Author's Notes: I knew you would be a bit disappointed I let Baker off the hook so easily. I didn't like it either, but sadly, workplace harassement is rarely punished with more than firing. And if Jo had taken him to court for everything he did to her, she might have had to face the consequences for the things she's done as well, and I didn't want to go there. I know my resolution is maybe a bit anticlimactic and certainly less satisfying than giving the bad guy what he deserves, but I tried my best to keep it all somewhat realistic (which, I realize, is a bit laughable, given that Grey's Anatomy is the source material for this story lol).

As for Alex not getting to punch Baker, personally I'm just done with Alex beating people up or even just threatening to kill a man for somebody he loves. I know it's part of his character, but I just need a break from it for a bit.

Last but not least, I wanted to take this opportunity to say thanks to some of you. I should do this at the end of the story, but I just realized that some of you guys have been sticking with this fanfic (and me) for 1.5 years and that's pretty amazing. Thanks especially to xsweetgirlx91, alexkarevs and reynia311, who I still see pop up in the review section on a regular basis. And thanks to everybody else who is still following this story or just started following it recently. It means a lot :)

But now, without further ado, here's the new chapter:

Chapter 25

That night, like many before, Alex woke to an empty bed.

The first thing he noticed when the veil between sleep and waking was lifted was the scent of her lotion. Or hand cream. He wasn't entirely sure what exactly it was. Either way, the pillows and sheets were permeated by the faint but familiar mix of jasmine and vanilla.

Alex smiled to himself as he extended his arm for his girlfriend. Only then did he realize, Jo was gone, even though her smell was still there.

Opening his eyes, Alex rolled around to check his phone on the nightstand for the time. It was almost four thirty in the morning. Alex rubbed the sleep from his eyes and got up. He had to find out where his elusive girlfriend had gone.

As he padded down the stairs he saw the flickering light of a TV coming from the living room.

He stopped in the doorframe. Jo didn't notice him at first. She was sprawled out on the couch, muffled in a fuzzy purple blanket, totally steeped in whatever it was she was watching. "Hey, I thought we had a deal?" Alex asked reproachfully. "I told you to wake me, when you can't sleep."

Jo bobbed up a little, turning her head to her boyfriend. "I'm sorry, but you're a surgeon who works about 80 hours a week. I just couldn't bring it over me to wake you. There's really no need to ruin the sleep of two people in this house."

Alex sighed and fell down on one rear end of the couch, placing Jo's legs on his lap. "Are those surgery videos?"

Jo nodded. "Yup. It's the grand Ellis Grey in action."

"Oh, this is the one where she pulls the guys face off, right? Man, I haven't seen those videos in ages." Alex reached for the half-empty bowl of popcorn Jo had put on the coffee table. The thought that Jo was stuffing her face with popcorn, while watching gory surgery videos as if she were at the movies made him smirk.

"By the way, we had a patient like this once too," he told her as he leaned back into the couch. "People called him Blowhole. Well, actually I called him that too."

Jo kicked her foot against his thigh. "You're such a jerk. You're lucky you've got the Africa program going for you."

"To be honest, the only reason I started that program was, because I wanted to become chief resident."

Jo kicked him again. "Seriously?"

"Hey, just because I started it for the wrong reason, doesn't mean I didn't care. Once it was actually set in motion I cared a lot. And I still do. But, you know... I'm no saint."

A little laugh bubbled up in Jo's throat. "I know you care and I wouldn't want you to be a saint anyways."

They watched in silence for a while, passing around the popcorn. Eventually Jo changed her position and snuggled closer to Alex. She encircled his torso with her hands and leaned her head against his chest. Alex grabbed the blanket and spread it over both of them. He figured now was the right time to find out why Jo was up in the middle of the night, watching old videos. He lowered his head to hers. "What's going on in there?" he asked softly as he pressed his lips to her temple. "Why are you up?"

"Is it because of what happened this morning with Baker?" Alex probed, when she didn't respond.

"No..." Jo hesitated. "Yes, kind of, but it's not just that. I... I didn't go to therapy today." She grabbed Alex's wrist to look at his watch. "Or yesterday actually."

