A/N: I do not own Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Outtake: I Swear They're Ninja Assassins!

Emmett's POV

I cringed when he held out his hand for me to shake. I knew mine were clammy, but if he saw how truly nervous I was, maybe he'd take pity on me and lessen his intense stare.

"Nice to meet you, sir," I said, barely hiding the crack in my voice.

"Nice to meet you too, Emmett," he said. His voice sounded smooth and calm, but the look in his eyes made me feel like I was two feet tall and five years old. I knew he was just being protective, but if looks could kill, I would be dead and decimated into ash. It seemed as if he were looking right through me. If Dad #1 was this bad, I shuddered to think what Dad #2 was like. Ali mentioned that Edward was definitely the calmer of the two.

When Ali and I first started dating, she told me about her two dads. I didn't think anything of it, especially in this day and age. I thought it was cool that two guys were able to have a stable relationship and raise a daughter as beautiful, intelligent and incredible as Ali. Despite my size, I'm a big softy at heart, so when I hear about two people who share a bond that strong, I can't help but admire them. I was raised by a single mother who often struggled, but she never failed to show me that I was loved.

I eagerly accepted Ali's invitation to meet her parents when she brought it up two weeks ago. I wanted to see where she came from and see if I would fit in with her family members. She and I were getting pretty serious, and if things went my way, I would be getting down on bended knee in the next few months. I had a feeling her dads would want us to wait until graduation to get married, but that didn't mean that I couldn't propose; long engagements are fine.

Suddenly I was brought out of my happy place when I heard a voice say, "Who let a bear in the house?"

I looked up and saw another man looking at me. His stare wasn't quite as intense, but I could still feel it in every cell of my body. I smiled nervously because I wasn't sure if he was serious and didn't like me right off the bat or if he was joking around. He walked closer to me and introduced himself as Jasper Cullen-Whitlock.

At first glance, he didn't look too scary, but there was something in his eyes that said, "Don't fuck with me." Ali grabbed onto my arm and started to speak and I watched as her fathers looked at her body practically wrapped around my arm and then back up to me. Usually guys only have to deal with one overly protective parent, and occasionally a big brother, but to have two Dads staring me down and watching every move I made was unnerving. I didn't want to do anything that would put me in a bad light and deem me unworthy of their daughter.

All four of us moved to the living room to talk for a bit, but I knew what was really going to happen. They were going to mildly interrogate me, but I was prepared. I just put on my biggest smile and answered all of their questions. At times I felt like I was in the midst of a job interview, but if my reward was Alice, all the nerves and discomfort were worth it.

Jasper asked most of the questions. I noticed he had a pretty heavy southern accent, but Ali told me a while back that he'd lived on the west coast her entire life, and a long time before that. According to her, the only time his accent made an appearance was when he was really angry or when he and her father would get affectionate with each other. She'd then start chanting something about them being virgins. At first I thought it was weird, but who wants to think about their parents getting hot and heavy? Eww!

While Ali and Edward spoke to each other, Jasper helped me with my bags and showed me to my room. I thought it was really cool of him to help, especially since I probably had about 50 pounds and close to four inches of height on him. I thought he was really warming up to me and that was a huge relief. He even asked me to call him by his first name.

Glancing briefly behind me, he leaned in a whispered, "But if I find out that you sneaked into my baby girl's bedroom in the middle of the night, I will make sure you wished you'd never stepped foot in this house. I'm a lawyer, so I know my way around the law…I can get away with just about anything if I try hard enough and they'll never find the body."

I'm not one to scare easily, but Jasper's words hit me like a bucket of ice water. I didn't doubt for a second that he meant every single word. I gulped loudly and nodded my head letting him know that I got his message loud and clear. I had no intention of sneaking around in Ali's parents' house, but now I was going to take every precaution necessary not to put myself or Ali in a bad position. I wouldn't put it against Jasper to rip off my balls while Edward waited in the background with a match or lighter, waiting to set me on fire and laughing maniacally.

x~x~x~x~x~x~x

By the end of our visit, I actually felt like a part of the family. Both Jasper and Edward eventually let down their guard and treated me like any other human being rather than a cad who was trying to steal their daughter's virtue.

All was going well until I walked in on Jasper cleaning some big ass shot guns in the kitchen Sunday morning. He just smiled and said "Good morning," as if this scene was the most normal thing in the world. When Edward arrived, he silently stood off to the side sipping his coffee and watching Jasper.

I swear, if they weren't such upstanding men, I'd think they were covert ninja assassins or something. Jasper would be the crazy one of the duo who would shoot you without a second thought, while Edward would slowly torture you physically and mentally in a back room somewhere and laugh while the life slowly drained from your body. When I relayed all of this to Ali she just laughed at me, but I knew the score. I'd watched enough mafia movies to know that the wives and daughters were always in the dark, but the men had an arsenal in the basement and a 'guy' they could call to clean up the blood. Jasper was like Sonny Corleone, hot head extraordinaire, and Edward was like Michael Corleone, the silent but deadly guy who carefully calculated each move.

"It was great meeting you," Edward said to me at the door.

We shook hands again and Jasper walked up behind him and shook my hand as well.

"Come back anytime," Jasper said, his southern twang in full force.

Clearing my throat, I croaked, "Thanks for all of your hospitality!"

As we drove back to San Diego, Ali giggled as I recounted my interactions with her parents.

"They just want to make sure you're a good guy."

"By scaring me half to death?"

She leaned over the center console and kissed me on the cheek.

"You passed with flying colors."

I turned my head and looked at her like she was crazy.

"Really?"

"Yeah, both of them told me they liked you."

"Well, they sure have a funny way of showing it!"

Even though the past weekend felt like it consisted of constantly looking over my shoulder when her dads were around, I was glad they'd accepted me. Hopefully our next visit will be a little more relaxed.

Shit! How are they going to act when I ask their permission to propose to Ali?

I internally groaned and tried to come up with a way to avoid becoming a casualty at the hands of the parents of woman I loved more than anything.

LOL! Poor Emmett. He has quite an imagination, doesn't he (ninja assassins and the mafia? lol), but I don't blame him. I could definitely see Jasper and Edward ganging up on him and scaring the living daylights out of him. Couldn't you imagine Jasper and Edward as Sonny and Michael Corleone respectively? For those who don't know who they are, they are two characters from the The Godfather films.

Just as a reminder, Bittersweet was nominated for The Cotton Candy Award (Best Fluff) at the Tomato Soup Awards! Voting begins September 1st. Place your vote at the website: h t t p : / / thetomatosoupaward(dot)blogspot(dot)com/