finally! i whip out the last chapter for this one..sorry for the long wait..huge writers block plus loss of inspiration...anyways, hope you can still enjoy this!
thank you for all the people who alerts, favorites or did anything with this story...writing this story really open my mind to more new things i can try...just huge THANK YOU!
Being Jealous 24
One month after, Alison Di Laurentis is still missing. Not a single soul knows what happened. Spencer Hastings is the last known person to have seen her but there is enough evidence that Alison left the Hasting's premise therefore eliminating Spencer as a suspect. Besides everyone knows they are best friends. Yes they fight a lot but never have they reached a point to physically hurt each other. The four of them still loves Alison and missing her every day.
Even though they miss Alison a great deal, something is changed between them. They don't hang out with each other than they normally do. Aria and Emily still keep in touch but rarely hang out. So are Spencer and Hanna.
Only Maya St. Germaine stood by her words and didn't change. She has taken care of Emily ever since Alison started missing. Not because she is making a move on her but just because she cares. Emily pretty much moves and talks like a zombie.
"Why are you doing this?" Emily asks suddenly when she and Maya are studying on her room.
"uhm because I want to go to college and finish up a degree in music?" Maya said referring to her studying which she's pretty sure that's not what Emily meant.
Emily just shook her head and let out a small laugh then tried again, "no, not that. I mean, why are you here with me? I've been moping around the whole day obsessing over the whereabouts of my best friend who in return broke my heart repeatedly, not to mention you hate the said person."
"That's long Em, and you're asking why? Because I care about you. I said that to you and I meant it. Whatever happens I'm still here for you. I can't let my mind rest when I know you needed someone in these times and yet I'm not here." as Maya is talking she stands up from the bed and flopped down beside Emily whose on the floor, and leans into her shoulder.
"You don't have to be that person."
"I want to and I will." Maya said sincerely and look for those chocolate brown eyes that she never gets tired of looking at.
A ring from Emily's phone broke the silence of the room and hesitantly Emily picked it up and answered it.
If Alison is the main reason that they fall apart, Alison is also the reason that they will be together again.
"uhm..." Spencer is never the one to be speechless but as they gather around in front of Alison's house, she can't think of anything to say.
"So Mrs. Di Laurentis didn't tell you guys why she called us up?" Aria inquired the three of them.
The three just shook their heads and eyed the house. Still can't believe that Alison is missing. It's been a month. The four of them are questioned by the police for the last month and that's not easy to dodge because of all the liquors they've been drinking and the reason why Alison leaves. Of course they lied. A lot. Of course it doesn't fit with their conscience but what can they do? Tell the police that Alison is secretly in love with Emily but just too stupid to admit so she just storms out? Or the fact that Spencer hit a nerve when they talked on their house?
Nope. They can't tell the truth besides it got nothing to do with her being missing.
"You know what, this is stupid. What are we afraid of?" Hanna said while crossing her arms.
"Whatever Mrs. Di Laurentis will tell us." Emily said bravely. She is the most affected out of all of them from this fiasco. Not because she has the most intimate relationship with Alison, but because she thinks it's her fault that made Alison leave the barn. If she just didn't cuddle her, then maybe she is still here. Emily's eyes are starting to water and Spencer noticed it immediately.
"Em, don't. Please it's not your fault. We don't know what happened ok?" Spencer murmured while soothing Emily's back.
"Hi girls." It's Mrs. Jessica Di Laurentis. Every description of a mother who lost her child can be used to her. Hollow and bloodshot eyes, tired face, pale complexion and forced smile. This doesn't improve anything on the girl's feelings as they became more worried on Alison's mother coping up.
"Just follow me." Jessica said. Aria, Hanna, Emily and Spencer just followed her silently. Inside the house, through the stairs and they found themselves in front of Alison's room. As Mrs. Di Laurentis opened it they found themselves in a daze. No one dared to breathe as they saw Alison's room. Nothing is changed. It's still the same way as Alison left it one month ago. Emily's eyes began to water again and this time she let the tears fall silently.