"I know."

"You know?" Jo shot him a quizzical look. "How?"

"Because I was there. I wanted to pick you up so we could go home together."

Jo furrowed her brows. "Why would you do that? Remember, we're not officially back together."

Alex let out a hollow laugh. "Jo, I don't give a crap about what we are 'officially'. I knew this wouldn't be easy for you and I wanted to be there, that's all. So, what happened?"

With a deep sigh Jo straightened up and shrugged off the blanket. "I don't know. I just..." She crossed her legs and sank against the back of the couch. "I was there, I sat down on that couch and Dr. Wyatt looked at me with those thoughtful but kind of scrutinizing eyes and I... I just couldn't do it. I pretended to get paged to an emergency and bailed. Turns out talking about going to therapy and actually going to therapy are two very different things." She dropped her gaze, so that her silky brown hair fell into her face like a curtain.

"I mean, what do I even say? Where do I start?" She glanced up at Alex briefly, then averted her eyes again, staring into her lap. "Maybe therapy isn't the right thing for me after all. The truth is, I'm terrified of diving into... well, into everything that happened. Because I was fine, you know? I've carried my baggage around for years and not dealing with it was probably not the healthiest thing, but somehow it worked for me. I'm not saying I was ever untroubled, but still... I was happy. Or happy-ish. Especially in the last few years." A small smile flickered over her features as her hand casually swished over Alex's knee. "I used to be the girl who got excited about shears sticking out of human skulls, the girl who used to carry around bananas for a friend, because he thought he could live of bacon and powdered sugar donuts alone. I got excited about femur fractures and staged fake break-ups. What if that's all gone? What if I truly face all of my demons and in the end all that's left of me is the sadness and pain I've tried to keep at bay for so long?"

Alex watched her fumble at the sleeves of the blue plaid shirt she was wearing. The sleeves were too long, because it was actually one of his shirts. Jo had borrowed it, like she did with many of his clothes. Alex couldn't imagine she'd ever lose that or any of the other little quirks he loved so much about her.

He pulled her close and rested his head against hers as he comfortingly rubbed her shoulder. "That's not gonna happen, Jo. Besides," he added with a smile, "I'll always welcome your fruit presents. I prefer the donuts, you know that, but I'm taking all your bananas too."

Jo laughed a little, then fell silent.

"So, are you quitting therapy?" Alex asked. It was a genuine question. He would not urge her to do something she didn't want, although he believed counseling would be good for her

Jo shrugged her shoulders. "I guess not. I'm not a quitter. Besides, I don't need another thing in my life that makes me feel like a failure right now."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. It's just that it feels like I only screw up at work lately. Everybody is finding their calling. Steph in Neuro, Ben in Plastics. I used to have Ortho, but lately it looks like I'm just behind on everything. I'm floundering, while everybody else is thriving. So maybe it's true what they say, sometimes the best students make the weakest surgeons."

"Who said that? Who's 'they'?"

Jo shrugged uncertainly.

"It was him, wasn't it? Baker said that." Alex chlenched his fists as he felt white hot anger boil up inside him. Forcing himself to stay calm, he breathed a gentle kiss against Jo's hair. "Don't let him into your head," he whispered beseechingly.

"It's not just him, though. I don't think that any of the attendings actually care about working with me, or about teaching me."

"Then you need to talk to Webber about that." Alex looked straight into Jo's eyes. "You're a great resident Jo and in a few years you're gonna be a fantastic surgeon. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. And don't let the attendings dismiss you. They have to teach and if they don't do it properly, you have to speak to Webber. He's the director of the residency program, I'm sure he'll help you."

"Yeah, maybe." Jo replied evasively. Her glance shifted to the TV, where Ellis Grey was still operating and barking orders at an intern. The black scrub nurse next to Ellis rolled her eyes at the surgeon's rudeness. She seemed to be well acquainted with Ellis' harsh attitude, because unlike the residents and interns in the OR she wasn't the least bit intimidated. The nurse looked familiar, but Alex didn't know where to put her.

