The worst thing about working on building the outside kitchen wasn't the sun burning down on me as I sweat everything out or the blisters that formed on my hands, it was watching everyone come and go. Michonne was always first and alone and always the last one to come back. Lately she'd been using a horse that Daryl found in the wild instead of a car, I didn't know why but the way she looked as she rode it, her sword resting on her back, she looked like she owned the world. Daryl, Glenn, Maggie, Tyreese and Sasha all took turns in going out in the car to look for more people and supplies. New people kept joining us but I never kept track of them, I was struggling to hold a conversation with the people I called family, let alone strangers.

Restoring the showers was the best thing that happened to this damned place. Steaming hot water ran down my face and onto my chest, turning my skin pink and cleaning off the sweat and dirt from my sore body. Blood dripped from my fingertips as the water pushed itself across the cracked blisters that forced themselves on my overworked hands. You don't realise what you take for granted until it's taken away from you. To be able to use shampoo and soap again was a miracle. To be able to smell nice again was a miracle. Turning the shower off was the hard part, though. The steam above me lifted as I toweled down my freshly clean body. I didn't like looking at my body anymore. The scars brought back memories that I buried deep somewhere, and they suddenly hurt all over again. The marks that Crowley had left were scarring over, leaving silver marks instead. I threw my faded grey t-shirt over my head and pulled my jeans on, pushing the dark thoughts to the back of my mind. I threw my towel in the laundry basket, thankful laundry wasn't my chore.

I was hoping everyone had finished their dinner and went back to their day by now but when I entered our cell block, Rick, Carl, Carol, Glenn, Maggie, Hershel and Beth sat and stood around a table, eating and talking. I helped myself to dinner, setting a generous amount of rice and beans onto my plate and sat myself down on a table on the other side of the room from the others. I didn't taste the food as it went down, I concentrated on trying to block out the laughter that had erupted on the other side of the room. I mentally kicked myself. I used live for these moments, but now I couldn't stand to be around anyone but myself. I didn't even know why, but I hated everything now. Especially myself for feeling this way. I would give anything to have things back to normal, but that's not how things were.

When I noticed Carol making her way over to me, I snapped my head back down so fast I thought I might have whiplash. I had never found rice and beans so interesting than in that moment, as Carol sat herself across from me and I could feel her eyes burning holes into my skull. "Why are you over here by yourself?" Her voice sounded authoritative, I felt like I was being told off by a teacher. I shrugged, I couldn't even tell myself let alone anyone else. "We miss you" I finally met her eyes, shocked how she had just came out with it.

I sighed, these kinds of conversations made me anxious lately. "I miss me, too" I told her truthfully. I missed my sense of humour the most.

She smiled her sympathetic smile, but it calmed me more than annoyed me. "Let us help you find yourself again, then" Her words hit me hard, and suddenly flashes of feelings that I hadn't been feeling lately hit me like a truck. I missed Carol, I missed them all. She was right, I needed their help to get through whatever it was that I'm going through. I'm an idiot for thinking I could do this alone. She reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly before getting up and joining the others. The sudden desire to be around the people I loved made me rise to my feet. My legs felt like jelly as I walked over to them painfully slow. Everybody looked over at me as I sat myself down next to Hershel, but it took me a minute to compose myself and actually look at them. There were smiles all around. Rick smiled down at me as he bounced Judith on his hip bone. Carl, too, as he stuffed his face with his plate of beans and rice. Glenn and Maggie as they held each other quietly underneath the table. Carol and she hugged herself. Hershel as he gently clasped his hand on my shoulder. Beth as she nonchalantly played with her wrist watch. I felt like I had been welcomed into a home I was already living in. The ache that made my chest heavy lifted slightly and I could already feel their help shining through. We sat there for a while, filling our stomachs and joking around with each other. I didn't talk much, but they made me laugh for the first time in what felt like forever. I was finally part of the group once again and I will never let this slip. I went to bed with a smile on my face that night, before the night terrors decided to kick in.

"Hey, man. You need some help?" Tyreese asked me. It was early in the morning and I was already sweating underneath the burning sun as I hammered away at the half built outdoor kitchen.

