Chapter 25

…

"I'm here, love—stay still," Adam soothed.

"Adam." I gazed up into his face. Relief had given him a flushed glow and had brought tears running down his skin. I reached for his face and he moved closer so I could put my hands on his cheeks. He let me touch him, the moment of relief shivering in the air. He looked so overwhelmed by emotion that I felt moved to tears as well, but I had burning questions.

My eyes moved to Oliver and Addy standing on the other side of the bed and I exhaled shakily, so relieved to see them looking relatively well, even though the light of the lamps was paining my eyes. Both wore bandages. When I tried to remember why I was relived…why they were wearing bandages…I felt dizzy and winced. Adam had begun to speak, so I focused on his words and the dizziness cleared slightly.

"You hit your head badly as the carriage fell and you've been unconscious," Adam explained. "Everything is alright. Oliver and Adelaide are here and they're alright. Move slowly. Tell me if any other places hurt."

"Are you alright?" I asked him, my eyes only for his face again. I brushed his hair from his forehead.

"I'm fine." He moved away to wipe his tears on his sleeves, though he kept tight hold of my hand.

"The…the carriage fell?" I repeated. I closed my eyes. The lamplight in the room was too bright, and my head was splitting.

Oliver explained. "The robbers behind us shot William and then the carriage careened off a hill beside a bridge and down onto the road below. I tried to hold you down, but…" He trailed off. "I'm so sorry, Chandelle."

"I don't remember very well," I admitted. "I remember hearing the robbers coming, and the gunshots and…" The rest was a blur. "My head hurts terribly." I reached up and found a poultice on it.

"I'll reapply that," Adam told me. "It's for the pain. It will help numb it." He gently began scraping the moist paste off my head and then scooped more out of a bowl.

"How did we…?" I began. "What happened to the robbers?"

"I killed them," Adam answered in a low voice.

"And everyone's alright? Addy? You have bandages."

"Just scrapes. Oliver has a broken wrist."

"Oh god."

"The doctor said it should heal fine," he put in. "I have to rest it for a month or so. You're the one we're worried about. You keep squinting—is it the pain?"

"And the light. The light hurts."

Oliver went to blow out two of the lamps and the room dimmed considerably.

"Thank you."

"Rest is in order for you," Adam told me firmly. "Bedrest for as long as I deem necessary."

Rest sounded heavenly. I nodded meekly.

"You must really be in pain not to argue with me," he murmured. His eyes tightened with worry. "I'm going to ruin your night's rest by checking every few hours that I can still wake you up. I apologize for that."

I groaned. Oliver leaned in and took up my hand to kiss it gently. "I'll be back tomorrow to see you. I'll bring entertainment for your bestrest boredom."

I smiled wearily. "Goodnight, Oliver. Addy, darling, rest up." Addy leaned in to kiss my cheek.

"Please feel better tomorrow, Chandelle!"

"I'll do my best, sweet."

The two left the room.

There were a few beats of quiet as Adam gazed down at me. Then a sob traveled up from his chest and his head collapsed down onto my stomach as he wept, his arms gentle, yet surrounding me.

"Ah—God in heaven—Chandelle, my only… The world can't be without you. I can't be without you. Don't threaten it…"

I stroked his hair gently.

"If you had been lost to me…" he moaned, "there would be nothing. No happiness, no life, no purpose. You are everything that is good in the world." He suddenly brought his head up to look me deeply in the eyes. "Do you know how much I love you? More than breath, more than any man has ever loved a woman, and you are not allowed to die before I have finished all the loving of you I intend to do."

"Oh no?" I teased, very gently.

"No," he replied, holding me. "There are lifetimes of love to give you. So many years and embraces and…" His voice broke and he seemed unable to bring it back. Instead he feathered kisses on me and sobbed. His body trembled. I soothed him, stroking his head and murmuring.

"I'm here, love, I'm so sorry. Everything is alright. Will you take me to our room?"

