Hello, hello. I've missed you very much.
I got all nostalgic writing E & B in college. I graduate in less than a month so I had a good old time.
So I have no idea how it happened but the Alice chapter turned into an Alice story. Part of it's her POV from this story but mostly it is new stuff. It's mostly complete, just needs to be looked at by a beta. When I first started writing fanfiction I promised myself if only one person wanted to read something I'll keep posting. So if one person wants to read that I'll put it up.
Right. Big time thank you for even reading this story right this moment. The reviews and the recommendations and the favoriting, that's just icing on the already delicious cake.
Thanks to Stratan.
I own nothing.
EPOV
Despite the lessons Alice gave me regarding the sorts of people I should be expecting to meet at college, I still don't totally know what to make of the roommate. I guess from the look of his big-ass plastic framed glasses, vest, and funny lookin' hat, he's what Ali described as a hipster.
He just looks like a big old dork to me. Don't think I'll ever be able to tell the difference.
I give myself a moment to just observe him – sittin' on the floor, strugglin' to assemble a bookcase. Knowing that he'd be moving in today, I made myself scarce, and hung out with Bella before she had to go to work.
Bella moves to Denver in four days. I'm already dreading it.
CU sent me all the info 'bout this dude I'll be sharing a room with, but fuck if I can remember any of it. All I know is that he may or may not be what Alice calls a hipster and he's shit at buildin' even the simplest of things. He's super skinny with dirty blond hair and a shaggy beard.
This staring at him from the doorway thing I'm doin' is getting creepy, so I clear my throat, makin' myself known.
"Dude!" he yells, clutching his chest. I notice the trio of silver chains dangling around his neck. Fuck, we're probably never gonna be friends. "You scared the ever-living piss out of me!"
I just raise an eyebrow at him and continue to lean against the doorframe, having absolutely no idea what to say. He observes me in silence for a moment, checkin' me out the way I was a moment ago. Finally, he stands, kicking at the mess of a shelf at his feet.
"You're Edward?" he asks, extending his hand. "Right?"
"Right," I reply, shaking it. "And you are? Sorry, man. Totally forgot."
"No problem," he says with an easy smile. "Liam. From here in Boulder. You're from Texas, right? Nice boots."
I narrow my eyes, not sure if he is giving me shit or not.
"Yup, Texas," I say.
"So…" Liam says after the silence stretches and gets a little awkward. "When did you move in?"
"At the beginning of the summer. Football."
"Football? Like CU football? Damn, I'm living with a football player," he muses, grinning again.
"Yeah, guess so."
"You wouldn't want to help me put together this fucking shelf, would you?" he asks, hopelessly picking up random pieces.
"Okay," I say with a shrug.
Liam talks while I assemble. He doesn't seem to mind that I don't have much to say. I've never been a big talker, but I don't mind listening to him go on about how useless he is at "manly type stuff" and how relieved he is to finally be out of his parent's house. He's studying English Literature.
"Ah, my girlfriend is, too," I tell him, really sharing anything personal for the first time.
"The hottie in all the pictures?" he asks, gesturing towards my bulletin board. Bella put them all up, not that I'm complaining.
Hottie. Don't like that, even if it is the truth.
"That's her. Bella."
"Does she go here? It would be nice to sorta know someone in the program."
"Naw, DU. She moves in there in a couple days," I explain, tightening a few more screws.
"You know her from home? Are you high school sweethearts?" His voice gets all sugary so I throw an empty cardboard box at him. It smacks him right in the face but Liam just laughs.
"Do people call you Ed?" he asks when he recovers
"Sure."
"Eddie."
"Yeah."
"Edwina?"
I just glare at him. He laughs again. Maybe we'll get along okay. He don't seem to take much too seriously.
"I like you, Edward. We're going to be okay living here, you and me." He nods thoughtfully, and I don't respond because this conversation is getting a little weird. "Hey, you got plans tonight?"
I shake my head, no. Bella closes at the coffee shop and won't get out of there till near midnight.
"Our neighbor, Jared, is going to bring over a thirty rack later. We're planning on doing the whole power hour thing where you—"
"Take a shot of beer every minute for an hour," I finish for him, nodding. I haven't done that for a good long while. Bella is not one for the drinking games, but it seems like a good way to make new friends.
"He's bringing girls, too, not that you'd be too interested in that," he says.
"Nope, sure ain't interested in that."
"Cool. So you're in?"
"I'm in," I reply with a shrug.
BPOV
"Just drink it, Kate," Maggie insists, brandishing the bottle of Smirnoff Ice. "You said you wanted to break out of your little bubble. That shit tastes like candy."
I shudder as Kate follows Maggie's instructions. I'll stick to my wine.
"Careful, Kate. If all that alcohol doesn't make you sick, the sugar sure will," I warn. Maggie may have some strange desire to get our other roommate drunk for the first time, but I don't want Kate to make herself sick. That is certainly not the best way to start the college experience.
Tonight is our first night in the dorms. I miss Edward already.
"I like it," Kate declares. I smile at her. Maggie lets out some sort of whoop.
That may be the longest sentence I've ever heard her string together. She's painfully shy, wears huge glasses, and was home schooled right up until coming here.
"Glad to hear it, Katie," Maggie replies with a lazy grin. "Glad to hear it."
It's a little amazing, how well we're gettin' on after our rocky start. Kate caught Edward and I making out on my bed, his hands grippin' my butt, when she came to move in. Maggie berated Kate for hanging up a picture of Jesus. I told Maggie to back off.
But now we're having a little roommate bonding. It seems to be going well. We sit in the center of our room, in a circle on the carpet.
Kate lets out a little giggle and then looks surprised to hear such a sound coming out of her own mouth.
Her parents sure weren't happy to catch Edward and I in such a compromising position. Apparently, they are pretty conservative, even by Texas standards. I was horrified. He found the whole thing to be hilarious. I didn't like the way Kate looked at my man – that look of pure female appreciation and want – but I think I like her. Or at least I want to help her make this big transition a little easier.
