Larae

It jammed. The gun jammed.

I stared down at the gun infront of me where it had fallen, with wide eyes. It was supposed to be easy. It was supposed to be so easy. I had heard Daryl yell, and I still pulled the trigger. The last thought that I had before I pulled the trigger was I'm sorry, Daryl. I love you.

Daryl yanked me up by my arm and spun me around.

"Whut the fuck were ya thinking?" He bellowed. I could see the rage pouring off of him. "Whut were ya thinkin', Larae?"

"I thought it would be easy," I said, barely finding my voice, as tears welled up in my eyes. "They made it seem so easy."

I could see the rage grow in his eyes. "Ya thought it would be easy? Killin' yerself would be easy!" He snatched his hands away from me and grabbed for the gun in the grass. In the blink of an eye he cleared the gun of the jam, and shoved it towards me. "Well if it's so fuckin' easy, do it! There's the gun, I cleared if for you! Go on!"

I held the gun in my hand but didn't moved my eyes from Daryl, who was breathing hard and glaring at me with more anger than he ever had before. I dropped the gun back to the grass. I wrapped my arms around myself as he continued to yell. "Whut? Can't do it now that I'm right here in front of ya?"

"No," I answered quietly. He grabbed the gun from the ground and started to storm off. I looked towards the house, and I knew we were being watched. I turned my eyes back to Daryl. "Daryl," I said loud enough for him to hear. He stopped, not turning towards me. His shoulders were stiff. "I..I'm sorry."

He whirled around, rage written on his face. He stormed up to me, only a few inches away from touching me. I couldn't meet his eyes. I stared straight ahead to his chest. I could almost taste the anger he was feeling.

"If ya were fuckin' sorry, ya wouldn't have tried," he spat. "Ya can't jus' fuckin' do tha'!" he continued, his voice growing louder in volume, and his accent getting thicker. "Ya can't jus' opt out like tha' on me! Or did ya even think 'bout tha'! Yea, I git it, yer sad, but goddammit, Rae, ya can't jus' do tha'!" He turned around again to walk away but I reached out for him. I grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him back to face me. While he was still caught off guard, I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his chest. He didn't try to pull away, but he didn't hug me back. He stood there, his breathing still hard and labored. I could feel how tense he was. He froze at my touch, but I didn't let go. He stood there for a few moments letting me just hug him. Finally he pulled away. "Go pack. We're leaving tomorrow," he said, stiffly. His voice wasn't as harsh, but I knew he was still angry.

He stomped off towards the woods, the gun still in his hand. I could see my gun in his belt. I stood there for a few seconds, watching him disappear into the woods. I felt alone standing there. I knew I fucked up. I knew I shouldn't have been so selfish. I wrapped my arms around myself and slowly walked back to the house. I opened the door to be met with eyes. I his my face with my still wet hair and went up the stairs.

I got to my room with Jake at my heels and closed the door behind me. Jake hopped up on the bed and I sat with my back to the head board. I brought my knees up to my chest, and wrapped my arms around them. I rested my forehead on my knees. I sighed as I felt tears prick at my eyes again.

I lost my dad, and I may now have just lost Daryl, because I was fucking stupid.

I couldn't bring myself to go downstairs, so I went without eating. No one came up to bother me, and I was thankful for that. I wouldn't be able to look anyone in the eye, let alone have a conversation. I laid in bed, sleep just moments away. I was exhausted after today. As I started to drift to sleep, I heard the door open. I kept my eyes closed as I heard Daryl move around. I heard him set his crossbow down, pull his shirt off and throw it towards his stuff that I had packed for him. I heard him move around for a few more seconds before he slid into the bed next to me. I opened my eyes. He laid with his back away from me as far away as he could.

I bit my lip and closed in the space between us. I didn't put my arms around him. I just simply curled up into his back and rested my forehead on the back of his shoulder. "I'm sorry," I said so quietly, I wasn't sure he heard me. I chewed my lip as he turned to face me. I could still see some anger in his eyes from the way his brow was set into a scowl. I lowered my eyes from him.

"Look at me." I lifted my eyes again. "Yer fuckin' stupid for pullin' that shit," he said, his hand on my face. "If that gun hadn't jammed.." he trailed off, his words dying on his lips. "If it hadn't of jammed, I dunno whut I woulda done."

"Buried me?" He didn't answer at first. His thumb rubbed my cheek. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Don't make me bury ya for somethin' ya caused."

I opened my eyes. "I promise I won't. I just..I lost myself for a little while." He didn't answer me, so I continued. "Do you forgive me?"

"No," he grunted simply. I sighed and bit my lip. "I'll get there," he added.

I nodded. That was better than not talking to me. I tucked my head under his. He must have showered at some point, because he didn't smell like dirt and sweat. I closed my eyes and curled closer to him. I could hear his breathing get deeper as we laid there in silence.

"Hey Daryl?" I said quietly.

"Hm?" he murmured, his voice thick with sleep.

"I love you."

I wasn't expecting him to answer me. I just needed to say it. If that gun hadn't jammed, the last thought I ever would have had was telling Daryl I loved him. And after all this time, I knew I really did, even if he didn't feel the same way. If something happened to him and I hadn't said it, I knew I would regret it.

"I love ya too, Rae."

I had packed a few sets of extra clothes. Three extra pairs of jeans, a few extra tanktops, and shirts and two or three warmer shirts for winter. I also grabbed two extra sweaters and a jacket, and an extra pair of boots, but I loaded up on underwear. I wish I could have taken more with me, but I could only bring what I could carry in my duffel bag. I had also given the other women extra clothes that were too big for me that people had given me over the years, so they would have some extra clean clothes.

