Suicide is Painless

Are there people still reading!? I hope so! I'm sorry for being so late with this; midterms are coming up and I had a lot of things on my plate. Anyways, this is for Immortal Sina who wanted Mike to try and commit suicide because he's alone and has no one for Christmas and thinks everyone hates him and…well you're gonna have to read the story for more! Enjoy! BTW: I know it's not Christmas anymore, but this was the last x-mas story on my list :)

Mike sat at his desk, fiddling with the highlighter between his fingers. For most people, Christmas was the best time of the year; but he wasn't most people and this was the worst time of the year. It was the 18th anniversary of his parent's death…his 18th Christmas without a family. Well, he still has Grammy…no, he had Grammy. They had all left him utterly alone for the holidays and he didn't know if he could handle it. When he had his grandmother, there was meaning to his life; meaning to this wonderful holiday. But now…he saw no point. At least there was still Harvey, he guessed. He wasn't exactly the festive man himself, but still; he had Mike's back when times were rough, even smoked pot with him. But it still didn't change anything; his family was gone. He remembered the happiness, the warm feelings, the laughter from his parents and how they let him stay up past his bedtime on their numerous parties they hosted. And now that the office was decorated, it brought back happy, yet unwanted memories. It just reminded him of what people had and what he didn't. Blinking the tears from his eyes, Mike wearily scrubbed a hand down his faced, cleared his throat and left for the bathroom. He really didn't want to be here right now; he'd rather be home, drinking himself into oblivion…and maybe smoke some pot. He knew Harvey would kill him if he found out, because Harvey getting stoned was probably a one-time thing. But, what Harvey didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Mike pushed the door open and flipped his tie to hang over his shoulder and splashed cold water onto his face before looking into the mirror; he looked like shit. He hadn't been getting much sleep, because he kept having nightmares of his parents dying; like he didn't get enough of that when he was awake. And then the nightmares about his grandmother started to come, so he gave up sleeping altogether. But on a bad note; no sleep meant his work was slacking and when his work was slacking, Harvey got pissed. But so far he managed to stay away from the man. Suddenly, his phone rang out and Mike inwardly groaned when he saw the ID; speak of the devil.

"Yeah?"

"My office. Now." Without another word, Harvey hung up leaving Mike worried as to why his boss sounded so pissed. Taking a deep breath and looking in the mirror once more, Mike made his way towards his death.

~+SUITS+~

Harvey tapped his pen on the desk impatiently; Mike was in huge trouble. This had happened twice in a week and three times since the kid started working here. You'd think by now he'd know how to file a goddamn patent. But he wasn't totally oblivious; he was a lawyer who read people and he knew something was wrong with his pup. The pale face, tired eyes, and even forgetfulness; if he told anyone who knew Mike that the kid was forgetting things, they'd laugh in his face. But he just figured it was one too many all-nighters, so everything was on Mike. He should learn how to manage his time. Sighing heavily, he looked up when the door to his office squeaked open.

"About time; where've you been?"

"In the-"

"Shut up. I don't want to hear it. I wanna talk to you about this." Harvey held up the papers with a sneer.

"You want to talk about paper?"

"I'm not in the mood for your wise-ass remarks, kid. Two days this week…two! You've screwed up patents that you should perfectly know how to file. Do you know how much crap I have to go through with the clients to fix this? This is completely unacceptable and I want you to give me a good reason why I shouldn't fire your ass right now!"

"Harvey…" Mike knew he was falling off the horse. All he could think about the loneliness he'd feel within the next week. But he knew if he told Harvey, the man would just call him a pussy and laugh at him…then he'd be fired. But what else was he supposed to say?

"I…I haven't been feeling well; my head hurts, that's all."

Harvey rolled his eyes and huffed, slapping the papers on his desk. "Whatever. I really don't give a shit. I need you to go to Rachel and get this fixed before tomorrow…or else."

"Umm, Rachel and I are…"

"I don't care about your marital problems. Get it done."

Mike sighed dejectedly as he picked up the files and left the room without another sound. Harvey was really pissed at him and the yelling just made him feel worse than he already was. Harvey was basically saying that he was a failure. And maybe he was. Nothing was working out for him anymore. What was worse, he now had to face Rachel who might be more pissed at him than Harvey was. He barely had entered the woman's office when she spoke with anger in her tone.

"What do you want Mike?"

"I need you to get the files for these so I can-"

"No."

"W-What do you mean no?"

"I don't have to serve you, Mike. You are well enough to find the files on your own."

