Me: Okay so we need to kill DSG.
Devil: We've been over this like 500,000,000,000,000 times. FIVE HUNDRED BILLION! What don't you fucking understand?!
Me: How we kill him.
Devil: Oh yeah...we never went over that bit did we...
Me: EMBARRASS HIM! SHAME HIM INTO RECLUSIVITY!
Devil: How?
Me: With this video of him drunk hula dancing in a coconut bra, eww thong and grass skirt.
Devil: How the fuck did you get that?!
Me: I'm the writer, everything I say comes true!
Devil: So if you say you own Harry Potter and Vampire knight-
Me: No. It doesn't work.
Devil: Okay...but hey since you have that power why not make up a few more blackmail-worthy things?
Me: Okay, so here's a video of him dressed up as Miley Cyrus, twerking badly to 'Party in the USA', heres a picture of him cosplaying as Ariel from The Little Mermaid. That's just weird. Especially the seashell bra. I have here an autographed photo of him and Donald Trump...he's wearing a skirt...no a kilt-hey that's my family's kilt!
Devil: Don't you need like a 'Mac' in your name to have a kilt?
Me: Yeah, our family is part of the McLaren tribe thing, well our surname is.
Devil: Interesting-we could tell everybody that he's trying to be you and has a crush on you!
Me: bingo.
Yuki's PoV
"So when can I go? I appreciate the care, I really do, but Ka-people will be worried."
"Anata wa anata no hoho ni iro ga tsuitara sugu ni modotte kuru kamo shiremasen. Tomodachi ga okutta okurimono no ikutsu ka o tabete mimasen ka?"
(A/N: You may go back as soon as you've got some colour in your cheeks. Why not eat some of the gifts your friends sent?)
She speaks Japanese?
"Anata wa nihongo o hanasu koto ga dekimasu ka?" (You can speak Japanese?)
"hai." (Yes)
"Uwa! Anata wa hitobito ga "watashi ni purezento o okutta to iimashita dare?" (Wow! You mentioned people had sent me presents. Who?)
"Ā, subete no hitobito! Ginevra Weasley, runa Lovegood, Draco Malfoy, Dean tomasu, kurūn kyō, kōfun suru jinjā, senotakai, fukai yūmeina Kain, Hermione, harīpottā to Ron Weasley, Hermione ga karera o tsurete itta... Binsento Crabbe to Gregory Goyle, anata ga chokorēto no bā o motte kita toki ni anata o kanda shōnen wa, namida no kōzui ni hin shite ita Malfoy no ushiro ni iru."
(Oh all sorts of people! Ginevra Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Draco Malfoy, Dean Thomas, Lord Kuran, the exciteable Ginger, The tall, deep voiced one-Kain, Hermione, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, Hermione dragged them along...Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle, they were trailing behind Malfoy, the boy who bit you was in floods of tears when he brought you a bar of chocolate.)
"Harem Zero." (Poor Zero)
"Watashi wa kare ni kyadobarī no chokorēto o ikutsu ka okutte, anata ni okoranai to itta." (I gave him some cadbury chocolates and told him you weren't angry)
"Arigato." (Thanks)
"Dōitashimashite" (You're welcome) she walks behind me and returns pulling a little table on wheels. It is stuffed with okashi (sweets) and cakes with colourful boxes and wrappers. Several have bright post-its telling me who they're from and others have tie-on tags but some are anonymous.
Madam Pomfrey (badge on her chest telling me her name) leaves and I pick up a house-shaped box at the front.
It has a little white piece of lined notepaper stuck on the front with a note hastily scrawled on it.
Hi Yuki. I don't really know you but Hermione made me get you a gift...you seem nice I guess, we should get to know each other better. I'm still confused how you know my sister but if she thinks your decent...than there's a high probability you are unpredictable and crazy, you should understand, knowing my sister.
I laugh,
Anyways hope that bloodsucker didn't drink you dry and you recover soon-you caused this huge scene it was brilliant! I think Umbridge almost passed out. She had this whole tantrum about vampires being filthy half-breeds and, by doing so, was obstructing the corridor making it hard for you to get to Madam Pomfrey. The lord guy put all the other vampires to sleep to stop keep them from having to resist and eliminate risks. He also put Umbridge to sleep because she was hindering your progress. I think he likes you. He gave Zero a furious glare and said "If Yuki didn't care about you, I'd seriously injure you for this", then he went over to Hermione, helped lift you because she was sort of dragging you and carried you to the nurse. There was this whole kerfuffle! So at lunchtime Hermione dragged me and Harry to our dorms told us to get you a present pronto and then pulled us to the hospital wing. You're unconscious so I'm writing this note. You look really pretty I can see why that poisonous Malfoy and leech Zero like you. Do everyone a favour and DONT get with either of them. Anyway, hope you get better? Don't want to miss the food so I'm off bye!
