Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria: Friendship Sucks

By NocturneD

Note: Now let's try to move this forward why don't we?

Chapter 25

Down in the darkened corridors of the underground caverns. Further, darker, further, walking straight into the darkness. Only source of light was a torch jiggling back and forth in the darkness being held up by one of the Diamond Dogs. Further and further, minutes passed but it felt like hours.

"Uh... Walking sucks." Butt-head said in an annoyed tone.

"Yeah... They should put an escalator or something." Beavis added.

Cadence sighed, "I agree for once..."

"Quiet." Rover growled, "White orb up ahead!"

The pink alicorn huffed in response. "Even if we do reach this orb. How is supposed to help?"

"Ugh... Is pony stupid?" Spot barked. "Maybe if pink pony uses orb with her horn. Maybe it might work like other horn!"

Cadence frowned at the insult. "That was uncalled for."

"Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled, "He called you stupid."

"Yeah." Beavis added.

Within another twenty minutes. They arrived to the familiar area they encountered before. The same white orb they saw earlier in its almighty glory. Pearl like, shining with gleam and beauty. The pink princess stared at it in awe. Nothing before has ever graced her eyes like this.

With a shake of disbelief, she asked, "How? What? How long was this thing down here for?"

"Many, many years." Rover brought up. "Always kept it down here for treasure. Hope one day to trade it for stuff."

"Like crap." Beavis chuckled.

The pink alicorn looked at the giant white marble in astonishment and surprise. With a slow approach, she wanted to take a closer look to see if it was real. Or at least get a better understanding of it.

"What's this doing here?" Cadence turned her head to look back at the Diamond Dogs.

"Been here since we were pups." Rover pointed. "Further than that even."

"I mean why?" The pink alicorn stomped her hoof in command. "Do you know what this even is?"

"Yeah. Big white ball!" Spot shrieked.

"Uh huh. You said ball." Butt-head repeated.

"O-oh yeah." Beavis chuckled.

"If I could expl..." Cadence was about to say.

Butt-head interrupted her without caring, "No. All you did was whine the entire time."

"THIS IS IMPORTANT!" Cadence yelled. "Now buckle down because I'm going to explain what this thing is!" The pink alicorn argued, had enough of the two's constant badgering and annoying laughs. "Long ago when Equestria was still youn... STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE!"

Beavis pulled his finger out of his nostril then wiped a booger on a nearby rock, the pink alicorn squirmed at the sight. The blonde chuckled, "Eh heh. Sorry about that."

Meanwhile back at the castle. The vicious alicorn with a broken but still functional horn was bashing changelings left and right. She was vicious and had one thing on her mind; revenge. She kept yelling out, "DISCORD! COME OUT!"

The chimera's hostages were both confused and a little smug. Seeing Discord a little uncomfortable as the loud shriek from the streets below kept screaming his name in rage and demanded his appearance.

"DISCORD! I WILL NOT REPEAT MYSELF! SHOW YOURSELF!" Jinn hollered. Then proceeded to kick another changeling drone in the side of the head, just to cause it to smash into a nearby brick wall. With her broken horn she was able to perform some spells as the chains and rusted collars from the poor pony slaves broke off. The ponies did not know wither to thank their savior or run away from her evil looking presence.

"Oh some pony sounds like they're in trouble." Pinkie Pie giggled while still shackled to the wall.

The chimera only grunted while stroking his loose and long chin hair. "Seriously I do not need your bubbly little attitude right now."

"She sounds pretty ticked Discord. You should go down there and say hello." Pinkie smiled.

Discord frowned, "That is the stupidest thing ever."

Pinkie let her face droop sadly, "Just trying to help."

"Well don't." Discord grunted.

"Give it up Discord. It's already looking bad for you if that alicorn can beat the changeling queen's army by herself." Twilight remarked, her black framed glasses dropped slowly down her nose. "Stupid glasses."

"DISCORD!" Jinn roared.

"Face it Discord. You lost." Celestia added.

"I do not think so." Discord chuckled, "All I have to do is to convince her to my side. And all will be well."

"You don't think our sister is dumb enough to fall for that?" Luna asked aloud.

"Hey it worked for those two idiots." Discord smirked.

"Honey. I do not want that THING coming in between us." Chrysalis purred as she rubbed her body against the chimera.

"Uh... Yeah my queen, this is getting a little serious." Discord scratched his cheek with his paw. "I kind of promised her if we meet up again we would... uh... try again for old times."

The queen snarled as her eyes narrowed, "You mean I sacrificed my army for you just to hook back up again with an ancient hussy!"

"Was not so ancient when I was with her. Guess its like they say, some mares age like fine wine others like bad milk..." Discord smirked. "Besides I got her horn and I can pretty much do what I..."

Just then a loud crash ruptured through the palace throne room destroying the royal balcony in the process. The ponies turned their heads away to try and shield their faces away from the explosion. The dust settled after a moment. With a deep female growl emerging from the cloud, a dark hoof stepped through the cloud of dust. A pair of white evil glowing eyes beamed through the cloud.

*CLOP*

*CLOP*

The white-mane, black furred alicorn stepped forward. Emerging from the dust cloud. Her teeth clenched around a weak changeling that was unlucky enough to meet her wrath. The sound of flesh tearing away from the dead changeling poured eerily through the ponies ears. Her slightly opened and then changeling dropped, green blood splattered all over what was left of the royal palace floor.

Discord had two options. He prepared for this day, or not maybe. Who knows. In case he were to ever meet up with a disgruntled former mare friend, an apology might work if not, blast her into stone. The alicorn set dead eyes onto the chimera.

