In this chapter:
"I thought he was different, too."
Though So's words seem to be directed at Myunghee, his eyes are fixed on Hajin, who nods and whispers softly, "I hoped he would be."
"You what?" Hajin's hushed voice carries throughout the silent kitchen. She presses her phone more firmly to her ear, the hangover she'd been trying to nurse adding to the throbbing pain in her temples at this unexpected piece of news. "But unnie… why?"
Myunghee sighs. "To be honest… things haven't been good between us, for quite some time now. What Yeonhwa said back at the apartment… she was right. I don't really know where Wook and I are headed anymore. I haven't for a long time." The bitterness in her voice is palpable.
Hajin feels her chest inflate in anger, indignation at Yeonhwa suddenly spilling out, "Don't listen to her, unnie! You said so yourself… she has a talent for making people feel bad about themselves. You can't let her get to you, you're-"
The rueful chuckle on the other end only serves to make Hajin more apprehensive. "But she was right, Hajin… she was right about us. And I don't want to do it anymore. I'm almost in my thirties, and it took me this long to realize that the man I gave ten years of my life to has different goals than I. Wants different things than I.
"I can't begin to tell you what that's like… Wook and I have been together for so long, I've forgotten what life was like without him. I've sacrificed too much… my dreams, my time, my family… I gave him years of my life, and for what? What have I to show for it?"
"But…" Hajin swallows hard, hot tears blurring her vision, "you love him. I know you do."
There's a thoughtful silence at the other end as Myunghee mulls over Hajin's words. "A long time ago, maybe I did love him. I must have, mustn't I? To have stuck with him this long… But, 'love'… I don't think I even remember what that's supposed to feel like anymore… and I can't spend an indefinite number of years waiting for him to show me he cares."
The sadness in Myunghee's voice is too much for Hajin. She can't believe this is happening - that someone as kind and gentle as Lady Hae should feel unloved and unwanted even in this life by the same man.
"But what are you going to do?" she asks as she takes a seat, her legs no longer able to keep her upright. "Do you have anywhere to go? Where are you now?"
"I checked into a hotel for a few days, and I'm buying tickets to my hometown to visit my parents sometime next week." To her surprise, Myunghee actually laughs - carefree and happy. "You know, I haven't done anything spontaneous like this in years? Wook's such a planner. He plans everything from start to finish, lays out exactly what he wants to happen… he's so detailed and meticulous, it was quite stifling. It feels good to be in control of myself again after years of feeling like someone else's shadow," she remarks, sounding surprised by her own realization. "I want to rediscover myself, Hajin, to remember who I used to be before I became a fixture in his life… I want to do the things I'd always wanted to do… I…" she takes a deep breath, "I don't know if he feels the same way but… I feel... free. Does that make me a bad person?"
Hajin wipes her tears on the back of her hand, and even though she knows her cousin can't see it, she shakes her head. "No, of course not. You need to do what's best for you. Do you… are you happy? Truly?"
She's not surprised when a pair of strong arms snake their way around her middle, soft lips kissing away the tears running down her cheeks to her chin. She had felt rather than seen him enter the room earlier, his mere proximity providing her with the kind of comfort she hasn't had in weeks.
"I am," comes the sure reply. "I am happy… I'm ready to start writing a new chapter in my life, and I'm excited." There's a long, drawn-out breath. "I must seem like a caged animal."
"Don't say that," Hajin admonishes, though she finds herself smiling, reassured by Myunghee's optimism and sense of humor. She reaches behind her to rake her nails roughly through his damp, dark hair, finding satisfaction at the suppressed sigh that follows, his warm breath tickling her neck, which he'd been nuzzling. "Let's have dinner again some time," she suggests, trying to sound upbeat.
"Of course," the smile in Myunghee's voice is evident. Well, if her cousin was happy, then she should be happy for her.