I'm still not so sure about Maggie. Sometimes she reminds me of Alice, but not always in the good ways.
"You know," Maggie muses, swirling her glass of whiskey. I like that she drinks whiskey. It's something familiar. "When I first walked in here and saw you two with all your shit set up, I thought you had to be Isabella Swan from Texas."
She points at Kate as she says this, confusing us both. All we knew about each other before today were names and homes. Margaret Snow: Chicago, Illinois. Kate Harp: Anchorage, Alaska. Isabella Swan: Dillon, Texas.
"And why is that?" I ask, not knowing if I should be offended or not.
"Because of Kate's decorations. All that Christian shi— I mean stuff. I figured that whoever wanted a picture of Jesus H. Christ hanging above their bed had to be from Texas."
I shake my head at that.
"You're not a Christian, Maggie?" Kate asks. The alcohol appears to be making her brave.
Maggie snorts. "Do I look like a Christian, blondie?"
"What's a Christian look like?"
Maggie studies me with her amber eyes. She tucks a springy lock of bright red hair behind her ear and smirks.
"Touché, Swan."
The conversation is pretty basic after that. We talk about interests, what we plan to study, and why we came to DU. Around drink three for Kate and me, drink five for Maggie, things get a little more personal.
"You've got to be a virgin, huh?" Maggie asks, gesturing to a pretty drunk Kate.
Poor little sheltered Kate lets out a squeal as she turns bright red. Maggie smirks, getting some sort of sick pleasure from Kate's discomfort. I'm about to step in when Kate stops squeaking enough to answer.
"I'm saving myself for marriage," she manages.
Maggie chuckles.
"Good for you," I say. Once upon a time, I had a similar goal. Jasper convinced me to change my mind right before our junior year, sayin' that there was no point in waiting because we'd be getting married anyhow.
That really worked out. Not that I would change anything now, but young Bella was pretty damn silly.
"What about you, Swan?" Maggie asks me. "I can't seem to quite figure you out."
Kate giggles like a lunatic.
"What?" Maggie demands.
"Bella's not hard to figure out," Kate slurs.
I let out a sigh. What she walked in on earlier was certainly pretty hot and heavy. It was incredibly stupid, knowing today was move in day. Edward got all blue when he got in his truck to drive back to Boulder. "We ain't gonna have sex as much as I'm used too," he muttered. I rolled my eyes, but I understand where he's coming from. Being apart, having roommates – it's going to be difficult for both of us.
"What in the hell are you talking about, Kate?" Maggie asks. She doesn't like being out of the loop, apparently.
Kate giggles again, slumping over. Maggie scowls at me.
"Do you know what she means?" I nod. "What the hell is going on here?"
"Um…" I start, feeling ridiculously uncomfortable. "Well, when Kate and her parents walked in to move in, I was kinda… uh…"
"Holy shit, you shameless hussy!" Maggie yells, obviously delighted. "You were gettin' it on already? I haven't even met any of the boys yet. Where did you find someone so fast?"
"It's not like that," I snap, not liking her assumptions. "I was with my boyfriend. He was helpin' me move in. And we weren't doin' it. Just taking a little break, is all."
"Bella Swan!" Maggie shouts, making Kate and I both jump. "You have a boyfriend and you're just mentioning this now?"
I blush a little, although I'm not sure why.
"It didn't come up," I mumble.
Maggie smirks. I still haven't figured out her smirks, and I don't know what she means.
"That's pretty brave, if you ask me," she continues.
"Brave?" I ask, my eyes narrowing at my roommate.
"It's brave to come to college with a boyfriend. Brave bordering on stupid. If you don't see something that you prefer, then he certainly will," Maggie says. She looks down, and I see a little vulnerability in her for the first time.
She's been burned before.
I have a lot of fears for Edward and I right now – that the distance will hurt, that this life-changing experience that is college will somehow change us – but wanting someone besides Edward or Edward wanting someone beside me is definitely not one of them.
I smile knowingly, shaking my head but not saying anything. There is no need to defend my relationship to my abrasive roommate I just met several hours ago.
"Does he go here?" Kate is asking now. I thought she was out for the count, but she's just curled up on her side. She's removed those huge glasses and I notice her pretty blue eyes. They remind me of Jasper and home.
"No," I reply. "He's at CU in Boulder. There on a full scholarship to play football."
I ignore Maggie's snort, focusing instead on Kate's soft smile.
"I thought he must be some sort of athlete," Kate murmurs. "I feel funny."
Maggie lets out a laugh and tucks Kate's light blond hair behind her ear. The gesture is shockingly tender.
"So, Bella's guy is a real looker, huh? A total hottie?" Maggie asks.
"Hottie?" Kate replies, confused.
"He's attractive," Maggie clarifies.
"Oh, yes. The most attractive boy I've ever seen," Kate says.
Her honest assessment is a little startling but refreshing. I'm used to girls openly ogling him, but Kate's comment doesn't bug me like I thought it would.
"Well, I ain't gonna argue," I say, grinning when Maggie looks to me for confirmation.
Maggie abruptly stands. She takes a moment to steady herself from all the liquor before rushing over to my bulletin board. She grabs the first picture she sees before stomping on over to me.
"This blond dude?" she asks, thrusting the photo under my nose as she sits back down.
It takes a moment for my eyes to focus. I smile when I see which one she selected. The only one of the three of us together that hangs in this room. Mostly I can remember the good things about back then.
"No," I murmur, still studying the picture. The one that made its way into our yearbook junior year. Jazz has his arms around me, I'm laughing in the middle, and Edward is staring at me with that soft smile.
"That one," Kate says, sitting up slightly to get a good look before going back to the floor.
Maggie makes a sound of approval. "Total hottie. You're lucky my hair would clash with his hair or I'd definitely try to steal him."
I scowl at her.
