Due to the response of the last chapter in reviews and PM's, I felt it was a responsibility to say something, as a woman and as a female sexual freedom advocate. Unfortunately, the body and mind are not always congruent in response to stimulation. There are some fantastic resources and informational websites out there if you are interested in expanding your understanding of the fairly common occurrence of physical arousal during assault. Google "Pandora's Project + sexual arousal & sexual assault." It can get your feet wet while leading to other fantastic resource sites.
Not only will this provide better understanding of Emma's response but also Regina's need for sexual dominance. Unfortunately, extreme feelings of guilt and shame, especially in cases of repeated rape, often causes the survivor to relive those fantasies during self-pleasuring and even to recreate the scenario with partners in order to alleviate those negative feelings associated with sexual arousal.
I'm thrilled to have had the opportunity to say all of this, and if I've helped even one person be more aware or feel less alone while struggling with their own survivor-hood, then this story really means something. I promise, I don't just throw these things in to be sick or for shock value. Everything has a deeper meaning, and sometimes you have to go to the dark places in order to find it.
That said, I shall step off my soapbox and get to the good stuff! As always, bless you for the reviews and follows! Unfortunately, I may miss my daily installments for a few days depending on my mental state and free time. My granddaddy is having a triple bypass tomorrow, so imagine your own personal hero asking you to make the decision to put him under the knife for open heart surgery. It's the hardest decision I've ever made.
Song: True Colors by Cyndi Lauper (aka the one Emma would listen to as opposed to Regina), The Woman with You by Kenny Chesney
"Emma!" Astrid squealed when she emerged from the bathroom. The fairy's thin frame slammed into her, and Emma smiled despite her dark thoughts of Regina's life.
"Hey Astrid," she greeted with genuine joy.
"You really are The Savior, aren't you? No one else keeps coming back from that awful place," she gushed as she released Emma from the tight embrace and flitted across the room.
"I picked you an outfit, and I also brought your packages up. They're on the bed."
"Astrid, I'm not wearing that," Emma dismissed the pants suit Astrid held up and focused on the packages on the bed. "Grab me some jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt and my black boots."
Astrid followed her instruction while Emma tore into the boxes which had one slit cut into the tape across the top flaps. Astrid's doing, no doubt, since she probably wasn't allowed to have sharp instruments. Of course, what she searched for had to be the last one she picked up, and Emma rolled her eyes. The beautiful sight, however, erased the slight irritation and she pressed the familiar object to her nose and inhaled deeply. She chuckled self-consciously when Astrid's brow furrowed in confused amusement.
"It's nice to have something familiar," Emma explained with a shrug and tossed her wet towel onto the bed before donning each piece of clothing Astrid gave her.
"The Queen will loathe it," Astrid predicted, and Emma smirked to herself as she buttoned her indigo skinny jeans and then slipped into her socks and boots.
"That's the plan," Emma confided with a wink and accepted the shirt her maid held up to her. She felt silly for accepting assistance to dress, but Astrid seemed happy to do it and Emma wanted her to feel useful.
"Astrid," Emma said in a suddenly serious tone, and the maid froze with a hair brush hovering between them, her intention of taking after Emma's tangled hair forgotten. "What have I missed?"
"You know that Mason arrived two days ago?" Emma nodded. "He's a sweet boy. He told me that I was too pretty to be a maid," Astrid shared the anecdote with a timid blush and hesitant smile. Emma smiled at the reaction, knowing that Horace's confession would leave the other woman completely star struck. He had nothing to worry about.
"Has Regina…" Emma sighed deeply, unsure she wanted to know the answer to her unasked question. "Is he okay?" Astrid studied the fear in Emma's shimmering green eyes, and her face softened with understanding.
"The Queen has done nothing to harm him, Emma, if that is what you are asking," Astrid put her out of her misery with a kind smile. "In fact, I think she has done nothing but dote on him. Cora is not pleased with the arrangement."
Emma's shoulders pulled forward as the tension leaked from her body. She fell into Astrid for an emotional hug, which the former fairy returned immediately. It was easy and simple and the way hugs should have always been. Despite 30 years of close service to The Queen, Astrid retained her humanity, her love and compassion. It gave Emma hope, and her face burrowed into the thin shoulder of the younger woman. Astrid shushed her quietly as tears followed. The Savior may have reached the end of her emotional rope in that horrible hole.
"I'm okay," she assured the maid but held her forehead to her shoulder for another moment. "I'm okay," she repeated with more conviction and raised her head slowly.
