Disclaimer: Swiss law considers tax evasion to be a political matter and because of this, they will not cooperate with other governments if the crime you're accused of is tax evasion. Your government is likely to have a different opinion so it might be a good idea to cover your tracks well if you ever decide to hide your tax free funds in Swiss accounts. Or you could pay taxes . . . stupid taxes.
Working Title: It's Just Business
"Think you can let those freaks talk to me like that Boy?" Vernon growled. The purple faced man had waited until the magic users had left before starting his tirade. "You think there won't be consequences?" The angry man took a tight grip on the boy's arm and raised his hand.
Across the station, Hermione was watching with a frown on her face.
"That your friend hon?" Her father asked. "What's his name . . ."
"It's Harry dad," Hermione said absently. "Oh no,' Hermione squeaked.
"That's his uncle?" Her father asked flatly.
Harry's head jerked violently after his uncle's first slap. "Finished?"
"Damn you boy," Vernon raised his hand for another punch.
"I don't think so." A voice sounded from behind.
"Wha?" Vernon turned and was met by Mr. Granger's fist.
"Try it with a grown man," the dentist hissed.
"You can't do this," Vernon screamed. The fat man's hand automatically came up to hold his broken nose.
"Get up ye' bloody coward," Granger shouted. "Get on your feet damn you."
"Is there a problem here gentlemen?" A deceptively calm voice asked.
"He attacked me constable," Vernon screamed. "I demand you arrest him."
"Is that true?"
"He hit the boy first," Hermione's father said. "I wasn't going to let him hit the boy again."
"That true son?"
"Yes sir," Harry agreed. "It's true."
"He's lying," Vernon shouted. "Little bastard's always making up stories."
"You'll get your chance to speak in a minute," the Bobby said calmly. "For now I suggest that you stay quiet."
"Why I . . ."
"I said quiet," the officer snapped. "Go on son."
"Yes sir," Harry said. "My uncle hit me and he was going to hit me again when Mr. Granger stopped him."
"Thank you son," the constable said with a smile. "Well?" He said with a glance at Vernon.
"Little bastard's my nephew," Vernon began. "S' been living with us since his parents died and saved the government the cost of two drunks on the dole."
"Did you hit him?"
"No I did not," Vernon said firmly.
"He did," one of the crowd shouted. "I saw him do it." The comment was followed by a mutter of agreement.
"It's the only thing the freak understands," Vernon tried to explain.
"On your feet sir," the police man ordered. "You can explain all you want when we get to the station."
"You can't do this," Vernon protested.
"Do you have any place to go son?" The constable asked kindly.
"I'll manage sir," Harry replied.
"Daddy," Hermione whispered to her father.
"He can stay with us," her father said with a sigh.
"Know the boy then?"
"He's my daughter's friend."
"Are you sure?"
He took another glance at his daughter. "Yes, I'm sure."
"Give me your address and a place where I can reach you and you may go."
"What about me?" Vernon demanded.
"You get to talk to me for a bit before you can go," the officer said reasonably.
"You can't do this."
"Just come along peacefully and I won't have to get rough."
"Thank you sir," Harry said after his uncle had been dragged off.
"Call me Alex," Hermione's father said. "You have your things ready?"
"I could just get a room at . . ."
"You're coming with us," Hermione said firmly. "Right daddy?"
"Yes Pumpkin," Alex agreed. "Get your things ready and I'll pull the car around."
"We'll be ready," Hermione said.
"Are you sure about this Hermione?"
"It'll be fine," Hermione dismissed her friend's concerns. "Here's the car."
"I'll help you get that into the back Harry," Alex offered as he got out of the car. "Why don't you take the front seat Harry," Alex suggested. "You're legs are a bit longer then Hermione's."
"Alright."
Hermione filled the ride home with Happy chatter while Harry tried to come to grips that for one summer at least, he might not be forced to live with the Dursleys. "And here we are," Hermione finished as the pulled into a large house. The three of them got out of the car and entered the house.
"Juli, we're home." Alex called out. "And we brought a guest."
"Who is it Alexander?" A woman's voice replied.
"It's Harry mum," Hermione called out.
