Reaper: Chapter 4e

I loved sleeping. Every day our team would move through the twisted wasteland, occasionally stopping to map the area, but whenever we did stop I always made sure to nap.

Some would say it would be impractical to sleep within the jungle, where animals and bugs of all kinds have evolved to kill a full grown man in a multitude of ways. Even more would say that it would be downright stupid to sleep in a jungle during the middle of a World War, especially in the middle of enemy territory. All of them would call me crazy for sleeping in a jungle during the middle of a World War with Super-Powered soldiers filling the ranks.

Well they're right. I am impractical, stupid, and yes even crazy, but I do not worry for my safety when I sleep.

For I have a protector, a guardian, a person who loved me since the day I was born and vowed to protect me while at my weakest.

My darling brother.

"Are you awake Bai?"

"-ou awake Taylor?"

A wave of cold water splashed against my face and shot forward, eyes widening and gasping in shock. Adrenaline flowed through veins as I quickly took notice of my surroundings, only to slowly taper off when recognition hit me.

It was my room. The same shelves, the same closet and the sheets that pooled around me were of my own. I raised my hand to wipe the droplets of water from my face, only to wince as a familiar pain shot through my body.

Right, that still happened.

Still though the pain was familiar, it seemed... dull? Like someone took a baseball bat, wrapped it in bubble wrap, them slammed it into my chest. Not the best description, but I was preoccupied with other things for the moment.

Like the frowning face of Sierra that was to my right. I looked from her expression to my bandaged arm and back again before realization kicked in, "I can explain."

She rose an eyebrow, "Oh really? So, you can explain why you snuck into your room through the window, your arm and leg looking like a bad mummy cosplay, how you passed out on your feet, and," She rummaged for something below my line of sight for a moment before bringing it out front and center, "this?!". My eyes widened in shock at the object that she held in her hands.

My mask. Despite all the trouble that I had gone through today, all the blood and dirt, my mask still looked pristine, though it's red smile and purple lighting bolt seemed to mock me now.

Poor Taylor, it seemed to say, It was only a matter of time.

I tore my gaze from the mask and faced Sierra. I was further surprised by the tears in her eyes even as I asked, "Where did you-"

"Your bag," She cut off, "I was panicking when you passed out, and I hoped you might have more bandages in your bag." Oh god the tears were getting worse, "Y-You did. But I saw this first. Taylor I'm not stupid, I was watching the news earlier today. You r-robbed a bank! You're a, a-"

"Villain," I whispered, finishing for her.

She broke at that, the tears flowing not unlike a waterfall, and her sobs were heartbreaking to hear. Her hands completely covered her face, but it did little to block her whimpers and tears leaked through the gaps. All the while the mask just sat there and smiled, seemingly uncaring of her distress.

Is that how people see me? An uncaring mask?

It fit didn't it? I'd put on a 'happy' mask whenever I had to treat Dad, a 'sad' mask whenever Emma or Sophia wanted to play their fucked up games with me. Even the Undersiders saw only what I wanted them to see, bar a few exceptions. When Grue had told me about his home-life, how he was struggling to reconnect with a sibling in order to protect her, I had thought that I felt truly sympathetic for him, even going so far as comparing his struggles with my own. But how much of it was actual, genuine sorrow and how much of it was the mask that I had been cultivating to get close to them?

Even through her crying fit, Sierra could still speak, "W-Why? D-Did you e-even think a-about Danny? A-About what t-this does t-to m-me?"

I looked at her in shock, "Of course I did! Dad was the reason I'm doing this is the first place! And I made sure to include you in the protection deal." Who did she think I was to make such a idiotic mistake like that?

Sierra just shook her head, "You d-don't get it do you? There were a dozens of better options than, than, than this!" she made some sort of gesture with her hands, "You could have gone to the Wards and they would have happily given you everything you need. O-Or maybe just be one of those rogues like Parian, she makes hundreds on her puppet shows alone! You didn't have to do this!"

I scoffed, "Wards? And what, get guilt tripped into fighting every criminal the Protectorate doesn't feel obligated to stop? Not to mention that Rogues get muscled into gangs all the time! I give Parian a week, maybe two, before one of the bigger gangs take notice of her. Really I made the logical choice."

"Taylor," her voice grew strangely hard, "I saw you on the news before they censored it, and even now I could pull up a video if I wanted, show you cutting people down with sword. How is being told who to fight by a gang any different from the Wards you seem to hate?!"

"The money of course." Why was she fighting this so hard? "You think that tinker box healer was cheap? I earned that-"

"Earned it?!" she nearly shouted, "My god Taylor, you've committed a felony, maybe more if I'm hearing you right! You've hurt innocent people! Danny wouldn't want that and neither would your mother!"

