Sorry guys...its getting harder to think up ideas now! i'll keep at it, although i'm swanning off on holiday in a few days so i may not update for a little while :/ soorrrryyyy! ... greatguest - fabulous! haha! ...
Tilly was boxing up her stuff, Uni just a couple of days away. Both her parents and Jen were going to drive down with her as she had a lot to take, and they all wanted to see her settled in. The joys of over protective parents, Tilly mused. She'd much rather just go alone with Jen, she wanted to make a good impression on her house mates after all, and waving off parents would be hideously embarrassing.
As the day went on, boxes were stacking up, and Tilly's room was beginning to look bare and unrecognisable, every essence of Tilly packed away for its new life in Cambridge. Jen had come round to help her pack, and the pair were joking and teasing all afternoon, yet deep down both of them feeling their insides churning with the thought of being without one another.
'We'll be ok won't we Jen?' Tilly asked, voicing her concern rather than bottling it up. 'You will come and visit all the time right?...and I'll come home…every weekend!...and after a while you can come and move to Cambridge with me?' There was an awkward pause as Jen's mind whirred. 'Jen?!' Tilly asked again, anxiety setting in the longer Jen took to reply.
All the brunette could muster was, 'yeah…' trailing off, her mind clearly thinking more, but her mouth not speaking it.
'Jen, what's going on in that head of yours?' said Tilly, knowing full well what Jen was like with opening up, 'just tell me!'
Jen hesitated again before beginning, 'I really don't know what you want me to say Tilly...I mean…short of winning the lottery...or...or I don't know…trying to sell Liam's body to the highest bidder! I'm pretty much screwed!...Stuck here in a dead end job, without you, while you're off having the best time of your life...' said Jen, managing to hold back tears until she'd finished, drops now trailing silently down her cheeks.
Tilly moved in close and cupped her face, brushing away her tears with her thumbs. Her heart broke at the sight of Jen so upset before her...because of Uni, because of her.
She hesitated for a moment, taking in all of Jens sorrow, 'I won't go...' she said with complete sincerity, her voice full of concern.
Jen lifted her eyes to meet Tilly's on hearing those words, the words she so desperately wanted to hear, even though they were empty, she wouldn't allow them to be true even though Tilly had meant it.
'No Tilly...this is your time...I wouldn't let you do that, you know I wouldn't...I'm sorry, I'm just finding it really hard,' said Jen earnestly.
'Nothing means more to me than you Jen!...The best time of my life was when I met you! And all of the time we've had after that!...If you don't want me to go, I wont...or I could try and transfer to Hollyoaks or somewhere nearer so I wouldn't need to leave?!'
Jen smiled as she watched Tilly's cogs turning, desperately trying to think up new ideas, but inside she was breaking, 'Tilly...No!' was all she could muster, as the red head trailed off and looked deep into Jens eyes, consumed with guilt and torment, and deep down the knowledge that there was no way to make this better.
'Cambridge is where you need to be for this...I would never stand in the way of that...living away is half the fun of Uni, I'd never make you stay,' Jen said, pausing for a moment, 'you need to experience it all...and not have me holding you back,' she said, another onset of tears starting to fall.
'What are you saying?' said Tilly, in complete disbelief of what Jen seemed to be suggesting, 'are you breaking up with me?'
There was an awkward pause, as a hesitant Jen finally broke the silence, 'Tilly...'
'No Jen, don't you dare!...What the hell?!...What was all that bollocks with the ring you got me for my birthday?! Forever, you said!...So don't you dare do this to me!...We're in this together, and we'll bloody well figure out a way to make this work, ok!...I won't lose you Jen! No way!' said Tilly, forcefully reminding her brunette of what matters.
All Jen could muster was, 'I'm sorry, I don't want to hold you back…I don't want you to miss out on things because you want to come home to me...I...'
Tilly pushed her finger onto Jen's lips to stop her flow before saying, 'and you think me being there completely heartbroken and missing you more cos I can't have you is going to be a better option?!.. Seriously?!...We've come through bigger problems than a bit of a distance...We'll manage!...You're my rock, if I don't have you then I definitely won't be able to do it, you hold me together, not back!'
Jen flashed her a weak smile but 'I'm sorry…' was all she could utter.
Tilly pushed her lips onto Jens before pulling back to say, 'would you please stop worrying...I can't believe you just tried to end this!...Do you want to end this?' she added, paranoia unsettling her thoughts.