"Rachel-"

"I don't want to hear it Mike. You broke my heart, I thought you really wanted to be together, but instead you move onto your second choice. But I guess that's what I am, a choice; and when you have no one else to go to you pick me as a last resort. So go find another paralegal, because I never want to see you again."

Mike opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Swallowing, he turned and left the room. There was another person that didn't want him. First his parents, then his Grammy, now Harvey and Rachel. He didn't know how much more he could take. Everyone was leaving him; no one cared about him. For the rest of the day, he steered clear of everybody, not wanting to be bothersome. He shut himself in the file room and tried to fix what he screwed up…but all he could think about how he screwed up his life period. It wasn't like him and he knew it was gonna be like this for the rest of the month. He had no one and that just caused him to be depressed. Mike sighed as he looked down at his watch. It was nearly one in the morning and he decided to take the rest of the work home.

Now Mike sat on his couch just thinking about everything that has happened. He was alone and nothing could change that. He stared at the wall solemnly, thinking what he did to deserve all of this. Maybe it was payback for all the drugs he dealt or the tests he took for other people. Maybe it was for being a fake lawyer or not visiting his grandmother at all when she was alive. Either way, the world hated him now and there was nothing else he could do…except….

Mike sniffed. He couldn't believe his mind would revert to that thought…but it was actually a good idea. There was nothing more for him here than hatred; if he died, then he'd be with his family and things would be a lot better. A tear ran down his cheek as he thought of what he was gonna do…he was gonna kill himself tomorrow.

~+SUITS+~

He was on autopilot the moment he woke up; he didn't bother taking a shower, but he made himself look as well-dressed as possible. He didn't even bother to ride his bike; he was too mentally exhausted to keep his focus on the things around him and he didn't want to die in pain if he ended up crashing his bike. Once he reached the firm, he walked into the building slowly, ignoring the 'hello's' from other associates and heading straight for Harvey's office.

"Hey look at that, genius here is actually on time."

Mike didn't make a sound; he just placed the files on the man's desk quietly before standing back. "The patents are filed and everything else is finished. Is there any else you need me to do?"

Harvey frowned. The kid sounded different…depressed. "Yeah… I'll be at a meeting until noon; there's a stack of briefs to proof on your desk. I need them done by the end of the day."

"'Kay." Mike turned around without another word and almost made it out the door when Harvey spoke up. The man almost sound concerned. Maybe because he just hoped the man would be.

"Hey…are you alright?"

Mike turned around and forced a smile. "Yeah." With that, Mike left the office and made his way to his desk. Harvey watched the kid disappear and he felt something tug at his gut. The kid was calm…too calm. It was freaking him out a little. Biting his lip, he decided to brush it off; if there was really something wrong, he'd notice it or Mike would whine about it…though he didn't do that when his grandmother had died, so…Sighing, he went back to typing up an email, hoping he made the right choice of not compelling the kid to talk.

~+SUITS+~

Mike looked at his watch silently. He had finished the briefs hours ago, but he didn't have the energy to move. All he could think about was his suicide; he'd decided to take a bunch of sleeping pills. It wouldn't be painful; it'd be just like falling asleep. Simple. And now it was almost thirty minutes to noon. Harvey was gonna be back soon and he didn't want the man to see him leave and possibly stall him from his plan. He wanted to get this over with so he could be with his family. His mind played all of the things that happened to him within the past month and he knew this was the right thing to do. This was it; he couldn't be here anymore and there was no one here for him anyways. Harvey seemed to still be pissed at him even though he showed a hint of concern this morning. But it was nothing; he'd just go back to his normal ways later. Rachel was shunning him and he knew she'd be glad the man, who broke her heart one too many times, was dead. And now Donna was angry at him, because Harvey was. Everyone hated him, so yeah, no one needed him around anymore. He'd already set things up last night before crying himself to sleep; the suicide notes for everyone were written, except Harvey's. He was gonna write his soon, though. He also had the money for the last month of his rent and a will. He figured no one was gonna want his shit, but it was worth a shot. Mike looked at his watch again and sighed; he couldn't help but feel relieved that he was leaving the living and joining the dead. With the happy thought of being with his family again, Mike stood up and walked out of his cubicle, leaving all his belongings behind. Someone would clean it out and throw it all in the trash when he was gone. What dead person was gonna need a messenger bag anyways?

Mike smiled sadly, taking one last look around the bullpen- all the people he'd come to love and hate- before turning around and leaving for Harvey's office. He knew the man was out on a business meeting and Donna had to do some errands for the man, so neither of them would be able to know what he was doing until it was too late. Walking into the office, he went straight over to Harvey's desk and sat down in his chair. On any other day, he'd wonder if Harvey would notice his chair had been sat in, blame Mike and then kick his ass out the window; but today, he didn't care. He was going to die anyways. He took a deep breath and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.