"Harry?" The voice was coming closer. "Let me see him. You've grown up since I last saw you Harry, I hardly recognised you."
"Hello Mrs. Granger," Harry greeted the woman.
"Call me Juli . . . or Juliette," Hermione's mother insisted. "What brings you here Harry?"
"Juliette?"
"My parents are Shakespearian actors," Juli explained. "It's where I got my name and where Hermione got hers."
"Hermione really got her name from the mutiny," Alex stage whispered. "Bloody Hermione is what I wanted to call her, thought it had a right nice ring to it but her mother wouldn't listen."
"Ahem," Juliette coughed. "As I was saying, what brings you here Harry?"
"I said he could stay for a bit," Alex said firmly. "I'll tell you about it later."
"If you like," she agreed. "I hope you like rancid yak butter," Juli began with a smile. "We're having Nepali food tonight and since I can never get fresh yak milk . . ."
"I might be able to help with that." Harry perked up. "I've got a . . . friend that can probably get any ingredient you'd like."
Hermione's parents shared a glance. "Maybe later," her mother said. "Tonight we're getting take out, just tell us what you'd like and it'll be at the door in thirty minutes or less."
"Uh . ."
Hermione noticed her friend's helpless look and raced to the rescue. "We'll tell you when we've decided on something mum."
"If you like dear."
"Come on Harry." Hermione dragged her friend out of the room.
"Quiet boy isn't he?"
"Didn't make a sound when his uncle hit him," Alex agreed. "And kept his mouth shut when the bastard raised his hand for another punch."
"Who'd do such a thing?" Juliette said sadly. "What'd you do?"
"Broke the bastard's nose," Alex said with a hint of pride. "Would have done more but a bloody constable showed up before I had a chance to do much."
Juliette sighed. "Just . . . just wait until next time."
"Juliette?"
"You didn't do anything I wouldn't have tried," Juliette explained. "And I don't expect you to stand by while our daughter watches her friend get beaten."
"Thanks for understanding love."
IIIIIIIIII
"Chinese is good," Hermione said. "So's Indian . . . what do you think Harry?"
"Is Chinese the one where they put dog in it?" Harry asked.
"Where did you hear that?" Hermione snapped.
"Uh . . . Vernon," Harry replied.
"Oh . . . well he's wrong, Chinese is perfectly good."
"Ok," Harry said. "What do you recommend?"
"Have you ever had any of these things?"
"I don't think so," Harry said. "I had one of those little ball things Padama gave out once."
"Modak?" Hermione asked. Harry just shrugged helplessly. "Well did you like it?" Hermione persisted.
"It was good," Harry said.
"Indian it is then," Hermione said firmly.
"Ok," Harry agreed. "Are you sure it's ok for me to stay here?"
"Of course it is," Hermione said. "My father said so and my mother agreed so you're staying."
"Ok," Harry agreed. He wasn't going to argue too much about having to stay, he just didn't think he was lucky enough for things to keep going his way.
"Let's go tell my parents what we've decided," Hermione said.
"Sure," Harry agreed.
"We've decided what we want," Hermione announced as she rejoined her parents. "Khorma, Dahi Bara, and Modak for desert."
"Sounds fine to me," Alex agreed. "You?"
"I'll go order it," Juliette said.
"Why don't you take Crookshanks to your room and let him stretch out," Alex suggested. "Harry and I will unload the car."
"Alright daddy," Hermione agreed.
Alex waited until his daughter had left the room before turning to Harry. "You're a good friend of my daughter's aren't you Harry?"
"Yes," Harry agreed. "I am."
"Then you don't want to do anything to her that could hurt her future do you?"
"No sir," Harry said quickly.
"Harry . . . let me tell you something, I want to be a grandfather some day. I'd like nothing better then to have a few grandchildren to spoil . . . but not today." Alex said firmly. "Give it ten or so years and I'll be happy, understand?"
"I think so."
"Just don't do anything that will make me a grandfather before I'm ready and we'll get along fine," Alex said. "I know it seems hard when you're young, like you have to get every thing done now. But having children could really hurt your future. Hermione . . . don't tell her this, but Hermione was born before we were ready to have children. Her mother had just finished her degree and I still had a term to go. Money was a bit tight for the first few months, her mother couldn't work and I wasn't licenced to practice. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter. I'd never change anything about her and her birth had brought nothing but joy to my life. Well . . . joy and frustration anyway. But . . . do you see where I'm going with this Harry?"