"Look at her," Jo said as she observed Ellis Grey's work with admiration in her eyes. "I bet she never let up. Her unswerving self-confidence is practically oozing through the screen."

Alex stuffed some popcorn into his mouth. "Believe me, she was not perfect. She was a crappy mother and she cheated on her husband."

"Did you ever meet her?"

Alex nodded. "I did, but I met the Alzheimer patient Ellis Grey, not the surgeon. Although she very much thought she was still a surgeon."

Jo shrugged. "Okay, so she was not perfect as a person, but I bet she was as a surgeon. I bet she never screwed up."

Alex scrunched his face in disagreement. "Of course she did. Everybody screws up sometimes."

Jo glanced up at him. "Did you?"

Hesitating, Alex rubbed his palms over his thighs. "More times than I'm willing to admit," he said then.

Jo's eyes were studying him expectantly as she was waiting to hear more. Alex was anything but eager to elaborate on his own shortcomings, but he also wanted to help Jo to put things into perspective.

So he told Jo how he'd failed the medical boards before he'd started his internship. He told her about the patient he'd killed in his first year, because he'd given wrong instructions to a nurse. And he told her about the incident in the elevator, where his fellow intern George O'Malley saved the day, while he was just standing there, frozen, unable to do what was necessary to save the life of a dying patient.

"I'm sorry about that," Jo said, her voice full of empathy. "But you were only an intern back then, you were just starting out. I'm a third year resident, almost fourth. I should have figured things out by now."

"Jo, you're doing good and you'll figure out the rest soon enough. You still got two years to find a specialty. And for what it's worth, even attendings are not immune to feeling like failures sometimes. Remember Take Shepherd for example. He once disappeared into the woods for days, because he lost a patient and couldn't take it. He was this close to quitting surgery."

Jo frowned in disbelief. "Shepherd? Derek Shepherd? I can't believe that. He always seems so-"

"Full of himself?" Alex intercepted.

Jo smacked his arm. "No, I was gonna say confident."

"Anyways, it's true. He went all backwoodsman. Grew a beard, drank lots of booze, was practically done being a surgeon. Meredith brought him to his senses in the end."

Jo chewed on her bottom lip. "Is it bad that this actually makes me feel better?"

Alex grinned. "Nah, misery loves company, it's normal."

"Do you have more stories like this one?"

"Let's see uh... Meredith dropped a kidney during a transplantation in our second year."

"What?"

"It slipped right out of her hands and fell to the floor," Alex elaborated.

Jo chuckled gleefully. "Meredith 'slippery hands' Grey? I like that."

"I knew you would," Alex laughed.

"Okay, what's next?" Jo asked briskly. "How about a Cristina Yang screw up story?"

Alex thought about it for a moment. "I don't think I remember any Yang screw-ups. She went against her superiors' orders a lot, but most times she ended up being right."

Jo pouted her lips in disappointment. "Well, that sucks."

"Tell me about it," Alex retorted, which made them both laugh. "But you know what you got in common? She once had a teacher who put her down every chance she got, just like this asshole did with you. And if you tell your insecurities to shut up for a moment, you're gonna have to admit, that's the only reason why you feel like a failure right now. You never actually screwed up during surgeries, did you?"

"I don't know." She looked at him with guilt-stricken eyes, then added quietly, "I couldn't save your mom."

"Jo, don't blame yourself for that. I know you and Meredith did everything you could."

"It was just a simple abdominal bleeding. She should have survived that surgery. We do Whipples all the time. She should have lived."

"She should have. And there's not one day where I don't think about her and wish I'd gotten more time with her. Or that she could have gotten to know you as my... as more than just her doctor. But what happened is nobody's fault. It was a big surgery, we know there's always a risk. It wasn't your fault, you can't think that," he repeated sternly.

Jo nodded vaguely, but Alex could tell she wasn't entirely convinced.

He rose to his feet to turn off the TV, then he checked his watch. It was almost six o'clock in the morning, the first traces of daylight were already leaking through the curtains. Alex glanced back at Jo, who still seemed to be lost in her thoughts. "What do you say, we go upstairs and try to catch up on some sleep? We both have the day off."