"Relax, lady. I'm kidding. So what's with the blond dude? Why is he all up on you?"
Again, I blush.
"Oh, hot damn," she declares, smirking again. "There's definitely a story there."
I don't want to tell that story. That story makes me feel like a terrible person.
"The three of us have been best friends since we were kids," I explain with a shrug. "So what about you, Maggie? Any boys for you?"
Maggie studies me again and I can tell she's curious, but luckily she accepts my subject change.
"I'm not one for relationships anymore. I was dating this older guy, but that didn't exactly work out. That cheating bastard." Yeah, definitely not telling that story now. "But I'm so totally over it."
She's so totally not over it.
"I've never even had a crush on a real person," Kate says, sounding sleepy. "I only know boys from church, and I'm too shy to talk to them. I like some of the boys in the magazines, but my parents don't let me have those."
We're all silent for a minute. How different all our paths have been, yet we find ourselves right here in the same place anyhow.
"That's the first order of college business," Maggie decides. "We're gonna find Kate a nice guy to have a crush on."
We all fall asleep on the floor not long after. I thought my first night in the dorms would entail some big party, meeting a lot of people – most of whom I wouldn't even like.
This is better.
EPOV
"Dude, this is a real fucking church," Liam says, far too loudly. He trails along behind me, havin' a hard time keepin' up with my pace. It's his fault we're late. He could at least have the decency to walk a little fuckin' faster.
"Could you not fuckin' cuss?" I mutter. "This is a fuckin' church."
Liam laughs. It takes me a second to figure out why.
"I figured since it's on a Saturday night and all it would be different," he explains, lowering his voice as we get closer to the wooden doors that house the service. I hear singin'. It's a dude. If we missed Bella, I would have been forced to kill my roommate.
We enter the small room. Heads snap back in our direction. Young faces stare at us. I see Bella way up front, seated between Kate and Maggie. Maggie scowls when she sees my companion, slouching lower in her chair. Bella just gives me the smile that makes my heart feel warm, so I know it's okay that we're a tiny bit late.
Liam and I sit in the back. He looks uncomfortable, his gaze darting around. I shake my head at him, remembering how I felt the first couple times I started doin' the church thing with my lady.
I made sure Bella did this on a bye week. No football till next Saturday. I want and need to be here for this.
That's what we do for each other, show up.
Plus, I get a lot more playing time, now that I've proved what I can do, so I actually want Bella at the games, even if we lose most of them.
Coach – not coach here, but Coach Masen – says that a man can learn a lot from losing.
"I can't believe Maggie is in a church," Liam whispers in my ear as someone gets up to read from the bible. "I didn't think I had a chance of seeing her until after."
My roommate's obsession with Bella's roommate has been goin' on for a couple months, and I'm really fuckin' tired of hearing about it. I don't get Liam's attraction to Maggie the Mean or Bella's friendship with her. Bella's always befriendin' the scary ones.
Rosalie Hale, anyone?
"Probably just here for Bella," I reply, gettin' impatient with both my roommate and these church types readin' scripture instead of lettin' my lady sing.
After a painful amount of blathering, Bella is finally introduced. Everyone claps and I let out a whoop that makes the people around me laugh. Bella likes most of these people, sayin' that this is specifically for college kids service, and it's relaxed, just the way she likes.
She don't get to come to Saturday evening mass for college kids much. Only when we're away or on bye weeks like this one.
Bella studies the floor as she takes her spot, glancing toward the guitarist who nods at her to start. She wears a pretty off white dress, one of her favorites. I can tell she's terrified, but I don't think many others know her well enough to see it. Maybe the roommates.
The guitarist gives her an encouraging smile, and I want to break his instrument over his goddamn head.
Living apart from her has done nothing to curb my somewhat irrational jealousy.
But when Bella lifts her head and starts to sing, it's my eyes she seeks out. She get's comfortable after those first few words about risin' and goin' to Jesus. Then she really belts it out.
I can't stop grinnin' because she's so damn good. She holds everyone in this room enraptured.
Two other girls I didn't even notice and the guitarist join in for the chorus, but it's still Bella's voice that shines out, separate from the others.
For a few minutes, it's like I can feel her faith. I don't think I'll ever believe what she believes. Bella is definitely the closest to divine I'll ever get.
She gives me that secret smile when she finishes. Everyone is silent for a minute, probably a little stunned to hear such big sound come out of such a little person. I start the applause. She blushes and takes her seat as everyone else joins in.
Kate hugs Bella as she sits. Maggie grins and kisses Bella right on the mouth.
Yeah, definitely not Maggie's biggest fan.
Liam gets a little too excited about it so I have to punch him in the shoulder. It's an effort to remind myself that violence and church don't mix.
Good thing I have football. My own special kind of anger management.
As soon as the service ends and the forty or so worshipers are dismissed, I hustle on over to Bella.
"Don't lie," Bella says as I place both my hands on her shoulders. "Did I sound okay?"
I pretend to think about it for a moment.
"Edward!" Bella demands with a squeak, even stomping her foot a little. Damn, she might have even more nervous than I thought.
"You certainly didn't sound okay," I say. Her face falls, and for one little second I feel like an asshole. That doesn't stop me from pausing for dramatic effect. "You sounded amazing, heavenly, divine. Whatever you want to call it, it sure as hell wasn't okay."
Bella lets out a huff and rolls her eyes before I pull her into my chest, cradling her head between my hands. She wraps her arms around my waist, and I know I'm forgiven for my little joke.
"You always seem to be teasin' me, Edward Cullen." Her words are muffled.
"You like it," I whisper right in her ear. She shivers slightly, and suddenly being in a church is unbearable. The thought of goin' out tonight with our friends is unbearable, too.
She tilts her head, and not even the sculpture of Jesus on the cross a couple feet from us is gonna stop me from kissin' her.
Unfortunately a way too friendly voice callin' her name does.
