Chapter 25 – Singer

A/N – Okay, so turns out my vacation expectations were a tad unrealistic and it was super difficult to get any fanfiction writing or reading done while visiting with family members and in particular, my adorable baby nephews. So, this is a slightly shorter update I'm posting today, folks.

**For those of you who missed my Bella/Embry smutty outtake, the first part of this chapter might be confusing. So basically, in the outtake we learn Bella suffers from a real medical condition known as PSAS (Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome) or PGAD (Permanent Genital Arousal Disorder), she accidentally broke her hymen in Home Ec class back in AZ, and she's a bit of a closet freak who enjoys some good 'ole fashioned bondage activity and dominant/submissive role-play. Naturally, Embry is on board since he wants to please his imprint but also for the safety factor since he feels she's less likely to accidentally injure herself during their sexual activities if tied up.

I want to give thanks and credit to Raven Potter Weasley for my Bella/Embry pairing this fic as well as certain events of this chapter, both of which were inspired by what I found to be her fairly hilarious suggestion in her review of Chapter 5 of WW. And if you're a Harry Potter fan, Raven recently began posting the first chapters her own Harry Potter fanfic, which has been extremely well reviewed already. I actually know nothing of the HP series whatsoever but I fully intend to check Raven's story out as I suspect it's full of fun non-canon pairings, her offbeat humor and refreshingly frank and original point of view.

With her legs spread wide open for me on all fours, her hands bound to the wooden slats of the headboard with her red cape, a homemade yellow 'Have a Nice Day' rubber ball gag in her mouth and my dick disappearing inside her snug, wet hole, I was certain my imprint had never looked quite so breathtaking before. She did her trademark porn star moan over the gag ball and pushed her sweet heart-shaped hiney back against my shaft, trying to take in more of me. I smacked her right ass cheek, causing her to squeak. Oh, no, had I hurt her? Crap! I'd only meant to give her a playful tap. This Dom-Sub role-playing business didn't always come totally naturally to me.

And yet, I knew she was okay. Because the gag ball wasn't actually secured tightly, she was mostly just holding it in her mouth, allowing her the freedom to easily spit it out if she needed to use her safety word, "David Hasselhoff"…chosen mainly for its ability to instantly conjure up an image most likely to immediately make my dick soft in an emergency situation. Still, I breathed a sigh of relief as the smell of her arousal thickened in the air and I could feel her increased wetness around my cock. Hello, baby! Not for the first time and likely not the last I thanked my lucky nuts for imprinting on Bella. She was seriously fucking perfect and though I hated to think it for fear of jinxing myself, it almost seemed as if no matter what I did I couldn't get it wrong with her as long as I stuck to my instincts with regard to the connection I felt.

Nothing made me happier than making my Bella happy and she appeared shockingly easy to keep happy thus far. I didn't get why guys seemed to think women were impossible to please. Seemed straight forward enough to me. You get a sense of what she wants, you confirm it, then you do it. If you have no sense at all, you just ask. What was hard about that?

Personally, I'd never envisioned myself as the sexually dominant type. And none of my spank bank material over the years ever ventured into even mild bondage territory. I guess I wasn't that imaginative and had mostly stuck to the basics…classic meat and potatoes bedroom appetite. I mean I could come all over myself just looking at Bella's perky little tits in a wet tee shirt. Probably wouldn't even need to be wet. Hell… Bella could wear a plaid flannel shirt and I'd shoot my load simply looking at her. So this whole new world of gag balls and spankings had me feeling like I was the one with PGAD.

The evening following the recent incident with the creepy vamp in the woods, I'd come clean to Bella about being a shape-shifter and also about imprinting on her. She'd taken the news of both shockingly well. And as my imprinting luck would have it, turned out Bella had always been secretly turned on by the Little Red Riding Hood fable and was eager to role-play that I was the Big Bad Wolf accosting her at her granny's, tying her up, gagging her and having my big, bad wolfy way with her. So I was currently under strict instructions to spank her and call her "bad Little Red" and "slutty Riding Hood" every time she got too impatient or came without permission, which was of course quite often given her PGAD condition... and the fact that it was hard enough just remembering my own name most of the time when my dick was buried inside Bella, forget about remembering I was supposed to be playing the Big Bad Wolf and telling her when she could come or not. But hey, I was more than willing to role-play every day of the week until I got it right if that's what my sweet little imprint wanted.