That couldn't have hurt more if she had broken my bad arm. I looked at her for a moment, indignant rage boiling inside me. It was such a low blow I almost thought that it was just my head playing tricks on me, but I only had to look into her teary eyes to know the truth. How dare she?!

"Who do you think you are?" I nearly growled at her, "Who do you think you are to question what I do for my family? To think for even a fraction of a second, that you would understand what she would feel? You aren't my mother and you most certainly aren't family."

Her eyes went cold with that, though her tears still dropped, showing no signs of stopping, "I could ask the same to you. You aren't the loving girl that Danny wouldn't stop talking about in the hospital, and you definitely aren't the beautiful young woman who I had grown to care and love for. Who are you?"

I had a retort on the edge of my tongue, ready to cut her down to size when something clicked. It was memory, one that I had nearly forgotten even though it was only a few days ago.

But do you?

The note. Tattletale. My retort died in my throat as I unclenched my fists, only to stare in horror at what I saw. Blue light surrounded my body, a faint hum emanating in the air, the bandages doing nothing to block the flow of light. With a thought the blue light vanished, the hum of my power with it.

But do you?

Of course I do, I'm Taylor Hebert, a girl who loves her Dad more than the whole world.

But do you?

Like I said, I'm Taylor Hebert, a girl who gets picked on every day by her former friend.

But do you?

Again, I'm Reaper, master thief-

I stopped. I stared at my hands, a cold sweat breaking out on my skin as an avalanche of thoughts crashed through my mind.

Did I? Did I know who I was? I had thought that my power's way of thinking was enlightening but now I'm wondering if I lost a part of me. I still felt emotions, anger, happiness, and now guilt, but it's blanketed. Smothered, underneath my power's thinking. Who says that it wasn't doing more? Could it have been pushing me to make worse and worse choices all these years?

It was a terrifying thought, and I found I couldn't say anything for a minute. Sierra waited, tears still falling down her cheeks, and a hard sob would escape her occasionally.

Eventually I found the words, "How much of the news did you see?"

She frowned, "Not a whole lot. Danny... he wanted to go to bed early and I was tired myself, so I've been reading for awhile now. I only just checked the news and they had a picture of that mask along with your other friends."

I nodded, still putting together what I was going to say, "If you had... you would know that we- I saved the Wards. Saved Glory Girl. You have to believe me when I say that I am not a real villain."

Her frown deepened and it looked like she was considering my words, before shaking her head, "I-I'm sorry Taylor, but I can't find it in myself to believe you, especially after now. I'm... I'm sorry."

I closed my eyes and leaned back into the pillow. I knew it wouldn't have been easy, but I felt like I had to try, had to at least defend myself. A thought struck me as I lay there, listening to the occasional sniffle from Sierra. It was a horrible, horrible thought, but it could be the only way to gain her trust.

My thoughts turned to the injured woman at the bank, how she had cradled her child, whispered soothing words to keep her calm, even as shock-wave after wave hit the building. I wondered if she made it out okay.

"I didn't trigger in the locker."

Her sniffling stopped, and I knew she was looking at me now, "W-What?"

"I told you and Dad that I triggered while I was in the locker. I lied. It was horrible and disgusting and I threw up all over myself, but I didn't trigger in it. I actually broke out of it once everyone was gone. Janitor found me before I could clean off." I took a deep breath, "I triggered during my mother's death. It was a car accident as you know, I can't remember how but we went off the road, hit a pole. I blacked out after that, and when I woke up sparks were flying everywhere and Mom was gone. Of course now I realise that the sparks were mine and that Mom was thrown from the car, but I didn't know that and I cried her name for hours till the E.M's arrived."

She looked shocked and horrified at my reveal, "Taylor-"

"I didn't cry at her funeral," It was getting harder to speak now, my throat was getting sore, "Couldn't really. My powers did something to my emotions, blanketing them, and even though I felt so horrible for not crying I couldn't. Even when Dad asked me what was wrong and even when he started crying, I didn't cry. My mind was a mess, still adjusting. I was only 11."

"You don't-"

"I think," I swallowed a lump in my throat, uncaring of what she had to say, "I think I drove my Dad into D-Depression. He tried so hard to get a response out of me, but I couldn't, not when I didn't even know what was happening to me. One day he just... h-he just gave up. Never looked me in the eye when he talked to me, he was gone more often, threw out all the cellphones, and I never c-cried. Couldn't act on my emotions, even if they were there."

