A/N: So sorry the chapters have been so short lately. I'll try to make the next one a bit longer,

also because the next one will probably be the final chapter.

I have no idea of time anymore, again. All I know is that it's been a while and that I am now in the Capitol. The war is over, the rebels won. But still I feel like Snow, even though he lost, has a grip on me. And he will probably always have a grip on me. It's not just the Capitol torture or Finnick's death that haunt me in my dreams anymore, it's all the tributes I killed, all the tributes I lost the years after. All those deaths. I feel like everything is my fault. The amount of blood I have on my hands is impossible to wash off. It'll always be there.

I look around my new bedroom. It's in Snow's mansion but, thankfully, not even remotely close to where Snow spent most of his time. Everyone else is staying here as well. Haymitch, Katniss, Enobaria, Posy,

There's a knock on my door.

…and Gale.

I don't tell him to come in, I know he'll just do it.

And he does.

"How are you feeling?" he says in a soft tone.

My back is facing him so I say nothing and stare out the window. It really is a beautiful sight. The once so shiny Capitol in rubble.

"Let's go outside. Get some fresh air. You've been in here for far too long."

"You can get some fresh air by yourself," I snap at him.

"Actually, your head doctor ordered it…"

I jolt up immediately. "You've been ratting me out, haven't you?"

A look of guilt spreads across his face. "It's not healthy, what you're doing. I'm just looking out for y-"

"I don't need you to babysit me!"

He sighs and rolls his eyes. "I'm not babysitting, Johanna. I'm just being a friend."

I get out of bed, ignoring the fact that I'm only wearing shorts and a tank top, and walk over to him.

"And since when are you my friend?" I ask him. "Since you let my best friend die so you and Katniss could walk safely out of that sewer?"

"Wh-What?" he stammers.

"Yeah, I know everything. And don't make the mistake of thinking I'll ever forgive you for that."

His face reddens. "Look Johanna, Finnick couldn't be saved. And if we had gone back in there, we would've all died."

"You don't know that!" Tears are streaming down my face now. "You don't know that! Finnick could've lived right now, could've enjoyed his freedom, could've enjoyed the fact that he was going to be a father, but thanks to you, Annie's baby will grow up without knowing his father!"

I pound my fists on his broad chest in anger but he doesn't budge. Somewhere in my mind I know that he feels guilty too, and maybe that's the reason why he lets me beat him up.

"And Prim!" I screech. "She died because of you as well! Prim was the only one I had left when I was in Thirteen. I had exactly three friends at that time, and you took two of them away! Why? So you could take their place? Is that what you want?"

He suddenly takes my fists in his hands. "I loved Prim as if she were my sister! I would never do-"

"You would never but still you did! Try telling Katniss you never meant to hurt her little sister, I doubt she'll believe you! Oh but wait, she doesn't want to see you, right?"

"No," he says in a soft voice.

"Well then I hope you get my message too: GO AWAY. I don't want you to be my friend. You can and will never replace Finnick because he was ten times the man you'll ever be. If I had a sister or brother, he would never ever hurt them the way you hurt Prim. He would never leave someone behind to protect his own life. He was a true friend and all you are is some pathetic love-sick jealous boy who had the opportunity to have power and you took it with both hands. From where I'm standing, you're no better than Snow himself."

My rant has silenced him and it looks like he'll never open his mouth again. I realize how hard my words must've been but I meant every single word. No one will understand the pain I feel. In the most difficult time of my life I had Finnick by my side. And when Finnick wasn't there, someone was brave enough to step up and take care of me. Prim was a very good friend as well. They were both there when I had no one, when I was about to break. No one will understand how it feels like to be me, to feel utterly alone once again. But I'd rather be utterly alone than make friends with the devil, which is what Gale is to me right now.

"I don't ever want to see you again. Now leave," I finish.

He looks at me for a second, then sighs and closes his eyes and instead of heading towards the door, he sits down in one of the many chairs in the room and buries his head in his hands. I still don't feel bad for him, no matter what he tries.

"Fine," I snarl. "You wanted me to get out of this room. Well, looks like you're getting your wish."

I take a dark blue sweatshirt from the closet and slam the door shut behind me.

I look left and right, not really sure where to go to. I decide to go left.

On my way to wherever I pass several people but I don't say anything to them and they don't say anything to me. For some reason I think they're afraid of me.

A familiar face suddenly stands in front of me and a grin is immediately plastered on my face. It's the first almost-smile in weeks.

"Enobaria," I say.

She grins devilishly back. "Johanna. I'd say good to see you again but I've never really enjoyed the sight of you."

Finally someone who doesn't treat me differently or doesn't hover all the time. "The feeling's completely mutual, E-B."

"So, what have you been up to lately, besides crying and being completely pathetic?"

I shrug. "Oh you know, nothing much besides crying and being completely pathetic. You'd know the feeling if you ever had a heart."

A fake laugh escapes her lips. "Just because I'm practically the only girl who didn't fall for Finnick Odair's charms doesn't mean I don't have a heart. I'm just not that type of girl, but you obviously are."

"Not that type of girl? Says the girl who was head-over-heels in love with Gloss."

There's no fake laugh or grin following that line, at least not from her.

"I was not in love with Gloss."

"Oh sure you weren't, you were just watching him occasionally, and you just happened to go swimming whenever you knew he was in the pool and…Should I go on?"

"So what are you saying, Mason? I was following him like you followed Finnick? Like a lost puppy?"

I smirk mockingly. "No, because Finnick actually liked me. Here's a newsflash for you, honey: Finnick and I were best friends. Did Gloss even know your name?"

There's a sharp pain in my cheek where Enobaria's hand smacked it. I start laughing. This is what I've been waiting for. An excuse. An outlet.

I turn my head around to face her, still laughing. She looks back at me, confusion all over her face, before my fist collides with her jaw. Not a second later, we're both on the floor, hitting each other wherever we can.

For the first time in months, I feel alive again. I can do something. It doesn't matter what, it doesn't matter it's a trivial and non-important thing, it's something.

It's only a fight. But for some reason I need to fight. For years all I ever did was fight. No one can expect me to suddenly not fight anymore if it's all I've known for years.

In some time, I will need to find something to fight for. But for now, fighting with Enobaria is all I can handle. And it's enough for me to feel alive again.