"Not yet... I uh... Alex, there is something I wanted to show you."

"And what's that?"

"Wait here." She jumped up and disappeared into the hallway. Alex could hear her rummaging in a closet.

When she came back, she stopped in the doorway, pressing a small cardboard box to her chest. Alex knew what it was. It was the box with his old photos, the one where he'd locked his past away. He couldn't even remember where he'd put it. Even after he'd mended things with his siblings, it had never occurred to him to go looking for it.

"One night, when I couldn't sleep, I climbed up to the attic. I don't even know why, I guess was just curious, because although I've known this house for several years, I've never been up there. Anyways, among Christmas decorations, broken junk and boxes with old clothes, I found the surgery videos... and this box," Jo explained. "I didn't go through it or anything, but when I realized what it was, I brought it down. I thought maybe you'd want to take a look at it?"

She waited for Alex to say something, but all he could do was stare at the box.

"I can just put it back, if you want me to," she offered.

Alex shook his head. "No, I uh... it's fine, bring it over. There's not much in it anyways."

They sat down together and Alex took the lid off the box after Jo had placed it on the coffee table.

The first framed picture showed his mother. Alex put it to the side without even looking at it properly.

There was a Halloween picture of Amber as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and Aaron as Batman. They were both wearing lousy self-made costumes, because there was never enough money to buy real ones.

Another picture showed Aaron at soccer practice, when he was about eleven or twelve. His soccer dress, a dark blue shirt and white shorts, was full of grass stains and dirt, but the grin on his face was victorious.

Then there was a photo of Amber on a swing set in the park. It had been taken in the winter. Her bright pink coat, which she'd loved so much, provided a sharp contrast to all the white around her. Her long, blonde braids were flying in the wind as she went higher and higher.

"She was what made us try harder to make things work, you know?" Alex said absent-mindedly. "All of us, even Mom. Amber was just a toddler when I b... when Jimmy left, so she never really knew him. Which was good, because she didn't have to witness... well, she never had to go through all that crap and we... we just wanted her to have a better childhood than Aaron and me." His lips parted into a smile, thinking back to those winter days at the park. "Amber was such an alert and cheerful girl, a real ray of sunshine or whatever you wanna call it. She was a good kid, so was Aaron." He put the picture down on the coffee table. "Sometimes I forget it didn't all suck."

Jo entwined her arm with his and propped her chin on his shoulder. "So are you putting them up? Like on the shelf or the mantelpiece?"

Alex considered it for a moment. But then he remembered what Amber had said to him, when she came to Seattle. She was not the little girl with the braids anymore. And it was true. Just like Aaron wasn't the carefree boy anymore, who loved playing soccer. They were not kids anymore, they all had changed. And Alex was not someone to dwell on the past.

"No, I'm not putting them up. We're gonna make new pictures." He looked at Jo. "All of us. And then we're gonna put those up."

Alex started collecting the photos he'd spread on the coffee table. The Halloween picture, the soccer picture, the snowy park picture - he put them all back into the box. All except for one.

As he took his mother's picture into his hands he paused. For the first time he allowed himself to look at her, really look at her. The picture was a black and white photography, judging by Helen's long, wavy hair, probably taken in the 80s. She was sitting in the grass in the backyard of their house smiling brightly into the camera, looking happy and healthy. Back then she'd still had more good days than bad ones.

Alex thought he was in control of his emotions, but all of a sudden there was this piercing pain in his chest again. At the same time his throat squeezed up so tight it hurt to breathe.

Without a word - he couldn't have spoken even if he'd wanted to - he stood up. His legs felt heavy as he staggered over to the fireplace to put his mother's picture on the mantelpiece.

Alex shut his eyes and forced a few shaky breaths through his lungs. Suddenly arms were wrapped around him from behind and he could feel delicate hands pressed against his chest. "It's okay," Jo whispered, resting her head against his back. "It's okay."

Alex put his own hands over Jo's, holding on to her like he needed her to steady him. And slowly it got easier to breathe again.