-Harvey

I'm sorry…for everything. I've let you down and I don't know how to deal with this anymore…with the loneliness and the hatred from everyone. Everyone I love is gone and I don't see my place here or in the world anymore. And I'm sorry with what I'm about to do, but you won't be able to stop me, because you'll be too late. I'll already be dead. You changed my life, though and I owe you that; you've done so much for me and I could never return the favor. I've let you down too many times to count and I know you'd be happy once I'm gone. Anyways, I'm sorry this happened and it's been a pleasure working with you…and knowing you. You were like a big brother to me. I'm sorry Harvey and goodbye.

-Mike.

Sighing inwardly, he read the note once over before accepting it. For a while, Harvey might be mad at him for taking the coward's way out. But soon the man would realize that Mike was a weight on his shoulders and he'd be glad to be rid of him. Standing up, he placed his ID badge on the note as he looked around the office he had come to love so much before heading out the door. He felt tears sting his eyes as he walked into the elevator; this would be the last time he ever saw this place. The place where his life really started to take a turn for the best. Never again would Harvey lecture at him for being late or for not wearing his suit correctly. Never again would he see Rachel's beautiful smile and stunning figure or the light in her brown eyes. Never again would he see Donna's red hair or the granola bar she'd secretly leave on his desk because she knew he hadn't eaten. Never again would he be labeled "Golden Boy" by the douches he had to work with. Harold was the only real friend he had at this place. And never again would he fail everyone, because once he left, the world would be a hellova better.

~+SUITS+~

Harvey strolled through the hallways of Pearson Hardman and towards the bullpen. The meeting had ended earlier and he was thankful for that. It had been boring as hell. But something kept pecking at his mind. There was something about Mike this morning that really kind of spooked him. The way the kid was a bit too…calm. And after the little dispute they had yesterday, he would've thought Mike would still be pissed. But he wasn't; he did all his things on time, got to work on time, he even filed a patent for once and did all of it without an eye roll or a grumble. But come to think of it, Mike didn't even laugh, let alone smile this morning like he usually did. He would've thought Mike would at least crack a laugh when he was made fun of his earliness. He reached the entrance to the bullpen and huffed when there was no sign of the familiar unruly blonde hair. And without bothering to see that Mike's things were still at the kid's desk, he swiveled around on his heel and went to his office. There was something pulling at his gut though; a really ominous and sickening feeling. And he didn't have to be at his desk to see the familiar shape of a badge which he knew wasn't his. Frowning, he strode over to the table to find Mike's badge laying on top a folded piece of paper. Harvey opened it and quickly scanned the words, instantly his eyes going wide.

"Shit." His heart beat wildly against his chest as he bolted out of his office and towards the elevator.

"Harvey, what's the matter?" Donna said picking up on the man's fear and following close behind. "It looks like you just saw a ghost."

"It's Mike; I think he's about to commit suicide."

"What! Oh my god!" Donna started to follow Harvey into the elevator but was stopped.

"No, I have to deal with this on my own."

And for once Donna didn't argue or threaten. She nodded her head before the doors slid shut and the compartment jolted to life. He couldn't believe Mike would ever think of doing something like this. Yeah, the kid made a few mistakes, but Mike was like a little brother to him…he couldn't lose him. He just prayed he wouldn't be too late.

~+SUITS+~

Mike sat on the edge of his bed with a pill bottle in his hand. He heard that this was the easiest way to go out; it'd be just like falling asleep. And he wanted to die peacefully, unlike his parents who probably died in agony. He wished he had been in that car with them; he wished he died with his family instead of being in this hellhole of a world. Mike sniffed, taking another pill out of the bottle and swallowing it dry. He lost count of how many he'd taken, but he knew soon enough it'd take effect and Mike Ross would be no more.

Meanwhile, Harvey was running frantically up the stairs to Mike's apartment. The whole ride here, all he could think about finding Mike dead on the floor, pale and cold. And then it had hit him; it was almost Christmas and Mike had no one to spend it with. His parents were long gone, his grandmother just died, and then yelling at the kid probably didn't help…god how could he be so stupid. All the signs were there. Mike had been so disturbingly calm this morning and all he did was brush it off when it was obviously something important. And if his associate succeeded in killing himself, Harvey didn't think he'd ever forgive himself. Panting, he reached apartment 2B, and not even bothering to knock, Harvey kicked down the door, barging into the room.

