Prelude

Chapter 25

The 'new normal'. Reid reflected on the inaccuracy of the term. There is no 'new normal'. There's no 'normal'. There's just change, and adaptation. And, somehow, we all survive.

He was thinking back over his time in the BAU. The unlikely career choice spurred by a mentor….the same mentor who'd lost his focus, and his motivation, and left his colleagues behind. Including his mentee. It had made Reid stumble, but not fall. By the time Gideon left him…..left them, he corrected his thoughts….Reid had formed a strong, fostering relationship with Aaron Hotchner. And he'd long been supporting, and being supported by, JJ.

And then his kidnapping and captivity had turned it all upside down. The changes in his life after that were, thankfully, short-lived ..…but would impact the rest of his days. And then, the change in his relationship with JJ, necessitated by her relationship with Will. Followed by the prolonged absence of her daily role in his life as she looked after a newborn Henry. Reid had missed her terribly. But he'd adapted. His relationships with Emily and Morgan, already solid, deepened. As did those with Rossi, and his fellow godparent, Penelope Garcia. Change. Not all bad. Not all good. Just…change. And we adapt.

Now, JJ was back at work. But it was still different from before. Now, she was more conscious of the time, anxious to get back to her baby boy. She was far more focused, far less relaxed at work, far less likely to take the time to chat, or share a cup of coffee. Reid began to look forward to away cases, because the enforced time on the plane offered the most likely opportunity for them to catch up with each other.

"Hey."

JJ looked up as Reid settled into the seat across from her. His outstretched hand offered a cup of tea.

"Chamomile, so you can sleep."

She smiled her thanks as she took the cup. "Do I really look that bad?"

Never. "Of course not. Just tired. I thought Henry was sleeping through the night?"

She sighed. "So did I. But he's cutting some teeth, and it's keeping him up. And, when Henry's up…"

"Everybody's up."

"Well, everybody whose name is 'Mommy' is up. I don't know how Will sleeps through it, but he does."

Reid sympathized with Will. He sometimes found sleep difficult to come by, but once out, he liked to remain out.

"Did you know that the average age for a first tooth is between six and eight months of age? And it can take years for all of the teeth to come in," Reid offered, helpfully.

Or not. "Thanks. Does that mean I have years of sleep deprivation ahead of me?"

"Have you tried a teething ring? Or celery? Some dentists suggest that if you have the baby bite down on cold celery, both the temperature of the stalk and the juices within it help with teething pain."

His research on dental issues in infancy hadn't been as extensive as it had been for other topics, but Reid remembered everything he'd read.

"Karen's been doing the celery thing during the day, and she says it helps. But I can't very well leave a celery stalk in the crib with him all night. He'd poke himself in the eye with it."

"Oh, right." Formal logic came easily to Reid. But sometimes common sense failed him.

"So I sent Will out for some acetaminophen. And it did the trick. So, tonight, he'll give it at bedtime and hope for the best."

There was a wistfulness in her tone that made Reid study her. "You miss putting him to bed every night, don't you?"

She nodded. "It's the most precious time, Spence. He gets his bath, and then I nurse him, and Will and I take turns reading him a story. We know he doesn't understand it, but…well, you know. It's part of the routine, and he seems to like hearing our voices. And then, he's out. He looks so sweet, lying in his crib. I…"

She'd cut herself off, feeling like she was rambling.

"No, go on," Reid urged, softly.

"Sometimes I just stay there and stare at him. I watch him sleep and count his breaths. And each one seems like a blessing. I can't believe he's in my life. And I can't believe how happy he makes me."

Reid saw that her eyes were glistening. He was happy for her, having this unplanned family life.

"Henry's pretty lucky himself, having you for a mom."

She smiled at the compliment. "What about you, Spence? Anyone I haven't heard about in your life?"

He snorted. "When would I have time to meet someone?"

It was, in fact, true. Hotch had been with Hayley long before he'd come to the BAU. Apart from that relationship, none of the team had managed to connect with anyone they hadn't met at, or through, work. Even thrice-married Rossi was single since returning to the unit.

"Well….what about that bartender? She sent you a thank you card, didn't she?"

He hadn't mentioned the exact nature of the card Austin had messengered to him.

"Yeah…but she's in Georgia."

"Will and I managed a long distance relationship for over a year. It can be done, Spence."