"I think so," Harry said. "But Hermione and I aren't like that, we're just friends."
"That's fine too," Alex said firmly. "If you two decide to get into a relationship then keep what I said in mind. If you don't decide to date each other then I want you to be a friend and protect her from making any decisions that could be the wrong ones. Ok?"
"Ok," Harry agreed.
"Thank you," Alex said with a smile. "Now let's get those trunks."
The two of them moved the trunks into the house and the family chatted until their food arrived.
"So how do you like it Harry?" Hermione demanded.
"It's different," Harry replied. "Not bad," he added upon noticing his friend's look. "Just different."
"Good," Hermione said. "Wanna start studying after we finish eating?"
"Uh . . ."
"Why don't you wait a bit before you jump into that darling," Juliette suggested.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Hermione said with a frown. "We don't want to get too far behind the schedule I've drawn up."
"Plenty of time to do that later," Alex agreed. "In the mean time, it'd probably be best to take a week or two off to relax first."
"Ok daddy," Hermione said slowly. "Let me show you the spare room Harry." Hermione dragged her friend out of the room.
"Don't recall seeing her this excited for quite some time," Alex said to his wife after the two children had left the room.
"She gets lonely here," Juliette replied. "It's good to see her with someone her age for once."
"Now if we can just keep her away from the books for a little while," Alex said with a laugh. "Did you see the look on his face when she suggested studying?"
"Poor boy," Juliette laughed. "I wonder if she's like that at school."
IIIIIIIIII
"Wake up kid," Alex's voice called out. "It's noon."
"Hwa?" Harry put on his glasses.
"Juliette managed to talk Hermione into going to work with her so it's just the two of us today and I got tired of waiting for you to wake on your own."
"Ok," Harry agreed. "What do you need me to do?"
"My wife thought you might want to go shopping," Alex replied. "I figured you might want to do something fun but what do I know."
"I wouldn't mind having the chance to get some new clothes," Harry agreed slowly.
"Then get dressed and we can head into London to take care of things," Alex said. Harry dressed and met the man in the living room.
"What now?" Harry asked.
"Do you have access to any money or are you going to need some," the man said bluntly.
"I've got money," Harry said. "But I'll need to get it out of my Gringotts account."
"Not a problem," Alex agreed. "If you don't mind my asking, what kind of intrest do you get from your account?"
"Intrest?" Harry said blankly.
"It's the money a bank gives you for having an account with them," Alex said. "No idea what I'm talking about huh?"
"Afraid not," Harry said.
"Well . . . ask for a statement and I'll explain what it all means if you like."
"Thanks," Harry replied.
"Shall we go then?"
"Ok." Harry followed the older man out of the house and to a small car parked on the curb.
"It's unlocked," Alex said as he slid into the driver's seat. "Feel free to ajust the seat to make yourself more comfortable."
"Thanks," Harry said. The boy spent a minute or two fiddling with the seat until it was to his satisfaction.
"If you don't mind Harry," Alex began. "Why don't we pick up a set of clothing first and you can pay me after you've had a chance to make a withdrawal. That way we can take advantage of the lower prices outside the city and with any luck we won't have to spend so much time looking over clothes."
"If you think that's best," Harry said slowly. He was completely out of his depth when it came to buying new clothes.
"Good." Alex turned into a small parking lot. "Let's see if we can be in and out in less then ten minutes shall we?"
"Yeah." They walked in and Harry quickly selected a few items of clothing, Alex paid for them, and they returned to the car. "How long?"
"Just under eight minutes," Alex replied. "Guess it was a good thing there weren't any other customers."
"Guess so. So why did Hermione go to work with Juliette?"
"My wife wanted to spend a bit of girl time with our daughter," Alex replied. "Least that's what she said, could be they're plotting against us."
"Plotting against us?"
"Wouldn't put it past them."
IIIIIIIIII
"We've found out why Harry didn't go home with his relatives Headmaster," Tonks said slowly. "And I don't think you're going to like it."