And in Kimbo's absence I'd decided Casa Callaway was the best location to serve as "Granny's house." In the first place Bella was safest on the reservation where the pack and I could best look after her, particularly now that we knew the redheaded bloodsucker, who Bella informed us was named Victoria, had actually been hunting Bella all this time, in connection with some twisted mate for mate revenge scheme. So I employed any excuse I could think of to keep Bella on the reservation as much as possible.

Kimbo's house was also the best location for role-play since my mom was home way too often, not to mention Bella's dad was a fucking cop. But truthfully, aside from all of that, I'd decided I had a score to settle with my biological father who'd never acknowledged me and had steadfastly avoided me thus far even after knowing Aunt Susie had spilled the beans to Kim as well as to me via my crazy mom. Hell, the man hadn't been home in the last two days to even notice his "acknowledged" child Kim was missing. Well, I'd decided after I got done talking to him…perhaps phasing in front of him…he was going to fucking acknowledge both Kim and me going forward. He couldn't avoid me forever. And in the meantime, I was going to enjoy camping out at his house, having sex with my imprint in his bed, and purposely drizzling my jizz all over his sheets Kimbo had kept clean for him like she was his fucking housekeeper rather than his daughter. He wasn't the only one who could carelessly shoot his semen around and ignore responsibility for the sticky mess that was left behind.

Oh, Lord fucking help me, Bella was coming again for the fourth time already, her tight twat squeezing my dick like a damn fist. Curse my tight balls this was a crazy good one she was having too. I was pretty sure the whole reservation had probably heard her squealing and porn star moaning by now. I almost lost it and shot my shit, but then I remembered I was supposed to be talking smack like she'd told me she wanted me to. Fuck, what was I supposed to be saying again? It was so hard to think when all of my blood was concentrated in my penis. Oh, yeah, right…

"Bad Little Red," I scolded her, smacking her perfect ass. She moaned louder and I felt her vaginal muscles fluttering and gripping me anew. Oh, shit! A double orgasm? Fuck me, I wasn't going to last long now. I dragged out and rammed hard back into her, causing her to grunt and scream over the gag ball through one of those blessedly beautiful, continuous orgasms she tended to experience. I slapped her other ass cheek. "You're such a bad little fucking Red, coming before I said you could," I chastised. "Now you're gonna have to take all of my Big Bad Wolf cock like a good slutty Riding Hood." Oh, goddamnit, who knew nursery fables were so fucking dirty? I started giving it to her good and fast as my balls constricted almost painfully.

But then Bella threw me a wicked curve, spitting the gag ball out and wailing, "Ooh FUUCK! It's too much… I can't take any more of your big bad wolf cock! It's too big! It's too bad! Oh, fuuck!"

I stalled for a split second. Holy crap, was she serious? Was my big cock too much? But wait…she hadn't said David Hasselhoff? Crap… fuck… crap crap! What if she'd just forgotten the safe word?

"Emmmbry!" she screamed. "Don't…don't fucking stop!"

Aw, hell this was confusing! I instantly went back to work ramming my dick into her at lightning speed and telling her what a bad Little Red Riding Hood she was. Gosh, I was so lousy at staying in character. Bella was such a sweetheart for overlooking my poor acting ability and going back to screaming her head off in orgasm about how she couldn't take anymore of my Big Bad Wolf cock as I pounded into her without pause.

I really felt like such a terrible imprinter sometimes. I seriously didn't deserve Bella. And it was my preoccupation with these self-deprecating thoughts as I was caught up in our moment of orgasm, gripping Bella by the hips and shouting obscenities nonsensically as I unloaded myself into her that resulted in me failing her yet again by neglecting to hear the unfamiliar fast-paced heartbeat that had entered the house and the bedroom before it was too late.

I whipped my head around just in time to see a slender, attractive brunette wielding what appeared to be a gun, pointing straight at us in her quivering grasp. I withdrew myself from Bella, instantly shifting into position to lunge at the girl when she started screaming like a maniac and the weapon fired, shooting two dart-like probes that were attached to thin wires connected to the gun straight into Bella's left ass cheek. As the crazy intruder continued to shriek like a banshee, jumping up and down in place, 50,000 volts of electricity jolted through my precious imprint, causing her to twitch and convulse like some back-alley crack addict just as she was reaching her porn star wailing moment of orgasmic completion.

