My eyes snapped open, and I gasped for breath as I almost fell off the couch. It took me a few moments to collect my wits and remember why I wasn't on my bed. I glanced over at the bed, and saw that Kasumi was already gone.

Or else she's sleeping with her cloak active and breathing too quietly for me to hear despite the fact she was snoring when I moved her onto it last night. Or this morning, who the fuck can still keep track?

I sat up, head in my hands as I fought for control. The dream had impacted me in a way no dream before had- and it hadn't been a nightmare in the traditional sense.

It had been a memory. A memory of my life before all of this started. Only vague images remained now, too little to get anything clear from.

But that girl...I can't see her face now- maybe I couldn't see it in the dream either. But...I knew her. I...I think I might've...might've loved her. And another few seconds...she would've said my name.

My real name...Something with an A? Or a D...I don't know. I don't know if I want to know either.

And...if the memories come back...if they come back stronger...Then…

It was a good thing I was sitting down, because my legs felt like jelly, and my hands were visibly shaking. Then either I remember the people I lost, and...I'm distracted. Unbalanced. A threat to the mission...or I'm so...so inhuman that I won't care.

And worse. If Slade and Isaac really were my friends like I think...either I did something to them, something so bad that they want me dead or...or I'll remember them as friends. Not just intellectually know it. They won't just be faceless figures I need to fillet, they'll be...I'll be fighting my own friends. And I would be forced to do it... without even needing Iron to pull the strings.

I didn't know what to do at all.

Even if I told Kelly- which would require either more mostly false lies, or the impossible to reveal truth- what could she really do? She might be able to tell me why I felt the way I did, or some shrink BS like that, but it wouldn't help. It'd just mean...I didn't even know what it'd mean. I didn't know now if I'd even be able to fight Slade or Isaac. Not for myself, and they didn't seem to have much interest in hurting anyone else on the squad.

I could fight to protect them, but...If I did something to them to deserve this hate, even if it was just because I left them behind in the real world...I couldn't just stand by and let them kill me with this much at stake, but if my heart wasn't in fighting them, my odds of beating them dropped lower than I already felt like they were.

A knock on my door got my attention, and I wondered who it might be for a moment. Then I got a message on my omni-tool, though I only glanced at the sender before sighing and walking over to unlock the door before teleporting back to the couch.

"So, good news is the place isn't destroyed this time." I deadpanned as Kelly took the same position she had last time.

"The bad news is the nightmare was still pretty bad?" She said, a hint of sympathy in her tone.

I looked down at my hands, which were still shaking slightly, and I blinked as I saw I'd activated the gloves at some point without realizing it.

"Depends on what you call a nightmare." I sighed.

"What do you call one?"

I hesitated, then did a bug scan on impulse, though nothing turned up. "It wasn't even really a nightmare. It was...I don't know now. At the time though, I was screaming at it."

"What happened?"

"I...the specifics already faded, but...it was a memory. Of some friends I had... at the station." It was close enough to the truth.

"A bad memory?"

"...No...It would've been a good one. Except…" I stopped myself, unsure of what I'd say even if I could tell her the truth.

"Except…?" She prodded gently after a minute.

"It's...I don't know if I can really put it into words. It's like...those memories aren't really... me. Even the good ones, it's like...I know, intellectually, that I existed before I met Shepard, but I don't...feel any of it. It's like...like that person, that other version of me, was someone else. That someone else died, and I took his place…" I gestured vaguely. "And, I don't even know who that person was. I mean, he and I might have a few things in common, but he could've been...damn near anybody."

She waited a moment to be sure I wasn't going to say more. "So, you're...afraid other memories might surface?"

"Afraid is putting it mildly...it terrifies me more than if I had to face Saren again. More than if the Reapers were to show up tomorrow." I admitted.

"Because you're worried about who that person was," she used my terminology, "or because you're worried who you are now might be...worse?"

"...You know, I'm just saying. Most shrinks I've heard of probably wouldn't be brave enough to say that to a guy who can break their neck with his mind." I shook my head. "Like I said, I don't really know. I mean...I've done some things I'm not proud of. A lot of things, albeit never without a reason. But...it's a 'morton's fork'. Either I was a good person before, and all of this turned me into what I am now...or like you said, before the memory loss, I might've been worse."

She pursed her lips, obviously thinking. "Do you know exactly how the memory loss occurred?"

"...Not sure what that has to do with anything I just said, but my best guess is a head injury of some sort when the ship crashed. Or could've been the AI in my head short circuited and fried my brain enough to do it."

"But based on the dreams you've been having, it may not be permanent, nor complete."

"...I don't even know whether I want it to be permanent or not." I admitted sheepishly.

I thought I saw a hint of surprise on her face, but I wasn't sure, and I was too off my game to look closer. "So, perhaps you need to accept that it's a possibility."