"I have something to show you girls and please be honest with me. I have found a letter. It's addressed to someone I don't know. I figured you girls are her best friends, maybe you will know who is this for." Mrs. Di Laurentis gently remove something from Alison's drawer and let some things out.
Spencer drew in a sharp breath as she realizes that the picture of Emily and Alison is in that same drawer. Hanna and Aria just looks at her questioningly and Spencer mouthed, "later". Emily didn't bother to look up at Spencer. She is trying really hard not to think about Alison in her room. All the teasing, the flirting, the rejection.
At last Mrs. Di Laurentis handed them a piece of folded paper. Spencer took it and as she turned it around the words, KILLER is written on it. They all exchanged knowing glances; they all know who killer is.
"Have you read this, Mrs. Di Laurentis?" Spencer asks.
"No. I want to know first who that 'killer' is. Please girls tell me, do you know who that is? I sometimes hear it from Alison but I definitely can't pinpoint who that is from the four of you."
Spencer nodded and looked at Aria and Hanna. They also nodded then Spencer handed the letter to Emily.
"It's Emily." Spencer's words were just above whisper but she is sure that Mrs. Di Laurentis heard it.
"Emily?" Mrs. Di Laurentis seemed not that surprised but maybe she is just not that capable of expressing any emotion right now.
Emily's heart stopped when she read the words 'KILLER' on Alison's letter. Only the five of us know that's Alison's nickname to her. Her personal pitbull. Protector. Eveything seemed to stop as she holds the letter. Only she and Mrs. Di Laurentis are moving. Emily looked at Alison's mother as if asking if she can open it and read it. The other woman just nodded and sat down on the bed.
Emily's fingers were fumbling; she is scared at finding what Alison's words to her were. After a few more minutes but feels like hours to her, she managed to open and read it. It's dated a day before the sleepover.
'Your my protector Em, you know that right? You're my killer whenever I'm too stupid to see that I'm in trouble. You never let me be in trouble as long as you have the power to save me. Remember that time when I got pissed at you and accidentally threw some orange juice on my mom's flower bed and she noticed it? My mom was livid but you automatically covered for me. You never lied but you always make an exception to me. You didn't get scared of her. You protected me no matter what. I never told you but I am so grateful for everything.
'If you're wondering why I'm writing this to you, It's because I'm too damn scared to say all of this in words. You know me Em, I don't do this crazy stuff. I never believed in love. Love is overrated. But you changed me.
All those times that when guys want to hit on me, you always have you're eyes on me. Watching me closely if I'm ok. Don't think I don't notice those things on you; I also always have my eyes on you.
I guess I'm rambling too much. What I'm trying to say is that I love you Emily fields. More than just a friend. I want to kiss you and protect you and spend all of my time with you. All those things I said about us being nothing, I have no other reason on saying it just, I'm scared. I'm scared when my family finds out about my feelings for you because one thing I wouldn't do to you is for you to become my dirty little secret. I want us to be open. But I'm afraid that they will disown me. I'm a coward when it comes to feelings Emily. Not unlike Maya.
She loves you too, you know. As much as it hurts for me to say this but you're better off to be with her. She is not a coward like me. She can protect you, not like me I just cover myself with lies.
Just please Emily, don't forget whatever happens, if ever I get to have the courage to send this to you and you found someone that really loves you. Don't forget that I love you first. No one and nothing can change that.
You can see all my faults and imperfections but still loves me without questions. You don't see me as the perfect blonde girl in rosewood, you see me as Alison Di Laurentis, a normal girl that makes mistakes and deserved to be love. That's one thing that makes me fall for you. You believe in me when no one would. Even if you have every reason to hate me you still make an effort to understand me. That means a lot to me.
Just please remember Emily, I love you. And I care about all of you. I just don't have enough courage to show this side of me.
