Kylo noticed how Rey stared at Naboo as they approached. Like she was in a trance. He tried to gently push into her mind to see if lost memories had burst open and flooded her mind or if something else entirely had arrested her mind. He was relieved to find only small snippets of what appeared to be repressed memories of seeing Naboo in her past, nothing that would bring forward the truths of her past or trigger the Darkness within her. He wasn't ready to tell her. He dreaded telling her. He hoped bringing her to Naboo wasn't a mistake.
This was one of the few places he could take her to escape the First Order for a short period of time without any suspicion from Snoke (Hux would always be suspicious of Kylo). Naboo had meaning for him; this was his grandmother's home. He knew it had meaning for her, as well. But he had to wonder if the recognition he saw in her was her own memory, or someone else's.
Kylo brought the shuttle lower, beneath the sparse, wispy clouds. Below, there were great blue lakes and lush greenery. Kylo had been to Lake Country many times before. He had first visited Varykino with his mother when he was very young. They would stay for only a few days in his grandmother's lake retreat there when his mother had a little vacation time from the Senate. But, Leia would always be working via holo, regardless, and Kylo would wander the grounds, taking in one of the most beautiful places he had ever seen. Varykino was another reminder of his mother's small existence in his life and another step to his destined fall into Darkness.
He was never allowed off the island and had only visited the capital city of his Theed a few times when he was older. His visits became further apart when he went to the Jedi academy to train with Uncle Luke. It was sometime after he had turned ten that he had begun having strange feelings when he came to Varykino. He would sit out by the lake for hours at a time, staring into the distance. He had felt something, somewhere, when he went to Naboo. A strong pull in the Force, but it felt different. As if it was calling to him from far away, begging him to follow. He felt as if he could speak to it, as if it was a comfort while his mother worked during her holidays. It soothed him during those frustrating visits. It kept him from arguing with his mother about how he never sees her, and when they finally get time together, she ignored him for her work. He wanted so badly to go to it, to know what was causing it, but he still wasn't allowed off island. Leia had dismissed the feelings as remnants of Padmé Amadala's spirit and his ability to feel her was his growing strength in the Force, but Kylo knew it was something else entirely. He looked forward to it every time he went to Varykino. Then one day when he was fifteen, it stopped. He had only been there a few times since it started, but the abrupt disappearance of those feelings that comforted him made him feel suddenly empty.
As they neared the ground, Kylo shot Rey another glance. She was staring off into the far distance, her eyes locked on the sprawling mansion in the distance, trance-like wonderment washing over her face. "Rey?" He said, getting her attention.
Rey startled, her breath catching in her throat. She turned to stare at him, her face blank. Kylo could feel something was wrong. What was she sensing? She pointed to the mansion, "what's that place?"
Kylo leaned forward to get a better view. The mansion was dark in color, but ornately designed with golden embellishments only the Royal Families of Naboo could afford. There were many just as grand, but this one put a knot in his stomach. "They call it Convergence," he said, choosing his words carefully.
"Who lives there?" There was something in her eyes as she stared at the compound. It was as if there was nothing else around her.
Kylo swallowed, "No one lives there," he said to quickly,"it was abandoned long ago."
Rey didn't say anything else. She only stared at the mansion until it was gone from view, and even as it disappeared, she craned her neck to see it. Kylo felt sick as he shot sideways glances at her. Rey's face was blank, but he could tell by the scrunching and unscrunching forehead her mind was having difficulty finding an explanation for what sparked her connection to the mansion. He wanted to reach into her mind, but knew he would have to go deeper to find what plagued her mind and decided now, in her currrent state, wasn't a good time to anger her.
Kylo swung the ship around Varykino, taking in the view. Not much had changed. He wondered when he or his mother had last visited the retreat. Obviously, things had changed when he turned and his mother probably now has barely thought of this place with all that has happened, but he knew the lake house would be clean and well-kept as there were housekeeping droids that periodically cleaned the house and droids that performed minor repairs. Leia had hired a man from Theed to look in on the house from time to time, but Kylo doubted the old man was still alive, or if he was, he most likely stopped coming to the house years ago.
Kylo activated the landing sequence and began lowering the shuttle onto the launch pad near the house, noting that it had begun to become overgrown with grass. The ship's wings folded above it and the landing gear landed smoothly onto the ship's perch. He powered down the ship and unfastened his harness, eager to get to the house with Rey. But, Rey just sat, staring at the scenery in front of her.