"Bella!" I lift my head to scowl at the offensive person and Bella pulls away, turning. The fuckin' guitarist. Of fuckin' course. "That was really good. Even better than rehearsal."
Of course she fuckin' rehearsed with him. I didn't think about it until now, but I sure as hell don't like it.
"Really? Gosh, I was so nervous," Bella says, blushing once again. The guitarist looks like he's a little too fond of that blush.
"You were really, really great." He pats her goddamn shoulder, and I've had enough.
"I called her 'amazing'," I say, slipping my arm around her waist, "but 'great' works too."
The guitarist looks at me for the first time. His eyes narrow, like he's trying to work something out. He glances at my hand at her hip and the way Bella tilts her body towards me.
"Edward Cullen," I say sticking out my hand. He takes it, and I smirk because his grip is pretty fuckin' weak. There is no recognition in his eyes. At first I think this is a good thing, like they don't know each other well enough for Bella to be talkin' about private matters, but then I decide it's a very bad thing, like Bella kept me a secret.
I won't be a secret. Never again.
"Honey." And just like that, one little endearment erases my doubts. "This is Riley. Riley, my boyfriend Edward."
Riley. Stupid ass girls name. I hate Riley.
Riley still stares somewhat blankly.
"He plays football at CU, remember?" Bella asks, confused now.
"Ah, yes," Riley says, nodding now. "I'm a big fan of CU. Grew up watching them. I'm from Boulder. Our Bella here failed to mention you were her boyfriend."
Now Bella is the confused one. The uncomfortable one, too. My hand tightens on her hip.
"I don't know how that could possibly be true," Bella murmurs.
More tense silence.
"Anyway, Riley is gonna come with me to the OSU game next week," Bella says a little too brightly.
I raise an eyebrow at her. Both my game tickets always go to Bella. I don't know no one who don't already have season tickets, and I don't want her watchin' on her own. Football isn't her favorite thing, after all.
I sure as fuck don't like one of my game tickets goin' to this fucker, but I don't say so. No use in lettin' Bella know what a jealous asshole I am. Last time I hurt her feelings, like my jealousy somehow comes from a lack of faith in us rather than a hatred for the looks guys are always given her.
"Bella!" The three of us turn to look at Maggie, scowling at us from across the room, towards the exit. Liam and Kate loiter behind her. She don't look happy at all. "Can we get the fuck out of here? All this church shit is already cutting into my pre-gaming."
Riley looks uncomfortable, and I decide Maggie ain't so bad after all.
"Bye, Riley," I say, grabbing Bella's hand and pulling towards our friends. She gives him a little wave but comes with me willingly. "Nice to meet you. See you next Saturday!"
I give Bella a kiss as we walk away, just in case there's any lingering confusion over our relationship status.
Maggie drags us to a house party. I want to utilize Bella's empty bedroom, but we've done that the last three times I came up for a weekend, so we go out. I know most of these people, so it's not so bad. Mostly it's kids from Bella's hall and their older friends who are able to live off campus.
Even though it's a party, Bella and I find ourselves tucked into a loveseat in the corner. She has her legs are up under her, my head against her shoulder as she strokes my hair. We're close enough that we don't have to shout over the sounds of the party.
Don't know why we're even botherin' with the party.
"You met with your advisor?" Bella asks as I finish off my beer. I've lost count of the number, but I'm good and drunk and content.
"Yup," I reply.
"And? How did it go?" Bella is on a quest to find me a major. I'm good at school, but not particularly interested in it. I put in enough effort to get good enough grades to stay eligible to play. It drives Bella nuts, the way I don't apply myself. She thinks it's a matter of interest, says I'm so good at beer, football, and sex because these things actually interest me. She's convinced somethin' in the academic world will hold the same appeal.
I'm convinced she's insane, but it's easier to just go along with her than argue. She's a determined little thing, my Bella.
"She gave me all these classes to try out next semester," I mutter, not really wanting to talk about this. Again, it's easier to just get it over with. "Things she thinks I'll like based on my interests."
"You didn't tell her that you just like beer and football and sex, did you?"
I shake my head, grinning slightly at our running joke.
"Did you tell her you like music? "
I nod.
"Did you tell her you like coaching?"
I nod.
"Good," Bella says, leaning over to kiss my temple. I tilt my head and she smiles before bringing her lips to mine.
"I'm gonna take some education classes next semester," I tell her. "Isn't that crazy? My nutty advisor thinks I'm gonna like education classes."
"Studyin' to be a teacher?" Bella asks, obviously surprised. Her fingers still in my hair.
"Probably not," I reply, shrugging. "Now's the time to give it a shot, right?"
Bella still hasn't said anything. She just continues to stare at me. It makes me nervous.
"What? Do you think it's a stupid idea?" Maybe she doesn't want me to study what she's studying. Maybe she doesn't want me to steal her dreams. One word from her, and I'll never even think of education classes again. "Come on, love. I don't know that face. Can't tell what you're thinkin'."
"Sorry," she says, snapping out of her little trance. A slight smile plays around her lips. "It's just… I was picturing it. I've never thought about it before, but it's kinda perfect. You as a P.E. teacher. You as a coach."
Her words shock me. It's amazing, the way Bella thinks the best of me. Thinks so much of me that she can see me molding the minds of future generations.
Bella grins when she takes in my face. She probably knows exactly what's goin' on in my head, but instead of lecturing me on believing I deserve good things, she gives me a lingering kiss.
"It probably won't hold my attention," I murmur, staring at her perfect mouth. I love pretty much whatever that mouth is doin' – singing, talking, laughing, moaning. Wrapped around my cock. "Not like you do."
Bella giggles at this. "If school started holding your attention the way I do, we'd have a serious problem."
I smirk for a moment and then I remember Riley, so obviously desperate for her attention. It turns my mood sour.
"I think Riley is a big fan of your attention," I mutter. I hate how whiney and needy and desperate I sound. I can't help it. I'm too drunk.