Doing one last sweep through of the house, I stopped by my dad's room, where the bathroom door was shut tight. I grabbed two picture frames. One of me and Daryl when I was sixteen and he was twenty, sitting on the tailgate of his truck on a summer day, and the other of me, my mom and my dad. I took the pictures out of the frames and tucked them into my bag. I moved over to the jewelry box that my mom had and my dad could never get rid of and sifted through it to find and empty chain, and my moms wedding band and engagement ring.

I put the two rings on the chain along with my dads wedding band and clipped the necklace on. I made one last stop to my room to grab my keys. When I went downstairs, it was Daryl who was waiting for me. I had asked him to make sure all the windows and doors were locked. Silly, I know, but it was something to make sure that the memories here were preserved. I gave him a small smile, and we stepped out to the porch. I locked the door behind us.

Jake sat on the porch waiting for us. He wagged his tail happily as I patted him on the head. There was little argument that Jake would be coming with us. He didn't bark, unless there was immediate danger. He was a hunting dog, that's how he was trained.

We made our way to the truck, and I tossed my stuff into the bed and climbed in, Jake jumping in behind me. We took all the spare fuel for the generator and filled up the cars, and had an abundance left to get us at least halfway to Fort Benning. Everyone had also cleaned out the pantry for canned food and nonperishable items.

Daryl was taking the motorcycle, leaving me with his truck. He said that the bike was causing the trucks gas mileage to suck all the gas up. But, he didn't want to leave the bike behind. He said I was the only person he trusted driving the truck.

So with our tanks full, we started the vehicles. Daryl led the chain of vehicles, me behind him and the RV behind me. I watched in the side view mirror as my childhood home slowly disappeared from the horizon. Jake whined and rested his head on my lap. I placed my hand on his head as I leaned back on the bench.

Daryl had told me this morning, that I wasn't allowed to have anything that I could potentially harm myself with, so nothing sharp, and no guns. He said that I just needed to reassure him that I wasn't going to go and off myself the second I got a chance. So for protection, I would just have to stay close to him, or someone armed at camp. I didn't argue with it. I needed to show him that I wasn't going to just snap like that again.

I sighed as my fingers ran themselves through Jakes fur. Jake looked up at me sadly. "I know boy," I said down to him. "I miss him too."

We were driving for a few hours on open highway. Well, as open as a highway could be in the south with all the trees. I had the windows rolled down and Jake was sleeping on the bench, his head comfortably laying on my leg. I sat against the doorframe, my head propped up with my fist. I wished I had the radio, or someone to talk to. I was beginning to feel my eyelids get heavy from driving for so long.

I let out a yawn and readjusted in the seat to wake myself up. I sat up as I noticed a road block of cars in front of us. "What the hell?" I muttered, slowing down as Daryl disappeared further into the cars. I sat idled as Daryl reappeared through the cars, he gave me a nod and went back to the RV.

"See a way through?" Dale called to him.

Daryl nodded again and gave the motion for me to follow him. I nodded and started to follow the bike through the wrecked cars. Jake was awake now, watching the cars as we passed. It was a grave yard of wrecked cars. Some of them still had people in the cars. I pursed my lips and kept my eyes trained on Daryl and turning the truck through the cars.

I jumped when I heard a pop behind me and then screeching. I stopped the truck when I looked back and saw the RV with steam coming out from the hood. I turned the truck off and climbed out of the truck, silently happy for the chance to stretch my legs. Jake followed behind quickly, tail wagging at the chance to get out of the truck.

"Oh it's just a small matter of being stuck in the middle of no where, with no chance of-" Dale was saying as I walked up to the RV with Daryl who immediately started sifting through one of the cars. "Okay, that was dumb."

"If you can't find a radiator hose here," Shane said, looking around.

"There's a whole bunch a' stuff we could find," Daryl said, pulling a bag out of a car.

"Syphon more fuel from these cars for a start," T-dog said, grabbing one of the gas cans out of the bed of Daryl's truck.

"Maybe some water?" Carol said.

"More food," Glenn continued.

I grabbed a bag out of an over turned car as Lori spoke up. "This is a grave yard," she said. I paused, and Daryl and I exchanged looks. "I don't know how I feel about this."

I turned back to the bag with pursed lips as Shane told us to look around. I pulled everything out of the bag only to find clothes. I continued to search through the car to find nothing of importance. I stood up, and saw Daryl waiting for me.

"Stay close," he muttered, moving to look through another car ahead of us. I followed at his heels as Jake followed. I stopped at a car that the back hatch was open. Daryl was at the car next to me. I pulled out a bag and zipped it open.

"Daryl!" I called over to him with a smile. "Look!" It was a bag filled with a dozen or so arrows for a crossbow. I happily walked over to him, proud of my find. I knew he was getting low on arrows, so my find was just going to allow him to use his preferred weapon a little longer. He smiled a little when he saw it. He took them from me and placed them in the holder at the front of his crossbow. He looked up at me to answer when his eyes got wide.

"Get down!" he commanded yanking me to the ground. "Under the truck! Now!"

Because of that awful cliffhanger, I decided to go ahead and upload. :) That, and yesterday, I got approved for my apartment! So I'm going to try my hardest to get atleast two more chapters out before Monday. I can promise atleast one! I've been trying to get chapters out as fast as I can before I move so I may be forgiven for a short absence. :)

Also, thanks to you guys, this story has gotten over 100 reviews! Thank you guys for being so awesome! Your feedback really does mean alot to me!

Thank you to LadyLecter47, littlemija69, 85(I'll go back to calling you 85 then haha), JavaNut, Dalonega Noquisi, Allimba and BelmontCalyx for your wonderful reviews!

Please review! Let me know what you think, it really does mean alot :)