Hajin felt no love for Wook… she pitied him, pitied his choices - how he had fallen from grace in Goryeo and lost himself along the way - and now she pitied him because even though she doesn't know what he's like in this life… for some reason, she knows… she knows that he does love Myunghee, and whatever Myunghee was feeling now, she was certain Wook shared no similar sentiments.
"Will you be alright?" Hajin asks. "Do you need me to come over for anything?"
The arms around her waist tighten and So lets out an audible grunt of displeasure at the suggestion.
When Myunghee hears him, she laughs, "Thank you, but I'll be alright. Besides, it's still raining quite heavily outside. I don't want you getting sick. And I don't want my remaining best friend cross with me either." That last line was said loudly enough for So to hear, close as he is. He makes no verbal acknowledgment, but he dips his head possessively into the smooth neck before him and stops moving.
"Alright, if you're sure," Hajin mumbles. She rubs her temples and suppresses a sigh. She shouldn't have drunk that many shots of soju. The last time she had drunk so much was years ago, when she was just a university student, celebrating the end of exams. "I'll see you tomorrow, then? Lunch or dinner?"
"I…" Myunghee's voice is suddenly tense with hesitation and the weight of something unspoken… something ominous. She hates what she's about to say… hates that it'll shatter whatever happiness her young cousin currently had… but she has to know. Hajin has to be ready to expect the worst come morning. "There's something else I need to tell you, Hajin-ah… I'd already told So earlier, and I even tried to call you, too, but I couldn't get through for some reason so I-"
"Slow down, unnie," Hajin says, straightening up with a frown. She lifts her eyebrows in question, watching So rise from his seat, but her words aren't addressed to him, "I'm sorry you couldn't reach me earlier - my phone was out of battery. What did you want to tell me?"
He plants a light kiss on her temple and utters a command, "Put her on speaker."
Although baffled, she complies, laying her phone on the counter and watching with her head propped on her hands as he takes an empty glass and heads for the fridge.
"It's to do with Wook. He's been acting really strange for the past few weeks…" Myunghee begins to explain, sounding apprehensive, "more secretive than usual. I attributed it to work and tried to ignore it, but then I found something in the mail this morning that alarmed me…"
Hajin takes her eyes off the half-filled glass in So's hand. Though he doesn't falter in his movements and he seems completely at ease, her knowing eyes saw the way his tense shoulders lifted slightly at Myunghee's words; she sees his jaw is clenched, telling her he isn't pleased by the information he'd received earlier… and by the way he's looking at her now, she knows she won't be pleased to hear it either.
"It was about you," says Myunghee at last. "And… it wasn't good."
Hajin's brain seems to be moving deliberately slow. All she can do is stare at So, who doesn't look away, even as he passes the glass of fresh orange juice across the table towards her.
"What…" Hajin manages to say after a while, ignoring it. "What about me?"
"The envelope was full of articles and documents, a lot of them," she explains. "I think he's been gathering information on you for weeks."
"But… why? What kind of information?" Hajin searches frantically around her brain for answers, but she comes up with a blank. She can't remember ever doing anything that might cause a scandal or hurt her or anyone she knows in any way… because judging by Myunghee's caution and So's quiet anger, that's exactly what Wook had found. And apparently, he had found a lot.
She scans So's eyes, but they're unhelpfully guarded.
"Why didn't you tell me you were the company employee who was in a coma for a year about two years ago?" Myunghee asks.
Hajin frowns, surprised by the question. "I didn't see the need to. Is it relevant?"
"It's very relevant…" Myunghee says with a sigh. "He… no, they… they're using it as evidence against you."
"Evidence for what? What exactly have I done?" she asks, trying not to panic. She looks away from So's sympathetic eyes and buries her head in her hands, her head spinning more rapidly now with the weight of her speculations.
"Do you remember anything at all from before you lost conscious until after you woke up?"