Bella looks so genuinely perplexed by this. It makes me feel better.
"I don't know how he could have possibly not know you're my boyfriend, the way I gush about you. It's almost embarrassing." Her fingers move in my hair again. "Almost."
I move to kiss her. Again we are interrupted. This time by my roommate who sits on the arm of our little sofa, knocking into me.
"Look at that," he slurs, drunk as a skunk. He gestures wildly toward the dance floor where Maggie is basically humping some stranger. Beer sloshes out of his almost full plastic cup. A little gets on Bella's dress, causing her to frown. I confiscate the beer, making it mine as punishment. Liam doesn't even seem to notice that I've taken his drink.
As punishment, of course.
"Why is she doing this to me?" Liam moans, clutching his heart dramatically. Bella feels bad for him. I'm about to say that Maggie grinding with some preppy lookin' frat boy has absolutely nothin' to do with Liam, but then Maggie glances our way. Lookin' right at Liam. Makin' sure Liam is lookin' right at her.
Damn. She's playin' some kinda game with him, and I want nothin' to do with it.
"Liam," Bella says, putting a hand on his shoulder. He jumps like he didn't see her there before. "Maggie isn't nearly as tough as she pretends to be."
And who is? No one I know is nearly as tough as they pretend to be. Still, Bella makes Liam feel better.
"Edward," she says, her words half groan. "Just because we snuck out of the party, don't mean my roommates won't show up at any moment."
One second I'm kissing her neck and rubbing against her in the hall outside her room, the next I sweep her up into my arms, bridal style. She squeaks and giggles at her sudden change in position.
"Bedroom, then. Wouldn't want to be doin' up against this wall where anyone could see us," I declare.
And there is no way I can handle not being inside her tonight. I miss her like crazy during the week. I swear, I'll completely lose it if I can't be with her like this right now.
"Edward, poor Kate has already walked in on us once, and Maggie—"
Whatever objections she has, I silence them when I drop her on her narrow bed, covering her body with mine. My lips find those places against her neck that never fail to make her moan. She tastes so good.
I wonder if it will always be like this. I wonder if I'll always be able to set her on fire.
Fuck, I hope so.
I slip my hands under her dress.
"Edward," she says, her breathing labored. "My roommates…"
"I'll be quick then," I assure her, pulling off my shirt as I sit up. My pants are the next to go, right along with my boxers. I'm pretty good at gettin' out of them pretty quick.
I frown down at her. She's totally dressed while I'm totally naked. That just ain't even.
"Oh, the romance," Bella says with a laugh, sitting up to let me remove her dress as well. "'I'll be quick.' Just what every girl wants to hear."
I raise an eyebrow, taking her comment as a challenge of sorts. It'll be quick, but she'll have her goddamn romance. I'm going to worship her.
Slowly I lie down on top of her, pleased to see that my change of pace is already affecting her. She opens her legs, her hands gripping my hips. I smirk because despite her teasing, she's really just as desperate for me as I am her. I keep some distance between us because I know it will drive her crazy, removing her hands from my body and pinning them above her head.
Bella scowls up at me in confusion, not understanding what happened to my desperation and speed from a minute ago.
She liked it.
"Isabella," I whisper, kissing her tenderly. She whimpers and when she gazes up at me, I can see it. I can see that she loves me. "I absolutely adore you."
I then set about the business of proving it.
My lips find that elegant column of her neck as my free hand – the one not keepin' her hands manacled above her head – slowly travels down her flat belly, dipping underneath her lace panties.
Bella's panties are always damn pretty. There's no time to get a good look at them tonight. I'll have to remember to steal them so I can get a good look later when I'm all alone in Boulder and missin' her heat next to me when it's time to sleep.
My thumb on her clit and my probing fingers curled forward have her arching off the bed to get closer. She struggles against my grip. I don't let her free. This is supposed to be about her. Plus if she touches me now, I'm in real danger of embarrassing myself.
Bella and I haven't done it in two whole weeks.
So I just continue to give, refusing to take anything in return. I need to give her enough to last her till next time. I need to make it clear that I'm the one that does this to her. No one else.
"You are exquisite and perfect and mine," I murmur, my lips moving against my throat right before kissing her, slowly. I don't stop touching her, even as she moans against my lips and writhes beneath me.
Perfect indeed.
"Edward…" she manages to reply between kisses. "Yours."
Romance. Adoration. I want to rip off her meager layers of clothes – bra, panties – that are the only things separating us before pounding into her, but I don't. Instead, I lower my head to her chest, wetting the thin lace of her bra.
I try to be selfless. I try to show her how I feel about her. It seems like I have total control over her body when I finally feel her flutter around my fingers. I watch her ride out those waves. I stare down at her with love and awe. It still amazes me, the way she chose me.
She lays there, her breathing ragged. We watch each other.
"Beautiful," I say, finally letting go my grip on her wrists. I need both hands to pull her panties down her smooth legs. Immediately those little hands of hers find my cock, hard and heavy.
This is why I didn't let her touch me sooner. It feels too good, and it's been too long.
"Fuck, baby," I groan out before kissing her again.
Now a little bit of that frantic desperation from before is back. Bella sits up, yanking on the clasp of her bra.
"I want your naked chest pressed against my naked chest," she explains. I love the way she says shit like that, making the simplest statements incredibly sexy.
"I want your naked chest pressed against my naked chest, too," I reply, nipping at her ear and making her giggle.
I give us what we both want.
And then we're finally connected physically just as we are emotionally, spiritually. We just fit.
I pause, something I still do now and then. It's like I need a moment to prove to myself that it's real, that she's really here with me like this.
"I love you," she tells me, hooking her ankles behind my lower back and pulling me even deeper. Her words end my moment, and I move.
She moves.
We move.
Things are pretty quick after that, for both of us. Still, I think I pretty well proved that I adore her. She proved that she adores me, too.