My heart was gripped by such an unparalleled fear and panic for my Bella that I hadn't known in two whole days as she sank boneless to the mattress before my hapless eyes. I tore her free of her red cape bindings, swiftly turning her over to check her pulse as I prepared to administer CPR. She was breathing! Thank fucking Taha Aki! Her pulse was steady. She'd simply been rendered unconscious. She was going to be okay!

As soon as I was assured of Bella's well being, my fearful emotions were replaced with ones of such intense, murderous rage, I was quite certain there was about to be nothing but a big blood stain on the bedroom wall behind where that brunette intruder with a death wish had been standing.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" I roared at her in anger.

The petite brunette shrank back through the doorway, her eyes wide with terror as my body trembled with fury. I was pretty sure my eyes had at least partially shifted. She dropped the taser gun to the floor. "Oops… My bad! I was aiming for you," she confessed anxiously, as if that somehow sufficed as an excuse.

Aiming for me? Like that was fucking better? Who the fuck breaks into a home and just starts tasering innocent couples having sex? Clearly she was a psychopath and a danger to society, I rationalized. I saw red as I stared through her, fighting the overwhelming urge to phase and murder her for harming my imprint.

"She…uh…she should be fine in like twenty minutes…I think…" She had the gall to shakily smile at me reassuringly. "I… I'll just go now… um… must have the wrong house…" she trailed off as she pivoted on her heel and dashed down the hallway.

Oh, no she fucking didn't! I managed to wrap a sheet around my waist before racing after her, catching her by the shoulders before she'd made it halfway down the hall, lifting her up easily and slamming her back against the wall to face me.

She winced and then dared to actually glare at me, yelling, "Ouch, motherfucker!" Then she had the nerve to grumble an irritated, "I said I was sorry!"

Really? I must've missed her version of sorry. I should really just kill her, I mused. She was a human and I was a supernatural Protector sworn to defend humans from vampires. But I'd been on edge the last two days since Bella's near attack by Rasta vamp and I wasn't willing to take any chances. Not even with this pipsqueak.

"I should fucking kill you," I growled aloud down at her in a low, gravelly voice that didn't sound anything like mine.

"Embry?" Quil called out anxiously as I caught the sound of the front door swinging open and slamming shut. "Dude, is everything okay? I was in my bedroom with Stacy when I just had the weirdest feeling like my heart was about to explode and then I felt possessed by some queer compulsion to come straight… over… here…" I swiveled my head to look at him as he entered the hallway, his voice trailing off when he caught sight of me shaking, my fingers firmly gripping the cheeky brunette by the shoulders.

"Oh my fucking God," he whispered, his eyes transfixed on the brunette cowering against the wall in front of me. He looked like he was going to be sick. Glancing quickly back and forth between Quil and the girl I noted she'd turned her head and was looking straight back at him, her brows knitting together in a disturbed manner.

Of all the lousy luck! The obnoxious little housebreaker was Quil's imprint. I definitely wouldn't be able to kill her.

Normally I wasn't so astute-Lord knows it had taken me far longer than it probably should have to figure out about my own imprinting-but I quickly recognized the telltale look of sheer idiocy on Quil's face now only all too well, having witnessed Jared make that same expression just two days earlier upon locking eyes with Maggie.

Quil seemed to forget he wasn't supposed to reveal himself as more than human as he sprung into reaction, moving with supernatural speed and agility to knock me off and away from his imprint, sending me flying to the other end of the hallway where I crashed straight through the drywall. He then swept her off her feet bridal style and whisked her clear across the living room in some absurd, overly dramatic attempt to safely relocate her farther beyond my reach than was remotely necessary. Imbecile!

It seemed he'd also forgotten to get dressed before he left his house as he was wearing only his boxers and sporting a stiffy no less as his imprint shrieked at him to put her down, kicking and flailing her arms. I seriously hoped the Tribal Council would privilege me with personally transcribing this tale of Quil Ateara V meeting his imprint for historical recordation in some official book of our tribal legends I assumed we kept somewhere. Because it was shaping up to be one that was sure to live on in infamy among future generations of shape-shifters.