"Oh... Hi honey." Discord waved with his paw and put on a fake smile.

"DON'T HI HONEY ME!" Jinn hollered. "DID YOU KNOW THE PAIN AND LONLINESS I WENT THROUGH THE PAST MANY YEARS?!"

"Well... Er... uh." Discord stroked his beard. "Well It's not like I was not encased in stone for the past thousand years ether."

"I DON'T GIVE A FLYING HORSE'S ASS!" Jinn hollered. Her eyes dead set now on the horn in Discord's hand. "Is that my horn?" She growled in question.

"Oh this?" Discord scratched his cheek with it. "Hmm... Don't remember."

"STOP STALLING! I CAME FOR MY HORN! AND WHEN I GET IT I'M GOING TO BLAST YOU TO MARS!" Jinn roared.

"Oh... Well now I don't think I want to give it back then." Discord chuckled. "So far as I see it, you're doing alright with a tiny chunk of whatever horn you have left still embedded into your head.."

"DON'T TOY WITH ME CHIMERA!" Jinn roared so loud it echoed throughout the castle. Almost causing the walls to break.

"T..T...Racist." Discord waved his finger.

The changeling queen stepped up to the chimera's side. "Honey why don't you just blast this thing with the horn so we can be done with it?"

"AND WHO THIS?!" Jinn pointed with her hoof.

"Oh... Uh. Well she's my... uh." Discord coughed. "Well..."

"I'm his queen!" Chrysalis purred as she used her tail to stroke up against the chimera. "Both of us conquered Canterlot effortlessly. Now all that's left is to shape it like we want. By the way..." Chrysalis frowned, "Who in the blue Tartarus are you?"

Nightmare Jinn growled to the point where she almost popped a vain. "I'M HIS WIFE AND MOTHER OF HIS CHILD!"

The mane six gasped to this revealed secret. They turned to look at Celestia and Luna, who looked down ashamed.

"Discord had a kid with your sister?" Rainbow Dash almost gagged. "Yuck..."

Celestia sighed, "Yes... they had a filly."

"Oh my." Fluttershy squeaked.

"Is it any pony we know?" Twilight asked.

Celestia only sighed... "It's..."

Meanwhile...

"And that's the story of why I have to use this orb right here to become a new wish-making pony. To honor my mother's fall from grace as... I thought I would never see it ever. It's power is trying to sway me... Telling me that I need to help purge the chaos brought onto Canterlot." The pink alicorn finished and sighed sadly. "And that's my story..."

"Uh... that story sucked." Butt-head frowned.

"Yeah. They're like no boobs or explosions or anything." Beavis chuckled.

Cadence only grunted. It was like talking to a wall with these two. The alicorn asked the diamond dogs if she could use the orbs power, of course they would want something in return. Cadence agreed for now then looked up at the orb in front of herself. Its giant glow illuminated the entire cave, bringing light as she stood up. Her horn emitted a spark of magic. Her blue aura, would suddenly be engulfed in whiteness. The alicorn grunted as the orb let a serpent like aura coil itself around her horn. If you saw Sailor Moon you would know about the special effects crap by now. Blah, blah, blah. Beavis and Butt-head stood there like their usual selves.

After a moment of absorbing the orbs power, the pink alicorn turned to the two teenagers with a grin on her face. "You two, in order to save Canterlot and Equestria. I am going to have to grant wishes, so I'm depending on you two."

"Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled, "I wish for nachos."

Cadence's horn quickly flashed and in Beavis's hands were a plate of tortilla chips and melted cheese.

"Whoa." Beavis smiled, "These look better."

"Try wishing for something bigger! So we can fight Discord and the changeling queen!" Cadence sternly remarked.

"Uh... I wish for a monster truck." Butt-head chuckled, and with that Cadence's horn flashed. In front of the diamond dogs landed a nearly fifteen foot vehicle with giant wheels.

"Off to a good start!" Cadence smirked. "Wish for an army! Wish for weapons! Wish so we can win!"

"Oh I get it." Beavis, "I wish for some candy."

"We don't have time for candy!" Cadence frowned.

"Uh... You'll see." Butt-head chuckled.

Just them bags of candy feel to the ground and Beavis started shoving them into his mouth. Handful after handful he started to shake faster and faster and faster until finally...

With his shirt over his head, he stood proudly and moronic in front of the entire diamond dog population. His quick attitude change somehow brought morale to the new army he helped put together consisting of mostly diamond dogs and stray ponies who escaped Canterlot earlier. With his hands held up high as he violently shook.

"I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! WE WILL TAKE THIS LAND AND RENAME IT TITICACA!" Beavis shook ever more violently, "LONG LIVE THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE! YOU WILL ALL KICK EM IN THE NADS!"

"LONG LIVE THE BUNGHOLE! LONG LIVE THE BUNGHOLE! LONG LIVE THE BUNGHOLE!" The army chanted with their newly acquired weapons in hand and hooves.

"MY BUNGHOLE GOES RATATATATA!" Beavis shouted the started to walk in a random direction.

"The exit is out that way!" Cadence pointed out.

Beavis quickly turned, "ARE YOU THREATNING ME?!"

Cadence sighed, Butt-head only chuckled while he was too busy looking at a nudie magazine.

"THEY CAN TAKE OUR LAND! BUT THEY WILL NEVER TAKE OUR BUNGHOLES!" Beavis shouted. "AND OUR CHICKS AND STUFF..."

note: well, there you go another chapter. shaping up quite nicely huh? please excuse the bad grammar. also, a little mystery going on here.