"There's some romance for you," I mutter, smirking at Bella as she lies curled into my side. "Best I could do without flowers and candy and shit."
I close my eyes, the booze and the physical exertion catching up to me.
"I much prefer that to flowers and candy and shit." I grin because when she says stuff like that, it's just so apparent we're on the same page.
Bella kisses my shoulder before slipping out of bed.
"My roommates," she reminds me, silencing my protests before they even really start. She pulls on my plaid shirt, connecting the snaps before she tosses me my boxers. I wiggle into them and then let myself drift as Bella runs off to the bathroom.
I'm mostly asleep when she returns, but I gravitate towards her anyway, pulling her closer. These tiny dorm beds basically demand spooning, and I'm more than okay with that.
It seems like the very moment Bella settles, the roommates get back. Someone flips on the overhead light. Maggie cusses at them for being inconsiderate and it gets switched off again. I open one eye, surprised to see three more bodies in the room instead of two.
Liam.
How the fuck did he pull that off? He was plannin' on catching a bus back to Boulder.
If he has sex with Maggie while we're all in here, I really might have to cock block for the first time in my life.
My fears are unfounded and I watch with sleepy amusement as Maggie flops face down into her mattress and doesn't move again. She didn't even bother to kick off her shoes. Liam just stares at her as Kate gets ready for bed and tucks herself in. I drift off just as Liam crawls in next to Maggie, removing one boot and then the other.
When the hell did my life turn into one big sleepover?
Football at CU sure is different.
Firstly, we kinda suck. Colorado is a pretty nobody program, and I knew that coming in. We have some solid players, we just can't seem to win many games. It's a big adjustment, not being the best. Just as my team isn't the best anymore, I'm not the best either. Pretty damn good, but not the best.
Another thing is the fans. They sure do love us, even without the winning. They don't live and breathe football like they do in Dillon, but that don't matter much. Folsom Field is huge, and we fill it up every home game, win or lose.
Bella is always out there, part of the crowd. Today it's with that asshole guitarist Regina, or whatever the fuck his name is. I put all that hate to good use on the field, but my aggression and my two sneaky touchdowns ain't nowhere near enough.
Ohio State creams us, as expected.
The school started showing interest in Jazz our junior year. I wonder if he watched that today. I wonder what he thinks about me being a part of a team that just can't seem to win.
Frankly, it doesn't seem to bother many of the guys much. Sure, they get pissed and frustrated, but come tonight, they'll recover with the help of drink and women. There is no stewing or brooding or self-loathing.
"We'll get 'um next time," says Garrett, my best friend on the team, after every game.
Rarely do we ever get them next time.
By the time the season ends – around the same time the semester ends – I'm not totally convinced if this new life is for me. I don't think much of anything is gonna get me excited like goin' the State with the Panthers. That might have been the high of football for me.
I'm workin' on being okay with that.
When Bella has finals, and I don't see her for a couple weeks, I seriously consider givin' up on this whole college thing.
It doesn't really make me happy. It doesn't make me unhappy either, but I don't really love it like Bella seems to. There's good people I like here. Shitty people, too. Classes are boring and books are expensive.
But really, the one thing that has ever made me happy, really truly happy in the long run, is Bella. And she sure as hell wouldn't like me droppin' out and givin' up. This college thing is Bella's dream for me. It will have to do until I can figure out my own dream for the future.
Seems silly, to just throw away a free ride to a college degree without a back up plan for no good reason. Because logically, I don't have good reasons, just a general feeling of discontentment.
The only thing I'm certain of is Bella. She's my future, and I wouldn't jeopardize that future by giving up on college only one semester in.
We go home for Christmas and bein' in Dillon makes me feel better. . I love this town. This is my home. These are my streets and my hills and my people. Just about the only thing I would be willing to leave my home for is my relationship with Bella.
She would hate it, if she knew all this was running through my head.
Still, winter break is good for me. I spend all my time with Bella and see a lot of the people that became my family in my last year in Dillon. I watch the Panthers lose State from the stands. Rosalie and Emmett get engaged, not shocking anyone. Mr. Swan, Coach, and I go hunting.
The only one I share any of my true feelings with in regards to college is Jazz. He gets it. We both feel like we're just existing, purposeless. I know it's different, harder for Jazz. He still wants what I now have. I don't having a fucking clue what I want.
Alice and Jazz broke up when she left for New York. Jazz didn't want to hold her back. Alice thought the distance would kill them both. Still, she spends most of her nights over break at Jazz's place.
That don't make things any easier for my best friend.
We do a little talkin' about it, but mostly we just drink.
Leaving after the New Year is hard, even though I try to muster up some enthusiasm for Bella's sake. She's so ready to get back to Colorado, back to her new life. I can tell by the way she watches me that she knows something ain't right in my head. She doesn't ask, and I don't tell.
BPOV
"So, I should be in Boulder by five tonight?" I say, rushing around my dorm room to make sure I have everything I need for the day.
"That's okay, I guess," Edward mumbles into the phone. It's too early for him, but I've got a full day, and I won't have time to call him later.
"Okay?" I ask as I pull my door closed behind me and set off down the hall. Usually Edward is much more excited to see me. I know it's been particularly hard for him, us livin' in different cities. It's hard for me too, but I manage to stay incredibly busy between school and work and extracurriculars. Without football, Edward has too much time on his hands.
I want him to get involved, to get passionate about something, but I don't want to be the pushy girlfriend. Plus, it's Edward. He'll do it in his own time if it's right for him, whatever it is.
I'm not sure what's going on with him, but something ain't right. I hope it's just missing me, but I really don't know, and I'm too scared to bring it up. Life is a little too good right now, and I don't want to ruin it.
"Yeah, I've got this thing at six, but you'll be okay on your own for an hour or so, right? You'll read a book or something in my room?"
"A thing?" I ask, totally baffled.
"Yeah."
I sigh because this is Edward. Of course he won't just spit it out.