Myunghee's cautious tone jangles her nerves further, but she doesn't want to be cross, so even though her head hurts and her mind is filled with memories of Goryeo that she can share with none but one person, Hajin tries her best to answer. "I was talking to a homeless man when it happened…" She looks up, wondering if So knew that the homeless man she was referring to was Jimong. She'd never spoken to anyone about the details of that day, even though her doctors had tried to coax more information out of her, telling her she would feel better after talking.
For one, she had woken up dazed and disoriented. For another, before that day at the gallery, she had passed off the vague memories of her life in Goryeo as little more than vivid dreams, conjured images of her battered, restless mind deprived of its usual stimuli.
"I saw a little boy playing by the edge of the lake…" she begins to narrate, remembering clearly the events of that day. "I looked away for a few seconds, heard a splash and he was gone. The water was deep, and nobody else seemed to have noticed that he had fallen in. I know I should have called for help, but the boy was flailing so badly, and I knew I could help him so I…" She closes her eyes against the memory. "I jumped in and helped him onto the boat his father had brought over…" She stops talking, feeling suddenly very choked and anxious.
Her lungs feel trapped, her body heavy, free falling into an endless abyss even while her limbs desperately try to propel her forward - up towards safety, and air, and life - up towards the looming moon making its way across the sun.
"Then you drowned?" Myunghee's voice is gentle, understanding. "Did you have a cramp?"
Hajin doesn't know. Had the invisible force that grabbed and sucked her in been nothing more than a cramp? "Maybe… I don't really remember. I remember only the darkness."
And that hectic morning in the hospital - the bright light hurting her sensitive eyes as she scanned the hospital room that had been her refuge for a year. She remembers seeing her frantic doctors, the rushing nurses, her crying family and friends… the smell of sterile cloth and alcohol, the feel of crisp sheets around her flaccid body, tubes sticking out of her arms, calibrated air coming in and out of her lungs… she remembers the splitting pain in her skull and the maddening ache in her heart that didn't go away for weeks.
At the time, she didn't know what the pains meant… her doctors had feared permanent damage, but when a full-body check-up revealed nothing, they concluded she was having phantom pains… psychological pains.
She had accepted their diagnosis, only vaguely wondering why her heart should ache and not her lungs; why she should have such realistic dreams of living a life from a millennia ago when she knew but a few bits and pieces of trivia on life in those days.
It had taken months before she could walk by herself again without hurting and tiring so easily; months of psychological evaluations and continuous physical check-ups; months before the dreams came in more consistently, insistently wanting to be acknowledged for what they really were. Months before she saw his face again as clearly as she sees him now.
"The little boy's parents offered to pay for your medical bills," Myunghee says quietly after a moment's pause.
"Yes," Hajin chokes out the word, trying to stay focused on the conversation, "I've been trying to convince them into letting me pay them back, but they're so stubborn about it," she grumbles. "But I sent over gifts on his birthday, and I'm going to make sure to send him gifts and money on Seollal. They can't say no to that."
So can't help but smile at his stubborn little lady. "That's probably because they didn't end up paying for everything."
She looks at him. "They didn't?"
He shakes his head, but it's Myunghee who answers, "When the public heard the family had offered to pay for you, they started sending in their own donations. They set up a GoFundMe page for your fans."
The dumbstruck look on Hajin's face was endearing. "You're joking," she says flatly.
"It's not a bad thing!" Myunghee's tone is both amused and bracing. "The people were really touched by what you did. They wanted to help in their own way."
"But why don't I know about it?" Hajin splutters. "My parents never mentioned it!"
"That's because majority of the funds came from Mu-hyung," So explains, leaning over to level himself with her eyes. "When you woke up, he didn't want to burden you with the knowledge, so he asked to keep it a secret until after you were deemed ready."
Hajin didn't think it was possible for her to be more surprised than she already was, but this revelation proved her wrong. "But I stopped seeing my doctors months ago," she protests, feeling suddenly anxious. Mu… to think she had met and spoken to him and his parents about her accident! If only she had known…
"You are not going anywhere," So cuts in smoothly, grabbing her hand and forcing the glass of orange juice into it. "Not until you're feeling better. Drink."