He sniffed, collecting himself and wiping himself on his sleeves, nodding. His arms snaked under me very gently, and I put my arm around his neck and closed my eyes, trying to move my head as little as possible. I felt exhausted, dizzy, and vaguely nauseated.

He curled beside me in our bed in the darkness, tucking a blanket over me. True to his word, he woke me every few hours or so to my annoyance. He apologized each time, but kept at it until the sun was almost up and he finally fell too deeply asleep himself to wake. We both slept through the morning into the afternoon.

I changed clothes and relieved myself gingerly when I woke. There was less dizziness, but my head still throbbed with terrible pain. I only allowed poor Oliver and Adelaide half an hour to keep me company before all I wanted was to be lying in the dark and quiet again.

Over the next couple weeks, however, the pain dulled and faded, but it was a full month before I felt fully recovered and well enough to leave the house again and resume my regular life. The classes I had missed meant I would have to retake some courses, which was unfortunate, but I knew things could have ended worse that night. At least I still appeared to be in retention of all my mental faculties without any lasting effects.

To my relief, it turned into a joy to have Oliver and Addy in on the secret of my husband. We discussed together the possibility to bringing Eleanor in on the deceit as well, but though I was tempted, and Eleanor was my closest female friend, I just couldn't allow myself to willing put the secret in another person's hands. What if the sight of Adam frightened Eleanor so badly she told others about him? I had already taken such a risk with the household…I just couldn't take any new risks.

Unbeknownst to me, Papa was waiting until I was fully recovered before he and Jeannine broke the news of their engagement. When I heard, I immediately dove zealously into wedding planning with my young future mother-in-law. I had not been able to have a grand and conventional wedding, but by God, Jeannine would. We had such fun planning together! Jeannine never presumed to assume the sort of place or authority in the family my mother would have had, and I appreciated her humility, gentility, and softness with which she approached everything.

She had a weakness for chocolate and for birds—she liked to watch them in the garden and spoke of their habits and behavior with an endearing passion. Her fortune was not small, but was not near Papa's or of the other women who had made themselves available to him, and her bemused gratitude at being chosen as his wife showed when she looked at him. She would be a gentle and devoted wife.

Wedding planning deeply bored Adam, and he usually found other ways to amuse himself while Jeannine and I put our heads together in the sunny dining room. Often, Papa would take a drink with him in the private back sitting room and they would discuss art prices and matters of state. Once, Oliver dropped by to call on me while Jeannine and Papa were both here, and he took a whiskey with the two men in the back room as well. After that, Oliver sometimes dropped by the house to call on Adam even while I was out. That friendship filled me with delight, though I knew it had its limitations.

"The boy's half in love with you," Adam muttered about him one evening when we were alone in our back garden. "Though I can hardly blame anyone for loving you. You're too easy to fall in love with for your own good, Chandelle."

I waved my hand. "You have nothing to fear on that score. We're not as brother and sister, I suppose, but we've both agreed that we can never be a couple, and he would never take any liberties with me."

"Still. I feel something rise in my gut when I catch him looking at you. Like I want to beat him bloody and then carry you off and lock all the doors around us."

I laughed. "How primal of you."

He smiled a little, then sobered. "When we first became… When we first grew to know each other, I assumed I would share you. I assume you would marry another and I would only have a friendship with you." He gazed at me. "I want you to know that if…if that ever becomes the case…that that is what you want…I'll step aside."

I was frowning. "Yes, women love hearing that their lover would give them up without a fight. Please, continue."

He gave me a look. "It's about what you want. If you want me to fight for you, I will. If you want me to step aside, I will."

"What about what you want?"

"You who have given me so much happiness, I want you to be happy. Enough for twenty lives." He reached across the table and cupped my face in his hand. "My happiness is yours."

My eyes softened. I turned my head slightly to kiss his hand. After a few more minutes of murmured conversation, I took his hand up again and brought it to my mouth. I kissed his fingers gently, then pressed them across my mouth a little more seductively. I nibbled his index finger, then took the tip of it into my mouth.

It was at this point that Adam stood and hauled me into his arms while I laughed. He carried me up to our bedroom.