Hello my dear dear readers and welcome to another chapter~! ;3
Soorryyy I took longer than expected for certain reasons. But hey, I finally managed to finish this chapter! Banzaii~! xD And I made it longer than usual! Well, way longer actually xD 8000 words~
Anyway, OMG THANK YOU GUYS SOOOO MUCH! *-* *0* I got 300 reviews! *-* omg I mean OMFG OoO ! So MANY! OOHHHH I LOVE you guys! Gosh you are the best! X3
I love you minna! X3 And what reviews they are! Especially the length and wording of some never ceases to astonish me. I want to especially thank a few of you who really kept me motivated for writing with their kind and flattering words: Thank you, Sebbychan2191, Akakuro Seiya, yessibella, Caro, BeatoSama (I will keep calling you that oki? xD) RainStorm2122, Rushi no Ryuu, OtomePrincess, haneko-chan, EverDarkDreamer, taimukipa, this-feeling-inside, GateBreaker, samm (wherever you disappeard to x3) J.B. and of course my sis~! ;3
Really thank you very much. Also, do check your Pms xD I am late, but I replied to every review x3 Haha.. I´m a slow ass sometimes ;3
Moreover, I really want to thank you guys for standing up against "the hater" in the reviews. You are sooo sweet I didn´t expect so many people to keep standing up for me and defend me and my story, aww, I love you guys! Also those who wrote me Pms, telling me I shouldn´t worry too much, and reassured me, really, I love you all! X3 And don´t worry, I won´t stop writing because of him/her, since I have so many readers who indeed want to read this story and enjoy it~ ;3
Thank you -^.^-
Ah, one more thing, this chapter is not corrected yet x3 But I didn´t want to keep you waiting much longer x3 So- here I am :3 Please bear with my stupid mistakes until it´s corrected ^^'
Oooh wellll and now that I said what I wanted to say, let´s get on to the evil chapter.
A little warning beforehand: Gore parts will appear in this chapter.
(Just in case, here the definition) Gore:Graphic violence, especially the realistic depiction of serious physical injuries involving blood, flesh, bone and internal organs
Enjoy~!
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Chapter 25: Break down
-Somewhere in Shinjuku. Shiki´s point of view.-
…
Calmly, he blew away some smoke of his cigarette and watched it disappear into thin air. He had good news.
Really good news.
"It has started." Three simple words like this were enough to satisfy his guest completely.
A malice filled grin spread over his expression, adding to his, and even Shiki had to say that, quite insane character.
This person was someone he would describe as purely evil. He had dealt with a lot of people before, but he was standing out by far. Of course, he kind of understood the reason he wanted revenge. What Izaya did to him- well it was more than a little peccadillo.
But maybe there was more reason for this? He folded his hands, thinking. His guest had not said a word yet. There was just this smirk indicating how much he enjoyed how the tables had turned.
"If you don´t mind, do tell me, what do you hope to achieve with this? Just out of curiosity. I did inform you that a certain depth-collector named Shizuo Heiwajima will tear you to shreds if he ever learns what you did to what he believes is his."
Quite the off putting argument he had to say himself. He knew of Heiwajima Shizuo´s strength. He was definitely no man to deal with lightly.
But his guest just kept on grinning and started even snickering. He stood up from his seat.
"The reason is simple- Shiki-san. It´s pay back."
Shiki eyed him nodding. He thought as much… but was it really the sole reason? "For your right eye I guess?"
He started laughing, and ripped off the patch he had been wearing during their encounter so far.
What greeted Shiki was no eye, but an empty socket. Scarred flesh covering where once a blue eye was looking from. The other staring back as cold as ice.
But it didn't faze the Awakasu-member at all. He had seen all kinds of sights in his life and this wasn´t one of the worst.
His guest grinned, gingerly touching the scarred skin.
"Exactly."
He grinned and pulled an old gun out of his pocket. It was old an rusty and obviously had never been cleaned.
Blood.
Little drops of long dried dark red blood were to be seen on it.
Shiki doubted the gun was even able to fire. It looked like he didn´t exactly keep it for defending reasons, but rather as a sort of keepsake. For whatever sick purpose he had.
"Don´t you know the saying Shiki-san?" he suddenly asked, drawing Shiki´s attention back to his words.
Smirking, he eyed the gun with his only eye.
"An eye for an eye…~"
-Araiyakushimae. In the backyard of the school. Izaya´s point of view.-
Trembling.
Oh god he was trembling. His hands were already starting to sweat and he couldn´t tear his eyes from the two in front of him.
The moment he realized who these guys were…
Shivering, he eyed the two. They were still standing there, waiting, like predators. And grinning, well of course they did. They thought they had captured him or something. Hah, as if.
The shivers, shaking his body unwillingly might let him appear vulnerable, but he sure knew how to escape. He just had to get past these two and to the front of the school. And then- finish.
There were quite a lot of citizens on the streets by now, he would either lose them in the crowd easily, or people would notice if he started a commotion.