A knot formed in Kylo's stomach as they sat in silence. Rey made no indication she acknowledged his gaze, but instead blinked in bewilderment. Kylo knitted his eyebrows, "Rey? Is everything okay?"
Rey pressed her lips together and nodded her head too quickly, "yes, everything is fine." Her voice was shaky, but she smiled as she tore her gaze off of Naboo. She gestured to Varykino and the rest of Lake Country in the distance. Her eyes twitched with nervousness as she added, "I've just never seen anything so beautiful in my life."
"I have." Kylo said softly. He held her gaze with gentle eyes. Rey smiled back at him. Her eyes glistened in the Naboo sun peaking through the cockpit. Kylo held out his hand as she unfastened her harness and rose from her seat. Her black, heavy robes billowed around her, swallowing her in darkness. She placed her hand in his and immediately, he could feel the enticing flow of the Force spread across his palm and up his arm. How wonderful it felt, he thought to himself as he let loose a silent chuckle of delight. It was everything. She was everything.
Kylo led her down the ramp of the shuttle and into the warm Naboo sunshine. Even though it was a comfortable temperature, he immediately wished he had brought lightweight robes with him. The thick black fabric of his tunic made his skin sweat and boil in the heat. He turned to Rey and saw her face was slightly flushed and beads of sweat formed on her forehead.
"There are some clothes at the house you can change into," he said, forcing a smile. Rey nodded in silence as she gazed a and around at the scenery as they made their way down a stone path toward the house. The trees were lush with green, shielding the pair from the sun. Various wildflower of varying shapes and colors brushed their cloaks as they walked by, spreading different shades of pollen onto the black fabric. The lake was steady. A cool breeze blew in from these lake, a welcome relief from the heat. The air smelled crisp and sweet as petals and pollen tumbled in the breeze.
The lake house was of decent size. The stone walls were a light cream color with bluish-silver domes on the two circular towers. Intricate carvings graced the the trims of the many windows, columns, and the light stone balcony overlooking the lake. The house was surrounded by dense, but neatly trimmed, greenery that framed the house as if it were floating on a lush, "green cloud on the water," as young Ben Solo would call it when he visited as a toddler.
Kylo led Rey up the balcony and into the foyer. The house was immaculate, adorned with expensive rugs of fine materials and ornate woodcarvings and luxurious furniture, all without a single bit of dust. Kylo and Rey paused in the foyer, Rey taking in the splendor of the house. Kylo studied the growing wonderment in her features and wondered what it felt like never seeing the galaxy, being stuck on one planet for so long, and a monotonous planet of very little changing scenery at that.
Kylo took her hands in his, summoning her attention, "I would like to show you thr house and maybe take a walk around the island," he paused, taking in her beauty. "Would you like to change into something more...comfortable?"
Rey's face twisted with confusion, "But, what would I wear? I..."
"There are some dresses upstairs in the bedroom," Kylo smiled, thinking about which dress she might choose.
Rey scrunched her nose, "Dresses?"
"My grandmother's," he said, "They may be a little short on you. From what I understand, my grandmother was small, like my mother,"-a shiver ran up his spine as he thought of his mother-"but they'll do and they would be far more comfortable than this." He gestured to her robes and thick standard issue tunic.
Rey nodded wearily, "okay, but could I sleep first?" She raised a gloved hand to her forehead, her eyes distant, "I..." Kylo caught her as she fell straight to the floor, his heart stopping in his throat. She looked around, bewildered and holding tight to Kylo's arms. Her eyelids drooped as she stood, unsteady, "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." she breathed as she found her footing.
Kylo shook his head, "don't be sorry," he brushed a sweat-slicked strand of hair from her face, "what's wrong?"
"I...I'm not entirely sure," she looked around the room as if the answer was somehow there, "Ever since I...since the training room, I just...haven't felt like myself." Kylo noticed the pallor her skin had taken, the frightened look of her eyes and how the fear dimmed the beautiful hazel color. They're still hazel, he thought, though he thought he could see a speck of yellow, but dismissed it as his eyes kept playing tricks on him.
Kylo took Rey's face in his hands, caressing her cheeks with his fingers. Her gaze met his, "I promise, Rey, I promise I will find out what is wrong and I will do anything to help you defeat it." He tried his best to control the shakiness in his voice, casting his eyes down. He knew he couldn't destroy the Darkness. It was in her blood. He should tell her what he knew. It was right there, on his lips. The truth. The one thing she deserved to know. The one thing that could destroy her.