"I wasn't…" She vaguely wonders why she's denying rushing out to find Mu when she was already standing upright and poised for the door. She's too shocked to think clearly.
"This is exactly why he wanted it kept a secret," So sighs and walks over to her. He forces her back into her seat and urges her to take a sip. The sweet, citrus taste helps to revive her somewhat. "He didn't want you feeling indebted to him before you could get your life back in order."
Will I ever get my life back in order? Hajin thinks, glumly.
"Wait! I still need to tell you something important," Myunghee's alarmed voice rings through the heavy silence in Hajin's numb mind. "Hello? Hajin? So? Yah!"
"We're here," So assures, rubbing life back into Hajin's numb arms and shoulders.
"Oh," Myunghee clears her throat. "Anyway, I was saying… this morning, I found those articles in an envelope along with… statements. Bank statements and other documents."
"Bank statements…?" Just like that, Hajin's stomach falls and her chest is filled with dread. "My bank statements?" She doesn't need to hear their replies to know what they're talking about. A dreadful idea had already started to form in her mind. "How…? Why…?"
"He spoke to your ex," Myunghee explains, confirming Hajin's worst fears. She closes her eyes and groans.
Her bank statements. Her empty accounts. Piles and piles of debt.
"How did Wook know who…? Even you don't…" She finds she can't look So in the eye.
"I do now," he says grimly.
"Wook's good at what he does," there's a tinge of pride in Myunghee's voice that makes Hajin's skin crawl, "he probably saw something or asked around or-"
"In front of the store," the memory of that encounter suddenly comes crashing into Hajin's mind. "My ex came to apologize that day, before I met La- your stepmother…" She looks at So, but swiftly turns away, feeling embarrassed and horrified by what she was hearing.
"He must have had someone tailing you, then…" Myunghee mutters thoughtfully.
There's a strained silence in which Hajin seriously contemplates running away from the impending horrors of her present reality, but instead, she steels her nerves and swivels in her seat to look up at So.
Her palms are moist from nerves, her heart feels like it's choking her and a trickle of cold sweat runs down her spine. "Those bank statements were his, not mine. He and my best friend… they took everything I had - my money, my house… they even cashed in my insurance policy. When he told me he would pay back all those debts, I believed him. I had no idea that…" Though she tried to fight them back, she can no longer stop the deluge of hot tears from spilling onto her cheeks. As usual, her inclination, her desire to see the good in everybody had brought her trouble. "So… please, believe me."
The intensity of her grip on his shirt and the weight of her sudden plea surprises him.
"Soo-yah," he says, wiping her tears away with his thumbs, but with each gentle swipe, another tear flows in its place. There seemed to be no end to the pain and betrayal she was feeling. Seeing her cry like this was making him angry.
Sitting back on the stool he had vacated earlier, he takes her hands in his and squeezes hard, leaving no room for her to doubt his words, "I believe you, Soo-yah. Of course, I believe you."
Her logical, betrayed mind thinks it's not right for him to trust in another person's words so easily, even if that other person was her, but her selfish feelings give her relief. She breathes deeply, only just realizing that he had known of all this before she did, and yet here he was with her still - taking care of her, comforting her, flashing her one of his reassuring smiles despite the worry lines etched on his lovely, familiar face.
He believes her. He trusts her. She feels she can never love him enough.
She finds herself calming down, enough to finally register Myunghee's words. "He seemed to think he was doing you a favor-"
"Favor? My ex?" Hajin shrieks in outrage, getting to her feet and wanting to strangle something, her sorrow and humiliation giving way to suppressed frustration and rage. "You met him?"
"We both did," Myunghee replies. At this, Hajin turns back to So, who shrugs.
"His number was in the envelope. All we had to do was call him and pretend to be reporters. He met us readily," he explains. "Evidently, he had spoken to other reporters before us."