Heh… the plan was easy, didn´t only sound so, but also was, to carry out, but the trembling still didn´t cease.
He couldn´t help but see those two as a resemblance of his past. And his past- scared him. If he had to put it into words he might have to say his fear was just as reasonable as one of spiders.
The little harmless ones couldn´t do a thing to you, but people with Arachnophobia would start screaming if they only did as much as see one.
This was similar. He knew he could easily escape, there was no real danger, but his body and mind were just screaming at him.
To run.
Run.
Run.
Run.
His switchblade had already found its way into his hand. Of course.
The metal was cool, but even though it usually managed to calm him right now it did close to nothing against his anxiety.
His fear didn´t go unseen by those two.
"So you do remember! I thought you already forgot~!" Michiru laughed sarcastically, a smirk spreading over his expression.
As if-
Izaya frowned. Calm down.
First things first, one aspect greatly irritated him.
They were here and he was here as well. On this day. At this time. - Coincidence? NO way.
He glared at the two, before finally raising his voice.
"How did you know I am here?!" the words dripped from his lips like venom. No, this was no coincidence. He felt lightheaded, thinking about just how- how did they know?
Had he been followed? Observed? How long? By whom? Why? How did they know?! What else did they know?! Dread filled him with fear, the longer he pondered on the possibilities.
But the two just laughed- found it amusing, the way Izaya started obviously panicking.
"Well, who knows~?" Kawashi shrugged and approached the raven who immediately took a step back. Only to curse his action when he saw the smirk flash over his predator´s expression.
"Oh, are you perhaps scared Izaya~?" he taunted, taking another step towards the raven.
"Ne Izaya, could it be, you still remember what we did~?" he continued smirking. Michiru slowly, approaching the raven now too.
"Haha, he must have been pretty traumatized if he reacts like that." the fat guy threw in, standing next to his pal.
"You must have been pissing yourself every time we came back to that little clubroom. What did Hono always say?" he grinned and tilted his head to the side suddenly pulling a knife of his own out of his pocket.
A maniacal grin spread over his lips as he stared Izaya straight into the eyes.
"Let´s play~ Izaya-kun~"
Izaya eyes widened a fraction. He couldn´t prevent an involuntary shiver from rupturing through his body.
"Stop it…" he rose the hand holding his switchblade and pointed it at the guy.
"Ah~ You got a knife on your own by now~ Interesting~" an evil grin flashed across his face.
"Ne, do you still remember~? When we heated them? Those blades, and sliced your skin~?"
Izaya shivered, remembering just too clearly.
"Remember the way it ripped, tore apart your flesh, oh so much blood was flowing, and those screams! Those delightful screams~!" he started giggling like crazy.
"Stop it." Izaya whispered, a pained frown finding its way onto his forehead. He wasn´t hurt, no. But just the memory made him cringe.
"I asked how you knew I was here." He repeated, but his voice had dropped considerably in volume.
A smirk on Michiru´s part was the only thing he got as response though.
"Well I guess we can say… it was no coincidence~"
THAT- was all he needed to hear.
They knew he would be here. They had found out somehow or another, and for fucking hell this was more than just a little disaster!
Finally, he gave in to the thought screaming at him from inside.
RUN.
RUN.
RUN.
And he did.
Without another word he turned on his heels and dashed to the other end of the school-
"OI!" the two didn´t stand still, of course they gave chase immediately.
But his mind was just telling him to run- run faster than he ever had in his entire life-
Fear, was just fuelling to go even faster.
Adrenaline was pumping through his veins as he dashed along the back of school-
The edge of the building was just in sight, one more turn and he would be at the front.
A few more steps and he would be outside-
He reached the edge.
He could hear a sound of rushing in his ears.
Fear was making him faster than he ever was.
Just a bit more, just to the gate, onto the street, and away from here.
Away.
Not back home. Somewhere else.
Somewhere safe. He had to disappear.
He reached the other side of the school, he turned to the gate, and-
The gate.
Was closed-
"WHAT?!" A scream, yell or rather outburst of utter disbelieve tore from his lips in dread.
The gate was closed! The walls surrounding the school, too high, and the gate itself peppered with long iron rod tips on top.
It took him a second to yell, a second to realize and another to get to the damn gate and get the fuck over it-
One hand shot up, grabbing the rods, another up ahead.
He pulled himself up.
He tried to jump over- but then-
"Ah!"
A hand!
On his back it had grabbed him, and he felt himself pulled backwards.
Losing his balance he tried holding onto the iron rods, but he was too late.
A second hand got hold of him-
THUD
The ground met him with cruel force and forced the air out of his lungs.
Suddenly there was a punch, right into his face, making him see stars.
He felt his body being pulled up by two hands and his shoulders harshly being pressed against the wall.
He hissed when he felt the back of his head hit the septum making his sight go black for a second.
An annoyed laughter reached his ears.
"Izaya~ my old friend, where did you think you were going? I don´t remember telling you to leave yet~" Izaya blinked, getting his sight back and tried to get away, but the grip on his shoulders was firm.