"Thank you, Astrid." The words felt much deeper than the superficial gratitude of allowing Emma a moment to break down. The maid nodded an acknowledgement but refrained from asking The Savior for what reason she specifically she thanked her. Any service to The Savior was one she happily provided.
Regina chose that moment to open the door to the balcony. "Are you ready?" She sniped and crossed her arms over that same red shirt now covered with the leather jacket Emma picked out for her.
"Just need my jacket," Emma answered, unbelievably happy that a sliver of her Regina had returned. Tortured, guilt-ridden, defensively volatile, beautifully free of the ugly mask of The Evil Queen.
Astrid held up the article in question, and Emma slid into it with a smirk. Regina raised a eyebrow and studied Emma's choice of clothes. "Honestly, Miss Swan, what statement are you making with that monstrosity?"
"Red leather looks damn good on me?" Emma volleyed with a lightness neither woman expected. At least Regina still hated her red leather jacket.
"Had I known you intended to order such insulting objects, I'd have spelled my credit card to destroy your laptop immediately," Regina sniped and stalked towards the stairs in her sexy boots. Emma smiled and sucked a deep, rejuvenating breath. Regina was still in there.
"Good luck," Astrid whispered and pushed her towards the door before Regina filleted them both.
"Thanks. Keep an eye on Hen… Mason for me," she begged and glanced over her shoulder in time to see Astrid nod seriously.
Regina glared up the stairs with crossed arms by the time Emma caught up with her. Horace stood sheepishly behind her with lowered eyes. Graham's absence was a neon light of caution. Emma looked around for him as she descended the stairs but saw no trace of him. Impatiently, Regina grabbed her arm before she ever reached the foyer and teleported immediately before Emma questioned Graham's whereabouts.
They arrived in the hospital just outside Ruby's room and apparently in the midst of World War Three. Graham scratched the back of his head as another crash thudded against the wall of the room. Belle hugged her arms tighter around her stomach and collapsed in on herself with a bowed head and painfully closed eyes.
"Belle!" Emma exclaimed, and the other woman's head jerked up in fear and shock. Their reunion was cut short by Regina's angry voice.
"Graham, what the hell is happening in my hospital?" The underlying threat in her tone registered without any white noise to scramble the signal.
"Goddamn it, Peter! Why do you always do this?" Ruby's angry voice interrupted his response. "She's a friend, and she is going to be my responsibility in 12 days. You're going to have to get used to her being around me."
"Around you!" Peter's angry voice responded hotly. "She was in bed with you. You are my wife, Red!"
"And I have never dishonored our vows," Ruby countered the argument venomously. "In 35 years, Peter, I have never once betrayed you."
"Yes, you have! The fact that you pretend differently makes it worst," he seethed. "I know you think about her when I'm making love to you. How do you think that makes me feel?" His voice rose again with his heightened emotions. "Ten years, since we started remembering our time here. You have loved her for ten fucking years, and I'm just supposed to be okay with everything the fucking queen orders? She's using you. She's using Belle to get what she wants."
"So what? Things are getting better. The Queen is finally starting to realize the mess she's made of everything. We can't survive in this goddamn bubble without help, and she's giving it to us. Get off this stupid fucking rebel kick before you get your stupid self killed," Ruby ordered.
"You'd like that, wouldn't you? Released from the chains of our marriage. I told you not to get involved. You would have died if not for you wolf. Don't you get that?" Peter returned angrily. Emma thought for a moment that it might have been born in fear for her safety and their marriage.
"I am your husband. You are supposed to obey me!" He screamed. She was wrong.
A solid thump of flesh hitting flesh followed, and Emma sprang into action. The door banged against the wall, and she felt the tingle of Regina's magic on her back. Apparently, they'd had the same idea simultaneously, and Emma prayed that Regina felt charitable or Peter might end up a crispy mess before the day ended. Ruby jumped at the sudden invasion and grabbed her side. Peter glared up at them from the floor, holding a hand to his eye socket that wept a slow trickle of blood.
"I suggest you leave before I order your execution for attacking one under The Queen's protection," Regina threatened, and Emma actually believed this one. Regina had an odd connection to the Lucas women that Emma had yet to decipher. "Miss Lucas, if you wish it, I'll declare your marriage void with a Royal Decree immediately."
Ruby stared up at her with wide eyes and parted lips that panted shallow, painful breaths. Her eyes slid from Regina's to her husband of 35 years and then to something over Regina's shoulder. Everyone looking at the wolf knew she looked at Belle, even as she spoke to Regina.
"And if I do? What ramifications come with it? The royal family never offers anything for free," Ruby asked, twitching her face as though she fought some sort of hope she wished to dismiss before it destroyed her soul.