Quil reluctantly honored his imprint's wishes and carefully set her down. She smoothed her shirt that had ridden up and brushed her disheveled, dark hair away from her face. I was busy dusting drywall off of my mostly naked person as well as I cautiously approached the pack's newest imprinting disaster in the living room. Quil was staring at her like she was everything he'd always wanted and never believed existed in the world. She was staring back at him as if she was terrified he was going to try to chop her into tiny pieces and store her in Zip-lock freezer bags.

She swallowed nervously and spoke a little shakily, "Okay, so…clearly I have the wrong house and you guys are busy filming some kind of… independent… arthouse film… so, I'll just be on my way and let you get back to that."

She made a move for the door but Quil put himself squarely in her path, then proceeded to back her up until he had her boxed in, his hands braced against the wall on either side of her head. I could hear her heart racing out of control.

No doubt Quil heard it too as he cooed, "Oh, don't be scared, beautiful. I'd never let anyone hurt you, least of all that ape over there," he jerked his head in my direction. She looked even more terrified. Clearly he didn't get that he was the ape presently scaring the crap out of her.

I rushed over to his side and Quil managed to drag his eyes away from his precious imprint long enough to glare and growl lowly in his chest at me. I tried to give him a meaningful look that said 'back your shit up, man, you're freaking her out', but apparently it wasn't meaningful enough because he did the opposite, leaning in and crowding her even more with his hulking frame, seemingly in some misguided, protective gesture. I raised my hands in a sign of surrender and backed away until Quil ceased growling and turned his attention back to his new purpose for living.

And then the nuttiest thing of all happened. Quil slid his right hand from the wall and placed his palm gently over his frightened imprint's rapidly beating heart. Now, if anything should've freaked the girl into cardiac arrest, I would have thought surely the big half naked stranger leering at her and tenting his boxers putting his big hand on her left boob would've done it. But by some strange mythical imprinting hocus pocus she instead seemed to calm instantly, her heart rate actually slowing and evening out to normal.

What the fuck was that shit all about? And how in the hell did Quil just know to do that? She still looked apprehensive and definitely weirded out by him, but also a bit dazed, and there was no mistaking the physical signs of her change in demeanor. Even her breathing was steadier now. Seriously, what the hell kind of voodoo was that he'd just employed?

Quil smiled stupidly at her like a total pansy, looking inordinately pleased with himself as he withdrew his hand from her chest and placed it casually back against the wall. "What's your name, beautiful?" he drawled in a husky voice I'd never in my life heard him use before.

She closed her eyes then, letting her head fall back against the wall behind her and mumbling, "Seriously? This is really happening?"

"My name's Quil," he persisted with oblivion.

She peeked one eye open at him and scrunched her nose up in confusion. "Like a pen?"

He laughed uproariously, dropping one hand from the wall to hold against his belly, as if she'd just delivered the joke of the century.

"No…no no no…it's Quil with one 'L'," he explained excitedly. "See? So I'm not a pen."

Man, this was a fantastic imprinting train wreck in the works I was witnessing.

She narrowed her eyes at him, looking him over as if still trying to determine whether he was harmless crazy or dangerous crazy.

He just cheesed back at her. "Quil Ateara," he emphasized his last name as if it held some special importance.

She looked as if it was taking all of her self-restraint not to roll her eyes. "I'm Kim's cousin Alison," she finally revealed. "Alison Claire Young," she emphasized the last name in a mocking tone that was unfortunately lost on him. "Alison's spelled with one 'L', see? I'm not a pen either."

He laughed like a maniac again.

"Wait! You're Alison?" I blurted, rushing closer. "Kim's cousin Alison?"

She shrugged, raising one brow and mumbling, "I only fucking just said that." Clearly she was still miffed at me for wanting to kill her earlier.

"I'm Embry!" I shoved Quil out of the way and ignoring his territorial growls, extended my right hand in greeting. "I'm Kim's half brother."

She recoiled in horror, squeezing herself into the wall as her eyes darted back and forth from my hand to my face in disgust. "Ewe! Are you crazy? I'm not shaking that hand you just had buried in some skank's twat!"

Whoa! "Whoa! Her name is Bella and she is NOT a skank!" I reproached, shaking a warning forefinger in her face, causing her to shudder and squeak in protest.

