A/N My muse is really on a roll this weekend! Here's another chapter, and please keep those reviews coming!

-Nightshade

I don't own Criminal Minds, I'm just borrowing some of the characters to manipulate to my will!

Get Through

Chapter Twenty-Five

Sometime around one o clock in the morning, I had fallen asleep, completely drained from my long day and from hours of heart-broken crying. I had almost come to terms with it, I screwed up enormously, JJ wasn't coming back. My dreams that night were tormented, twisted by my sadness, and the pit of loneliness cleaving my heart in two. It was like a slideshow of insult, each one worse than the last. JJ never returning, JJ breaking up with me, JJ cheating on me, JJ killed by an unsub, JJ snatched from my arms by some faceless force. But they all had one common thread, losing my beloved blonde. During the hazy hours of the dim dawn, I was roused from my fitful rest by the clicking of my door unlocking. My FBI agent side kicked into action, grabbing for the sidearm that was currently lying on the table in front of me. It was only when I heard the soft moans and sobs did I manage to counteract the trained reflex, moving away from the gun and back to my spot on the couch, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. A tearstained blonde appeared in my vision like a mirage, and I had to blink multiple times to be sure she was really there.

"You weren't home." I stated obviously, sitting up to make room for the distraught blonde. She made no move to sit though, pacing the room instead with weary feet.

"I went back to the BAU with the rest of the team. We rode to work together, remember? I thought you'd need a ride so I waited for you. Hotch, Penelope, Reid, even Morgan all came. I watched all of them leave, one by one, and I still waited." Her rant was interrupted by a hiccupping sob, and she swallowed it away before continuing.

"The cleaning staff came, they left too, eventually all the lights shut off and I was still waiting. But at that point I wasn't just waiting, I was hiding. Because I thought that you had left just like everyone else. I knew it wasn't true, my rational mind kept scolding me at the thought, but I did Em, I thought it true. And eventually I just gave up waiting because I didn't think you'd come any more, and because sitting in that cold, dark, vacated office was too lonely. I came here to get my things, and then I find you." I couldn't tell whether she was sad, or sorry, or angry or just lost. I knew I was, lost, I mean. Was I still in the doghouse for my fuck-up with Pen? Or was she already over that, and just mad at me for not going to meet her? She was standing just out of arm's reach, straight as a soldier, with her arms wrapped around her chest. Any profiler would think she wanted to be left alone, based on her body language. But right now we weren't two profilers, because I was too confused and tired to think rationally, and she was just strung-out and emotional.

"Morgan gave me a drive home after he found me curled up into a little ball in the back of the SUV. I started the night off waiting for you, and I must have dozed off somewhere in between. I was waiting for you." I groaned. JJ just gave a humorless chuckle as she began pacing again.

"Great, and what string of lies did you feed him so he didn't find out the truth? What story of yours am I going to have to play along with?" the sarcastic, flat tone hurt me, and in that brief moment I had to fight the urge to lash out angrily. Anyone could see in JJ's eyes, her complexion, her posture, that she was completely and utterly drained. If I yelled now, I may as well have been yelling to a wounded puppy, it would only hurt the situation more.

"I told him." I mumbled. The blonde rolled her eyes impatiently now, as if she was dealing with a lying child.

"Told him what? Is there a story here or did you just fall back on the classic "I'm fine" because he's known you too long to fall for that bullshit."

"I told him the truth. I told him about us. I told him about what an idiot I keep proving myself to be, I told him how alone I felt without you, I told him every-fricking-thing. Happy now?" her face hovered between emotions, frozen by my outburst. I gave up on my calm act; it was just too early and too mentally trying.

"Oh." She murmured, dropping her head in shame. Oh? That's all she had to say to me?