"You shall be considered favorited by the royal family and will be treated as such," Regina answered honestly, and Ruby's face fell dramatically and her eyes jerked abruptly from the light blue of the one she obviously wanted.
"I decline your offer graciously, Majesty," she said painfully, clearly fighting tears. Her eyes remained glued to the wall to her right. "I cannot be a voice for the people if I am no longer of the people."
"Red," Peter whispered from the floor. "Is that the only reason you said no?"
"Get out, Peter," Ruby whispered right back, closing her eyes against the swell of pain in her heart.
Belle rushed in before the man picked himself off the floor and cupped Ruby's face tenderly in both hands, pressing their foreheads together. "It's okay," she whispered, and Emma's heart scattered across the floor.
"I'm sorry, Belle," Ruby apologized with a hollow voice indicative of hard tears and explosive emotions threatening to spew over the brim of her carefully constructed battlements keeping everything in check.
"It's okay," she repeated. "I had no idea you felt that way. I'm not going anywhere, Ruby. Being your friend will be enough," she promised and petted the wolf's soft brown hair and held the back of her neck without ever parting their foreheads. "It's…" Belle's voice broke and she swallowed the burn of tears in her own throat. "It's enough, Ruby. The people need you, and I won't stand in the way of that."
Peter leapt from the floor with an outraged cry and charged towards the bed. Ruby twisted immediately, covering Belle's body with her own, but the expected blow of another body slamming into hers never came. She glanced up without releasing her protective embrace on the smaller woman to find Regina's lip pulled into a sneer and her hand stretched towards the insanely angry man. With a wave, the energy popped and then equalized after a few moments.
"Thank you," Ruby breathed when she glanced behind her to find an empty room.
Regina acknowledged the gratitude with a nod, but an entirely different emotion eclipsed her eyes. "A night in prison will calm him," The Queen reasoned and adjusted her immaculately presented outfit. It was a comforting gesture, Emma noted.
Regina pulled on her magic once more when a soft hand touched her shoulder. Compassionate green eyes asked without words what about the entire incident bothered her. Regina dipped her shoulder, pulling from affectionate touch as she turned to face Emma. Horror shone brightly in those soulful caramel eyes, and Emma's fingers ached to take the woman in her arms but restrained the urge out of fear of repeating the near-rape experience Regina gave her not two hours ago.
"Please accept an afternoon with your friends as contrition for my behavior the past week," Regina barely managed around the twitch in her face. It was the best apology that Regina was capable of, and it said everything. She still wanted Emma happy and loyal.
"You let Belle go for a day for me?" Emma asked stupidly, the gesture melting the core of anger and betrayal Regina hardened with her earlier display of dominance.
Rather than respond verbally, Regina slapped both hands on Emma's cheeks, fingers punching almost painfully into her ears. The kiss caught Emma off guard, but she accepted it greedily. Strong arms wrapped around The Queen's hips and back, fingers splayed between her shoulder blades, and pulled their bodies flush. Emma spared a thought to how easily she distinguished the actions of The Evil Queen from Regina's. The Evil Queen simulated what rape felt like, but Regina arranged a very sweet gesture of apology and now kissed her silly. Just Regina.
They were two completely separate people, and when Regina's tongue tickled her lower lip, probing for permission, Emma opened her mouth willingly. When desperate hands buried in her hair, the heat contrasting acutely with the coolness of the damp locks, any thought of betraying the original Regina fell away. She was never going home, and the thought allowed Emma let go of her old life and slide her tongue over The Queen's, dueling for dominance of her own mouth. Of course, Regina possessed her completely, and Emma wanted her to give all of herself to this Regina.
She ended the passionate kiss with a nip to Emma's lower lip but remained within the embrace with her arms around The Savior's neck. Emma bumped her forehead to the shorter woman's and breathed heavily, unsure what the hell just happened. Regina clamped her eyes shut, and Emma felt a tremor quake the body pressed against her. Fear, she thought immediately. Regina was scared by the intimacy of the moment.
"It's okay," she whispered to The Queen, her voice barely audible through her own urge to run from the vulnerable moment.
"It's okay," Regina repeated and opened her eyes, pulling back to study the sincerity in Emma's eyes.
"It's okay," Emma repeated, a deeper meaning underlying the words. Regina had apologized, and Emma had forgiven as best she could.
"I'm not proud of the line I crossed this morning," Regina broke the chain of nonsensical mutterings only they understood. "I'm not very good at being human," she took the repentance one step further, and Emma melted.
With a tight grip secured around Regina's waist, she moved the other hand to that addictive black hair, smoothing it and then mussing it again only to repeat the process. "You're learning," The Savior murmured. "It can't happen again. That was... Regina, I can't forgive that again."