"Please-"

"Emma tried too, cried almost like D-Dad, but when I did nothing she called me a... a heartless bitch." My vision was getting blurry and I had to wipe my eyes with my left hand, "S-She left me after, and when she got her new f-friends, that's when the bullying started. It was also when I learned to start f-faking them. E-Emotions I mean. I saw all these people who were suffering because of m-me, and I did what I thought was right. I-It helped Dad a bit, he started talking and h-hugging me more often, but Emma wasn't convinced. I don't think s-she's ever really believed that I was sincere, even when I acted sad and cried after her b-bullying."

Sierra didn't even get a word in before I started again, not even bothering to wipe the tears now, "When I-I got the call that Dad was-was, when he got h-hurt, I threw up again. And again. I kept having thoughts of the accident and it would make me v-vomit every time I would picture D-Dad at the hospital. I think that was a p-panic attack, but I still didn't cry."

"Now I have these n-nightmares that I don't even r-remember, but they tear at me, and I wake up more tired than when I fell asleep."

I opened my eyes and looked at Sierra, an expression of shock and horror on her face. She was still crying, from what I didn't know. I didn't care then either way.

"W-Who am I Sierra? Am... am I broken? Sometimes I feel like one of those porcelain dolls, no expression, no emotions, just a blank slate. I'm a frea-"

She hugged me then, moving so fast that I didn't- no -couldn't react fast enough to resist.

"Shhh," she whispered, patting and running her hands through my soon to be curly hair, "You're just a girl Taylor, maybe a liar, but your not broken. A doll doesn't cry you know."

That was it. The damn holding my tears broke and I did as well, bawling like a baby, barely caring that I was getting her shirt wet.

Why now?, I angrily thought, Why couldn't I do this sooner?

I told her of my missions out at night, how I had gotten the idea the day after the locker when I saw the hospital bills. I told her about the merchants, about Coil, and the Undersiders. I even told her about why I really saved the Undersiders, about the mom and child I saw in the bank and Panacea. Throughout it all I cried and Sierra comforted me, crying along at times, whispering praise at others.

Eventually our tears stopped and we were left with extremely puffy faces, wet shirts, and in Sierra's case, running mascara.

"Does Dad know about... this?" I asked, suddenly worried that I'd have to do this all over again.

Sierra shook her head as she continued running her hands through my hair, "No, he'll be asleep for another hour or so. Your arm and leg should be healed by that time anyways."

I blinked and looked up at the nurse, "What?"

"I was using that Tinker medical box on you, Taylor. You were in bad shape, I was panicking, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Apparently it was, because those blisters just seemed to... flake off piece by piece. I guess that shows how bad Danny has it since he still needs it. Don't worry I put it back on him as soon as I was done."

I frowned but nodded. It made sense, but I was a little mad that she took it off him in the first place.

Do I have a right to be mad at her? After all she's done?

No. She deserved better than me being a little peeved at her when she decided to not call the cops when she realised I was a super-villain, even if in name only. I still needed to ask her one thing.

"Sierra, I want to ask a favor."

"Taylor..."

"Please?" I was practically begging. I would have begged if I had to.

I felt her nod and continued, "I want to tell Dad myself. But not yet. There are things I need to take care of now that Panacea is here, and I want all my ducks in a row so to speak."

Sierra gripped me tighter, "I don't know Taylor. I'm not comfortable with you going out and breaking the law like this. It's dangerous and wrong."

On that we agreed on, "I know, but I need to settle things with Coil. Make sure that we are left alone. He's smart, and he can be brutal, but he seems to know the limits of what I'll do for him."

"What about the PRT or the Wards? They can help you too."

I sighed, "I'd also be arrested or forced into Ward-hood. I don't want either of those Sierra, I just want be with Dad and you. If you want to stay still."

"Oh hush you," she ruffled my hair and hugged me tighter, something that I didn't protest too, "Of course I'd stick with you guys. You're like the sister I never had, but don't let my brother hear that okay? As long as you promise to end this somehow without getting hurt."

"Of course."

"And," she continued, "You have to grow your hair long again. It's so curly and thick that it's a shame to keep it so short."

I frowned, "Ugh..."

"Taylor-"

"Fine, fine, I'll grow it long." Never mind the danger of having longer hair, even in a pony-tail, but whatever.

"Thank you Taylor." She squeezed me one last time, before getting up to check on Dad, golf club in hand. She promised to be back in five minutes but by the time my head hit the pillow my eyelids were getting heavy, and the siren song of sleep was so enticing.

I feel asleep soon after with a smile on my face, and the weight of the world off my shoulders.

There were neither dreams nor nightmares.