Kawashi was using his own body to press him up against the wall, hindering any possible movement on his part.
The fat pal just standing next to them.
Of course, like always, he didn´t like making his hands dirty.
He just enjoyed the show.
Anxious, he had to notice a long iron rod that had found its way into the guys hands.
He tried to resist and rose his hand, trying to slash with his switchblade along the thinner male´s chest-
But futile, the moment he rose his arm Kawashi´s own blade had found its way into his flesh.
"Ah!" a pained gasp escaped his lips and the blade dropped to the ground.
"Ne Izaya why re you running?" Kawashi had leaned forward and whispered the words disgustingly close it his ear.
The raven though, did nothing but glare at the predator, not more but the urge to run away rushing his already accelerating heartbeat.
"Fuck you!"
The guy just grinned a smirk filled with malice.
He stepped a step away, iron grip still on his right shoulder, as the iron rod suddenly came rushing down from the left, hitting Izaya on his shoulder.
The pain took over his system for a second and he squeezed his eyes shut.
Suddenly there was a voice next to his ear.
"Ne Izaya, say, do you feel guilty for killing him~?"
He froze.
The voice continued.
"You shot him Izaya. Oh, I still remember the expression he wore, he was scared Izaya, he was scared of you, he was disappointed Izaya- you killed him."
Sudden anger rose inside Izaya. His fault?!
No, it wasn´t his fault!
"No matter what I would have done you would have killed him regardless of my choice!"
He knew he kept thinking about how he could have saved him, he knew his mind, his dreams would let him believe it was indeed his fault, but logically speaking and looking at it, it was NOT his fault!
"It was Hono who-"
"Oh you know that´s not true." He paused, looking at the guy. Grinning, he continued.
"You knew the door was open, you had the gun, you want to tell me even if you had given your all you couldn´t have turned around to shoot Hono first? You did so later, so why not before? Huh?!" anger was visible on his ace. "You fucking shot Hono in his head." He spat.
Izaya couldn´t help getting a little nauseous as he remembered. He gulped, swallowing the bile he could already taste, remembering, just how… it had looked.. when he shot… the blood, how it splattered..
But.. it wasn´t true.
He had no choice, he couldn´t turn around. He wouldn´t have been able to shoot him first. He wouldn´t have been able to.
He couldn´t .. he couldn´t have changed it..
…
Could he…?
…
"Ne Izaya…" the voice got him back to reality. "You know it, you deserve punishment for what you did."
…
"You killed him Izaya."
He didn´t.
"You killed him to save yourself. Or better, maybe you wanted to get rid of him? Maybe you wanted to actually shoot him?"
"No, that´s no-!"
"You did!" he shut up again. "You shot him first despite having had the chance to turn around. You KNOW you had Izaya! You did it Izaya, no matter what you say, YOU are at fault. You got blood on your hands. You-"
He leaned forward and whispered into his ear once more.
"-are a murderer."
No….
That´s not…
…
He didn´t know.
He didn´t know anymore.
He was right.
He was right.
He knew the door was open.
He knew Hono was just behind him. He knew he could have turned around, but... but...
Suddenly there was the knife again, slowly starting to rip the front of his shirt and part of the skin. He flinched and tried to get away.
"Don´t struggle. You should actually want to stay. Izaya-" he grinned.
"You know you deserve it." His eyes went wide and suddenly he ceased the struggling.
Did he…. Did he really deserve it…?
Suddenly the guys sight fell onto Izaya´s waist. The long scar plainly visible.
"Heh, we did quite a number on you there didn´t we? When was that? Wasn´t it on the fifth day~? The day, you became a murderer."
…
Izaya shivered.
His thoughts for once- silent. Silently fighting.
It was his fault. It was not- what was the truth?
Years he had spent feeling guilty, years he had spent dreaming about this night, and years he had spent denying that it was actually his fault but…
What if he just lied to himself?
If he just didn´t want to accept it.
What if… he was right-
Suddenly the knife cut deeper, making him flinch.
"You know Iza- wait.. what is that?" he paused, shoving up more of Izaya´s shirt.
A surprised grin flashed over his expression.
"Kissmarks! All over your body- you actually got a lover?" Izaya unfroze and looked down himself.
And sure as hell there they were.
Kissmarks.
Lot´s and lots of kissmarks.
From Shizuo.
Shizuo
Suddenly his eyes widened.
Shizuo. He couldn´t… he couldn´t give himself up like this- Shizuo was waiting, Shizuo loved him, he… he couldn´t-
Suddenly there was a hand grabbing him at his throat. Surprised, he gasped for air.
"Heh, now that I look at you, I think this time around we could have some kind of different fun too~" A look of utter shock crossed the raven´s expression.
"What?" he breathed and suddenly there were hands.
Disgusting hands.
His eyes widened and he started to struggle.
Hand pulling on his pants.
No way!
NO!
"LET G-!" Suddenly there was a hand shoved over his mouth and the other sueezed his throat tighter.