"I already did." I snapped.

She ignored the outburst. "And more importantly, you should accept that those memories are yours. It wouldn't be you that was changed, just your perception of yourself."

"Oh, that's very helpful." I said sarcastically. "I already knew that too."
"Sometimes it helps to hear it from another person."

"Emphasis on sometimes." I said, half tempted to teleport out. But I stayed where I was, hearing the 'asshole' in my own voice and tone, and trying to get away from that mindset even as another flashback buzzed in the back of my skull. "I don't know that anything you'd say would help me here."

"Well, I'll admit this isn't exactly a common scenario."

Lady, you have no idea. "Well, there's really nothing new to go off of."

"Unless you tell me what you're still hiding."

She recoiled suddenly, and I didn't need to even confirm that my eyes were burning crimson. "I'm already taking a risk by telling you what I have." They blazed redder as I realized I'd actually admitted I was hiding something, instead of just denying it. I couldn't think of anything else to say- either I would be lying, and it would be obvious, or I'd just be threatening her for trying to help me. "And I've told you all that I'm going to...for now." I tacked onto the end, since absolutes had a way of biting a person in the ass.

"So what could make you tell me more?"

"Nothing I can think of." I said flatly. "And I've imagined some pretty damn unlikely scenarios in my dreams."

"Have you had any 'normal' dreams lately?"

"...Is that even a question that can be answered?"

"I mean dreams dreams, as opposed to memories, or nightmares."

"I told you before, I don't remember most of them...I had one a while back about waking up with clown makeup all over my face and beating the crap out of the guy who did it to me, but I dunno if that qualifies as normal."

"...A clown?"

"Yeah, it was like some sorta white paint over most of the face, and then like lipstick or something for the nose and- what does this have to do with anything? I've had weirder dreams about being a vampire slayer after binging on Buffy."

"..."

"It's an old show about a vampire slayer, by the same guy that did my favorite movie- pretty sure it's not relevant to my various mental issues...I think."

She put a hand on her chin, considering something. "How do you know how to talk?"

I gave her a blank look. "What?"

"You obviously retained some memories after the crash, or you wouldn't have been able to go right to fighting Geth."

I sat back, and thought about it for a moment. "Well...Looking back...I woke up, and I knew the stuff I was wearing was armor. Even could tell there was a barrier when I tried feeling it. Didn't know how I knew, just knew. I found some blades and had them in the armor's built-in sheaths before I even fully realized it."

She was silent, giving me a look that said to continue.

"I didn't even know my own name, and realized that something had happened to me. Didn't know what...I look back with clarity, knowing more now than I did then...And I was so...calm about it all- no, not...not really calm, nobody would've been, but I had no idea what'd been done to me. All the horrors I suffered through...I had no idea, not even an inkling. I look back at that person...and that person almost doesn't really feel like me either. It'd be like if you showed someone a vid of them as a kid, doing something really stupid or...like if they loved a food now, and the vid of them as a kid they hated that same food."

"What happened after you found the knives? You ran into Shepard?"

"No, it was a long ways after that. I was annoyed, thought it was a prank by my friends or something, randomly kicked at the ground. Turned over a small box, didn't know what it was, picked it up. Heard a twig snap, instantly had the gun readied and pointed in the direction I'd heard the noise. Perfect position- left hand cupping the right to support it, handle the recoil, one foot slightly behind the other...I didn't even notice the targeting reticule in my eye. In the cybernetics. I see it when I look back, but at the time some part of me must've still been used to it somehow. Looked past it." I took a breath, also giving her a chance to comment.

"So, did you feel...different?"'

"I... I don't remember anything before that, so there wasn't really much to compare 'different' to. I didn't know what was going on...it was like instincts I'd never known about were suddenly taking over...A geth found the crash, started chasing me through the wheat fields. I got to the end, no real cover, had to turn to face it. Ended up doing a combat roll on instinct, behind a rock...okay, so there was cover, I just didn't see it right away. I waited for the Geth to get close...and I blew its head off with my third shot. All my other shots hit it in the chest. Not sharp shooting, not close to what I can do now, but better than a lot of people would do, if they were dropped into a combat zone without really knowing the sitch."

"...You think you were raised in that lab, right?"

"...It's more complex than that." I closed my eyes. "The body was built more or less from scratch there- they just upgraded it as they went...but I think...mentally, I'm a clone of someone else." I opened my eyes, cutting off her question as she opened her mouth. "They basically scanned my brain, or a copy into the body from some other sap. Civilian...some of the nightmares are residual memories from him."

"...Do you think that may be what happened to 'Isaac' and 'Slade' as well?"

I almost did another bug check, but fought the paranoia down. "...I'm still paranoid enough to want to remind you what happens if a word of this gets to anyone. I don't care if you're talking to your flowers about me- that happens and...I recognized Isaac's face when I took off his helmet. But the memories, the sudden flashes in my brain, weren't from the lab. Not all of them at least."