"I did tell him, for your information. Not that it seems to matter to you, because I'm always screwing up. Well here's some news JJ, I'm human, I'm flawed, some could argue more flawed than most, I'm allowed to screw up. You can't just turn tail and shut me out when I slip up, and you can't shut me out for being scared! I was raised by parents who taught me that the only weakness is showing weakness. So I hide, and sometimes it would be nice to have someone coax me out from hiding instead of running away and leaving me in the dark! I mean seriously JJ if that's all you're here for, the good times, the times when I'm perfect, then get out. I'm tired of being held to these impossible standards. I'm needed to be the perfect daughter, the perfect mother, the perfect agent, the perfect lover, and I can't, I can't do it all, and I certainly can't do it alone." I sighed, all the fight draining out of me along with my words. JJ looked just as exhausted, as she finally moved from her standing position and sat on the couch next to me.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Emily. I'm scared too, and sometimes I let that take me over. Just hearing you say our relationship was nothing, even if it was all a lie, it reinforced all those reoccurring nightmares I keep having, the one where the best thing in my life leaves me. I'm terrified of losing you, since everyone I've loved seems to leave me eventually. I was the last person to see my sister alive, before she committed suicide. We used to be so close, then one day she handed me a necklace and suddenly, I'm at a funeral. I watched my father deteriorate from dementia, watched him slowly lose pieces of himself, he literally disintegrated before my eyes. I've had relationship after failed relationship, and it all just seemed to accumulate into one blinding fear. I'm imperfect too, and I'm sorry if my imperfections made you think you had to be perfect." Her blue eyes seemed to grow wider, until I could see my whole world reflected in their mirrored depths. She shuffled slightly in her spot before casting me a look, silently asking permission for more. I nodded slightly, allowing her to lean into my recumbent form and lay her head against my shoulder.

"I'm sorry too, for saying it, for making you think I was gone." I softly admitted, hearing her sniffle slightly before giving a contented sigh.

"I know. You didn't need to say it, I just knew." Her soft reply drifted up in the still air. We just sat in the comfortable silence, piecing ourselves back together while taking secret comfort in the other's presence. The lights flashed outside, a door creaked down the hall, faraway, a siren wailed frantically. Time passed, but we seemed immune to it, watching the first, gray rays of sun pierce the night and flood the landscape. I looked at JJ's thoughtful face, lost in thoughts deeper than a great philosopher, and marveled at the beautiful work of art illuminated as the virgin rays of sun caressed her honeyed cheeks and golden hair.

"I was so busy thinking that I forgot to sleep." She admitted bashfully, a rosy blush blooming upon the apples of her cheeks. JJ seemed to space out right after she said it, the cogs in her mind whirring at breakneck speed as I simply watched.

"I won't leave you, you know that right? We're going to grow old and wrinkled and senile together." I vowed, the subtle humor in my voice actually accenting the serious undertone. Jennifer gave me a jubilant gaze, as if I had just fulfilled her greatest wish.

"And surprisingly enough, I can't wait." She chuckled, before planting a light kiss upon my lips. I greeted her eagerly, teasing her lips with mine before adding my tongue, suddenly craving her addictive sweetness. With my hands knotted in her hair, JJ more than willingly obliged, parting her lips as her own tongue rushed to match mine in a duel for dominance. What had started as a playful peck was quickly escalating into something much, much hotter. Jennifer caught my bottom lip in between her teeth, biting gently before raking her teeth over the swollen, sensitive flesh, craving a reaction. She swallowed the moan she had easily evoked, her hands trailing up my body, leaving the hypersensitive skin in their wake burning with a need to be touched. She let out a small squeal of surprise as my thumb brushed the outside of her breast, causing her to momentarily lose her upper hand on me. I claimed it eagerly, flipping over so she was lying on the couch, and quickly making my way down her neck to her pulse point. I could feel her heart hammering at breakneck speeds beneath my agile tongue and lips, seemingly speeding up as I sucked the sweet skin hard enough to leave a mark.

"My god babe, your heart…" I whispered, watching goosebumps form on her damp skin as my words ghosted over her heartbeat. JJ was already rendered incoherent, only able to respond with a muffled moan. I suddenly realized how fast this was all going, sitting up slightly and shaking my head to offer a patch of clarity in my lust-induced haze.

"What's wrong?" JJ asked immediately, and I felt awful for making her think she had screwed up.

"Nothing! Nothing's wrong. It's just that, if we're going where I think we're going, then I don't want our first time to be some hormone-fuelled grope-fest on my living room couch. And I wanted to make sure you're ready, that you're okay with this." The blonde's eyes were suddenly filled with an alluring mixture of lust and trepidation that both tugged at my heart and nearly stopped it.

"I've never, y'know been with a woman before." She admitted shyly, and I couldn't help but be filled with a feeling of weird happiness at seeing the blonde so vulnerable, her trusting me to see her vulnerability.

"I'll take care of you, it's okay. But that's only if you're ready." I repeated calmly, trying to keep the sexy, husky edge out of my voice. I didn't want to pressure her, but if she continued looking at me with those smoky, almost black-blue eyes, that slightly mussed blonde hair, and those swollen, candy-pink, plush lips, I wouldn't be able to hold out much longer.

A/N tell me what you think? Should one of them chicken out, or is everyone up for Jemily sexytimes in the next chap? Let me know, and please review!