Yesterday I would have told him no and to never come back, but today was a day of redemption. "Yeah, that'd be awesome" I hadn't spoken to Tyreese or Sasha much, they came at a bad time in my life. I regretted blowing them off every time they made any effort towards me. I planned on changing things, though.

Tyreese helped me hold planks in place, hammering away with his own hammer that never left his side. As I looked over, the sight of the walkers in the distance pushing themselves up against one space against the fence caught my eye. "There's more and more every day" Usually the walkers are spread out all across the prison fences but lately they've been concentrating on one part of the fence. It was weird.

Tyreese's eyes followed mine. "Yeah. We're gonna have to start getting some people to kill them"

We got back to work but I felt like I couldn't leave it at that. "Look, man. I'm sorry for bein' distant and a downright asshole. You and Sasha were nothin' but nice to me but I didn't wanna know you. I'm gonna make it better, though"

His face was hard but his voice soft. "You don't need to apologise. I understand, you went through hell and you're still here. If anything, I admire you for getting on with it"

I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing. This was way more than I deserved, but it wasn't the time to argue about it. "I'm tryin', man" I squinted in the sun. I was feeling a lot of love for the man I had refused to get to know.

He smiled a gentle smile. "That's all you gotta do"

Sweat dripped down my back, making my t-shirt cling to me. I took it off and tucked it into the waistband of my shorts, frustrated by the heat. Tyreese still had his scruffy beanie on and I had no idea how the guy was still going. Karen came over after a little while, her hands on her hips as she watched Tyreese break a sweat. When he noticed her, his face beamed and he took his hat off, wiping the sweat off his brow with his forearm. "Karen, hey" The poor guy seemed almost nervous.

Karen must've noticed this since she laughed a little before speaking. "I spoke to Rick, I'm going down there to kill some of them, see if it'll help. You wanna come?"

I didn't think his smile could get any bigger. "Sure, I'll meet you down there"

"Okay" She gave him a big smile herself and then made her way to the fence.

I watched him watch her walk away, a smile still playing on his lips. When he turned around, he didn't try to hide the face that he was besotted with that woman. "Goin' on a date?" I asked him with a smirk on my face.

"I wish" He went back to finish up what he was doing before going down to meet Karen and I appreciated the extra five minutes of company. I wished he wasn't here though when Beth and Zach came walking up about to pass us. They laughed together as they walked at a slow pace, their hands brushing against each other. I could feel a throbbing so hard in my chest it almost became painful. Beth's smile faded when her eyes landed on mine, I looked down. I didn't want her to see the pain I was in watching her to be happy with someone else. I went back to work and was banging a little too hard after they walked past, Tyreese took notice. He gently put a hand on my shoulder and I stopped mid-hammer. "Hey. Maybe you should take a break"

I nodded quickly, not looking him in the eye. "Yeah, you're right" I threw the hammer to the floor. "Enjoy your date" I heard him chuckle as I walked away swiftly.

I was making my way to my cell, I didn't know what I was going to do and I didn't get to find out since Daryl stopped my in our cell block. "Hey, kid" He called out as he came down the stairs just ten feet away from my cell.

"What?" I snapped. I didn't know why I was already so frustrated but I already felt guilty about it. "Sorry, I'm workin' on it"

He nodded. "That's why I wanted to ask you somethin'" His fringe rested on his eyelashes and whenever he blinked, his hair moved with them. "Listen, me and some others startin' up a council. With Rick steppin' down, we need a little order. We want you to be a part of it"

I frowned at him, shocked at confused. "Why?" It sounded more like an accusation, as if this was some sort of sick joke.

Daryl shrugged a little. "You got views, we wanna hear 'em" I sighed at that, it wasn't much of an answer. "Look, man. We ain't got much of the Atlanta group left. You know us better than anyone. And you might be a little bat shit crazy, but you're a good guy"

I chuckled at him a little, Daryl hated this kind of stuff and I could see it plainly on his face. "You're so in love with me"

He pushed my shoulder faster than I knew what was happening and I would've fallen over if it wasn't for the table behind me. "Shut up, man" He covered up his smile with a glare. "You join' us or not?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. "I dunno, I ain't really the council type"

"And I am?" I half smiled at him. "We're meetin' in here in an hour, be here or don't" The sentence itself sounded mean but that was just Daryl's vocabulary. He walked out and left me to my thoughts. I headed inside my cell and I still had no idea why I was coming here. The conversation with Daryl made me a lot more calm and I was thankful for that, but I had no idea how to be a part of a council. I had pushed myself away from these people for so long, now they were forcing me back and I wanted to let them but I didn't know how.