"What is it?"
"Harry's uncle tried to beat him up in the station," Tonks said. The woman's hair shifted through several colors. "And has admitted to the metropolitan police that it wasn't an isolated incident."
"Where is Harry now?"
"We think he went home with Hermione," Tonks said.
"Good . . . what of Vernon?"
"He's been released," Tonks said. "And the police are looking for Harry to get his statement. What should we do Headmaster?"
"Nothing for now," Dumbledore sighed. "Harry is safe where he is and I'd venture to say that he's happier too. As for the Dursleys . . . keep me appraised if you learn anything new."
"Yes Headmaster," Tonks agreed.
"You may go." Dumbledore dismissed the young Auror. "Harry . . . I knew your life was difficult but I never knew it was so bad. Can you forgive an old man his folly?"
IIIIIIIIII
"While we're in London, I may as well introduce you to my broker." Alex began. "I think you'll like Archidamus. He's a great guy and the fact that he doesn't charge a commission when I make my own trades is the only thing that lets me have my hobby."
"Why doesn't he charge you?"
"Might be because he's my best mate," Alex began. "But it's probably because I married his sister. I choose not to speculate."
"He's your brother in law?"
"With a name like Archidamus?" Alex asked with a laugh. "Only one family would inflict that on a child."
"Oh."
"I'd suggest that we stop by your bank first to get your statement," Alex continued. "Might not be a bad idea to run it past Archidamus to get his opinion."
"Fine with me," Harry agreed. The car pulled up to the curb and the two of them got out and walked through the alley to the bank. "Excuse me," Harry said to one of the tellers.
"What is it?"
"I wanted to get an account statement," Harry said. "If you don't mind."
"Key," the goblin demanded. "There will also be a one galleon fee charged against your account."
"That's fine," Harry agreed.
"Here is the statement to all three of your accounts," the goblin handed Harry a paper. "Each one has a separate listing for deposits, withdrawals, and fees. Will that be all?"
"Three accounts?"
"The Potter account, your trust account, and the Black account. Was there anything else you needed?"
"No, thank you."
"Next," the goblin called out.
Harry walked back to Alex and handed him the paper. "Could you help me make sense of this?"
"Sure Harry," Alex agreed. "Let's see . . . hmmm, this is odd."
"What is it?"
"It says here that they're charging you a fee of one Galleon a month to keep your account," Alex said with an odd look on his face. "I wouldn't worry too much about that just now, you're also taking in five hundred galleons a month from . . . somewhere. Uh, this account here is your trust account. It has about three hundred thousand galleons in it. This second account is your family account and it has about two million galleons in it. This last account is the Black account and it has . . . wow, fifteen million galleons in it. So your assets total roughly." The man paused for a few seconds. "At six pounds a galleon, roughly one hundred and three point eight million pounds."
"Wow," Harry said in shock. "I never realised I had that much."
"Shame they aren't really made out of gold," Alex said with a laugh. "Or you'd have quite a bit more then that."
"Uh . . . I think they're made out of gold," Harry said slowly. "Least that's what I was always told."
"Why don't we ask one of the goblins," Alex suggested. "Before we get excited about this."
"Ok," Harry agreed.
"Excuse me," Alex asked one of the tellers. "But I had a question."
"What is it?" The goblin demanded.
"How much gold is in a Galleon?"
"Galleons are made by the Goblin nation and certified to carry exactly three pennyweights of gold," the goblin explained. "They are then charmed to prevent tampering and as such, a small charge is placed against each coin for the guarantee."
"Is that why I couldn't cut it?" Harry asked.
"Yes," the goblin agreed. "In order to protect the Gringotts reputation, Wizarding currency have several protection and durability charms."
"What about bullion?" Alex asked. "Since a Galleon is more expensive because of the charms and what not, it stands to reason that Harry should be able to convert his Galleons into bullion at a fairly good rate."
"Gringotts charges a ten percent fee for every guaranteed coin," the goblin replied. "So one galleon would buy an equal amount of gold plus ten percent."
"Can you transfer to a muggle bank?" Alex demanded.
"Deal with muggles?" The goblin asked in disgust.