"What is it?" Rey reached up to place a trembling hand on his jaw. He looked into her eyes again and breathed and sigh of relief. As if it were magic, her skin had some of the color back and her eyes were brighter.
"Nothing, just...worried," he said, though there was so much more wrong. "How about you go get something more comfortable on and lay down. Take as much time as you need."
Rey gave him a look that told him she knew he was hiding something, but didn't press into it any further. She pressed her lips together and nodded. Kylo thought he saw a glimmer of dissappontment in those eyes, but it paled to the dissappontment that tore him apart, and hollowness that would go and way if he would just let the truth of Rey's past burst from his lips.
He looked away, unable to meet her eyes any longer, and led her upstairs, gripping her hand as if he would lose her at any moment, as if she would somehow break through the block he set up in his mind and find all his secrets, not just the past that could destroy her, but his own past that he kept locked deep within, never to free it.
Kylo turned the corner to the first door on the right and the door slid open. The room was as pristine as the rest of the house. The sleek bed was made and the floors and furnishings free of dust. The room was decorated similarly to the rest of the house, with wood carvings of flowers and pale violet gossimer curtains hanging ceiling to floor, covering the entrance to the marble balcony over looking the sapphire blue lake. Rey's face still showed that same wonderment. Kylo smirked a little at her wide eyes and agape lips. He wanted to touch her lips to hers, but thought better of it. Her mind was still stirring with more feelings than she could handle.
Kylo moved to the wardrobe when she turned, partially so Rey didn't see the look on his face and partially to a show her what lied within. He opened the doors. Rey's eyes widened as she took in the sight of it dozens of silk gowns of various lengths, colors, and shapes.
Rey's hands caressed the skirts of the various dresses, running her fingertips over the silk skirts and intricate embroidery. Kylo knew they would look just as lovely on Rey as they had on his grandmother. He had only seen her in holos. She had been so young when she died after giving birth to Kylo's mother and uncle. He knew from Luke about how his family was torn apart, both through the craving of power by Anakin Skywalker, but also through manipulation. Luke had told Kylo how Palpatine had ripped Anakin's family apart by exploiting a deep, dark fear that had long haunted him. Anakin feared losing Padmé Amadala, and had promised the power to save her, but it had all been lies. Palpatine had dug his talons into Anakin's heart and turned him into someone the galaxy feared over two decades.
Kylo pushed the thoughts of his grandfather and the terrible things his family endured, "Wear whatever you wish," Kylo said as calmly as he could with the last of the stories Luke had told him dissolving from his mind, "take as long as you need. I'll be downstairs when you're ready." He leaned forward, encircling his arms around her shoulders, and pressed his lips to her forehead. Rey gazed up at him, remaining silent, her eyelids weary. Kylo could feel the overwhelming exhaustion in her. He hoped it was only the traveling that had taken a toll on her, but deep down he knew what it really was.
He didn't want to leave her alone, but he wouldn't be able to sleep with everything he needed to do. He forced himself to step away, letting his hand linger on her shoulder for just a moment before gene turned his back to her and opened the door. "I love you," he said before he stepped out.
There was no answer as the door or slid shut.
Kylo rubbed his hand over his face. He knew all this and none of it had been what he was looking for. He lounged on the couch as he watched the holos about Palpatine. He felt much better once he had showered and changed into his grandfather's old lightweight tunic and trousers, but the building frustration had brought an overwhelming heat to his face.
He had been watching the holos for hours while Rey slept upstairs. All were about Palpatine's political career as senator, chancellor, and eventually emporoer, the public side of his persona. He knew how Palpatine made his meticulous moved to come to power as if maneuvering through the Old Republic like it was a chess game. There was nothing about the other side, what no one saw except Kylo's grandfather and select individuals. The stories had been passed down, becoming so diluted with fantastical elements and were passed off as mere legends and fairytales. Luke had told Kylo what a Jedi named Obi-Wan Kenobi had told him about Palpatine, and even then, there were details missing, either because Kenobi hadn't been there or they had been long forgotten or muddled with time.
Kylo slammed the holo off and leaned back. He needed to close his eyes, rest. He felt he had wasted time down there when he should have been upstairs with Rey. But, he also needed to know everything there was about her great-grandfather. He needed to find all out way to keep that kind of Darkness from tearing her apart like the Darkness he had inherited from his grandfather ad tore through him. But, this had been worse. It felt wrong. Unpredictable. And what if one day, she didn't come out of it. Short outbursts had been one thing, but what about if she could no longer fight it.
