I'm updating and I bring good news! I'm coming back to England on Sat, which means I'll be able to update more often :D yayayayayayyy

BTW, I wrote a one shot called 'The price of a prank'. It is about Jamie and Sirius, and it is a romance. Do go and read and review it, because it will make me super happy :D

So this chapter is only slightly depressing :/ yeah... if you're over sensitive about suicide and that kind of things you might not want to read it... but i promise it'll get happier soon! Or will it? muahahahahahaha xD

Enjoy xx

The Five Marauder, Year Five

Chapter 25

Jemmia White. That name, it... Rang a bell. I think somewhere in my subconsciousness I knew that name belonged to me but at that point in time, if anyone asked me who I was, I wouldn't know.

I could have been in this cold cell for days or years alike, I couldn't tell which.

I didn't remember anything. It was as if all my memories were locked up in a box, safely hidden at the back of my mind, making me completely forget my life before I was locked in this castle. In fact, sometimes I wondered if I even had a life before; if I wasn't simply born in this cell and spent my whole life here, surrounded by pain and torture.

Sometimes I'd be dragged out of the cell up flights of stairs to a gloomy chamber in which sometimes there'd be groups of masked men in black robes with Him at the front, or sometimes it would just be the two of us. I don't ever remember much of what happens in the chamber. All I can recall is disagreeing to something, and then so much pain...

I don't even know what I'm disagreeing to, but I just know I have to. Even if it leads to torture. Even if saying yes could put an end to the pain.

Sometimes after being dumped in my cell after the torture, I would find dry bread and water. I never ate or drank any of it though. It's not that I thought they would poison it, or fill the water with some kind of potion that would make me do whatever it was they wanted me to agree to. No, I simply didn't want to eat it. I didn't want to eat, drink, talk or walk. Nor to sleep, think, breathe or live. I lost the will to live, but my cell was too empty to give me any resources needed for me to end my life. So I tried to starve myself, but I think He saw what I was doing because he started to send his people to feed and water me. Brutally, might I add. A couple of times I even tried to strangle myself with my own bare hands, but each time the need for air won. One time I remember even begging Him for death, but all he did was laugh, turn to his followers and say, "She's cracking."

My most desperate attempt however was when I tried to anger Her. She was what I feared the most with her blood chilling torture stories and the crazed glint in her eyes. She was who I thought most likely to get angry and end my life, but when I laughed in her face and did my best to make the beast furious, the only result was pain, pain and once again, pain.

But still, I think that out of all the pain and torture the Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort put me through, nothing and I mean NOTHING compared to what I went through when I slept. I found the same constant nightmare plaguing my mind each time I fell asleep and there was nothing I could do about it. In fact, each time I closed my eyes I saw the lifeless brown eyes that invaded my dreams. Each time I slept, I killed the man over and over again, knowing there was no way I could stop it, and no way to rid myself of the guilt. I didn't find out the man's name, or whether he had a wife, children or friends, so I was left with assuming he did. Sure, he was a Death Eater. Sure, he would have killed me if he got the chance. Sure, he probably killed and tortured others before. I tried to use those three reasons as a justification for why I used the killing curse, but I could never rid myself of the guilt.

Even as I sat here, curled up into a ball in the corner of the cell, the man was all I could think about. I considered asking Him about the man, but I'm not sure if I wanted to know who he was. I reached up to my neck. I had a feeling that something should be there. As if some kind of necklace or chain was supposed to be hanging there, but I forgot to put it on. Something that I should remember, but I simply couldn't.

A loud click made me look up and light from a wand flooded the cell, forcing me to cover my eyes to shield them from the unusual brightness.

"Time to go, pet," I heard a loud, strident voice and I could just about hear the grin that I knew was present on his mouth.

A hand grabbed me by the collar of my already torn school blouse that once used to be white. Now it was more of a mix of crimson, dark gray and black.

I didn't even try to fight. I didn't even bother to move my legs as I was dragged through the corridors. The pain of my legs being dragged across the floor didn't even register in my mind.

I was dumped in the middle of the now very familiar chamber.

I looked up into the crimson eyes of Lord Voldemort, thinking, 'Here we go again.'

Deanna POV

The whole of Hogwarts was mourning. Even the Slytherins were more upset and quiet than usual. Especially the young Malfoy girl. She had reddened eyes and flushed cheeks, which her cousin didn't seem too happy to see.

Myself, I think I probably looked worse than her. I know my face was damp from the tears, but so was half of Hogwarts'. Even the teachers were crying. However, I don't think anyone was mourning quite as hard as the Gryffindor table. Especially the four guys sat alone in a more deserted part of it.

I once again looked down at my tear stained copy of the Daily Prophet, reading the single article that brought on a wave of depression over Hogwarts.

Hogwarts student found dead on the outskirts of Hogsmeade

Jemmia (Jamie) White (15), a top student in Hogwarts' school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was found dead at the edge of Hogsmeade, where her body was presumably dumped.

After going missing over four weeks ago, Jamie had search parties, family and friends looking for her all over England and beyond. To no avail. After leaving Hogwarts due to a fight with her friends, Jamie was never seen again. Until today when at 6:20am, her body was found by Aberfoth Dumbledore who was taking his goat out for a morning walk.

"The body was so mangled up it was impossible to tell who it was. The only thing we were able to use to identify the person by was a silver chain with a J-charm, which Jamie's friend, S Black (15), identified as hers," Said a St Mungos worker.

All that is known about Jamie's case at the moment is that she was tortured, beaten and subjected to two of the Unforgivable Curses. Though the cause of death is unknown, it has been deducted from her body that Jamie was most likely burned alive.

I tore my eyes away from the unfinished article, feeling sick and even more upset. My eyes landed on Sirius, who looked... well... dead would be the best word to use. Though the other Marauders were shamelessly crying, Sirius' face was void of any emotion and his eyes dry as pepper.

And he was twirling a shiny, silver J between his fingers.

Please review because reviews make me happy and a happy Domi means happy readers because happy Domi updates more to get reviews from happy readers :D I hope I didn't midfuck you too much :D