional man with no face flipping sausages inside a frying pan. That explains it. I must have been poisoned."

"We've run tests on your bloodstream, Snake. There is nothing unusual inside your body. There really is a man with no face in front of you flipping sausages. His name is Mr. Game and Watch. Be careful. We are unable to analyse this man's motives." Mr. Game and Watch started ringing a bell.

"I think I can tell you, Colonel. This guy is completely nuts." A force struck Snake in the back, throwing him to the ground.

"Oops. Sorry." The man clad in futuristic blue armour lowered his arm to the ground.

Snake grunted. "Are you trying to help me up, or are you pointing a gun at me?"

"Woops." The man held out the hand his Mega Buster was not on. "I'm Mega Man."

"Snake." He let Mega Man help him up. "Is it just me, or can you see a man ringing a bell beside me?"

"I see him."

"Good. I thought I was going mad."

"You will do if you stay in this place too long. I can tell you haven't been here long. You wouldn't make so many explosions if you knew the creature that dwelled here."

"You'd make more explosions if you were being followed around by an annoying dog."

"There's worse things to worry about in here. We dwell in a maze of a hungry, yellow creature who will devour everything that comes into his path. I have seen him eat countless ghosts. He will not hesitate to eat anything. We have to get out of here before he picks up our scent."

"My team is working on a map of the place," Snake said. "Once they have all the data, they should be able to point us to an exit."

"That's good," Mega Man said. "For now, we should keep moving and pray we don't bump into the merciless carnivore."

Mr. Game and Watch followed them. "I guess he's coming too," Snake said.

Ryu had let Pikachu out of the Poké Ball and was letting him lead the way through the maze much to Ken's annoyance. "Why are we following that thing? Did you see what this freak did to that boxer? We should not even be showing him mercy, never mind letting him guide us."

Ryu did not look at Ken. "His owner had great faith in him. He said he was a good Pokémon."

"A Pokémon?" Ryu whined in Ken's ear. "So you're calling them more than just freaks now?"

"We've befriended strange ones before."

"Not ones that threatened to enslave our entire race. You know what this thing did to Little Mac, and I don't just mean during the battle. He tortured him for weeks."

Ryu looked down as Pikachu rubbed his head on his leg. "Pika." Ryu did not crack a smile. He rubbed his chin, thinking.

"Alright," Ken said. "Perhaps he's not evil."

"We follow my lead," Ryu said, turning back down the way they came.

"What? I admit he's not evil, and now you change your mind?"

"I never said he was evil. I choose to lead because of his softness. He does not have the aptitude to lead us."

"Really? After you put so much trust in his nose?"

Pikachu pointed back in the other direction. "Pika! Pika!"

"This way," Ryu ordered. "We will not travel down a blind path."

"Oh, and you know the way to go?" Ken said.

Ryu stopped to think.

The Colonel had put Snake's map online. "At least now we should have an idea where to go," Snake said. "Sheesh. This place is a muddle." Mr. Game and Watch made some kind of digital sounding protest. "I can't understand you, pal."

"Watch out!" Mega Man yelled. The sound of a roaring engine came closer and closer. Snake took out his Nikita launcher and prepared to launch a missile. Too late. The yellow one was on top of them. The trio dived out of the way as Wario whizzed passed them, laughing.

"What a jerk," Snake said, turning his weapon around.

"Let him go," Mega Man said. "He is not the yellow creature we need worry about."

Snake screwed up his face. "Good grief, that guy stinks. I can still smell his odour." Mr. Game and Watch resumed flipping sausages. Snake shook his head. "I don't care what you say, Colonel. I don't believe this is happening."

Waka Waka Waka Waka.

"What is that racket?" Ken asked. Ryu narrowed his eyes staring down the tunnel as the noise loudened.

Pikachu pointed in the other direction. "Pika! Pika!"

"We do not run from a fight," Ryu said.

The yellow ball came around the corner. Pac-Man's eyes lit up as he saw the bodies. Waka Waka Waka Waka.

Ryu gritted his teeth and put up his fists. "Alright, Pikachu. It's time for you to show why your master had so much faith in you."

"Um, Ryu," Ken said. "I don't think he's going to be showing you anything."

"Huh?"

Pikachu had run off in the other direction. As he turned the corner, he heard the tragic scream of the fighters he had walked beside. He knew Pac-Man was not something to fight. He ate you, and that was simply that. Waka Waka Waka Waka loudened. Pikachu froze in fear. If Pac-Man saw him, he would hunt him down and he would devour him. He was the rodent trapped in his carnivores' maze.

A hand grabbed him and pulled him around the corner. Bayonetta held a hand over his mouth and held a finger to her lips. "Shush." She peeked back down the tunnel, seeing Pac-Man coming towards them. "He's following us. Jigglypuff. Put him to bed."

Jigglypuff cleared her throat and sang her ballad. "Jiggerlee-puff, Jigger-lee-ah-ee-ee."

Waka Waka Waka… Wakaaaaa…Wak….

Pac-Man started snoring. Bayonetta smiled at Pikachu. "Come on, little guy. Stay with me."