I was pacing back and forth in my cell when I heard chatter get louder and louder. Hershel, Sasha, Glenn, Daryl and Carol seated themselves around the table and spoke about nothing of importance yet. I sat myself next to Carol, earning myself a nod of the head from Daryl.

"I created the council because Rick has decided to step down from leadership" Hershel began. "He deserves his break, but we need some kind of order. From now on, we'll discuss our problems among each other, away from the others. For now, our main problem is the walkers on the fence. It's controllable right now but in a few days, they could take it down"

Daryl nodded. "So we assign people to fence duty"

I didn't know why they wanted me there, all I did was sit back and quietly observe as they spoke about when people should be on fence duty. The only time a noise came out of my throat was when Daryl nearly fell backwards from his chair and I laughed my ass off. I still felt like I was part of some top-secret elite group, though.

I sat there patiently as they planned out who would work on fence duty and at what times. This isn't the kind of stuff I wanted to be involved in, I didn't care enough.

Once the meeting was over, I found myself making my way to the showers. All I could concentrate on was the thought of the hot water rolling down my back, cleansing me from all of my worries. As I rounded the corner not far from the showers, a small figure hit my chest and fell to the floor hard. "Watch where you're going, asshole" Cas growled angrily as she got to her feet. Her eyes locked on mine once she was up and they sent shivers down my back. Her hair was wet and pulled back, leaving her face exposed for the first time since she got here. Freckles littered her face, looking like the constellations in the sky. Her eyes had dots of light grey in them, looking like they were made of ice. No matter how much her eyes scared me, I could never bring myself to look away. She may be scary as fuck, but even I couldn't deny her beauty. Her brow creased more and more with every second I stood there and stared at her and I realised I should probably say something.

"Oh, sorry..." I mumbled, tearing my eyes away from her's and looking down at my feet.

She sighed heavily, sounding bored. "Whatever" She breathed before stepping around me and walking away.

"Cas, wait" I caught up to her but she didn't slow down or even look at me. I made the mistake of grabbing her wrist so she would stop but she pulled out her knife and pinned me up against the wall. The edge of the blade pinched at the faint hair on my throat, her face was furious. "Seems like we end up like this a lot" I felt calmer than I should've, since I had a small woman holding a knife to my throat.

"What the fuck do you want?" She asked me through clenched teeth.

"To apologise" A wave of surprise crossed her face but it was gone before it came.

I could tell she was still mad, even when she let go of me and put her knife away. "It's too late for that"

I nodded, rubbing my neck a little. "I know, but you guys came in at a bad time in my life and I'm tryin' to make up for lost time"

She looked me up and down a little before she spoke. "That doesn't make it okay"

"I know" I told her again. "I was an asshole, but I was just tryin' to help. I ain't too far gone, I hope you know that"

After a minute of thinking on it, she finally replied. "Okay" And then she walked away.

The sun was setting and we were all in cell block C enjoying each other's company. Well, I sat on the stairs and observed, happy that they were happy. Most people's attention was on Rick and Carl trying to teach Judith a bunch of words. I didn't work that well, but it seemed to entertain everybody.

Michonne came back and Rick looked at her expectedly from the other side of the room but she walked past him and came straight to me. She threw something at me and it bounced off my chest and landed in my lap. Picking it up, I noticed it was a black pair of working gloves. She smiled at me and looked at my hands. "You can finally stop hurting your damn self" She explained.

"Gee, thanks, Santa Claus" Despite my sarcasm, I was actually really appreciated it. My hands hurt consistently. And it was nice to be thought about.

Michonne sat down for something to eat and I tried my gloves on. They were a little tight on my oversized hands but they were nice and thick.