"So you think they were also...scanned in?"

"I'm all but sure of it...I think that's their vendetta against me. We were friends...no, that other guy, was friends with their other guys before the nightmare started…" I began to say something about 'her' but didn't. It just felt too...personal, for some reason. Something held me back.

"Do you have any idea why they'd want you dead?"

"Do you know how many people want me dead?" I asked flatly. "The reasons are rather extensive as a whole...and I can't guess. The ideas are too...it's...I just can't." I lowered my head in surrender.

She seemed to drop it. "So, you killed the Geth and then…?"

"I knew something big was going on." Like the start of the end of all life as we know it. "I just knew I had to get away from the crash site. Knew every Geth or worse within miles would've seen and heard it...headed towards the spaceport. Heard gunfire after a while...went towards it." I paused at that.

"So your first instinct was to go towards the fighting?"

"Didn't say it was a smart idea...I mean, put me back there now and I would've done that, but at the time?... I was an idiot, but I was either really lucky, or some instincts were still around and kicking...I basically walked into a Geth, suprised it. Only reason it didn't just shoot me. No time for the pistol or a knife, so I punched it in the face. Realized it was a stupid idea with my fist halfway there. Flinched a little, expected my hand to break on contact, then be shot. Geth went flying instead. Saw it crash into a wall- too surprised to understand I'd used biotics. More Geth, started shooting at me. Jumped into the ravine, rolled behind cover. Met…" I almost joked on the words. I cleared my throat, changing what I'd been going to say. "Shepard. Her group. Helped fight them off. Realized I was a biotic."

"Did you know who she was?" She was either ignoring my obvious change of words, or simply putting it aside for later.

"...Yeah. I recognized her."

"Do you know how?"

"...I don't know why I would've known." I half-lied, then reconsidered. "No wait. A possible plan for...Iron, was to get in as a mole. Think when we first met with the council, Saren thought I was a mole. Seemed smug about getting away with it, directed it at me...How long have I been talking in fragments like that?"

"Pretty much the whole time you were talking about your past...reminded me of a Drell a little bit, actually."

"...Well, my memory's as good as one, so I guess that'd make sense." I made a vague 'who cares' gesture.

"You seem more relaxed then when I came in."

I glanced down at my hands and realized they weren't shaking now. "...Maybe it helped a little, getting some of that off my chest. Talking to someone else." I admitted.

"Well-" She cut off as my omni-tool started beeping with an incoming message, and I hit it to reveal it was from Raptor.

Jason, Joker's changing course for the terminus systems- got a condensed version, but Timmy wants to talk to us both in the Comm Room ASAP. And not in a 'screw him, let's go to the Citadel' kind of want, a 'we have a lead so get your ass in here' kinda want.

PS: If you don't get down here now, I'll come up there and drag you in here.

PPS: If you take long enough that I come up there and find that you teleported while I was on the way up… she let the threat trail off.

"...Yeah, we'll have to continue this later." I said to her. "Don't bother locking the door behind you- I'll probably need to come right back for my gear." I teleported before she could reply.

"Heavy handed much with the message?" Bourne asked as he walked through the door behind Raptor.

She just rolled her eyes and stepped into the quantum thing that the table had retracted into, Bourne right behind her.

"Shepard, Lt. I think we have them."

"How come she gets her name while I get the rank I hate?"

"Because shut up Jason." Raptor cut both off. "Them being the Collectors?"

"Yes. Horizon, one of our colonies in the Terminus Systems, just went dark. If the Collectors aren't there now, they'll be there soon."

"Any idea why they'd hit that specific colony?" Raptor asked.

He took a puff on his cigar before answering. "Not at the moment. But-"

"Ashley's there." Bourne said quietly.

"...Come again?" Raptor turned towards him.

"Anderson wouldn't help me, but I put out a few 'feelers' to try to track her down. Narrowed it down to a few spots, Horizon was one of them."

"It may just be a coincidence, but yes. Operations Chief Ashley Williams was posted there, officially as an 'outreach project' to-"

"Cut the crap." Bourne snapped. "They sent her there because you leaked some rumors to the Alliance that Horizon would be the next place to get hit. Along with rumors that A: dinolady here somehow survived the ship exploding, and B: that we're working with you assholes."

"...Dinolady is not going to be your new nickname for me."
"Why exactly would you suspect any of that?" TIM asked.

"Short version: I don't trust you. Long version: why the fuck would I tell you how I'm getting this info?"

Raptor hesitated a moment. It really did seem odd that he'd been able to find all this out, and perhaps more so that he didn't tell her. So it might've been he was fishing in the dark and getting lucky. But at the same time, he sounded so sure. "Drop it. For now. Do we know anything else?"