Quil shoved me away from her so hard I stumble stepped halfway across the room. "Dude! Get your dirty twat finger out of my imprint's face," he admonished. "And go put some fucking clothes on. Can't you see you're freaking her out?"

Oh, I was the one freaking her out?

Alison gave me a pleading look, affirming that I was in fact the lesser of the freaks in her estimation. "You're Embry?" she queried, looking a little disappointed and disgusted when I nodded in confirmation. "O-kay… um…well, listen…" she seemed to pull it together for appearance sake, drawing on some deeply-ingrained sense of manners. "I'm super excited to meet you, Embry," her smile was strained, "I'm so psyched to have such a cool new cousin." She cleared her throat. "But I'm having a bit of a germaphobic reaction right now and I've already had to shower more than my fair share today so… do you mind if I don't touch you or shake your hand until tomorrow? Or next week maybe? Preferably after I've witnessed you washing and sanitizing your hands a few times first?" she mumble finished under her breath.

"My hands are clean," Quil offered up eagerly before I'd had a chance to respond. "See, I even clean under the nails?" He held his big mitts up to her face, turning them over for her inspection.

Alison rolled her eyes and shook her head slowly. I was tempted to remind the room of the fact he'd just run over from his bedroom activities with Stacy, but decided not to go the total asshole route, despite my increasingly bad mood.

"You can shake my clean hand if you want?" Quil continued. "I'm a really good friend of Kim's. She's like a sister to me. Like a full-sister…way more than just…a half." He jerked his head in my direction and pulled a face, as if to indicate my half sibling status clearly marginalized me as a person of importance in Kim's life.

I smacked my palm against my forehead and whispered too fast and too low for Alison to hear, "Shut the fuck up! You're completely blowing it!"

He whipped his head in my direction and replied back at supernatural speed. "Em, man, she's impossibly perfect… she's the cutest, smartest, most amazing, gorgeous, fuck hot imprint on the planet. I feel like asking her to marry me right this second."

"Fabulous… that makes us full first cousins then," Alison remarked sarcastically in response to his sister comment. "And what the fuck is an imprint?" She looked suspicious. "Is that like another term for fluffer?"

"Fluffer?" Quil questioned with rapt interest, much as he did anything that fell from her pouty lips. "Is that another feather pen joke?"

Alison frowned a moment, then looked to me and asked, "Is he special?"

I nodded. "He is now."

She sighed. "Listen, can you just tell me where Kim is, please? She was supposed to arrive in Los Angeles yesterday but she never made her flight and I haven't been able to reach her."

"Oh, my god!" Quil exclaimed suddenly, his copper complexion turning as close as it could ever come to ashen. "Fuck my life, this is ALISON? KIM'S COUSIN ALISON?" he bellowed in incredulous horror. Apparently he was connecting the dots five minutes after the initial introduction and realizing his imprint was the self same cousin Alison whose life we understood to be presently in danger from another one of those hopelessly romantic bloodsuckers.

Alison's eyes darted back and forth between Quil and me. "Is this an inbreeding thing?" Naturally she was curious why she had to introduce herself as Kim's cousin Alison three times before the half-naked apes got it. "Can someone please just tell me where Kim lives?"

"She lives here," I answered, growing impatient to return to the bedroom to check on my Bella.

"For real?" she squawked. "All this time my parents told me my uncle was a mechanic and he's really a porno producer?"

"No way!" Quil piped up, looking to me for confirmation. "Your biological father shoots porn for a living?"

I reached over and whacked Quil hard on the back of his head as my final vestiges of patience snapped. "No, idiot! Alison walked in on Bella and me role-playing Little Red Riding Hood. She accidentally tasered Bella in the ass in her attempt to zap me after somehow jumping to the crazy conclusion Bella was an unwilling participant who required rescuing just because Bella was tied up and screaming she couldn't take anymore of my big bad wolf cock. But she never said David Hasselhoff, okay! SHE NEVER FUCKING SAID HASSELHOFF!" I roared.

Alison actually leaned in closer to Quil, clutching his forearm as they both regarded me like I was the one who was insane.