"What's the thing?" I ask, attempting not to sound pushy.
"A football thing."
"I thought there are no more football things for a while yet." I walk across campus, trying not to be frustrated with him. I don't really have time to get into this right now but I gotta know.
"Yeah, that's true. This isn't a CU football thing."
"Lordy, Edward. Just what exactly are you doing tonight?" I demand as I reach my first class and loiter outside the building.
Edward chuckles at me, finding some sick pleasure in my annoyance.
"It's a Pee Wee thing. I'm thinking about coaching little kids at the Y," he finally says. I can here the nerves in his tone, almost embarrassment. Immediately, all irritation leaves me because that's just so perfect.
"Wow, baby, that's great. Really great." I've never seen Edward interact with little kids before, but something tells me he'll be damn good at it.
"You think? I don't really know. I mean, would you want your kids supervised and instructed by the likes of me?" he asks quietly.
I pause for a moment, letting the full implications of his words hit me. When he says your kids, I think our kids. That's probably a conversation we should have at some point. Now is not the time.
"Yes, Edward," I tell him, talking softly, earnestly. The way he still has these doubts is somehow heart breaking and endearing at the same time. "I can't think of anyone better."
"I'll see you soon."
"Bye, honey."
My eyes flicker open with the sound of Edward's door. I smile sleepily, but don't have the energy to lift my head from his soft pillow even as he approaches.
That was a good nap I just had.
"Aw, Swan," he says, chuckling slightly. His fingers touch my face and I sigh. "You can't be out for the count already. I've only spent an hour with you this whole week. It's memory-makin' time."
"I'm not out for the count," I say. Unfortunately I yawn widely, making Edward laugh. "I'm resting my eyes."
"And what pretty eyes they are," he says. "I brought dinner."
He holds up a bag of takeout, givin' me this proud grin.
"Oh, bless you," I say, finally managing to sit up as I take the bag from him. Opening it, I get a good whiff. Thai. Wonderful.
"And this," he continues, waggling a bottle of wine in my face. I squeak in joy and actually clap my hands together.
"And another thing." Ben & Jerry's, Phish Food. The best one.
With this gift, I pretend to faint.
"Wait, hold on," he says.
"There's more?" I ask, completely shocked.
"Here." He hands me a single flower – a yellow tulip. It makes my heart swell, how he does little things like this. And he claims he's not a romantic.
"You perfect, wonderful man," I murmur, smelling the flower. "You are so gettin' lucky tonight."
All this has nothing to do with that fact really. We both get lucky pretty much any chance we get. Having a moment alone together has been so rare this year.
Edward puts the ice cream in his little freezer. I put the flower in a water bottle, placing it on the shelf under the window.
We situate ourselves, facing each other on the futon that sits under Liam's lofted bed. Edward starts with the green curry, me with the pad Thai. Each of us has a red plastic cup full of wine, sitting on the floor.
"So," I say once we get settled. "How was the meeting?"
Edward just shrugs, his mouth too full to speak. I roll my eyes and pop a piece of chicken into my mouth as I wait.
"Good," he says after long moments of chewing.
"Are you gonna do it?"
"Yeah."
"Are you going to give me a single detail at all?" I ask, frustrated. Edward laughs, grabs my hand, and kisses my palm. I fight my smile.
"It's spring league, so I'll have enough time to be an assistant coach. Touch football. I'll be workin' with a group of third graders," he says. "Practice and such will start at the end of the month and will go till May. Garrett's gonna help out too."
He's excited about it. I can tell.
"Edward, that's so perfect," I gush. "Aw, it's gonna be so cute. I'm so excited for your first game."
The shy smile that spreads on Edward's face is rare and one of my favorites.
"I love you," he tells me. I don't exactly know what's goin' on in that head of his, but I lean over and kiss him anyway. "Switch me," he says as I pull away.
We swap dishes and Edward pours himself another drink before he asks me about my day. There's not much to tell, but I give him the details – complain about Maggie's mess, talk about how much I love my Comparative Lit class, the usual. Edward actually talks at length about one of his classes, School and Society, something he's not done once so far in college without me asking a million little questions.
It's makin' him think, gettin' him interested.
"Why are you grinnin' at me?" Edward asks, eyes narrowed.
"No reason," I say, trying to casual.
"Out with it, Swan," he insists.
"It's just…" I choose my words carefully, not wanting to offend him. To me this is proof that he is actually getting something out of college, that he doesn't totally hate his life here. "I'm glad you like one of your classes, is all."
He stares at me in suspicion.
"Switch me," I say, mostly to distract him. It works, and conversation continues as we finish dinner. After throwing away all the packaging, I turn off the overhead and light a few candles. Snuggled up on the futon, we finish the wine.
"So, where's Liam?" Edward asks, rubbing the back of my neck with one hand and my thigh with the other.
"Not here," I ask, voice low and husky. I scoot closer to him.
"Do you have any idea how long he won't be here?" Edward asks, his lips so close to mine I can feel his breath. I close my eyes and shiver slightly in anticipation.
"Tomorrow morning," I whisper, aching for him to kiss me. I open one eye to see what the hold up is.
"And how exactly did you manage that?" he asks,
"Well… about that. I had to bribe him to sleep on Garrett's couch. We're goin' to a poetry reading with him tomorrow night," I say, knowing that he won't like it.
"Shit, Bella."
"Are you tellin' me a night alone isn't worth a couple hours of poetry?" I demand, crossing my arms over my chest and scowling at him.
Edward laughs. "Well, when you put it like that…" He kisses me, and I try to remain unresponsive for a moment to prove my point, but it's useless.
Resisting him has always been useless. I wouldn't want it any other way.
"I can't even handle this. Seriously, it's too much for me," I say, pacing around behind Kate, Maggie, and Liam where they lounge in camp chairs.
"Now, what exactly can't you handle?" Maggie asks, studying her blood red nails. "That this is a terrifying glimpse into your future or that Edward's team is up by three with two minutes left to play and has a slim chance of losing this so called championship game?"