"And that means articles about you should be popping up in the news, if not tomorrow, then likely soon after," Myunghee concludes. "I'm sorry, Hajin-ah… I should have been more vigilant… I should have monitored Wook more closely or opened up to him more… I could have prevented this."
Hajin crosses her arms over her chest and sniffs. "It's not your fault, unnie. That bastard ex of mine… I can't believe I thought he was being sincere when he apologized. I even gave him an ointment for his bruises!"
To Hajin's great surprise, So, of all people, comes to his defense. "It's not entirely his fault. It took a lot of convincing and a broken nose, but he finally admitted that Wook had told him you were dating someone who was going to leave you to marry another woman. He thought helping them meant helping you." He rubs the back of his neck and sighs. "So really, they screwed over the both of us."
"They?"
His smile is strained and without humor.
"Yeonhwa," Myunghee answers for him. "Apparently they've been in contact for weeks now. And I had absolutely no idea."
Of course, Hajin thinks darkly. How could she have forgotten that woman?
"I really am sorry, Hajin…" Myunghee says again. "I just… never in my wildest dreams did I imagine Wook doing something like this. Making up stories, spreading false rumors… he told me the reason he didn't want to inherit his father's publishing company, the reason he turned it into a PR company, was because he hated all the controversies associated with mass media… and here he is, deliberately creating one to hurt you. I just never thought he was capable of doing something like this."
"I thought he was different, too." Though So's words seem to be directed at Myunghee, his eyes are fixed on Hajin, who nods and whispers softly, "I hoped he would be."
He laces his fingers through hers and gets up, pulling her close and gazing into her eyes. "Myunghee-yah… I need to take her home. You take care, alright?"
Hajin can imagine her cousin nodding on the other end. "Alright. I just realized we've been talking for about an hour. You both take care too. Hajin, whatever happens tomorrow, we'll sort it out together. The truth always comes out in the end."
"Thank you, unnie," Hajin says seriously, and suddenly, she feels guilty. "For everything. You're always looking out for me."
"I like you, Hajin," Myunghee says, a fond smile in her voice. "And not just because we're related. Between you and Yeonhwa, of course I'd believe you. Yeonhwa is good to people who are useful to her… she's better at throwing them away when she no longer needs them. You can't trust people like that. I just don't understand why Wook would choose to trust her now."
"It doesn't matter," So says gruffly. "Whatever his reasons, the outcome is the same. If I ever see him, Myunghee-"
"Knock some sense into him," she says at once, her voice grim. "He wouldn't listen to me… maybe he'll listen to you. He values your inputs." Again, the bitterness is clear in Myunghee's voice and Hajin's guilt increases tenfold.
"I'll throw in a punch for you, shall I?" So suggests in a deceptively light tone.
Myunghee chuckles, but it's a resigned sound - sad and full of regret. Despite everything her cousin had said, Hajin wonders if she really was okay... she was going to have to meet with her more often from now on.
"Give him three from me," Myunghee says at last with a sigh. "Well, goodnight, you two. Drive safely."
There's a final beep and the screen flashes momentarily before going out, blanketing them in semi-darkness. The only light came from the setting sun outside, streaming into the room through the partially opened blinds.
They're both silent, lost in their thoughts, watching the sun descend until it finally disappears. The brilliant red and orange sky was now a dull blue, perfectly matching Hajin's mood.
She somberly allows herself to get pulled into a hug. By this time tomorrow… what will her life be like? What kind of image will the media have given her? She's not sure her parents will take too kindly to her being painted as a gold digger. She's certain she'll like it even less. How will she face her friends? Workmates? So's family?
The idea of having to face all those people in order to explain herself makes her dread even the thought of walking out the door.
"I'll take you home."
In the silent chill that had settled after twilight, his deep, warm voice is a welcome melody to her ears. She nods, blinking back tears of misery as they make their way through the gloom, grabbing what they need along the way, and out the door to the equally silent hallway beyond.