Chapter 25:

Dreams or Reality?

Maybe Edward was right. Maybe I couldn't do this forever. I took the stairs down to the parking garage so nobody would question my tears. Edward was exhausting. Every day there was another challenge. Every day I was pushed to my limits. Every day left me wondering if I could make it to the next, if I had bit off more than I could chew.

By the time I got home, it was getting late. I left my homework untouched and instead found myself in the bathtub with a bottle of wine and decisions to make.

. . .

After work the following day, I went and got Edward a new cell phone and got it hooked up. He had a new number now. I programmed my name and cell phone number into it and left it at the nurses station for them to deliver it to him. I couldn't see him at the time. I had to work things out in my mind first. He needed to work things out in his. I was ready to help him, to commit to helping him, but I couldn't deal with the emotional struggle and the mood swings and constant wondering if today would be the day he sent me away for good. I was broken enough, I couldn't live to see that day.

For three days I left it up to him. I didn't call. I didn't go see him. Nothing. Every single minute that passed left me more and more upset. I had confirmed with one of the nurses that she was certain he had the phone, but that he hadn't seemed like he was in a good mood lately. She said the phone sat untouched on his bedside table.

I cried myself to sleep every night. I had given up so much for him. I still would, but he had to want it. He had to want me.

Edward POV:

I knew she was upset when she left my room a few nights ago, and I knew that I made her feel that way, but it was for her own good. I honestly didn't expect her to stay away, though. I was disappointed when the nurse brought me my cell phone and not Bella. I laughed when I realized her number was the only one programmed inside. It sat untouched on my beside table.

At first, I went over my options and I came to the conclusion that I couldn't allow Bella to waste her life on my useless one. I had decided that I would reconcile with my mother, so she could help with my care. I had even considered one of those nurses that comes to your house a few times a day, but I didn't really have the money for that.

As the days went by and there was still no word from Bella, I grew more and more upset. I couldn't understand the feelings I was having. I cared enough about her to know that I needed to let her go and let her have the chance to find happiness with someone else who could be what she deserves, but there was this other more selfish part of me that just fucking missed her and wanted her next to me, always. She was the only thing in the world that ever brought me any kind of happiness. Her smile, the sweet smell of her hair, her soft creamy skin, her tiny hand inside of mine - they were all things I wasn't sure I could live without, not now.

"You're in love with her. She's in love with you. What's the problem?" the overnight nurse asked after we had been discussing Bella. I had to talk to someone.

"I'm not in love with her," I said instantaneously.

The nurse laughed, "Yes, you are."

I rolled my eyes. "I think love should feel different than this."

"Different than what? You just described how beautiful she was and how she made you smile. She makes you happy. You care about her. You love her."

I choked a bit and our attention turned to the heart monitor nearby that was currently increasing in sound.

"See," the nurse beamed. "She makes your heart beat faster."

Hm. Could she be right? Even if she was, it doesn't change the fact that Bella deserves more. "But she could do so much better than me."

"She doesn't want better, she just wants you. Why are you so morbid? You act like the biggest inconvenience that ever lived."

I laughed, "Because, I am!"

"No, you're not. Your prognosis is good. You've still got some hurdles to overcome and, yes, your body will have new scars and you may have a limp but you will make a full recovery and live a normal life."

The nurse laid my bed back and refilled the glass of water on the bedside table. She set my medication in the plastic cup next to it before turning the light behind me out. "You need to tell her," she said, before she left my room.

I needed to tell her, but what did that mean? What would change for us? Was it too late? Was I ready to commit to her and to us and to stop being an asshole? I was. I just wanted to see her face. I just wanted to see her smile, and know that I caused it. I couldn't do this recovery thing without her. I didn't care what time it was, I was going to tell her.

Bella POV:

It was sometime after midnight when I heard my phone ringing. At least I thought it was ringing. I couldn't wake up. I was so tired. I had one too many glasses of wine and cried too many tears for my eyes to open. I ended up knocking the phone off my nightstand in my attempt to pick it up. I looked down at the brightly lit rectangle on the floor.

Edward.

"Edward!" I screamed. I jumped out of bed, lost my footing and fell flat on my face before I finally hit the accept button on the front of my phone.

"Hello?" I answered breathlessly.

"Bella? What are you doing? Why are you out of breath? Is someone there with you?"

"Edward? What? No. There's no one here. You woke me up and I sort of fell out of the bed." His laughter warmed me. I hadn't heard it in so long. It made my heart soar.

"I'm sorry I woke you up. I just needed to tell you something."

"Okay..." I waited. There was silence on the other end of the line for a few moments before he finally spoke again.

"I'm in love with you," he said it so softly, I questioned if I heard him correctly, but I knew I did. I clutched at my chest as I tried to soothe my heart that beat so rapidly. I was at a loss for words. I literally couldn't speak.

"I love you. I'm sorry, for everything. I want you back. I need you."

I choked back a sob. "Edward, are you okay? Are you on any different medications?"

He laughed again, a hearty laugh, and it lit up my world. "I'm fine. I just realized how fucking stupid I've been and I'm tired of it."

I didn't know what to say. I was completely speechless and not entirely sure that I wasn't dreaming. "Can we talk about this tomorrow? In person? I've kind of been drinking and I'm half asleep and really confused right now."

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"Yeah, yeah. That's fine. I'll see you tomorrow."

The line went dead. I stared at my phone and went back through my call history to make sure that happened. He had in fact called, which meant everything I thought he just said, he likely really said.

I pulled myself up from the floor, tied my hair up, and slipped on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and left for the hospital.