The future had become so uncertain. He needed to escape, and actually couldn't believe he admitted to Rey his intent to escape. He didn't know where to begin on making a plan, either. He had been with the First Order, with Snoke, for so long he knew escape would mean being hunted or killed down if things didn't go as planned. But, he hoped that he would find a way before Snoke could order more torture. He actually wanted to escape for a long time. It was a feeling that had built inside of him as Snoke dragged Kylo deeper into the abyss. At first, everything had been for the good of the galaxy. Kylo knew a little blood on his hands would be a needed sacrifice. But then, things began to change. The killings were meaningless. And then, there was Starkiller Base. The weapon. Hux had turned the weapon to the Hosnian system. Hosnian Prime. Kylo's home. He had spent his childhood there with his mother until he went to train with Luke. He would go back from time to time, but hadn't been back in many years. He felt them all. The red energy beam excruciatingly hot as it slammed into the system. The cries. They still echoed in his ears. Would they...forever?
It ripped him out of his thoughts. A sudden flash of terror. Kylo bolted upright scanning the room. Nothing. Not as dammed thing, but he could still feel the Darkness radiating...from above.
Kylo shot from the couch and ran up the stairs two, three at a time, however wide his legs could stretch. He immediately paused, gripping the handle to the source. He quietly opened the door, hands still shaking, and slid the door open.
Rey laid on her side, oblivious to the world around her. Kylo closed the distance between him and the bed and knelt down beside her. He noticed the purple under her eyes, the pale lips and thinned face. As if she wasn't sleeping at all, but was dead, but her heartbeat pounded in his ears. She was getting worse. He knew it. He had to stop it before it ravaged her.
He placed a steady hand on her forehead. Whatever Darkness had erupted within her was now gone. Kylo noticed the dress she picked. A loose, light violet sleeveless gown with gold embellishments. He admired her loveliness in the dress as the silks laid in swirls around her. Kylo pushed into her mind to find the remnants of what had caused the sudden shift in Darkness.
There was nothing but a dark cloaked figure, standing at the precipice of her mind. The Dark energy radiated off the being as he repeated "my blood lives...my blood lives." He knew that voice. He had heard it several times as he watched the old holos. The voice sent shivers down Kylo spine so intense, he felt the tiniest aches in his body as if they had been grave wounds. As if the scar as cross his face was as fresh as the night it had been slashed across his face.
He pulled out of her mind. This couldn't be happening. His body trembled. Palpatine was long dead...unless his soul lived on. He was so deep in his thoughts he hadn't noticed the hazel eyes staring back at him
"It was only a nightmare," Rey said softly. The color had returned, but the dark smudges were still under her eyes.
Kylo stroked her hair, her cheek, everything. He wanted to know she was okay. He wanted to believe she was okay. "I worry about you. And, that wasn't just just a nightmare. I felt the energy of it from downstairs. It...frightened me."
Rey reached for his jaw and smiled, "I've had horrible dreams all my life. Some where I am little and facing a demon in a mask, and some where I am older and faced with a choice. A horrible choice. Sometimes it's to kill someone. Sometimes he appears"-Kylo straightened as she emphasized he and knew she was talking about the cloaked figure-"and he shows me things. Tells me stories about what my powers could one day be. He frightened me at first, but what he showed me...a future where everything...made sense. Where I was no longer a scavenger girl, but a respected queen amongst men."
"And you believe them?" Kylo shot back. He was tense. "Rey, whatever you do, don't listen to him. The Force can bring horrible spirits to even the most devout Jedi as temptation. He will tempt you with great things like he did my grandfather..."
"Who will tempt me?" Rey spat back.
Kylo's muscles, every single one, tensed, "His name was Sheev Palpatine. He was heavily involved in the government, in the Old Republic and slowly rose to power as Emperor once the Old Republic fell and the Empire rose. That's what everyone knows, the public side of Palpatine. But, there was another side," Kylo met Rey's eyes, hoping she understood the warning behind his words, "Rey, my grandfather did have Darkness in him, just like you, but he began as a Jedi and was into his adult years. Palpatine befriended him. Then, he played on his worst fears and manipulated my grandfather to do horrible things, all to save his wife from a death that plagued his dreams."
Rey's eyes were glassy as if tears could fall at any moment. "She died anyway." It wasn't a question.
Kylo nodded. "Her death tore him apart, fueled his rage and anger and suffering that he was forever lost to the Dark Side and he could never claw his way out."