"You're getting close, Snake," the Colonel said.

"Thank the Lord," Snake said. Mr. Game & Watch was juggling beside him. "If I stay here any longer I'm going to lose my mind. Wait…" The sound of sniggering laughter. "You've got to be kidding me." Duck Hunt Duo laughed at him from the end of the pathway. "Alright, that's it this time." Snake pulled out a hand grenade and marched.

"Calm down," Mega Man shouted. "It's just a duck and a dog."

"It'll be just a dead duck and dog in a minute." Snake threw the grenade. The haze of smoke disappeared, and the duck was still there, mocking him. It turned and ran down the pathway. Snake charged after it. "Come back here you little female dog." Snake shuddered. "What the heck did you to do my codec, Colonel? Why am I swearing like a toddler?" He turned the corner, and there was the duo pointing at him again. He threw his last grenade. The smoke disappeared and there was nothing there. Then he heard the snickering from behind. The duo sped round the corner Snake had just come from.

"Snake," the Colonel said. "Don't you think you're letting your anger of this pet get the better of you."

"Shut up, Colonel." Snake explored his arsenal. "This ought to do the trick," he said, grinning. He pulled out his Nikita gun, crouched down and fired a missile guiding it around the corner.

BOOM!

Something shuddered upon impact. "Gotya."

"Snake, you know the dangers of causing noise in this maze."

"That's why I told you to shut up, Colonel." He turned the corner and saw the trophy of Mr. Game & Watch and Mega Man both with a 200 over their heads, while a pair of eyeballs disappeared down the tunnel. The dog and duck were nowhere in sight. "Dammit!" He touched both trophies on the heart but neither revived.

Click.

Cold, hard metal pressed against his back. "You like to play with guns, huh, big boy?"

"Don't answer that, Snake. It's a trick question."

Snake rolled his eyes. "You think, Colonel?"

"Colonel?" Bayonetta said, pushing Love is Blue into Snakes back. "That be mistress to you."

"I wasn't talking to you, Lady, I…" Pikachu glared at him, flickers of electricity sparkling from his cheeks. "Will you calm your dog down, Ma'am. His static is interfering with my codec." Snake rubbed his eyes. "Wait a second. Is that the yellow cannibal who parades this maze?"

"Does he look like a cannibal to you?" Bayonetta said.

"Even so…" Snake turned to see Jigglypuff singing as she rolled around on her head. His jaw dropped in astonishment. "I don't even know what to say anymore."

Bayonetta dug her gun into his back. "Give me a reason why I shouldn't pull the trigger."

"I can get you out of this maze," Snake said. "I have a map on my codec which would work if you just calmed your dog down."

"Pika!" He gave Snake a little shock.

"Geesh! What is wrong with you!"

"That thing is not a dog, Snake," the Colonel's glitchy voice said. "It's a creature called a Pokémon."

"Pokémon?"

"That's right, Snake. A Pokémon is a…"

"I'm sure the dictionary corner really gets you off," Bayonetta said, overhearing the Colonel's explanation to Snake. "But we need to get going."

"Alright," Snake said. "Let me just look at the map. If we continue down this route we should soon come to an exit."

Waka Waka Waka Waka.

"Sorry, Ma'am, did you just call me what I think you said?"

"Honey, I believe you are one of them, but I did not say it out loud. That be a noise coming from the one you call the yellow cannibal."

Pac-Man was coming.

Snake pulled out Cypher. "Hold on to me," he said. Bayonetta wrapped her arms around his stomach while Pikachu and Jigglypuff each grabbed one of his legs.

"Mind if I squeeze?" Bayonetta said.

"I could think of worse ways to die." Cypher lifted them in the air and carried them through the tunnels.

"Jiggly! Jigglypuff!" The Pokémon lost its grip, plummeting to the ground. Pac-Man closed in on her.

Bayonetta gasped. "No!" Pac-Man devoured the pink ball in one.

"Do you mind not squeezing as hard?" Snake said. Bayonetta growled in his ear. "On second thoughts, keep doing it." They came to a metal door decorated in fanciful, luminous blue wings. "They look familiar."

Sparks flew from Pikachu. "Pika! Pika!"

"Calm down!" Snake yelled. "You're burning my leg!" He let go of the Cypher, and they crashed in a heap on the ground.

Pac-Man blitzed towards them. Waka Waka Waka Waka.

Snake wheezed, veins coursing through his burning face as he tried to lift the door. "I can't budge it."

Bayonetta rolled her eyes. "Allow me." She moaned, sweat dripping down her forehead as she too could not move the door.

"Not so easy, huh?"

"Just shut up and help." Snake crouched down and together they lifted the door to the height of their shins. Their arms wobbled. "Hurry, little man!" Bayonetta yelled. "There is no time!"

Pikachu glanced back at Pac-Man and dashed through to the other side of the door. As it dropped behind him, both Bayonetta and Snake let out an almighty four-letter curse word.

Pikachu was out of the maze. Now, he was stood on a cosmic, purple pathway surrounded by Subspace. Alone.