"That's what I figured," Alex said with a nod. "Harry, can I talk with you outside for a moment?"
"What is it?" Harry asked.
"Harry," Alex began. "One troy ounce of gold is worth about two hundred and fifty two pounds. That's just over three galleons. You have seventeen point three million galleons, plus ten percent equals . . . two million, eight hundred fifty four thousand, five hundred troy ounces. That's . . . seven hundred nineteen million, three hundred thirty four thousand pounds."
"That's a lot of money," Harry said in shock.
"Yes it is," Alex agreed. "Harry, I think it might be a good idea to wait until we have a chance to talk with Archidamus before you do anything with your money."
"If you say so," Harry agreed.
"More then half a billion pounds," Alex whispered to himself in shock. "I'll be right back Harry, I just want to convert my pocket money into gold before we go."
"Ok," Harry agreed. Alex rejoined him a few minutes later.
"Let's go Harry." They walked back to their car and came to a stop infront of a large building. "This is where he has his office," Alex explained. The two of them got out of the car and took the elevator up several floors. "Hey Archie," Alex called out as he walked through one of the doors.
"Alex," Archidamus replied. "How's the family?"
"Doing good, let me introduce you to Hermione's friend Harry."
"Always a pleasure to meet one of my niece's friends," Archidamus said. "What brings you two here?"
"This," Alex said as he dumped a large bar of gold on his brother in law's desk.
"I'll presume you didn't steal this," Archidamus said with a smile.
"I got it legally," Alex agreed.
"Well, the first thing we need to do is make sure it's real." Archidamus said. "One moment." The man reached into his desk and pulled out a metal letter opener. "Well," he said as he scratched the gold bar. "It's heavy and soft."
"For the sake of argument," Alex began. "What would you suggest I do if I came across a large amount of these?"
"Refine it and sell it," Archidamus said. "Or refine it and issue certificates, or refine it and hold it, or combine these things. For the sake of argument, the Swiss don't consider tax evasion a crime. So if you had a way to get it to a Swiss refiner then I'd suggest that you bank it in Switzerland and put it in a numbered account in a Swiss bank. The Geneva Canton has some of the strictest laws, so I'd look there first."
"Thanks Archie," Alex said. "What about this small amount?"
"I know a couple of jewelers that might be willing to buy it," Archidamus said. "But I couldn't sell much to them."
"Would you get a better deal if you traded it for finished stuff?"
"It's possible," Archidamus said with a shrug. "This isn't really my area."
"Do whatever you think is best," Alex ordered. "Before I forget, you wouldn't happen to know what the interest rate is in a Swiss account would you?"
"In a money market account it averages about three to four percent, Swiss Bankers are very good at managing money."
AN: What happens next, Harry opens a numbered Swiss bank account and deposits his money. Harry converts pounds into gold into pounds into gold until the goblins refuse to convert any more. Harry introduces credit cards to the wizarding world and laughs as many pure blood families rack up enormous debt. And they all lived happily ever after. I had ment to work on something else today, but I guess finishing this idea is good enough for me. This idea like most of my odd ideas is up for grabs, it's possible that I'll pick it up at some point but it's also unlikely that I'll get to it.
OMAKE:
"The old man wants to see you Mr. Dursley," the secretary said through the intercom.
"S'about time," Vernon growled. "I've been waiting years for the old bastard to retire." Vernon stormed out of his office and down the hall to the office of the CEO. "Tell him I'm here," Vernon barked at the receptionist.
"Mr. Grunnings said you should just walk right in," the woman said without looking up.
"Of course," Vernon agreed. "You wanted to see me?" He asked as he walked into the room.
"Have a seat Dursley," the old man said. "Would you like something to drink?"
"Brandy," Vernon said quickly. "No, the large glass."
"Of course," the old man agreed. "Do you know how long I've headed this company?"
"Nearly fifty years," Vernon answered immediately.
"Yes, since the end of the war. "The old man said with a sigh, recently . . . recently something has happened that makes me wonder if it isn't time to step down."
"What happened?" Vernon asked, inwardly he was jumping for joy. This was it.
"One of our major shareholders asked me a question," the old man replied. "He wanted to know how you could afford your new cars and your large house."
"R . . . really?" Vernon asked nervously.