Ron
The label's funny so I read it twice, laughing both times I peel it off the box and smooth it gently but firmly onto the exposed wood where the box previously sat.
I trace the swirly letters of the packet. 'Birtie Bott's Every Flavour Beans' (A/N: Is it 'Berty or Birtie?)
"Karera wa sore o imi suru." (They Mean it)
"huh?"
"Subete no aji. Karera wa sore o imi suru." (Every flavour. They mean it)
I hadn't realised that she had re-entered the room. She shoots me a quick smile before walking past to the other door and grabbing a blue vial with a fancy greenish-swirled, glass stopper.
"Here you go Cho, this'll help with the swelling. Here I'll bring you in."
I watch the door as a young girl limps in, leaning heavily on Madam Pomfrey. She eyes me curiously.
"Are you Yuki?"
"Yes. And you? Is your name Cho?"
She startles, "How did you?-Oh wait, she said it." she laughs, relaxing before letting slip a wince as she accidentally brushes her leg with her hand.
She perches on the edge of the bed next to me as Madam Pomfrey measures out a serving of the sticky, yellow sludge in the blue bottle.
"Here you go."
Cho tips it down her throat with a grimace. "Tastes like liquorice." she shudders. "Liquorice mixed with veritaserum."
"Veritaserum doesn't have a taste."
"Yes but I think the only person in this school who currently would be interested in feeding veritaserum to students with the means to do so is Umbridge and she's also the only person dopey enough to try to smuggle it to us in a muggle sweet as foul as this root! That's right, it's a vegetable so therefore it CANNOT be confectionary. Science." she taps her head with a friendly smile.
A bubble of helpless laughter bursts through my lips and then I'm off in hysterics. Cho joins in and even Madam Pomfrey's lips twitch into an amused smile which she tries in vain to hide. Guess Umbridge isn't that popular. Suddenly I remember.
"Kaname-sama knocked her out!"
"I know." she giggles, "Everyone's talking about it! Boy was he cross, but he has flawless reasoning and the valid excuse that it was a life or death matter and her little kiddie toddler tantrum was obstructing your treatment. Oh god, she was fuming! I had her for DADA the next period and she was ranting about 'innocent girls being attacked by greying dickheads' she literally said 'dickheads'! I have never laughed harder!
At this even Madam Pomfrey has to laugh and we don't stop for at least a minute. Cho finishes first, wiping her eyes.
"She likes you, you know!"
"Professor Umbridge?" I wrinkle my nose in disgust. "What a meinu!" (A/N: bitch)
Cho grins, "Kanojo wa totemo nisemonoda!" (She's fake as well) "Totemo sutekina furi o suru! Kanojo wa yūdokuna kumo no kosei o motte imasu." (Pretending to be so nice! She has the personality of a poisonous spider)
"Anata mo nihongo o hanashimasu ka?" (You speak japanese too?)
"Hai!" she beams, "Madamu pomufurī to watashi wa yuiitsu no hitodesu." ( Yes. Madame Pomfrey and I are the only ones though.)
"Sate,`subete no ajitsuke mame' wa nanidesu ka?" (Okay, what are 'every-flavour beans'?)
She explains and we share the pack. It amuses me greatly whenever Madame Pomfrey gets a bad one because of the faces she pulls! I understand though because I got the dog food one. YUCK!
When the pack's finished and Cho's swelling has gone down I smile graciously as Madame Pomfrey leaves to tend to a seventh year with disproportionately huge hands.
"Nani ka hoka no mono o erabu!" (Pick something else!)
I gesture to my 'treat table'.
"What's that?" she points to the pack of strawberry pocky from Rima and we split it.
In the end I have:
-the beans
-half a pack of strawberry pocky
-a cupcake which tastes like an electric daisy mixed with lots of golden syrup and green tea
-a chocolate frog
-a bar of English chocolate called 'Cadbury's'
-one levitating sherbet ball
Cho has
-the beans
-half a pack of strawberry pocky
-mango pocky from Ichijo
-classic pocky from Ichijo
-3 fizzing whisbees
-one levitating sherbet ball
That last one was a shock I can tell you! It's quite pleasant being weightless, but the sensation of leaving the ground is also terrifying!
By this time we've had a great conversation and her leg's healed. I feel fine and she dismisses us both. We wave as we part and I spring towards the large hall. Time to surprise everyone by being alive!
I feel laden down and stagger along with my sweets, chocolates and notes bundled up in my HEAVY satchel.
I quickly check my wristwatch. 6.47. okay, time has passed. Fun. I guess? I turn the corner and, with a deep breath, walk into the hall. My mouth drops open. What the?