"Stop the screaming Izaya-kun~ I promise it will hurt a lot~"
No!
No no no!
His hands shot upward and he clawed at the guy´s arm. He tried to get it off, he tried to breath through his nose, pathetic whimpers escaping this throat.
But he couldn´t, the hand was to strong!
He didn't let go!
Suddenly he leaned over, and Izaya felt his errection press against his waist.
A wave of nausea crashed into him and he had to try hard not to vomit right there.
"See? This will be fun Izaya~" Izaya felt sick.
He didn´t want this! He didn't want this!
And suddenly he got an idea, he threw up his arms and jabbed his fingers into the guy´s eyes-
"Ah!" Reflex made the guy loosen his grip and instinctively put his hands over his hurting eyes.
The hand finally gone from his throat and mouth, he let himself fall to the floor, evading Michiru´s hands that now tried to get hold of him.
Within a second he climbed up the gate once more, faster, the fat guy taking a little longer to get to him.
He could feel the iron rod strike his back as he was too far up, he could hear Kawashi get up once more-
"GET THAT FUCKING WHORE DOWN HERE!" he could hear him attempt to climb after-
Attempt to get him again-
He jumped down-
and ran-
- Shiki´s point of view-
"An eye for an eye?" his lips curled upwards.
"Well, looking back the last time you tried you didn´t succeed in taking one of his eyes."
The one-eyed man glared at him.
"Coincidence. A little fluke. It won´t happen again." He spat between tight lips approaching the older male.
Shiki rose his hands in defense.
"No offense, I am just stating facts." He took another breath of his cigarette.
Really fascinating this individual.
"So. When do you plan to make your appearance?" A simple question, but it seemed to amuse his guest greatly.
"Once I got him quivering and crying in fear~" he purred.
- X´s point of view.-
It was dark, but not night.
He was simply in a room, only lit by a slightly broken light bulp.
The gleaming iron still giving enough light.
So two more days it will be.
A phone got snapped open in the dark, only barely lighting the bearded man´s face and a number on speed dial got called.
"Yo. We will do it today. Two individuals. You know where. Then we will go for the big fish."
He was met with silence. Only a single knocking rhythm was heard.
But that was what he waited for.
"Good. Stick to the plan."
-In a café. 8pm. Shizuo´s point of view. -
Impatient Shizuo tapped with his fingers on the counter.
Where was he?
It was 8 pm by now for fuck´s sake.
Just where was the flea?
He said he just had to take care of a few things. Why the hell did that stuff he had to do take so long?!
They would close the café in an hour!
He sighed and ruffled through his hair.
"Shit.."
He couldn´t shake off this feeling.
Where?
Just where was he?
He hated this feeling in his gut. Because exactly this feeling this intuition he had almost never failed him.
And he had a bad feeling.
Like something happened.
Like something happened to Izaya.
"Shizuo-kun could you help me get the new load?" one of his co-workers snapped him out of his thoughts.
Unwillingly, he stepped away from the counter. He had been standing here and staring at the entrance as if it would make the raven come sooner for two hours at least.
And he bet he scared some customers off with that frown that was definitely placed on his face.
One last time he glanced at his phone- but there as still no call from Izaya.
He had tried calling him before, but just the mailbox was answering him.
Had he turned off his phone?
"Fuck." He cursed and disappeared into the back of the café.
This restlessness was killing him.
But only one more hour. One more hour it was.
He would wait. He trusted the flea.
No, on second thought, he didn´t. But he wanted to trust him.
He said he wasn´t going to do anything dangerous.
He said he would come back to the café.
He would wait just a bit more.
One hour.
And fuck he really hoped the flea would be here by then.
- Ikebukuro. 8:30pm. Izaya´s point of view.-
Faster, faster!
He was running.
Running as fast as he could-
No matter how many people were already there, no matter how many underground trains he could have taken no matter how many times he could have hidden, his mind was a mess.
All he could think of was to run.
Run as far as he could.
He had long lost the two.
He didn´t see them behind him anymore, but he couldn´t stop. He couldn´t stop because the fear, the fear was gripping at his shoulders from behind as if the death reaper itself was after him.
He couldn´t.
He was too afraid. Too afraid to stop.
It was already evening, it was dark, and he still skipped along the streets.
By now- the streets of Ikebukuro.
He ran all the way here, stamina had left him long ago, his lungs were burning with each breath he took and he had a slight feeling once he stopped running he might pass out from the sudden rush of oxygen, but the fear kept him running, the adrenaline in his veins didn´t cease pumping.
He was just so scared! So damn, scared…!
That guy before he wanted to-
No! He didn´t want that!
He didn´t want anything that guy planned on doing to him!
"Awww Won´t you talk? Won´t you scream for help now~?"
Blood so much blood was dripping down the mouth. A mouth that didn´t belong to Izaya.
"Oh my, I apologize, my mistake, you can´t talk anymore, right~?"