"I of course told him that I had every confidence in you," the old man continued. "I told him that I assumed you came into a bit of money or . . . or something." The old man took a deep breath. "But on his insistence, we decided to launch an investigation."
"Oh?" Vernon squeaked.
"You've stolen nearly one million pounds from the company," the old man said sadly. "In my grandfather's time we'd have left you alone in a room with a pistol and expected you to do the honorable thing avoiding disgrace to you and to the company. Now . . . now I'm afraid that we will have to turn this over to the police. You have twenty four hours to clear out your office and say goodbye to your family, I'm sorry it had to end like this Vernon."
Vernon rose from his chair and walked back to his office stiffly without saying a word and sat in his chair. How did things go wrong? He asked himself, he wasn't supposed to get caught. What would this do to his nice normal life. Despite himself, Vernon imagined the police coming to his house and dragging him to the curb in chains. He imagined the neighbors watching and gossiping behind his back.
Finally, Vernon's gaze came to rest on his belt. The honorable thing, the thought sounded off in his head. "I can still do the honorable thing," Vernon whispered to himself. "I can avoid the disgrace."
Vernon attached his belt to one of the exposed beams and wrapped the other end around his neck. Taking one last breath, Vernon kicked his chair and began swinging. It wasn't supposed to hurt this much, he tried to scream. I've changed my mind, Vernon's hands clawed at his throat. I want to live, I want . . .
Vernon's former secretary found him dangling five minutes later and her scream summoned others.
"Couldn't take the stress anymore," old man Grunnings said sadly. "I want everyone to wait in the lobby for the authorities to arrive. I'll stay with the body." The old man waited until the people shuffled out of the room before he picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Mr. Potter? . . . yes, I'm afraid that it's my sad duty to tell you that your uncle, Vernon Dursley has committed suicide . . . yes quite painful I'd say, he died of slow strangulation . . . yes I'll see you at the next board meeting, goodbye."
Omake: A little common sense . . .
"Wands out?" Cedric looked around nervously.
"We could do that," Harry nodded. "Or we could grab the trophy again to see if it brings us back to Hogwarts."
"Good idea," Cedric smiled.
The two boys grabbed the trophy and were transported back to Hogwarts and there was much rejoicing.
Omake: Dobby the Mighty
"Hey Dobby," Harry was depressed.
"Hello Harry Potter sir," the little house elf smiled. "What's wrong?"
"Voldemort," Harry spit out the word. "Making my life hell."
"Does Harry Potter sir want Vodemart to go away?" Dobby asked cautiously.
"I want him to disappear," Harry nodded. "And never come back, I want him to go somewhere that he could never hurt anyone again and I'd like his death eaters to go with him."
"Ok," Dobby nodded then disappeared with a pop
"Dobby?" Harry looked around,"DOBBY?"
"Yes Harry Potter sir?" The little elf looked up, "is you needing something else?"
"What happened?" Harry franticly checked the small elf for injuries, "are you hurt."
"Harry Potter sir is worried if Dobby is hurt?" Dobby was ready to burst into tears, "Harry Potter sir is a good and kind wizard that worries about Dobby."
"What happened?" Harry started to relax, "I was worried that you were going to go after Voldemort and all his death eaters."
"Dobby took care of them Harry Potter sir," Dobby nodded. "He put them where house elves put garbage, now they can't hurt anyone and Harry Potter sir will be happy."
"Oh," Harry nodded dumbly. "Thanks Dobby . . . I guess the power he knew not was an angry house elf."
OMAKE: I think Unicorns are kick ass . . .
"You can't mean for us to raise him Choda boy?" Orgasmo asked his friend and side kick.
"If not us then who?" Choda boy asked with a raised eyebrow, "with us he will be great. With them he'll be abused."
"You're right Choda boy," Orgasmo nodded. "It's the only thing to do."
The Hogwarts, ten years later.
"Ah Mr. Potter," Snape sneered at the young boy in the strange jump suit. "School uniforms not good enough for you?"
"Silence fiend," Harry raised a strange device and shot a ray at Snape.
"Ohhhhhhh," Snape collapsed. "Fif . . . fifty points to . . . Gryffindor."