So only one chapter left, the epilogue. Hope you like this chapter.
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"Did you really think you could make her love you, and then she'd just let you leave?"
The cold air washes over my skin, the icy chill seeping into my bones and it feels like death. Leaning over I heave and empty the contents of my stomach on the snow covered ground. But it doesn't stop, it's as if my body is trying to rid itself of poison, continuously dry heaving over and over again till finally there's nothing left. Everything I know is changed now, it was always changing. I can still feel the warmth of her breath on my neck after she returned, me only being a child, ten years of age knew even then nothing would ever be the same. Some part of my mind recognized I could never share with her what I could share with others, but she was all I had, and yet now I find this girl, the one I love and I'm not sure I really know her at all.
Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I breathe heavily, ignoring how cold it is. The sun is setting and the night will soon be here. My brain tries to understand, to rationalize what's she's done, and some part of me can see it, she wanted to keep me forever. I love her, but if it were reversed I would never harm her, not in the same way, and I guess the same can't be said about her. Slowly I look up to my bedroom window, she's in there, I know it.
All my life I've been alone, I was nothing except for her, and in her I became someone, a person of value, of worth. But these lies and manipulations have gone on long enough. The stark reality crashes upon me full now, she'll never be any different than she is now, she'll always be sick, bitter and wanting to make me pay for her misery, for making her love me. But I have a chance, an opportunity to do better, be better than what she has made me, what she expects of me. And for the first time I think of her face and I'm not overcome with anything, no, all I feel is this numbness, not even the void that's there when she's gone.
Slowly I make my way to the house and up the stairs. Emmett was right, he's always right, and it's time to face the truth, that just because she was condemned to Hell doesn't mean I have to let her drag me down with her. After this I'll find him, and the two of us can start over, somewhere that our past doesn't touch us, we'll start a new life, become new men, and maybe I'll look back at this and see how it took this to finally open my eyes, that everything I will have will be the result of what I'm about to do.
As I reach my door, my hand stops short of the knob. There's this tightening in my chest, and for once I'm not angry, I'm just done. Willing myself, I slowly turn it and open the door.
...
Emmett McCarty sits idly in the bar, drinking his scotch, never letting the bottom of the glass show. Depression ways heavily on his chest, knowing his best friend refuses to see reality, truth. Grasping the glass tightly he tries to ignore the last words from Edward's mouth, how his eyes went wild at the thought of leaving, his behavior in likeness of a caged animal.
` She's all I have, all I want. I love her Emmett, I've always loved her, only Isabella.
Emmett knew at that point it was over, nothing could wake Edward up from his delusion, his fantasy and he refused to watch the painful downfall that surely will happen. No, Emmett determined that he would just leave him and try to carry on with his life. Perhaps go back to Rosalie when the times right. But the pain of losing someone who he once knew as his brother, was something that was going to take a while to get over, but he knew he had to if he ever wanted some semblance of a normal life.
"Another," he mumbled to the bartender, his voice rough, scratchy.
The man merely nods in response before taking his glass and filling it to the brim again. His head feels heavy now, like water sloshing around in it, his body numb and his vision slightly blurry. He knew he was heading for drunk any minute, especially how the world is seemingly spinning some. Nauseated, he clutches his abdomen in an attempt to calm himself, and finally it washes over. But it's the screeching of a woman's voice that immediately alarms him.
...
There she sits on the window sill, head leaned on the window, drawing patterns on the glass, her white dress is flowing around her, and her black hair falling from the pins in it.
She's beautiful, breathtakingly so, but it's not the same. Maybe I'm just not the same person anymore; I see her differently now.
"When I was child I believed you to be the most beautiful girl I had ever known," I started quietly.
Quickly she turns her head and smiles lightly and sadly it meets her eyes.
"And now I look at you," I continue before breaking off slightly. "And you still very much are," I finish.
Her smile turns into an expression of worry, concern, she knows something is off.
"Edward, what is it?" She asks turning her body towards me now.
Her violet eyes are piercing into mine, and now I feel it, the pain and tightening in my chest, and panic because I just want to shake my head and pretend I'm fine but I can't, not this time.