He began to wonder if maybe she wasn't right. Maybe he shouldn't focus on the reasons not to pursue a relationship. But, as flattered as he was by Austin's response to him, he didn't feel the attraction. She'd simply responded to his meager attempt at flirtation, and he'd responded to her response. But he'd only flirted to show Morgan that he could, not because he'd been drawn to her in the first place.

"You're right, I guess it can be done. I don't know….I just don't think she's right for me."

"Well, you'll meet the right girl someday. I'm sure of it."

It was so much like what his mother used to tell him, that he had to wonder if the sentiment was in the female DNA.

But what if I do….and she doesn't think she's right for me? And what if I did….and then lost her?

If serial killer cases can be said to fall into a routine, then the BAU's cases over the ensuing months did so. Until they were called out to Boston, and a case that visibly rocked their unit chief. Which fact rocked his team, as well. But no one was more thrown off kilter than Derek Morgan.

A long-dormant serial killer, who derived pleasure from tormenting law enforcement as much as he did from his killings, was back in action, with Aaron Hotchner as his current LEO victim of choice. The man had nearly bested Morgan in a fight. In fact, he had bested the seasoned agent. But he'd lef him alive as a token, and a message, to Hotch. And he'd taken Morgan's credentials.

The plane ride home was tense, and largely silent. Morgan's fury was palpable, and dangerous. Hotch's was there, but more contained. An observer watching the scene would never have guessed that the BAU had actually caught their unsub this time. It almost didn't matter. He'd gotten into their heads.

Reid heard JJ speaking softly into her phone from the galley area of the plane. When she emerged and took the seat next to him, he asked, "How's my little buddy?"

"He's good." She gestured around the cabin with her eyes. "Better than they are. Better than all of us are."

Reid agreed. "Yeah. It's a little scary, isn't it, when Hotch loses his cool. I mean, I do it all the time, but Hotch….."

"You do not lose your cool. Well, maybe a little…."

He chuckled. "Maybe a lot." His tendency to get excited about the details of a case was well known.

"Well, all right. But they're not just excited. They're angry. It's not the same."

She'd only rarely seen Reid actually angry at anyone but a teasing Morgan. But, on Reid, the anger only made him look stronger, and more confident. On Reid, the anger looked almost….good.

"I don't blame them. And I wouldn't want to be that unsub when Morgan goes back to testify. He'll gladly ream him." Reid had rarely seen that much fight in his friend's eyes.

"If Foyet's smart, he'll plead out."

But Foyet wasn't smart. He was clever. Ingenious.

Free.

He'd escaped his prison cell within a day of the team's return to Quantico.

It didn't just feel like a challenge. It felt like a threat. A personal one. The man had taken on their best, and bested them. None of them felt safe. But none of them would admit to it, nor let it show.

"Hey, JJ, how was your weekend?" Emily called after her friend as the young blonde ran up the stairs to her office.

"Busy…but good. Yours?"

"Annoyingly uneventful."

"Hey, you know, I can help you with that, Princess." Morgan teased his cubicle-mate. "I'm always just a phone call away."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Wouldn't it have been a little…..crowded?"

The meaning was lost on a newly-arriving Reid. "What….did I miss a party?"

"A party of one, Reid. I think Morgan's all talk. What do you think?"

Never one to pass up irritating his 'big brother', Reid agreed. "All talk. What are we talking about?"

They all laughed at his innocent confusion, then settled into filling out reports. Mid-morning, JJ slipped down the stairs again to summon them all to the conference room.

"We've got a case."

Months later, when she realized he was still visiting the man, JJ asked Reid what had drawn him to Adam.

"He didn't ask for what happened to him, JJ. And the personality who committed those murders wasn't Adam. DID is never a conscious choice. It happened to Adam because of what his father did to him. It was his mind's way of helping him survive, by distancing him. Just like Tobias Henkel."

It was what he'd said to Morgan while they were still at South Padre Island.

They'd kept Adam's female persona from killing his father…but only at the cost of her remaining dominant. As Reid had come to understand, Adam's psyche wasn't going to let Adam live in a world where his father still existed. It wouldn't matter how many times Reid visited the psychiatric hospital. He wouldn't be seeing Adam again. But the knowledge didn't keep him from trying. To fail to try was to show that he'd lost hope. And he thought that the buried Adam persona needed to see that hope.

For the umpteenth time, JJ marveled at her friend's ability to forgive. He'd told her a long time ago that he didn't blame Tobias Henkel for what had been done to him. If there was anyone to blame, it was his father, Charles.