"It won't," Regina promised immediately. "I… Emma, I'm…" Fear and pride flooded Regina's eyes, and gentle fingers in her hair soothed the anxiety once more.
"I know," The Savior put her out of the misery of swallowing her pride and apologizing outright. "I meant everything I said, Regina. I'll never leave you, not unless you want me to."
"You don't have a choice," Regina reminded her bitterly. Emma chuckled and pulled her in for another more chaste kiss with a firm hand on the back of her head.
When she pulled back, she said something that neither of them expected, "Yes, I do. I told you before, I'm exactly where I want to be when I'm with you no matter what kind of insane test you put me thru." Emma's own breathing and heart rate picked up with the stakes of the confession. The last time she'd said that, Regina immediately reminded her that she cared nothing about what Emma wanted. Magic tingled in her hands, and Emma scrambled to pull it back before she scared the crap out of Regina again. Guess she was in the right place to be flung against a wall this time.
Regina sucked an audible breath through her nose. Her eyes widened, telling Emma she felt the sensation of magic upon her waist and scalp. Instead of lashing out again, she tipped her chin and caught Emma's lips for a third time. The magic grew and pulsed tendrils of the same feeling she experienced when they teleported the night Regina flung them off the cliff. Regina lost herself in the overwhelming sensation of Emma's Light Magic and tantalizingly toned body holding her tightly.
The other two women in the room and the guards outside watched the tender interaction with gaping jaws and wide eyes. They knew they shouldn't have stared lest The Queen catch them and fry them all, but how could they not? Regina Badass Bitch from Hell Mills actually swooned into the mysterious blonde woman who supposedly fell through a portal. A girlish hand held a bicep covered in dark red leather, and had it been a movie, her foot might have popped at the peak of the kiss' crescendo.
Again, Regina broke the kiss first, panting with emotion and lack of oxygen, and Emma grinned down at her with glazed eyes softened with an emotion that looked a lot like love. Regina cleared her throat and dropped her gaze nervously, which Emma met with a lingering kiss on The Queen's forehead.
"I must go," Regina rasped, her voice strained with unreadable emotions. "I'll return to collect you for dinner."
"I wish you'd stay," Emma blurted without thinking. A faint blush touched Regina's face at the sentiment.
"I have a kingdom to run, Miss Swan," she clipped in irritation, but when she met Emma's eyes again, The Savior saw the yearning in those caramel eyes.
A tingle of magic tickled the back of Emma's neck, and she secured both arms around Regina's waist when the shorter woman tried to pull back. She rolled her eyes and presented the magic-restricting cuff between their chests. Emma readjusted her grip, not giving Regina an easy way out of her strong hold and presented the arm without the leather bracelet. Regina huffed an irritated sigh and attached the magic inhibitor.
"If you wish to sleep in a bed tonight, you'll not leave this room. Horace and Graham will remain outside all day if you require anything," Regina warned, and Emma believed her. This moment changed nothing. If she misbehaved, she harbored no delusions that she'd be spared punishment. Regina had informed her at the start that she'd be punished as Regina would have expected to be punished for overstepping her boundaries.
"Not a toe shall cross that threshold," Emma assured her mistress.
Regina nodded satisfactorily. "That jacket truly is hideous," she grumbled and then disappeared, leaving Emma to stumble backwards as the body of weight she pulled against her transformed into purple smoke.
Finally, Emma glanced around to find stiffly lowered heads and red faces sneaking pointed looks in her direction. Emma wiped at the red lipstick surely marking her face self-consciously and tried her best to ignore the burning of her face and ears. Holy shit, she'd actually fallen for Regina if they went all goofy in front of six other people in broad daylight in the most public place in Storybrooke besides Granny's. She decided to ride the high as long as it lasted because with Regina's temper and her mouth, there was no doubt she'd fuck it up eventually.
Ruby broke the tension with an obnoxious bark of laughter, and Emma's gaze shot towards the rowdy wolf with angry eyes. Ruby grinned like a fool and pulled Belle just a little tighter against her side. The prisoner tucked her head tighter into Ruby's neck and slid a hand over her hip, intentionally averting her gaze, but a faint smile dared to grace her lips. Emma rolled her eyes and dropped into the chair beside the bed on the opposite side from Belle.
Ruby fixed her with mischievous eyes, and Emma shook her head, knowing that something completely inappropriate and childish set to come from the wolf's mouth.
"I can't believe you pussy-whipped Queen Hissy Fit in less than a month."
Also, I might puke from all the fluff I just threw at you.