'No…of course not!...I just…I wanted to do the right thing…for you,' said Jen, swashing her palm across her own face to wipe away her teary cheeks.
'The right thing for me Jen is you!...Don't you ever do that to me again!...Ok?!' Tilly said in response, staring deep into Jen's eyes so she knew she meant it, both brimming with tears, trying to hold them back.
All Jen could do was pull the teen in towards her and hold her body tightly against hers, muffling 'I love you,' into Tilly's shoulder.
…..
A couple of days later they were all packed up and ready to go. Tilly went with Jen, as her parents drove down separately. It was a 3 and a half hour journey, and all Jen could think about was the distance. She was trying to be cheery for Tilly's sake, but deep down she was breaking, bored of driving, but desperately not wanting the journey to end as they'd have reached Tilly's destination.
Tilly had seemed excitable all day, and so she should have, Jen could remember her own arrival at halls, the beginning of a new adventure. The problem was that this would be a new beginning just for Tilly. Jen knew that the teen would soon grow out of her, grow apart from her, and all she could do was sit back and watch it unfold, helpless. She could feel tears beginning to rise, her eyes welling up. She pulled her sunglasses down from the top of her head to cover her sorrow, Tilly none the wiser as she bobbed along to the booming radio, still bubbling in anticipation.
That was it, they'd arrived, her parents not far behind them.
'This looks beautiful love!' said her mum as she scanned their surroundings, Tilly just beaming with excitement.
She went to speak to the on-site staff and returned with an information pack and a set of keys, directing her family towards her building.
Tilly's room was surprisingly large, a shared bathroom and kitchen area just along the corridor.
Her team of helpers bundled all of her things into her room, as Tilly began unpacking, and making the space her own. Jen couldn't help but stop and gaze at her before returning to the car for the next load, Tilly seemed really happy, yet Jen felt like she was dying inside. She melted to see Tilly enjoying decorating her room, but she couldn't help her stomach churning at the idea that Tilly wasn't going to miss her half as much as she was, why was she not showing any sort of sadness about this!?
Tilly's parents said their goodbyes as the evening drew in, her mum trying to hold back tears as she hugged her.
Other students were beginning to arrive with their own car loads, and Jen was conscious that she probably ought to leave Tilly to it as well, let her make friends and settle herself in.
'I probably better go as well Tilly…' she said softly as she passed her a pile of flattened cardboard boxes, 'I'm sure you'll want to go and introduce yourself to people.'
Tilly stuck out her bottom lip, 'oww!...I don't want you to go!...Can't you stay? At least for tonight?' she said.
Jen dipped her head as she felt a rush of emotion ride over her, her eyes beginning to water again. This time Tilly could see it. She'd been studying the brunettes face for a sign of her wanting to stay, she hadn't expected tears.
'Jen?' she said, moving forwards and lifting Jen's head gently by her chin, 'hey…what's going on?'
Jen couldn't hold it in, as soon as she saw Tilly's concerned eyes looking into hers, she burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. All Tilly could do was pull her in and hold her tightly, stroking her hair. 'Shhhh…It's ok…' she said softly, kissing Jen's head now and again.
When the break-down had finally subsided, Jen lifted her eyes to meet Tilly's again as the teen said, 'I thought it was meant to be me who cries? Being left here all on my lonesome,' a smirk spreading across her face as she tried to brighten the mood, knowing Jen would tell her what had just happened when she was ready.
'God…sorry…' Jen said, embarrassed at her outburst. She blew out a big exhale of air, wiping her face with her palms. 'That has totally wiped me out!' she said with a weak smile, trying to pull herself back to normal. 'I should get going…'
Tilly looked at her blankly before questioning her, 'erm?!...are you not going to tell me what that was just about?!'
'Oh I'll be fine, don't worry, you know I'm an emotional train wreck,' Jen said, trying to pass over it.
'Jen!...would you just tell me…please!' said Tilly, exasperated at Jen's constant bottling.
'I just…' she paused, unsure if she should say how she really felt, 'I just…feel like this is goodbye…' she lowered her head, distraught that she could feel like that, battling between her rational thoughts and her knowledge of University life.
Tilly's eyes began to tear up as she stood speechless, unable to comprehend the idea.