"You're pretty amazing, you know that, Spence? I don't know anyone else who could actually understand that, let alone act on it. I know you think Morgan is the strong one on the team….but, in my opinion, he's got serious competition."

Reid blushed at the compliment. "I'm just being who I am, JJ."

She smiled at him as she rubbed his arm. "I know. And who you are is pretty impressive."

JJ may have recognized Reid's moral strength, but it was his physical strength that would be tested in the coming months.

It began innocently enough, with an in-town case. But as soon as they exited the elevator, the profilers knew it was anything but routine. A rapidly-lethal strain of anthrax had apparently been released in a public park, resulting in multiple deaths. The risk of an escalation to releasing it in a more densely populated setting was very real. And the risk of that information getting out to the public, and creating an exit stampede, was also very real. The BAU, like the military and other agencies assisting in the case, and currently swarming the bullpen, would need to keep things top secret.

It was the first time she'd considered making a major breach of policy. The small ones, the stretching of the rules that allowed her to help the team help others….those were easy to justify. This was different. This time, JJ was considering directly disobeying an order. They'd all been forbidden to reveal what had happened. Couldn't warn the public. Couldn't even warn their loved ones.

She'd approached Hotch about it. Her loved ones were in DC, directly in the line of fire. And the one loved one in particular, Henry, had barely begun his life. How could she risk it being over so swiftly? How could she risk having to live in a world without him?

But Hotch had been firm, seemingly emotionally detached. "How would it be fair if we told our own families, but left the public at risk?"

To JJ, his answer made no sense. What did fairness have to do with anything? Why couldn't they save the ones they loved? If it was possible to save anyone, why couldn't it be their families? Wouldn't that be reasonable recompense for the risks they took every day?

In the end, one of their family was affected. Infected. Very much in danger of dying.

Spence! Oh, Spence! The words ran through JJ's mind on endless 'repeat' as Garcia prattled her own concerns.

"Look at it, Jayje." She had a photo of the microorganism on her screen. "They say it kills in a matter of hours, and…"

"Garcia, please. Please. Stop. I can't think about it." I can't think about anything else. "He has help. He took cipro. He'll be okay." Please, God, let him be okay.

But, a few hours later, came the word that her prayer was unanswered. Or maybe the answer is just 'no'. Reid's condition had worsened. With a much higher inoculum, he was having a much more rapidly deteriorating course of illness.

But he'd found a crucial clue, one that would help them solve the case. The public would be safe. They would never know that a young FBI agent had given his life so that they could live theirs without worry.

Realizing the thought that had just crossed her mind, JJ became angry. With herself, for thinking it. With the unsub, for creating the crisis. With God, for letting it happen.

He's not lost...not yet! You need to take care of him. Please. What he did is saving all of the rest of us. Why can't You save him?

Once the immediate threat to the public was past, Morgan went to the hospital, directly from the Metro station where they'd taken down the unsub. Having been with Reid when the mishap occurred, he felt, however illogically, responsible. And he cared more about his 'little brother' than he would ever let on to anyone else.

At the BAU, JJ finished her report and stopped by Garcia's lair before leaving.

"Going home, Jayje? Hug our favorite little guy for me, okay?" She knew how much this case had frightened JJ.

The media liaison was torn. She desperately needed to see her son, and hold him, and hug him, and tell him she loved him. But she also needed to see Spence. His time might be running out… if I don't go now...

Just then, Garcia answered a call from Morgan, her concern demonstrated by the distinct lack of preliminary banter.

"Derek….how is he?"

JJ realized who the call was from and signaled that Garcia should put it on speaker. But Garcia wouldn't do so until she knew the nature of Morgan's news. So JJ spent a frustrating thirty seconds waiting while Garcia nodded, brow furrowed.

"Uh-huh. Uh-huh…."

Finally…a smile. A beaming, delighted smile.

"Wait a second, Derek. Putting you on speaker. JJ's here. Say what you just said again."

"I said Pretty Boy just opened his eyes and asked for jello. Dr. Kimora said the cure was in the inhaler, just like they thought. He's still pretty sick, I guess…he still needs oxygen. But she's pretty sure he's turned the corner."

Garcia turned to her friend to revel in the good news….and saw JJ, collapsed into a chair, her face in her hands.

"Derek…I'll call you right back, okay?" She ended the call without waiting for his response.

Garcia rose and moved over to her friend, putting her arms around her in a tight hug.