"Mike!" He found the kid sitting at the end of his bed, looking like shit, and a bottle of pills in his hand. He felt a little relieved seeing that the bottle was still full; little did he know that Mike had taken nearly fifteen pills, possibly more, already. "Mike, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Mike looked up, clearly startled but Harvey's sudden appearance and the older lawyer wondered why the kid didn't flinch when the door was kicked open. He wondered why Mike was just noticing him now.

"Harvey…what…what are you doing here?"

"What do you think? Have you had any of those?"

Mike looked curiously down at the bottle in his hand before shaking his head. He hated lying to Harvey, but if the man knew he'd already overdosed, he'd haul his ass to the emergency room. "No…I was about to though…Harvey you need to leave; I can't do this while you're here."

"Okay, then I won't leave."

Mike scoffed and looked at Harvey with red-rimmed, sunken blue eyes. "Let me rephrase that; I really don't want to do this while you're here…but I will. I'm killing myself Harvey and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it. Everyone's gone and the people that are here just plain hate me. There's nothing and no one here for me. " Mike looked back down at the floor, blinking away tears and trying to focus his vision. He knew the pills were starting to take effect and it was only a matter of time before he keeled over.

"I am."

Frowning, the younger man looked into Harvey's fear filled eyes.

"What?"

"I'm here for you Mike; as much as I hate admitting it, Mike, I do care about you."

Mike snorted skeptically before pouring a bunch of pills into his hand. Harvey swallowed thickly, trying to think of something to say. It was actually kind of ironic; he was the best Closer in New York City and he negotiated every day…but when it came to someone's life, he came up with bupkes. "Mike, please stop. I know it may not seem like it at times but I care a lot about you. If I didn't care, would I've threatened to quit if Jessica fired you?"

"You did what?"

"Exactly; Mike you're like a little brother to me and if you do this," Harvey swallowed, trying to keep the lump of emotion down. "I'll lose the only family I ever had. I mean sure, I'll have Donna and Jessica, but it won't be the same without you."

"Harvey…" Mike choked. "I don't…I don't know if I can be here anymore. It hurts too much; my Grammy is dead, I'm alone for- what's supposed to be- the happiest time of the year and…my life is just pointless."

"Mike I promise I'll get you through this. And you can spend the holiday at my place with Donna and I…just please, this isn't the way."

Mike looked at Harvey with tears in his eyes. Even if he did listen to the man, it was already too late. He didn't feel good; he felt like puking and his head was killing him. He could feel himself deteriorating slowly, but maybe he could just give the guy hope. Make him think it wasn't too late. He dropped the pills and the bottle onto the floor with a clatter and began to cry, he hardly even noticed the strong arms around his shoulders, holding him tight.

"It'll be okay, kid." God the kid had really scared him; to think if he took the pills and found Mike on the floor…Harvey shuddered and shook the image out of his head. Mike was okay and that's what he needed to focus on. "I'm here for you, kid." But then he knew something was strangely wrong. He suddenly realized Mike had stopped crying and that his body seemed to lean more into his own. He pulled back and the blood in body ran cold.

"Mike?" Mike's face was deathly pale and as he put his finger to the man's neck, he swore loudly. There was pulse, but with each second, it was slowing down. Mike lied to him; the kid had taken the pills…how many, he had no idea. "Mike, don't do this to me!" He slapped the man's face roughly before laying the limp body on the bed while taking out his phone. As he spoke- or more like yelled- to the operator, he kept his finger on Mike's neck, praying that the kid's heart wouldn't stop. His nightmare had come true; he had been too late…but he was gonna save his little brother if it was the last thing he did.

"Mike, please…"

And then the worst happened. Mike's heart stopped.

~+SUITS+~

He felt groggy and really confused. What the hell happened? Wait, now he remembered. He killed himself, right? So he must be dead. He didn't feel dead, though…if he could smell, he obviously wasn't dead. Then he really remembered what happened; he tried killing himself. Harvey had come in the midst of his mental breakdown and the man had desperately tried to stop him; and he was gonna listen, but he'd already taken a shit ton of pills. The last thing he remembered was Harvey hugging him tightly before everything went black. As he started to return to consciousness, he felt a weight on his hand; it was warm and comforting and he knew if he woke up, that feeling would go away. Maybe if he just-

"Mike you gotta wake up kid. Donna's about ready to explode, Rachel won't stop crying and me…I just need to see that you're okay."

That voice…it sounded so familiar. It sounded miserable. The person outside his head really wanted him to wake up; and it seemed like others did too. Sighing inwardly, he focused all his energy on his hand; if he could just move his fingers, he could let the voice know he was okay.