-Alison
Emily can't take it. She sat down on the bed with shaking knees and covered her face with her palms to mask the overflowing tears. 'Alison loves me'she thought. And that's the only thing that was etched on her mind. With Alison's perfect but shaking scrawl. Those words. She can never ever forget it.
Emily didn't notice that she dropped the letter on the floor. Now the three girls are afraid to read it but Aria determinedly opened it again and this time the three of them read it. After a few minutes of silence they passed the letter to Alison's mother.
"Do you want to read it Mrs. Di Laurentis? It's a very personal letter from Alison to Emily." Spencer manages to say while keeping her steady. After Mrs. Di Laurentis nodded and read the letter, the three friends scrambled to hug Emily. No words were uttered. No words can express what their feelings, mixed happiness and sadness. Happiness that finally Alison admitted it to Emily and sadness because Alison is not here.
After the emotional ride, they have calmed down and Mrs. Di Laurentis managed to make them a cup of hot choco.
They are still silent and every once in a while they will look at Emily whose tears are still silently falling.
"I have always known that my daughter has a soft spot for you Emily. Always." finally Jessica broke the silence. Not quite meeting the questioning stares of the three girls, she continued.
"It's you who she would always tell me about, all the things you do. She never directly tells it but I can see how much she cares for you. Whenever you guys are here, I always noticed that Alison's eyes shine extra brighter when you laugh. Her gaze stays extra longer on you." Mrs. Di Laurentis said quietly.
Emily looked up and catches the eyes of the older woman. It's full of understanding.
"Do you feel the same way?"
"Yes"
Mrs. Di Laurentis nodded silently and let the tears fall while they hugged each other and hold each other for support because they are both missing the one they love.
Once they settled down, Mrs. Di Laurentis reached for another drawer and Spencer gasped loudly.
"Oh so I'm not the only one who have seen this, is that right?" The older woman said. This time Aria questions Spencer.
"Have you seen that? When?"
Mrs. Di Laurentis handed them the picture and Hanna burst out laughing. This earned her stares from all the girls and she shyly explains why.
"I'm sorry It's just that, Alison have never been this open with her emotions right? She always shuts it down. But one picture tells it all."
"I took this shot." Aria said thoughtfully while her smile is growing bigger.
Emily can't tear her eyes away from the picture. Every bit of Alison is so happy and radiates love for the person she is looking at and that's Emily. And for the first time this past month, Emily smiled. A true one.
"Can I have a copy of this Mrs. Di Laurentis?" Emily said, still looking at the picture.
"That's yours." and Emily's smile grew bigger.
After few more minutes of talking and comforting words were exchanged. Once they settled down, Mrs. Di Laurentis let them leave.
"You have seen that picture before" Aria stated it to Spencer and in return Spencer just nodded. Hanna gives her a questioning look and gives her answer after a sigh.
"I talked to Ali one morning before the sleepover and I kind of attacked her with her feelings for Emily and of course she denied it but no one can lie with those pictures. Ali's looking at that picture before I came in and she forgot to hide it in the heat of our argument." Spencer retells her story as she tries to remember every detail of that conversation.
"I try to turn around the argument against her by pointing out that picture but somehow she still turned it against me." Spencer finished with some kind of a grin. Yes, it's hard to lose with Alison but they both know it's just a game for the two of them. And for the both of them, it's their arguments that make their friendship unique from the others. One of the things she will truly miss from her missing friend.
They all shared knowing looks and continued walking in silence. All absorbed on their own thoughts. As they reached a corner where they all need to separate, Emily speaks up.
"What will we do now?"
"No Em, what will you do now?" Aria asked pointedly. "Now that you know what Alison thinks of you."
Just like the way she is looking at the darkening sky, she is lost. Lost in her thoughts and emotions. The girls knowing what Emily might be feeling just gave each other a hug.
It seems that all their questions are answered now.
Does Alison really love all of them? Yes.
Is Alison scared? Yes.
Is she in love with Emily? A definite yes. But what now?