"No…" It was but a silent whisper falling from the little raven´s lips.
His eyes were fixated on the sight, trailing to the now no longer moving muscle on the ground.
"YOU FUCKING MONSTE-!"
Then a hit.
A punch, a slice with the heated knife.
Izaya collapsed to the ground, he could barely feel his broken arm and knee anymore.
Blankly he stared at the pained figure. His own pain fading to the background turning into nothing but a dull throbbing.
Tears, blood, both were streaming from his face.
He was crying.
Another punch.
It was his fault.
His own eyes stinging from the pain, from the knowledge, it was his fault just because of him-
Another punch, numbing his senses for but a second was thrown into his face.
"OI respond! You piece of shit!"
A kick.
He didn´t try to get up.
His sight was fixed onto the weak figure craddled on the floor.
It was his fault.
"Tch-" his eyes started burning as salty liquid dripped down his eyes and he wiped it away aggressively.
Run. Just run.
He jumped, he dashed, he aimed for the café he promised to meet Shizuo at.
Faster than he ever did, even faster than with Shizuo. Past memories and the present mixing in his head.
It was his fault.
It was my fault.
My fault.
My fault.
My fault.
A sudden loud noise right behind him startled him so greatly it nearly made him stumble- before he knew it, he had instinctively turned into an alley and faced the only entrance.
His hands ready to grab his favorite flick-blade, only to freeze and realize that he left it there.
Tremors shook his body as he backed away to the wall, waiting- waiting for something to happen, for his two predators run after him.
But nothing happened.
No-one came.
And no less than a few minutes later Izaya realized why.
He had lost them before.
His paranoid mind still fixated on the alley entrance, he backed away, hiding in the shadows.
His hands were trembling, his eyes wide, fear tormented him from the very core of his being.
He couldn´t shake off the idea that they still knew where he was.
That they would come around the corner any moment.
He had to get away, he had to go, but… he couldn´t.
What if they didn´t know where he was and saw him when he got out of here? Out of the shadows?
His conscience knew what he was thinking was by no means logical. He knew he should just get up and out of here, lots of people were just walking by the alley.
Shizuo wasn´t that far away too.
But his body was still in the flight and flee mode. Every noise every movement in the corner, it made his anxiety rise to infinity. He pressed his back into the wall.
Trying to make himself even smaller.
"Oi, Izaya~! How about we level the game up a bit~?"
"No no no-!"
Too late- it burned, it hurt, he screamed.
A kick to his face.
"Shut the fuck up!"
He did as told, because he didn´t…
He looked at the slick muscle still lying on the ground.
No, he didn´t want that.
He didn´t want that.
He didn´t want his tongue to end up there as well.
Shivering, he slid down the wall.
What if they found him?!
He felt it, the paranoia, the fear, all crawling up inside.
He couldn't help it, an unbearable feeling of helplessness overcame him.
And guilt, so much guilt.
Fear.
He was scared.
He was disgusted. Felt nauseous.
Kawashi wanted to.. to ra-
He felt sick just thinking about it.
How did they know he was there?!
What if they knew where he was now too?!
The same questions just repeated in his mind over and over again-
He looked around, his head snapped to the left, the right, repeatedly.
What if they followed him?!
What if someone was waiting for him to come out of this alley?!
Panic, paranoia, hysteria was getting the better of him within seconds as he pulled his knees up. His breath accelerated to an alarming speed.
No, he didn´t want to experience something like that ever again.
No.
He had to get somewhere safe.
But he was too scared to move…
He shivered. He just couldn´t bring himself to go, or even stand up and look.
He couldn´t do this alone anymore.
No, not longer.
He felt caged in his own mind, guilt, fear, memories he kept locked away kept rushing to him as if they happened yesterday.
He couldn´t cope with them alone anymore.
Not now not here not..
Shizuo.
Before he knew it his phone found its way into his hands.
A frown appeared on his face.
If he called Shizuo, if he told him what happened… Shizuo said he would listen.
Shizuo said he would give him time.
But if he knew… what would he think?
He could call him to get him, he could tell him everything, but what then?
Fuck, he felt like suffocating, like crying.
He choked on dried tears.
He couldn't tell, he couldn't tell.
But he had to get away from here. He wanted to get back to him.
He inhaled deeply, his breath still shaking.
He had to be calm.
He was dirty, he was guilty, he couldn´t bear having to tell Shizuo what he did.
One more time he inhaled and finally called back the blond who had called him five times by now.
-Both´s point of view.-
Sudden ringing startled the blond and he promptly let everything fall right where he stood to get out his phone.
Izaya was calling him!
Finally!
A wave of relief washed over the blond and he picked up.
"Izaya where are you?" Izaya flinched. A small smile tugging at his lips despite still feeling the urge to cry.
It was just Shizuo´s voice. But fuck, he felt as if he didn´t hear it in ages. He cleared his throat.
"Shizuo… I-" Izaya paused.
"Oi you can´t just drop everything and make a phone call!" Loud yelling was heard in the background.