"And then you showed up in your underwear with a hard-on, jackass!" I continued to rant, "Announcing you'd just been in your bedroom with Stacy." There, I'd taken the total asshole route. "Obviously she thinks we're shooting some wacky porno and that imprint means fluffer. Don't ask me to explain why her brain works that way because I'm not actually blood related, so I have no idea what kind of twisted mind one would need to possess in order to break into someone's home and taser an innocent girl having a fantastic orgasm in the ass!"

Alison bit her lip, staring at me with a fascinated, horrified expression on her face before questioning aloud, "Are those some kind of new mood changing colored contacts you're wearing? Your eyes keep turning back and forth from brown to pale blue."

Quil drew Alison further into him until she was pressed right up against his chest. For whatever reason the fact my germaphobic new cousin seemed to be okay with pressing herself up against a my half-naked childhood friend Quil, who was presently shooting daggers at me like I was his mortal enemy, when she wouldn't even shake my damn hand after tasering my imprint into unconsciousness, was the last straw for me as I groaned in defeat. I certainly didn't have the energy to explain my eyes shifting.

"Fuck it," I announced, raking a hand through my short hair. "Let's just go in the backyard and get this shit over with?"

They both looked perplexed. "Quil, we might as well tell her now rather than later," I reasoned. "Let's just go in the backyard and I'll phase in front of her. She's vampire bait and she's related to three shape-shifters in addition to being your imprint. The sooner she knows the easier it'll be to protect her. 'Sides, we need to get in touch with Paul so he can let Kim and Bennett know we've got Alison here."

Quil's eyes widened in protest at first, but then he seemed to process the merit of cluing her in. It would certainly make it easier to protect her and keep her close to him. "Maybe I should call my grandpa and ROQ," he suggested tentatively with a heavy sigh, "get them over here to explain things."

"Nah, fuck, let's just give her the Cliff's Notes version," I insisted. Was he crazy? How many IQ points had he lost in the ten minutes since imprinting on Alison that he thought introducing the girl to his scary weird family would help this situation?

Alison took the news of our ability to shape-shift into giant wolves remarkably well, all things considered. I guess her dad had shared enough of the Quileute legends with her and Bennett over the years for it to be adequately shocking to discover they were actually real, however not utterly mind blowing. Quil embraced her from behind and did that queer bit again where he put his hand over her heart after her heartbeat spiked dramatically at my initial phasing. I seriously needed to ask him what that was all about.

We went back inside the house where Alison sat fairly motionless next to Quil on the living room couch as we revealed our purpose as supernatural wolves. The vampire pill was a bit harder for her to swallow, particularly when we told her she had a vampire stalking her. I explained what I'd learned from Bella about how some humans' blood "sang" to certain vampires in specific, causing them to lust after that human with such a twisted passion it lead them to believe they were soul mates, the human destined to either be dinner or an undead vampire mate for eternity…depending on how well the vamp could control his appetite.

She turned sickeningly pale after we described what vampires looked like and asked if one of us could please bring her overnight bag in from her rental car. Quil jumped to attention, returning from her car with two oversized suitcases and three slightly smaller pieces of luggage, apologetically indicating he hadn't known which of the five constituted her "overnight bag". How could he?

I noticed Alison's hands were shaking as she opened one of the medium-sized bags and pulled out a smaller piece of luggage, and then an even smaller bag from inside of that one. Just as I was wondering how many and how small the Russian dolls were going to ultimately be, she pulled out a pink "Hello Kitty" plastic container, retrieved a joint and lighter, and proceeded to get stoned.

Around her fifth puff her hands had stopped shaking and she appeared calmer as she confessed she suspected she knew who the vampire stalker was; said she'd just seen him at the airport before picking up her rental car and driving to La Push. She told us he'd been casually approaching her for several months in random places, attempting to engage her in conversation and just recently saying bizarre things about her being a world class singer. She giggled as she relayed how she'd simply mistaken him for some B-rate talent scout and told him to fuck off, letting him know she couldn't carry a tune in a Hermes bag and if she could, her grandma knew Quincy Jones so she didn't need to deal with fucking amateurs.

Quil did his best to comfort and reassure her the vampire would never get that close to her ever again. She nervously laughed it off, saying this was nothing new, that she'd consistently attracted weirdos and stalkers most of her life.