Rey shifted uncomfortably. "Do you think that's all it would take to push you into Darkness forever? The death of someone you deeply love?"
Kylo sighed "With Darth Vader, it was the culmination of many things, but she was the last thing keeping him from fully going under."
"Is that what happened to you?" Her words took him aback. He knew what she meant.
"My losses weren't nearly as bad, nor were they irreparable. The lies about my grandfather had been a trigger. The threats on your life were what fired me into that Darkness. I was afraid of what would happen to you even if I submitted to him. I was angry you were being uses against m. I hated Snoke for what he did. And I suffered because I felt I could never do anything about it. Then I fell deeper." He stared at nothing in particular, as if the thing he had lost within himself was somehow there. It was there. She was his salvation, but that salvation would take time, healing. And the Darkness would forever tug on him.
Rey sat up in bed, the silks that had clung to her upper torso tumbling down her body and pooling in the sheets. She placed a tender hand on his jaw and forced his face to her, "I promise I'll keep you from falling as deep as your grandfather. Just promise you'll do the same for me."
Kylo looked deep into her eyes, studying the facets of hazel that twinkle in the sunlight streaming through the window. He couldn't believe that someone he had hurt over and over and over would promise to keep him from suffering further, to pull him from the hate, to will away the anger, and to give him light when he was afraid. He nodded, then cupped her cheek and pulled her in for for soft, tender kiss that was afraid mere brush on the lips compared to what they had before.
He reluctantly parted, savoring the last bit of skin that hung onto his lips. She smiled at him, so beautiful, so radiant, but a monster deep down inside fighting to break loose, the same monster that he had battled, and failed.
Kylo rose from the bed, taking his hand in hers, "would you like to see the island?" She smiled and pushed off the bed, letting him guide her to the door.
A/N: Sorry I've been absent for a couple weeks. I had a mild writer's block, then I wasn't feeling well earlier this week, plus it was Daylight Savings AND we had election day here in the US (I'm sure you've all heard about that). I can't sit down and write when I feel horrible. My writer's block stemmed from the fact I screwed up the time line earlier in the story. I'm going to go back to correct it later, but I'm pushing some events to later in the timeline. I think ever since I read Bloodline, my timeline for this has been a bit screwed up.
Also, I'm going on the assumption Kylo was never told that Darth Vader saved Luke at the end of Return of the Jedi. I don't recall if i ever wrote Luke telling Rey, but it may come into play later on.
Also, I wanted to go further in the story in this chapter, but I need to go back to Rey's POV for the next chapter and I need to take my time on it. It's gonna be a fun one ;)
UPDATE: 1/1/2017:
Dear Readers,
First of all, I want to send my deepest sympathies to the family of Carrie Fisher and her mother, Debbie Reynolds.
I am so, so, so, so, so, SO sorry for going AWOL for the last month and a half. There are several reasons behind it. One, this time of year, I get busy with the holidays and dance for my daughter and have little time to myself to write. Two, my phone is on its last leg. I've been writing this on my phone and never transferred everything to my laptop simply because my phone is more convenient. I was finally able to upgrade and I am hoping I can get chapters out faster. Three, I had back-to-back colds, one of which was a severe cold to where I couldn't breathe out of my nose. If I'm not comfortable, I can't write or think about what I'm writing. I would try for short sessions, but little was written. And my last reason for my absence was simply I was a bit uninspired for a while. I had so much planned out, but I had sort of a burn out. I think you can tell on this chapter that I began slowing down the story. I think I just needed to step back from it and take a breather. I did, however, begin to start playing with the story again after I saw Rogue One last Monday, especially since now there are theories on TFA that were debunked.
I want to finish this. My deadline is and always will be by December 2017 when Episode VIII comes out. I will do whatever it takes to complete this by then.
Again, I am so very sorry. I am going to shoot for this week for the next chapter. I am also doing other writing projects, so I am going to divide my attention between the two.
Thank you so very much for reading and have a Happy New Year.
May the Force be with you.
~Signalthestars
4/12/2017 Update:
I'm going to get another chapter out...one day. I keep thinking about this story, but I just can't seem to write it. I think it is because the part I'm on is a bit slower, but I know it will speed up by the next chapter. I think I was pretty unsure of this part, but I pretty much have everything mapped out until the end. Sorry for letting you down, whoever you are. I will finish by December 2017. Things are crazy and this isn't priority right now. I understand if I turned any readers off this story by my long absence. .