'Do you not feel like that?' Jen said as Tilly hadn't replied. 'You've been so happy all day, I just don't see you wanting to be with me once you've settled in to life here…I feel like I need to let you go…set you free to do this…'
Tilly took a sharp intake of breath as Jen's words cut deep to the core. 'I will never feel like that...we spoke about this the other day…and actually I was trying to enjoy our last day together, and not dwell on this evening when you'd have to leave…I'm not happy Jen…I'm breaking…and now you're trying to break up with me again!...you're just putting up barriers to stop this hurting, but it will just hurt 10 times more if you do this!...I have no doubt in my mind that we can get through this, we live in the 21st century Jen, we have phones and webcams and means to get to each other…how can you say you think this is goodbye!?'
Jen was processing, still torn. 'I just can't compete with this Tilly,' she said, completely dejected.
'Why does it have to be a competition? Why can't you just trust me, and believe me when I say that I love you, and that I can't be without you…It you leave me over this then I am dropping out and coming straight home to be with you, so theres your options!'
Jen's face brightened slightly as she tried to pull herself out of the state she'd gotten herself into. Her mind had completely gone into overdrive, thinking up scenarios that hadn't even happened yet, bringing up her past as though it would re-play out that way. She hadn't even thought that maybe it would actually be ok, that their love was strong enough to withstand the distance, and the new people that Tilly would meet. She'd always been insecure that Tilly deserved someone so much better, someone that didn't have to hide their relationship from the beginning, someone closer to her age who wasn't afraid to show their feelings. Jen had constantly been amazed that Tilly would choose her, and as she reminisced over the past year or so, she couldn't help but smile. She was bringing herself back into reality, back into her normal, sane frame of mind.
She immediately grabbed Tilly and passionately pushed their lips together, the kiss heightening as their tongues entwined and Jen's hands began to wander down Tilly's back towards her bum. Tilly smiled beneath the kiss as this could only mean that Jen had come to her senses. Things were heating up when they were disturbed by a knock at the door. They pulled apart instantly and looked at each other quizzically before Tilly went to answer it.
'Hi there!' came a bubbly female voice, a slender brunette making her way in, 'Oh hi!' she added on noticing Jen. 'I'm Jess, room next door!' she said, gesturing the direction.
'Ah great! Hi! Tilly!' the red head replied, 'and this is Jen…my girlfriend,' she said, beaming a smile across to her, Jen mirroring it as Tilly had publically made it known to her first housemate within seconds.
The neighbour looked slightly surprised, but it didn't throw her and she invited them both out for drinks with the rest of the housemates to get introduced.
Since Jen had calmed down she'd agreed to stay the night, and Tilly had been introducing them both to everyone all night as a couple, which made Jen feel so much more at ease. She felt like maybe she could be a part of this new adventure as well. They had a great night getting to know everyone, but were glad to get back to the room after such a long day, Jen exhausted from her earlier break-down.
As soon as they got in Jen was fiddling with the back of her necklace to try and take it off as Tilly walzed her way over and slid her hands around her waist from behind, nuzzling into her neck which caused a slight scream. Jen turned immediately to stop the tickling sensation in her neck, completely beaming at Tilly, the smile that could melt her everytime. The red head beamed back and pushed her lips onto Jen's before saying, 'I love you so much!...I had a really good night, did you?...I loved showing you off!' she said with a smirk, causing Jen's grin to widen as she gazed adoringly into Tilly's eyes.
'I love you to!...I'm so sorry for earlier Tilly, I didn't think you'd need me anymore…' she trailed off, trying not to go back over it all again, simply wanting to apologise.
Tilly chuckled, 'I will always need you Jen…please don't ever think that...you're everything to me!'
'And you are to me,' said Jen with a sincere smile.
'When you go home I want you to look at that painting I got you from Keswick!...that moment in time…that feeling…that doesn't stop, whether I'm in your arms, or miles away...I…Love…You!' she said, kissing her between the last three words.
Jen couldn't do anything but smile, pulling Tilly into her embrace, stroking her back and squeezing her tightly. 'I love you to Miss Evans…so very much!' she said, bringing their emotional day right back to how it should be, just them and their unconditional love for each other. They kissed again, which quickly heated up and lead to the christening of her bed, the pair finally left exhausted, and naked, their bodies tightly entwined in the single bed. Jen snuggled into Tilly from behind, kissing her neck softly as she felt the teen heavy breathing beneath her, already fast asleep. Jen smiled to herself, in complete disbelief that she nearly ruined this, yet again. Seriously Jen…Sort yourself out! She thought to herself as she nestled into Tilly's back, stop running, and bloody well fight for this…for her!