"You were all I had, and I needed you" I begin. "But I grew up and found I didn't need you, I thought I did, but I didn't" I continue stepping back as she stands up, her expression goes dark. "But that's why you did it though, isn't?"
She just looks at me, her eyes now dark and sharp and I'm afraid, and it's been such a long time since I've been this afraid of her.
"What are you going on about?" She asks sharply though I can tell she knows by the look in her eyes, the way her hands clench tightly by her sides.
"I didn't need you anymore and you couldn't stand that, afraid I would leave you because I realized I could live without you," I say my voice stronger and holding my ground. "So you poisoned me, hoping to keep me with you even if it wasn't my choice, even if it was against my will-
"You were leaving me Edward!" she shrieks. "I had given everything to you, allowed myself to feel for you knowing it would only bring me pain and misery in the end," she continues her eyes flashing before her face falls some. "But then I knew you loved me, very much in the same way I loved you, still do" she finishes looking away.
Anger washes over me that she claims she loves me, as if that is some excuse to what she's done.
"You love me?" I yell, pleased when she flinches and I start walking closer to her. "You tried to kill me and yet you claim to love me?" I continue harshly.
As I reach her I grab her by the waist and propel her backwards into the wall hard, leaning in her face.
"That isn't love Isabella, that is obsession." I finish quietly looking her face, her eyes avoiding mine until she slowly meets my gaze.
"I just didn't want to be alone," she whispers.
Immediately my anger dissipates, but instead it leaves me tired, exhausted from everything that comes being with her and I find myself boneless. Her admission doesn't change anything. So I gently release her and step back collecting myself, trying to ignore the tears running down her face.
"I love you," I say quietly but frankly and her expression looks almost relieved. "But that's the problem, because I'll love you straight to Hell if I don't say enough," I continue and immediately she begins shaking her head, her hand raised to her mouth. "So I'm saying it now, I can and will live without you." I finish looking her straight in the eye.
I vaguely see she's standing by the door now but I walk briskly to my closet and begin throwing things in a suitcase, ignoring her presence in the room. When I finish I turn around and she standing in front of the door. Her chest is heaving slightly, her body pressed back against the door. Walking slowly up to her, I just look at her, one last glance before making her move.
"You're not leaving me," she says. Her voice is broken, pleading and it almost makes me break to her will. But that's the thing with the word almost, it just gives the hope without the reality.
...
Rosalie Hale should not be here, even in Emmett's drunken haze he knew that a woman like her, a woman with morality and virtue has no place in such an establishment as this one. And yet here she was, face stained with tears, and eyes rimmed red and he knew without even asking that it has everything to do with his delusional friend, the very expression on her face shows him everything she isn't saying.
Grasping her arm, not paying much attention to the crying mumblings coming from her mouth, he gently leads her outside. The air is cold, chilling him to the bone and she looks like an utter wreck, never before has he seen her in such a state, hair askew, eyes puffy red, stained face.
"What's he done?" He asks immediately and immediately she quiets and looks shocked at how he knows the situation all too well.
Shaking her head some, her crying comes back full force, her words unintelligible.
"He and she," she begins hysterically. "I, he and he God!" she continues looking up at the blackened sky.
Grasping her hands he takes a step closer to her. Worry fills his body, the alcohol making it seem even worse.
"I thought he loved me," she begins still crying now looking at him. "He said he loved me," she continues stronger as she grasps his shirt. "But he doesn't, he's never really loved me only her, and yet he touched me, marked me his and now what am I?" She continues wailing. "I am ruined!" She screams before collapsing into him.
Her confession doesn't shock him, the truth was always bound to come out at some point, but still, her crying form and pain-filled eyes doesn't help the anger that begins to overtake his now intoxicated senses. He wants to lash out, find Edward and tie him to the back of his car and drag him down the street, but instead he holds Rosalie, whispering in her ear, consoling her broken heart.
"It will be alright," he says quietly. "I promise you I'll make you better," he continues as he shushes her and holds her shaking form to him.
"The way he wrote about her, Isabella" she begins and hairs raise on the back of his neck. "I only wanted him to see me in the same way," she carries on.