"We know this guy needs a boot up the ass." Bourne muttered, again sounding slightly off to her. She blinked a moment later as she realized he was speaking in Prothean.

"Only that time is of the essence." He took another drag. "Has Mordin come through on the Seeker Swarm-"

Bourne's response was to just teleport. He was back before the other two had time to do more than exchange an annoyed look. "Yeah, he just finished with it. Lucky break for us. So unless there's anything else you wanna lie to us about, I think we're done here." He just turned and walked out of the zone that time, not bothering to teleport.

TIM looked annoyed as he pressed a button to terminate the call.

Raptor stopped Bourne before he reached the door. "Do a bug check real quick."

He shrugged and acquiesced.

"You're hiding something from me."

"...You're going to have to be more specific." He said after a moment's thought.

She swung a punch that he ducked under, right into her knee strike that knocked him back.

"Okay, that's a new one." He said, rubbing his chin. It was clear it hurt more than he was letting show.

"You're my friend Jason. That's more than half the reason I agreed to any of this. But if I can't trust you...On the first Normandy, before Iron showed up, you were hiding that. Is he-"

"He's dead. Both of them are." His eyes flashed to Red at the mention of Iron. "The only thing I'm hiding is how I'm getting the info- and I'm hiding that from everybody."

"Why?"

"If I told you why, that'd defeat the purpose of not telling you. The reason I'm hiding it and the way I'm getting the info are sorta related." His face hardened.

"Do you remember what I said to you last time you pushed me for info about something I was hiding?"

"Refresh my memory."

"I said I'd have been willing to slit Shiala's throat if she rooted through my head...this isn't like that. It's just a matter of needing to keep the method secret for it to work."

"What about Slade and Isaac? You were holding something back. I could tell."

"...I have a theory about them."
"Let's hear it then."

"...I...I guess I told Kelly so-"

"Wait wait wait- What do you mean you told Kelly?"

"She's got training in Psychology and well...Let's just say my nightmares used to just end with me waking up in a cold sweat. They got worse over the last two years...a lot worse."

"...How much does she know?"

"Pretty much everything you do...or, well will after this conversation, idealy."
"And if she tells the Illusive Man that you're an amnesiac?"

"She knows what I'll do to her. Or well, she doesn't know because I didn't get specific, but she gets the gist."

She crossed her arms. "So what's the theory about them?"

The doors suddenly opened behind him, and Miranda walked in. "We need to discuss the plan for when we get to Horizon."

"That's easy. We send you out first with Mordin's upgrades as bait. If they work and the swarms don't kill you, we go kick some ass. If they don't work and the swarms do kill you, we come back up here and throw a party. Win-win."

"...Normally I don't let other people smack you Jason, but I think she should be allowed to for that." Raptor said, even as she tried to not grin.

"Five people, max." He said like the previous exchange hadn't happened. "Small enough to not bring every collector down on our heads at once, large enough we've got plenty of firepower."

Garrus arrived after that, and the rest of the team started to filter in as well, causing the discussion about the plan to change almost constantly. Bourne seemed almost eager to plan.

Raptor wasn't going to just drop the subject though.

But she had the strange feeling, that whatever Bourne's theory was...by the end of the mission, they'd have proof one way or another.

(So, do we actually have any questions this chapter?)

T117: A few. Blah blah Raptor's long range, how would she handle a bow?

)...Does being good with guns even have any correlation with archery skills?(

T117: Hmm, I guess they both take...eyesight coordination? I'm just going to say I have no idea, because I kinda doubt it'd ever come up in the story and I can think of reasons she might be or might not be.

*Okay, opinion on the Tv show "Gotham"*

T117:...Let me put it this way. "Batman Begins." "Batman: Arkham Origins". "Batman: Year one." The Tim Burton "Batman". All origins, and what do they all have in common? The Goddamn Batman.

(Oh. I thought you were going to say they all were the worse in their series or something.)

)...Okay, first off Year One wasn't really part of a series, second of all if you ever so much as imply that BaR wasn't the worst in the series again, I am going to make your hide into a cape and then set it on fire.(

T117: Only if I don't get to him first. But seriously- Gotham minus Batman is not a city I really care about.

(You are such a batman fanboy.)

T117: Yet I still haven't seen The Dark Knight Rises. Just the important clips on youtube.

*Okay, I'm going to bring in the next question before he goes on a bat-rant. Things to do in Skyrim?*

T117: Yeah, never actually got into that game. Played for about thirty minutes, but it was actually too open world for me to figure out where to go or what to do.

)You just spent like 20 minutes just gliding around Gotham City beating up random thugs.(

*He means in the video game Iron.*

(OOOHHH! That makes so much more sense. How could we have both been doing that at the same time and not ran into each other?)

*...Any other questions?*

T117: Doesn't look like it. But before I go- 24 chapters and 200 reviews = you guys are awesome. Sayonara.