Harvey kept his gaze on Mike's pale, emotionless face. It'd been that way for that past four days and it was starting to make him worry even if the doctor said it was normal. No, to Harvey, it was far from being normal. He'd never seen the kid this quiet and still; he usually was talkative and fidgety. Not anymore. Dr. Mack said that there was a possibility Mike would go into a coma given the amount of pills that was ingested…which was about twenty-five. He also told Harvey that it was a miracle Mike was still alive after this long, though, he wouldn't rule out the likelihood that some organs might be damaged. He scrubbed his face tiredly and watched Mike breathe- thankfully- on his own. But he couldn't be happy; Rachel was blaming herself for being so callous with the man, Donna was blaming herself for ignoring the pup in times of need, and he…he was falling deeper and deeper into his pit of guilt.

"Mike you gotta wake up kid. Donna about ready to explode, Rachel won't stop crying and me…I just need to see that you're okay."

After a few moments, he sighed tiredly and closed his eyes, still keeping his hand right next to Mike's fingers. It was completely quiet- minus the beeps of the heart monitor and Mike's breathing- and it nearly lulled Harvey to sleep when he felt something tap his hand. His eyes flew open and he sat up quickly, seeing Mike's hand trying to grab for his own hand. Instantly, he wrapped both his hands around Mike's and squeezed it encouragingly.

"Mike? Mike, can you hear me? Come on kid, open your eyes."

And his demand was met when Mike's eyelids blinked open, reveling tired yet focused blue eyes. Mike kept his gaze to the ceiling for a moment before he scanned the room and finally landed on Harvey. The older man smirked weakly, overjoyed to see Mike alive and well.

"Hey kid."

"H-Harvey?" Mike rasped.

"Yeah, right here, Mike."

Mike smiled weakly before swallowing and closing his eyes. "I'm s-sorry."

"I know you are kid…I'm sorry, too."

Mike opened his eyes and frowned at the older man. "What for?"

"For yelling at you…and not noticing earlier how depressed you were; I should've done something."

Mike sighed quietly. "Harvey…I don't blame you; it's not your fault."

"Mike-"

"I'm serious Harvey." Mike shook his head and looked off into space. "I shouldn't have done what I did…you were right, it wasn't the way to fix things. And I'm sorry I put you through that."

Harvey placed a hand on Mike's arm, getting the kid's attention. "Why don't we both take the blame, okay kid? And I'm sure Donna and Rachel will take some as well. They already feel like this is all their fault…especially Rachel."

"I broke her heart too many times; she had a right to be pissed at me."

"You really don't know how to deal with girls."

"Apparently not," Mike snorted as he got comfortable on the pillows with a stifled yawn.

"Get some sleep; I'll go talk to the doctor and see when you can leave." Harvey squeezed Mike's shoulder as he stood up.

"Good, I don't know how much longer I can be sane in this place."

"You've barely been awake for five minutes and you're already complaining?"

"What can I say; these places give me the creeps."

"I guess I can't disagree with you there; now go to sleep…oh and another thing; if you ever lie to me like that again- about not taking the pills, I'll kick your ass all the way to Louis' office."

"Aye, Aye…Harvey?"

The older man turned around with an exasperated look on his face. The longer Mike strained himself to stay awake, the longer the recovery would be. And he really wanted the kid to get better, because he wanted the image of Mike's dead body out of his mind forever.

"Thanks…for stopping me."

Harvey quirked a smile. "You're welcome. And I'm glad I did, who'd do my work if you were gone?"

Mike rolled his eyes. "Wow, you really do care about me." With that, he shifted onto his side and fell back asleep.

Harvey watched from the door as Mike's breathing deepened. And what would I do without my little brother? This situation had been extremely serious and he hoped the doctor would let Mike be released. He had chosen not to tell the kid about the fact that he was on suicide watch, because he was afraid it might freak him out. But Mike was staying with him on Christmas Eve, Christmas, and many days after that, because he couldn't risk something like this happening again. With one last look at the slumbering man, Harvey smiled, realizing how lucky he was to have an associate- to have a kid brother to look after- like Mike. He kinda wondered what his life would be like if he hadn't met the kid. He'd still probably be hard-ass…more of one than he was now. The kid had made him go soft. Donna wouldn't be the mother hen she was now, and Louis would be…well, Louis. And Mike would be dead right now; if the kid hadn't worked for him, he would've been alone and who knows what could've happened after that. It was settled; he was glad Mike came into his life.

Fin

There! Don't forget, I'm doing more than 25 stories :) Anyways, I hope you liked it and if any lawyer/medical/pill overdose thing is wrong, I apologize. I tried researching, but different sites told me different things. Next story is for an anonymous guest. Stay tuned!