"Oh shut the fuck up! This is important okay?!" Shizuo´s voice sounded annoyed.
"Your job... ?" Izaya tried tentatively.
"I didn´t mess up so far…" was the only response he got from the blond.
God Shizuo was glad. He really got a bad feeling, but Izaya seemed like Izaya.
"I see." Izaya paused, he couldn´t say it. How was he supposed to start? Just saying please get me out of an alley would be one hell of a weird request.
"Now, where the hell are you Izaya? I thought you would come?" Shizuo continued, stepping outside the café with a cigarette. It was already dark and the light from the café illuminated the smoke.
"…no I will be late." He replied to his question, not knowing what to say- fuck he shouldn´t have called without a plan first.
Shizuo paused a second. Somehow, something seemed off.
He couldn't really put a finger on it though. Was it his imagination?
"Ne Izaya… when are you getting home?" he asked, paying close attention to the raven´s voice.
"… I don´t know I will call you later."
…
That pause was definitely suspicious.
"Shizuo-kun, would you please come back inside? The manager is getting-"
"Not now." Annoyed Shizuo waved the girl off. She was part of the staff.
But now he could care less about the job, something was bothering him.
And the fact that this uneasy feeling he had earlier returned didn´t help at all-
"Izaya, is everything alright…?" Izaya´s eyes widened.
Shit shit shit.
He noticed.
"Of course, why do you ask?" shit too rushed!
Too fast. Shizuo frowned. Izaya was lying about being alright?
"Why are you asking, Shizuo?" Izaya tried to add more calm, but the words just surprised the blond even more.
Shizuo?
Did he really call him Shizuo just now?
The silence Izaya received almost drove him insane.
"…are you still there?" he asked softly.
"Izaya, what´s going on?" the harsh words made Izaya flinch.
"Huh? … what are you talking about Shizuo?" Shizuo gritted his teeth.
"Don´t you dare fucking lie to me!" surprised his eyes widened. He was angry.
"Shizuo?" A vein popped on Shizuo´s head.
"Shizuo, Shizuo, Shizuo! You have been calling me SHIZUO with a composed voice this whole time! The only times you do that is when we have sex when you´re dead serious or really fucking afraid of something! I know it´s probably not the first and second option, so tell me NOW, what´s wrong?!"
Izaya paused. Shit.
"What´s wrong..? What´s…" he couldn´t he-
"Izaya don´t you dare say now nothing is wrong! There is something bothering you! Why won´t you just tell?! Are you in danger?!"
Izaya´s eyes went wide.
Danger.
Those guys wanted to torture him once more.
"Did someone hurt you?!"
Hurt-
"What´s wrong?!"
He hiccupped.
Everything. Everthing´s wrong…
Ne Izaya~? What´s your decision?
BANG
NO!
What.. red. Crimson.
It´s flowing. No..
What?
Blood.
Blood.
Everywhere.
It´s blood.
"You killed him Izaya~"
No…
"Good work, right between the eyes, hmmm could it be you enjoyed it~?"
No.
"Look at all that blood~! Oh my, I think his brains are leaking out~"
"DON`T TOUCH HIM!"
BANG
He couldn´t stop it. Suddenly there were the tears, the tears that he prevented from falling, the tears he never cried awake.
More and more they streamed down his face.
He couldn´t stop it. He couldn't stop the crying.
Not when talking to Shizuo, not after what happened.
He couldn´t do this anymore.
He was breaking apart and he knew it.
He knew it, this mask it was broken.
Shizuo on the other hand waited anxiously- why wasn´t he saying anything?!
He felt a tad guilty, he screamed at the raven because he couldn´t bear having the raven lie to him about his feelings when obviously something was wrong, but… shit. He exhaled, trying to calm his voice.
Something was wrong. He needed to know what.
"Izaya? Oi Izaya. Please answer-" Suddenly he paused.
A weird sound reached his ear.
Just what-
He felt like someone pulled away the floor away from under his feet when he noticed just what it was- it sounded like crying!
"Izaya are you crying..?!" Izaya flinched. Even more tears rolled down his cheeks.
He couldn´t stop, he couldn´t answer. He was pathetic, he could do nothing but cry, he wished he could just disappear already.
Get away from everything.
"Oi, Izaya?! Answer me…! Izaya! What the hell happened?!" To say Shizuo was getting seriously worried now would be a huge understatement.
Sobs were reaching his ears once more.
"…I-I … just..met them …. and then.." he breathed between sobs whacking his body.
"Huh?! Met who…?!" Who did he meet?! What did they do?! Why was he crying?! Shit, what happened to the flea?!
Only crying sounds reached his ears once more.
"Izaya!"
"… I was just scared… I thought they would get me again…." He wiggled out-
Get?!
"Then… they… they..." he stuttered, not able to tell what Kawashi tried to do.
Shizuo couldn´t bear the words unspoken.
"Are you hurt?! Oi Izaya?!" the raven hiccupped.
"Only a little bit.… I…" Okay- that was enough.
