Otis hated it when he went through those days of hating himself. Those days happened less frequently than they used to since Lily had been on the scene, even less so since she had agreed to marry him. Lily accepting his marriage proposal had been conformation that she did truly love him that she was willing to spend the rest of her life with him so if she could love him for who he was why couldn't he? But he had the odd days where he hated himself, everything about him, his looks, his personality everything and today was one of those days.

He stared into the bathroom mirror, glaring at himself clutching the edge of the sink. He hated those blue eyes the ones that were just like his fathers. He had his father's eyes there was no denying that, as a small child he had stared up at those eyes begging for mercy often enough to know that they were the same.

He had put on so much weight since being with the Firefly family, he was a healthy weight now but didn't see it that way he hated what his body had become. All those years since he was a little boy he had believed that starving himself had been a way to avoid abuse, the skinnier he was the less attractive he would be and the less he would be abused and now that he was a healthy weight it made him nervous scared that he may be abused again now he was less gaunt, he hated himself for allowing himself to gain this weight. Since gaining the weight he had tried his best to avoid Cutter, although they had ironed out most of the creases of their strained relationship he could never forget the abuse that Cutter (the person he thought would finally be a loving father figure) too had put him through, and now he had gained this weight he thought that he could now be in potential danger of Cutters interests again.

Otis jumped startled by a sudden gentle knock on the door.
"Baby... Otis are you ok?" Lily asked gently through the door, he had been in that bathroom for quite a while and she was worried.
"Yeah S'nothin' I'm alright" He mumbled back not taking his eyes off his reflection in the mirror.
"Otis please let me in" She begged, she knew there was something wrong.
"I'm ok mama I'll be out in a minute" Lily sighed he was stubborn and if he had decided not to let her in there was no chance of persuading him.

Lily could tell when Otis finally came out of the bathroom that he wasn't OK, Otis always tried his best to conceal his feelings and thought he was great at it but Lily could always read him like a book, sometimes he hated her for being able to do that.
"Otis you ok?" She asked walking up to him and wrapping her arms round his waist. Otis gave a small nod and smiled weakly. "What's wrong baby having a tough day?" Lily asked, he nodded there was no point lying to her she could always see right through him.
"How about giving Rufus a miss I'm sure he can manage?" Lily suggested and Otis agreed.

Lily laid out the living room, made him a drink and put out a few of Otis's favourite snacks. Otis came down in his ripped jeans and grey vest; he gave a confused frown as he saw that Lily had turned the living room in to a den.
"What's this mama?" He chuckled with confusion.
"It's a den, no dens in your childhood either?" Lily dared ask hoping that in between abuse there might have been moments of childish play in an attempt to amuse himself.
"Only in an attempt to hide from dad" Otis grunted, Lily stopped a sob that was threatening to emerge.
"Well this is different, I thought if the worlds getting you down we can spend the day hiding from it" She said smiling "There's cushions in there, blankets, snacks and drinks" Lily pulled the sheet aside to make an entrance and crawled in, sceptically Otis followed.

Seeing the goofy chipped tooth cheek dimpled smile that Otis gave when he crawled in made her heart explode with happiness. He looked like a little child experiencing a den for the first time; Lily would give anything to have been able to change Otis's childhood. Lily handed him a hot beverage as he snuggled up next to get leaning against the sofa, he took a sip and sighed happily as he leaned his head against her shoulder a blanket pulled up to his beard. Lily bent her head down and kissed him on the forehead.
"Love you Otis" She whispered.
"Mmm love you too mama" He mumbled sleepily, she gently stroked his hair until he fell asleep.

"What are you goofs doing?" Baby chirped suddenly sticking her head into the fort.
"Shhhhh" Lily said putting a finger to her lips.
"What is all this?" Baby laughed.
"Otis wasn't feeling too good so I made him a den" Lily giggled.
"Awwww bless him, you're so sweet with him I'm glad he has you after all he's been through"
"Still going through" Lily said and Baby nodded.
"He's a lot better than he was though" Baby said cheerfully.
"Yeah he is he's doing well" Lily stroked his hair; he gave a moan in protest "Shhhh" She comforted.
"Well I'll leave you guys too it before I wake him up" Baby whispered before disappearing back out of the fort.

Otis groaned in protest as he woke up and rubbed his eyes, Lily loved how sleepy and cute he looked when he had just woke up.
"Mmm hay mama"
"Feel better?" Lily asked smiling, Otis nodded Lily curled up into his chest.
"Why me mama?" Otis mumbled sleepily.
"Why you what?"
"Why do you love me?" Lily laughed in response.
"What is there not to love" She said in response, Otis shrugged.
"At the minute mama I'm struggling to find one thing that you'd love" Otis grunted.
"Otis..."
"No I'm serious, I got my dad's fucking eyes, I've gained like fifty pound a beard to hide my fucking scar and not to mention the fucking hidden scars inside me" He ranted.
"Otis I love you scars and all, I just love YOU, everything that you are" Lily said pulling him close to her and kissing him on the forehead. "I wish you could love yourself as much as I love you"
"I know you do mama the effort you've gone to today shows that, sometimes I just wonder why"
"I love you because you're my Otis, you my handsome, sweet, goofy sexy Otis and I wouldn't want you any other way" Lily whispered kissing him deeply on the lips.

They were disrupted by an ominous plate of cookies sliding its way through the door of the den.
"Thought you kids might like some freshly baked cookies" Mother Firefly called "They normally make Otis feel better" Lily looked at Otis and saw the nervous look he gave the cookies.
"Go one baby have one" She smiled "I love you just the way you are, I wouldn't change you for the world, you've escaped all your past you're in no more danger just because you're a normal weight you're safe" Lily reassured.

The goofy smile reappeared as he was given confirmation and reassurance that he was loved and he was safe and given the go ahead to tuck into his favourite treat. She couldn't help but look and see that tiny ten year old Otis as he tucked into the cookies wrapped in a blanket. She really wished that that had been his real childhood instead of the horror that he had had to experience.
"Thank you mama" He mumbled with a mouthful of cookies, relishing the sugar the years of being denied food let alone tasty sugary treats had made Otis develop such a sweet tooth once he was living with the Firefly family.
"One day Otis I hope you'll learn to love yourself" Lily sighed but he was too deep into the enjoyment of cookie heaven to pay attention to what he was saying. She was glad the fort had helped him and she would continue to make all the effort she could do help him through whatever demons he faced, because he was her Otis and she would always love him no matter what.

In the evening Otis disappeared for a while, the den had helped him a lot convincing him that he was loved by Lily a lot he understood that even though he hated himself other people could still love him. But Lily could only help him part of the way she hated to think what he was doing to his victim to help him get over his bad day all of the way but she didn't really want to know. As long as he could get over this self hate he could do whatever he liked to his victim she just wanted her goofy happy silly man back. He needed blood and violence to fix the parts that she couldn't.