I went back to observing and I was watching Tyreese and Karen speak to each other in hushed voices away from each other when Beth came out of her cell. I jaw nearly fell to the floor when I realised she was wearing the blue plaid shirt I gave her. I couldn't find the words to describe how beautiful she looked. She wore a pair of blue ripped jeans underneath and some socks. She started walking over to me when she caught a glimpse of me and my heart started racing. We hadn't spoken properly since she told me she couldn't be around me anymore and it had been so hard. She smiled as she sat down next to me and I was suddenly so aware of how close our knees were. "Hi" She simply said in her sweet voice.

"Hey" I replied, trying to control myself.

"How's the buildin' goin'?" She asked me, making small talk.

"Better with these babies" I lifted up the pair of gloves Michonne gave me.

She smiled again, secretly making my heart melt. "Can't wait to see it finished" She sounded genuine. Then the conversation died as we both watched the others. I didn't think we'd ever have a conversation again, but here she was, worming her way back into my god damn heart, ruining me and saving me all over again. "I got you a present"

My ears perked up at that. "What?" I wondered if I had heard her right.

"Come with me" She grabbed my hand and dragged me to my feet. As she led me to her cell, all I could think about was how nice her hand felt in mine. Her skin was warm and soft against my hardened wounded ones. I felt like everybody was watching us as we entered her cell hand in hand. "Close your eyes" I did as I was told, not knowing what to expect. I heard her shuffled around before she draped something over my shoulders. "Open them" I did and then looked down to find a dark green plaid shirt. I immediately smiled and put my arms through the sleeves. She began doing up the buttons and I forgot about the shirt as her hands lightly brushed against my chest as she put a button through its hole. She was so close I could feel her body heat radiating off her. I wanted to pull her close and never let her go but I couldn't ruin it. Not again. She did the top button up and looked up at me innocently, waiting. "Do you like it?"

I looked down again and I felt grateful that Beth was even thinking about me enough to get me a present after what she told me. I realised that maybe she can't stay away from me if she wants to or not, just like I can't stay away from her. Or maybe that's just what I wanted to believe. I looked back into her big eyes. "I love it" I smiled the usual dorky smile she always made me do and then we both fell silent. It was awkward, but I didn't mind because Beth Greene was stood in front of me. I could tell she wanted to ask me something, but it was like she was trying to talk herself into it inside her head. "What's wrong?" I asked her.

She fidgeted with her hands and I wanted to put mine on top of them to calm her, like I used to. But I couldn't. "I just wanted to know that you're okay" She finally whispered.

I frowned in confusion. Was she starting small talk again? "I'm fine, why?"

She looked up at me, her eyes sad. "No, I mean... are you really okay?"

I opened my mouth a couple of times to reply but nothing came out. I couldn't lie to her after the lengths she just went through to show me she cared but I couldn't worry her with the depressing truth. "I'm really tryin' to be, Beth"

She seemed to like that since her body came crashing into mine, holding onto me as hard as she could. My heart fluttered at the gesture and I held on to her for dear life, never wanting to let go. Feeling her chest move as she breathed against me felt like she was giving me life with each rise. I wondered if she knew she had this effect on me. I wondered if I had that effect on her. The feeling, her warmth, her tight grip around my waist, it was all so overwhelming. I needed to get out of here before I lost control of myself and just kissed her. Pulling away a little but not letting go of her, I gently grabbed her wrist and bought it up to my face so I could see the time on her watch. It was nearly 10pm and I was probably going to get up early anyway so bedtime is a great excuse. I saw a smirk play on her lips when I let go of her wrist and she let it fall on my chest. She wasn't making this easy. "I gotta go to bed"

I felt her sigh gently against my chest and we both pulled away at the same time. I instantly regretted it as the cold air hit the place where Beth was and should still be. I ran my fingers through my hair and she watched me with interest. "Goodnight, Adam" She said quietly.

I nodded my head and exited her cell. Before I was out, though, I turned around. "Thank you, Beth. Seriously" She gave me her sweet smile and I went back to my cell, feeling tired. Today was the best day I had in a long while.