"Oi, what are you doing?! You can´t just go! Your shift isn´t-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
CRASH
Within seconds Shizuo had punched the manager into the face and ran down the street. But where to search?
"Sorry…" Shizuo paused. Wait what- did Izaya just apologize?
"Izaya-"
"… Sorry… I am really… sorry…! …I…"Pathetic gasps reached his ears and a worried frown found its way onto his forehead.
As weird as it sounded, those apologies… he sensed they were not aimed at him.
"… It´s okay…" he tried calming the raven. He didn´t know what was wrong, he didn't know what happened, but it were the only words that came to mind as comfort.
"It´s all my fault..!" but he only burst out into tears once more.
"Izaya what is-"
"Just because of me…!" he couldn´t bear it anymore. Kawashi was right! He was right! All this time! Shizuo grew more and more uneasy by the second.
"Izaya, where are you now?"
"…" No answer.
"Izaya." The raven paused, wiping away the still streaming tears.
"In an alley." He knew he had to tell him. It was over, he knew already something was wrong. He wouldn´t leave him be now.
"An alley? Where? Can you move?" Izaya shook his head cringing. No. no he couldn´t.
"No." and why?
"Is it because you´re hurt?" Not even that.
"No." Surprised Shizuo paused. Huh?
"Then why-"
"Scared." Seriously he was just pathetic.
"Eh?"
"I´m too scared to move." Shizuo couldn´t even describe what that single sentence made him feel.
"…. where exactly?" he repeated.
"..."
"Izaya please I can´t find you if you don´t give me at least a hint-"
"… an alley, two streets down the café." Relieved Shizuo turned and ran down the streets. Now he had a location, at least!
"Izaya you said you are hurt a bit. What´s a bit?" he couldn´t help but ask, the worry was eating him alive, and in Izaya´s case, "a bit" could be anything right now, from a bullet through his body to a simple bruise.
But Izaya didn´t answer. He was almost about to ask him once more, anxiety getting the better of him when he got his response.
"..not enough…" it was barely above a whisper but he caught it. The answer didn't confuse him any less though.
"Not en- Izaya what are you talking about?"
"It´s all my fault Shizu-chan… it would have been better if I was never born at all-" Shizuo´s eyes widened.
The same voice.
The exact same sentence.
"Really now, maybe it would have been better if I was never born at all." He chuckled, gulping down another drink.
Shizuo looked at the flea with a shock. From everything he would have expected the flea to say, this wasn´t part of it.
The way Izaya smiled, but looked crushed at the same time tugged at Shizuo´s heart. He crawled over. He couldn´t bear to just listen any longer.
"Izaya why are you saying that?" he asked, keeping a close look on Izaya´s expression.
He put on that forced smile of his again.
"It´s true Shizu-chan~! I ruined everything~!"
"I ruined everything Shizuo, I am a monster."
"No, Izaya you´re not a monster!" What was wrong?!
Panting, he dashed down the streets, head snapping from left to right while checking the streets.
"You said in one of the alleys, right?" he asked. … but there was no reply.
Shit.
"Iza-" Suddenly he stopped dead track in front of an alley.
A small figure was sitting far in the back.
Shizuo couldn´t believe his eyes.
Izaya.
The blond was shocked, blood was on the raven´s back and neck, his chest had been cut with a knife it seemed as well as his arm, but what shocked him the most wasn´t even that- but his expression.
It was empty it was hurt, it was just- broken.
Like he didn´t even care to put on any kind of façade anymore.
Just- broken.
"Shizu-" he didn´t even get to say the blond´s name before the man had approached him and pulled him into his lap.
A tight hug embraced the shivering form.
"It´s alright, I am here…" Izaya´s face consorted. He didn´t deserve this. He didn´t.
Tears streamed down his face once more.
He didn´t deserve it. Not at all.
"Are you hurt?" the question took him off guard and he stilled.
"I mean, seriously injured?" Shizuo asked tentatively once more. He could see the blood, but he didn´t know how bad it was.
"No." Izaya answered faint. Shizuo sighed, at least a little bit relieved and just hugged him.
"I´m sorry… before, .. I thought it would be safe, but.." Shizuo closes his eyes and softly brushed through Izaya´s hair.
"Shhh…you can tell me later, just calm down for now okay…?" he pushed the raven´s head back a bit, only so much he could look him into the eyes. Gingerly he rubbed away some tears from the corner of his eyes.
"I am here, nothing can happen to you now… okay?" he leaned his head onto Izaya´s forehead.
The informant just closed his eyes and nodded a little.
Shizuo´s mind was about to go crazy by now though. Just what happened?!
He seemed really fucking fragile, like he could break any time. And he was shivering. No, he was trembling like a leaf- and it was not because it was cold.
"Let´s go home…" he mumbled softly.
Izaya nodded slowly and Shizuo got up, not once letting go of Izaya´s hand.
Izaya wanted to get up as well, but the second he tried to stand he felt his legs give away.