It's the last game of the season. Finals ended three days ago for us, a week ago for Edward. Tomorrow, Edward and I will pack on and leave to visit Dillon for the next three weeks before he has to be back for football and I have to be back for work.
"I think this is a nice future," Kate says, sipping on a Diet Coke. "Bella would be a great mom. I can just see her carting around kids to football practice and stuff."
Maggie snorts and I try to ignore them, my eyes focused on the field where Edward is crouched down in a huddle of 3rd graders. It is seriously one of the most adorable things I've ever seen. It makes my heart go wonky.
"You are a terrible feminist, Katie," Maggie says with a sigh. "Seriously, if all women thought like you, we still wouldn't have the right to vote. Hey, when are you gonna confess your love for Garrett, huh? What's the point of having a crush if you won't even talk to him?"
"I'm not a feminist," Kate says. I smile at her offense.
"Obviously."
"And he doesn't even know my name," Kate continues. I bite my tongue. There is no point in telling her for the thousandth time that Garrett's a nice guy, not your typical football player.
"Just because Bella wants kids and a life with Edward, doesn't mean she's insulting your lady sensibilities," Liam says, slouched down so far in his chair that I can only see the top of his head. Kate smiles at him gratefully, glad for a change in subject. "Shit like that gives feminists a bad rap for being all anti-family and shit."
Edward pats the little QB on the helmet and they say a little chant. The team trots onto the field on their tiny little legs, it taking longer than it should for all the kids to get lined up.
"Fuck off, Liam," Maggie say, kicking at his legs. "What would you know about feminism?"
Maggie calls Liam her "fuck buddy." It's not going to end well. Not at all.
"Maggie, I was just showing you all the notes from my Women's Studies class yesterday," Liam says, sounding completely non-bothered by the whole conversation. It drives Maggie insane, the way that no matter what she does, she can't seem to upset Liam.
"Fuck off, Liam!" She kicks him with more force this time. I shush them both and we all watch the last plays as the seconds tick away. Edward's team – named the Panthers by the players who love Edward's tale from state – win, making them league champions. I scream and cheer with the rest of the parents on the sidelines.
I watch Edward fall to his knees and gather all the little players in a group hug. He is yelling stuff and grinning and again, my heart goes wonky. Garrett dumps a water bottle on Edward's head because there's no Gatorade. A bunch of little kids follow suit.
"Fuck, Bella," Maggie says, shaking her head. "That rabid look on your face is freaking me out. I am genuinely worried that you're going to rush over to Edward and demand he impregnate you on the spot."
I roll my eyes but don't say anything. Her words are shamefully accurate, and I don't want to think about all that now.
"I'd have your babies, Mags," Liam says casually as he stands up and stretches his arms over his head.
"Fuck off, Liam," she hisses. This time when she kicks out, Liam snags her foot. He laughs as she struggles to free herself. Maggie ends up in the grass. She then progresses to chase Liam in the direction of the playground.
"Maggie is such a fool, Bella," Kate says in that quiet, calm way of hers. The three of us are a good balance and I'm glad we're getting apartment a couple blocks of campus next year. "I think you and Edward would make really pretty babies."
I laugh and help her gather all of our things. "Everyone is getting way ahead of things here," I tell her. "We definitely won't be doin' any of that for a good long while."
I glance up at Edward, instructing the boys to line up and do the whole good game thing with the other team. We would make pretty babies.
"Plus, with Maggie and Liam, it's like we already have a whole houseful of kids running around."
"On the road again…"
"Edward." I groan, pulling a blanket firmly over my head.
"Can't wait to get on the road again…" The blanket is forcibly removed from my body, as is the pillow. There is nothing left for me to stifle the horribly loud screeching that only serves to increase the pounding of my head.
"I don't know any more words in this song, but we've gotta get on that road again. Oh, my pour drunky girlfriend, get up. On the road again…"
Edward continues to sing and I continue to groan. My head is sure to explode if I open my eyes. After a whole lot of purposefully terrible singing, Edward finally gives up and crawls into bed next to me. I whimper as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a sitting position. He gently strokes my hair and I hide my face in his chest.
"Oh, baby," Edward says, voice low and soothing now. "What exactly got into you last night?"
Maggie wouldn't leave me alone about being a disgrace to modern women everywhere.
Kate kept goin' on about our future pretty babies instead of talking to Garrett.
We are going to Dillon today where my lonely, pathetic father lives and where my mother isn't. Where Rosalie is a step away from marrying Emmett. Where Alice and Jasper are not together anymore but will love each other and fight like they are.
We are going home. And every time we go home, I get scared that Edward won't want to come back.
It's my biggest fear, that he isn't really happy here; that he doesn't really like college; that he just wants to be back in his town.
But I don't tell him any of that.
"Finals were really stressful," I mutter. "I was letting loose."
"Well, not that I didn't enjoy it," he says, dropping a kiss to my forehead. "But I don't like you hurtin', and we really do have to hit the road."
More groaning. Probably from me.
Edward gives me a few more minutes, silently rocking me and kissing my temple.
"Bella," he whispers.
"Hum?"
"I think we have a real problem here," he murmurs.
"What's that?" I have yet to open my eyes.
"Bein' this near to you, smelling you… we'll I think it's getting me drunk again. Too drunk to drive. And coming from me, that's sayin' a lot."
He has a good laugh at that one, motivating me to get out of bed and drag myself into Edward's new shower. He and Liam only moved in a week ago, so it shouldn't be too disgusting.
When I emerge – hair clean, teeth brushed – Edward hands me several painkillers and a bottle of water.
And with that we are on our way, home to Dillon.
Review? Maybe? Please?
Right now the plan is to do a chapter for each year in college plus a distant future chapter and that will be it. 4 most updates (probably) and that's it, baby. Damn, it's been a fun ride.
Let me know about Alice!