But Emmett is now no longer concerned about the crying girl in his arms, but his friend now. He figured that she knew there was someone else, but having him hear her name spoken aloud brought on a whole new onslaught of fears. How much did she know about the truth, and did she tell anyone.
"Rosalie, did you tell anyone?" He says abruptly stepping back from her.
She just looks at him strangely.
"What?" She asks in return as if confused by the question.
"Did you say to anyone about Isabella?" He asks again, his voice harsh and she stumbles back as if she's been slapped.
He knows she's not used to this sort of treatment from him, but he doesn't have time to worry about hurting her feelings if his friend is in danger. But her face goes from hurt to angry.
"How dare you! He's just ruined my life and you-
"Who did you tell Rosalie!" He yells coldly and she flinches back.
Guilt runs heavily through him, he knows she's been hurt enough, but he needs an answer now.
"H-his mother," she says and now panic crashes over him. "I told her that he left me-
Suddenly she stops mid-sentence as Emmett cups her face in his hands.
"I'm sorry for what he did to you, but I have to find him," he interrupts.
...
"I am," I say still not moving, my voice is harsh, my arms now caging her in. "I am and this time you won't make me stay, I'm done with you Isabella," I finish coldly, my voice much colder than I actually feel as I grasp the knob.
Immediately her eyes, once held with such sadness, agony turn hard, cold in such a swift moment, like a switch. Suddenly she's grasping my shirt and shoving me backwards with force I didn't know she had, her eyes are wild, like a wounded animal, nearly crazed. Quickly I grab her wrists and try to force her grasp off me, but instead she keeps hitting and kicking me and suddenly I go falling to the floor. Rolling us, she lands on top of me, pinning me under her. My hands immediately try to grab at her wrist to push her off me, but she just gets out of my grasp only to grab my hands and pin them hard to the floor.
"You're not leaving me," she states again, her voice so cold, deadly and a shiver goes down my spine from her tone. "Never again."
White hot hatred burns through me because once again she's just taking what she wants, and this isn't love, I'm not sure what it is, but it isn't love. Maneuvering my leg around hers, I struggle to roll us over but finally accomplish it, this time pinning her down looking at her hard.
"It's over Isabella," I say before finally attempting to get up.
"No!" She screams loudly, her cry is filled with hatred and agony and suddenly she grabs my ankle before I can fully get up, so I start kicking at her, I vaguely hear a crash beside us as we struggle more, but then I smell it, smoke.
Immediately we both stop and look in the direction of the table knocked over during our fight. Red and orange ignite everywhere, the candle lying on the floor, fire catching fabric of the curtains. Panic seizes me as I get up ignoring the way her gaze lands on something behind me. Running to the curtains I try to get them down, to stomp the fire out, but it's too much.
I hear Isabella behind me, but I ignore her while trying to figure out a way to stop the fire. But then she touches me and I flinch at the contact. Turning around, her eyes are hard, cold, a set determination in them. Her hand clenches something but I can't seem to turn from her gaze.
"I won't let you leave me," she says calmly and it sets my brain in motion. "You love me and you need me." Her voice steady, stating a fact.
"No Isabella," I say quietly. "Not anymore" I finish.
Her eyes flash at my reply.
"Then I will see you in Hell," she spits out before hitting me clear across the face with a whiskey bottle and throwing it to the fire. Pain spreads from my face, but it's the way the smell of smoke suddenly igniting that catches my attention.
Fire is everywhere, and my head is pounding, and she's standing there looking at me. My vision blurs as I stumble backwards, coughing loudly I collapse to the ground, the smoke entering my lungs and I feel blood pouring from the wound to my face. Red and orange is everywhere and some part of me realizes I'm burning to death, that I'm dying and I begin to laugh.
Indeed she will see me in Hell.
"What's worse Isabella," I say raspy. "Living forever without the man who loves you, or living forever with the same man who now hates you?" I cough out.
Groaning I slowly turn over and face her. The way the flames burn everything around us and still she's the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. And maybe what I fear the most is she's just done what I've never had the courage to do in the first place, my own dark secret that even I was too much of a coward to admit to myself.
I'll come back. I swear I'll come back.
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Please let me know what you think. Only one chapter left!