Shizuo noticed in time and quickly caught him.
"Izaya?" he asked worried. The raven just shook his head.
"Tired." He answered simply, trying to put on a smile, but he failed terribly. He had been running non-stop for so long, and now, that the fear subsided, he felt nothing but drain left.
He was exhausted.
Shizuo simply nodded and squat down indicating the raven to get on his back.
"Get on, I will carry you."
Izaya sighed, guilty, but also relieved and got onto his back, his arms lazily finding their way around his neck as Shizuo got up.
He rested his head on Shizuo´s shoulder. He was just tired. So, so tired.
Worreid Shizuo took some cautious steps forward.
I have never seen him that vulnerable…
What happened…? More importantly, why did he pretend to be okay…?
The questions really haunted him.
But for now he would keep quiet. The last thing Izaya needed now was to be asked about what happened it seemed.
…
It didn't take long until they reached their home anyway.
Neither of them spoke a word.
He quickly unlocked the door and stepped inside the warm room with Izaya still on his back.
The raven sighed blissfully at the warmth surrounding him. Before he knew it Shizuo had dropped him on the bed. A little surprised, but too tired and wasted to care he looked at the blond.
Shizuo just smiled a little and got Izaya´s sleeping clothes.
No more words were exchanged as they got dressed.
Not even when Shizuo got the first aid kit and patched up Izaya´s little wounds.
No question was asked, no answer was given.
And before he knew it time had passed, he had still said no word, but Shizuo was by his side. He found himself trapped in Shizuo´s comforting arms, wrapped around him as he waited for the raven to fall sleep. He really looked like he needed the rest.
Izaya looked at the blond. He was still not saying anything, he was not asking, he was not prying, he was just there.
…
He snuggled closer.
… He felt guilty… what happened that time… he shivered…
Shizuo didn´t miss the motion. A kiss to the forehead was the next Izaya got making him look at the blond.
"Are you okay?" It was the first sentence he had spoken so far since they came back.
Izaya avoided his glance.
"Sorry…" Shizuo paused. This time the sorry really was meant for him.
"Why are you apologizing?" he asked, hugging the raven closer.
"…I didn´t want to make you worried like this. That was stupid of me… I don´t deserve you Shizuo…" the raven´s hands pushed at the blond´s chest, indicating to get away, but of course not with Shizuo.
A frown found its way onto his expression quickly and he pulled him back.
"Stop talking nonsense already flea." He whispered, holding his lover close. "Why should you not deserve me?"
…
Silence met the blond.
Izaya couldn´t do it.
If he said it… what would happen?
If he told him…
He gulped and exhaled.
No.
He had to get out with the truth.
Now.
"… Shizuo, I…"
Fuck... this was hard.
"I killed someone…" Shizuo´s eyes widened.
"…. You what?" he asked once more. Not loosening the hug.
"…I told you I had a friend when I … when I was drunk… right? Shotaro was his name." he started.
Shizuo nodded slowly.
"Yeah, I remember but you also said, that he… betrayed you-" Izaya flinched at the phrasing. Shizuo didn´t fail to notice it.
"… Izaya, what did he do to you…?"
"... a bunch of things.. happened that time..."
Unbearable silence met the blond´s ears again.
"Izaya…?"
But he stayed quiet.
Shizuo swore it drove him insane by every second that went by.
All those single puzzle pieces flew through his mind. Those nightmares. Those apologies. Those tears.
The names he mentioned. That old guy he was supposed to forget.
When he moved the bookshelf. His scars. His fear. His relation to his parents. His sisters.
The worst case scenario. He killed someone.
He felt like his head was exploding from thinking. He had so many puzzle pieces, but seemed to fail at putting them together.
And yet he was silent. He knew he couldn´t ask.
Until he felt the raven hide in his chest and words he never thought he would hear were caught by his ears.
"Shizuo… I´m.. I am going to tell you now… okay?"
DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNN
Hehehe~ Oh yes Izaya is gonna tell him now~ ;3
Now- I hope you didn´t find it weird that Izaya basically just poked Kawashi in the eyes to make him let go xD
Now my dear readers, be prepared for a little break from the ongoing events xD Cause this is going to take some time. :3 just to avoid any confusion I will write his past from Izaya´s child perspective, and only sometimes return to the present for Izaya to throw in some sentences or something. So the title of the next chapter is this:
Chapter 25: Day 0- Shotaro
Then there will follow Chapter 26: Day 1- Curiousity killed the cat, Day 2… , day 3… and so on. For those who paid attention they know exactly how many "Day" chapters there will be ;3
Well then I hope you liked this chapter -^.^-
And remember~:
A review a day, keeps the writer´s block away~ ;3
PS.: Chapter 4 of After sunset will be up the day after tomorrow! I sadly couldn´t finish today after all, and it turns out I don´t have time to write tomorrow ^^' sorryyy
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ONE MORE DAY! I SWEAR xD ONLY ONE MORE DAY until the update x333
See you TOMORROW 29may2015
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