The imprinting concept seemed a lot tougher for Alison to grasp. We explained that Quil was her soul mate and that he would be whatever she wanted or needed him to be to her from now on. At first she appeared thrilled with the idea, and I could see Quil turning internal cartwheels as he grinned from ear to ear at her. But then she asked if he would be her new Chiropractor because hers had recently relocated to San Francisco, and we realized she wasn't quite getting it.

I calmly explained to her Quil couldn't just instantly be something for her that he didn't already possess the knowledge, skill and ability to be…like a flippin' Chiropractor! To which she wrinkled her nose up and flat out concluded that was lame, arguing Quil hadn't had any supernatural wolf skills prior to phasing for the first time either and that if he could turn into a giant vampire slaughtering wolf, turning into a Chiropractor seemed like a markedly easier feat for him to accomplish on her behalf. Quil finally acceded that he could go to school to study Chiropractic medicine if that's what Alison really wanted. But by that time she'd moved on to assessing his current skillset, concluding perhaps he might make a halfway decent personal assistant to her in the interim.

I clenched my fists and did my best to reign in my annoyance as I was forced to acknowledge perhaps calling ROQ over wasn't the worst idea ever as maybe it would actually make more sense to her if she heard it explained by someone just as dotty as she seemed to be. Fortunately, Sam and Jared showed up just as Quil and I finished trying to explain it to her for the fourth time, adding their two cents to our stoner imprinting conversation.

Sam gave her the classic, tired schpeal about how Quil could be a brother, friend, protector, or a lover to her, whatever was required by her as the imprintee. Then Jared stuck his foot in it, rolling his eyes and contending it was always best to just be frank with someone who was stoned. So he revealed that even though we always told imprints we'd be anything they wanted us to be, it was basically lip service to make them feel like they still had options since it was a known fact imprinting always ultimately resulted in a sexual relationship.

Quil cringed and Sam smacked Jared upside the head, while I groaned and buried my face in my hands in defeat. Alison simply started giggling uncontrollably then in that goofy, ridiculous manner a person could only get away with when they were stoned. Pretty soon she was rolling on the floor making noises like a hyena. I really couldn't figure out what Kimbo saw in her cousin that she idolized her so much.

Sam threw his hands up and went searching the kitchen for food. Eventually Alison's laughter died down and she let us in on the joke as she broke the news to Quil in no uncertain terms that she would never in this lifetime be having sex with him. And not because she didn't think he was a "cool pen" or because he didn't show much promise as a Chiropractor, but because she was a lesbian and simply "had no use for his penis".

I didn't stick around long enough to discern Quil's reaction to that imprinting bombshell because my own reason for existence was finally stirring awake in the back bedroom. I raced down the hallway at the sound of her patterned breathing changing and the sheets rustling. I found her picking up the discarded taser gun from the floor, her smooth alabaster brow slightly marred with confusion as she turned it over in her hands.

"Baby, I'm so SO sorry!" I apologized anxiously, picking her up and depositing her on the edge of the bed before proceeding to check over every inch of her gorgeous naked body to ensure she was okay. "Are you alright?" I knelt in front of her, taking the offensive weapon from her grasp and setting it aside before caressing her hands in mine and kissing her palms repeatedly. "Can you ever forgive me, angel?"

I looked up to find her huge brown eyes filling slowly with tears and I could've sworn I heard my own heart breaking. I was the worst protector ever. I wouldn't blame her if she never forgave me for this.

She placed her cool hand against my cheek and smiled timidly as she whispered a tearful, "Oh, Embry, that was… so…magical. Even better than I'd always fantasized. How did you know I'd always wanted to experience a tasergasm?"

I swallowed hard and forced myself to maintain a lovingly neutral expression on my face as I simply nodded. There were no words. How much luckier could one imprinted, shape-shifting, bastard Indian boy possibly get in life?

"How do you always know exactly what I need?" she sniffled, caressing my cheek as she gazed at me with some sort of magical look of wonderment that I wanted to capture and commit to memory for all eternity.

I enjoyed the moment, knowing I would have to deliver the disappointing news to her later that I was never going to give her another tasergasm for as long as I lived. I shrugged, placed my hand atop hers against my cheek and murmured in my deepest voice, "It's just the magic of imprinting baby."

A/N – Thanks for reading and reviewing! And please, no one try tasergasming at home!