"It's over, sweetheart. We're all okay, everyone we love is okay. It's over."

JJ sniffled as she let her hands fall away. "I was so worried about Henry…I prayed for this not to affect him. And then…it was Spence! It was Spence we almost lost!"

"'Almost' being the operative word, my dear girl. Now, I think you should get home and hug those boys of yours. Before I put him on speaker, Morgan said they want Reid to rest tonight. He's going to stay with him, and we can spell him tomorrow. So tonight you can spend all night telling the men in your life how much you love them."

JJ gave a watery smile. "Thanks, Pen. I'll do that."

Reid turned his head at the soft knock on his door.

"Hi. You up for a visitor?"

"JJ." His hands went up in a futile attempt to tame his wild post-ICU-hair. "Hi."

She came slowly into the room and made her way over to the bed, studying him as she walked.

The last she'd seen of him, he'd been running out the door on his way to the hospital to help interview the victims. She'd stopped him, demanding to know what he remembered of the outcome of the last anthrax attack. She needed to know what had happened to the one infant infected. She could have looked it up. But there was something comforting in hearing the words come from his lips. The infant had survived.

It was hard to believe that had been only a little over 24 hours ago. And that, in those 24 hours, Spence had nearly died, and fought his way back to life. But when she looked at the man in the bed, she could see every remnant of the struggle. He was pale, as disheveled as one could look in a hospital johnny, exhausted, weak. His voice was hoarse. But he was alive. And that, in JJ's eyes, made him a beautiful sight.

She hadn't brought him flowers, or a plant. She knew him too well. He would go crazy in this hospital if he couldn't stimulate his mind. So she'd brought him a portable, magnetic chess set.

He smiled as he opened it. "Perfect. I can even take this on the road with me later."

JJ shrugged. "I don't think I can give you much of a game, but if you want to…"

He shook his head. "That's okay. I'll play against myself later. I started working through every possible permutation of moves after Gideon left, trying to understand the game better. I still have quite a few to go."

He so rarely referenced his mentor any more. JJ heard the subtext. Spence wasn't just trying to understand the game better. He was still trying to understand Gideon.

"Okay, well. You look…tired. Are you really feeling better, Spence?"

"I had to work for every breath, JJ. It was pretty exhausting. My muscles are still pretty sore from it, but the breathing is easier. I might even get rid of this later today." He pointed at his nasal oxygen cannula.

Without thinking, without asking permission, she reached out and ran her fingers through his wild hair.

"You had me scared this time, Spence. Not that it's a new thing," she teased, and he smiled. "But this was different. It felt like you were on a runaway train, and we had no way to stop it. And we hadn't even said goodbye." Or said how much we care about each other.

He could hear the emotion in her voice. "I'm okay. Dr. Kimora thinks I'll make a pretty full recovery."

"Pretty full?"

"She's not sure I'll get all the lung function back. But I don't care, as long as this is working." He pointed to his head. He'd been afflicted with aphasia, just as some of the others had. But it had resolved with his treatment.

"Spence…..if you don't get full function back…will you be able to work? Can you stay with the BAU?"

Apparently his brain wasn't all the way back yet, because he hadn't even considered asking about the extent of his possible disability.

As if summoned, Dr. Kimora stopped by on rounds, and Reid was able to ask his question.

"Not to worry, Dr. Reid. Your tests from this morning are looking very promising. If there's anything that doesn't fully recover, it will be minimal. In fact,.." she leaned over the bed, "..you can get rid of this right now." She gently removed the nasal cannula, and turned off the oxygen.

JJ beamed as Reid thanked the physician, and the two watched her leave.

"I guess God answers prayers, huh?"

He looked at her with curiosity. "You prayed for me?"

"Of course I did. I 'pummeled the heavens', as my mother would say. And heaven responded."

He was still hoarse, only this time it wasn't from the oxygen coursing down his throat.

"Thanks."

"I couldn't even think about losing you, Spence. You're too important in my life. Not to mention Henry's. Who else will teach him magic, and chess….and everything there is to know about Star Trek?"

Reid chuckled. "Do you think I can take him to ComicCon with me some day?"

Now she laughed. "Don't push your luck."

Becoming serious again, JJ looked her affection at him. But it wasn't enough.

"Come here."

She held out her arms as he pushed himself up in the bed, and they hugged one another, the only way either knew how to really express all that they were feeling.

Every part of his chest was so sore that even her touch was tender. But it was the sweetest pain he'd ever endured.