They are all lost on what to do next. Yes, they now know the answers but what good does knowing do to them when Alison is not here with them? To enjoy each other's company again. But then an expected voice broke from their stupor.
"This is stupid."
They all looked at Hanna from speaking up.
"Alison will tease us to death if we stay like this moping around. Alison doesn't want to see us like this. Especially you Emily!" hitting Emily lightly on her arm.
"Think, if ever one of us has a problem or makes us sad, Alison always thinks of ways to let us forget those. Then sneaks us up and makes us see things brighter. Or somehow the truth. Yes she hurts us and not all of her tricks are nice but still."
Spencer just looks at Hanna thoughtfully and said, "Go on."
"What I'm saying is, we just have to move on. Yes we miss her and we will always think about her but Alison will never forgive us if we stopped living our lives just to take pity on her." Hanna rushed in one sentence just to get it all out of her chest. One thing that they do know, Alison doesn't want to pity on her. She will just lash out on you and if you felt bad about it, she will do something sneaky again and make you feel better. Indirectly.
"Hanna's right! That letter is for us to make us feel better. Especially for you Emily." Aria said determinedly looking at each of them and her gaze stayed at the brunette.
Emily stifled a sob but another person interrupted them, this time outside the four of them.
"Em, I'm here. You can hold on to me." Maya said seriously, voice filled with concern.
The three gathered on one side of Emily as Maya approaches her on the other.
They are mere inches apart but from Emily's point they are still miles apart. Here is a girl that truly wants to be with her and is willing to wait but she is in love with someone that's too coward to acknowledge her feelings until It's too late. No words are spoken only actions.
Maya hugged Emily like her life depended on it. Emily stiffened by the contact but not because It's not welcome, It's because she was hit by what Maya wants to say to her through this hug. And true enough, Emily's assumptions are right.
Maya whispers on Emily's right ear these words, "I care for you so much. We will get pass through this, together or not, I will still be here for you. No attachments. Just let me take care of you. She will be back. I promise. But for now let me take care of you."
Emily doesn't know how long or what she looks like but her sobs become loud and couldn't control any longer she gives in to the hug and hold on to Maya tightly. Maya makes smooth circular action on Emily's back to somehow ease the crying and pain. She knows this is not enough but this will have to do for now.
After unaccountable minutes of just taking comfort from each other, Maya pulled back and kisses Emily's cheek, cleared the path of tears that is still freely flowing and lastly tucked a loose hair behind.
Emily have no words but "thank you". She knows this is not enough but this will have to do. She can't explain the different kind of banging on her heart, longingness just by looking in her dark brown eyes and most of all understanding on what Maya meant to her and her intentions.
After a moment of silence from their emotional breakdown, they all looked at the sky and then to the direction of Alison's house. They are definitely still lost but somehow knowing that they have each other's back; the pain they feel becomes bearable.
Alison brought them together maybe this will bring them closer than ever before.
"What now?" Hanna asks again.
This time Spencer is ready with her answer.
"We live." simple.
Sometimes loosing someone can make you lose your friends too, you close up like a shell and doesn't bother to open up with anyone. Sometimes it's the only thing that makes you closer than ever before. Looking for each other for support, knowing that someone also feels the same way you do.
Not everything is a happy ending. But surely if you just look close enough you will find something bright even if you are on the darkest tunnels of your life. Someone will wait for you on the other end, some will stay with you on the dark.
Not everything is perfect, Alison lived a perfect life. Perfect family, status, wealth, friends and she was loved unconditionally by someone but she ends up missing and lost.
Spencer always argues with her sister and being taken for granted by her parents but she's a genius and friends that love all her study quirks and family drama. Somehow living becomes enjoyable even.
Hanna is a little chubby, not appreciated by her father and broken family but gifted by her humor and undeterred loyalty; she was living a life that any other person will want just because she is happy. Still not enough confidence but she is getting there.
Aria has an annoying brother, trusting family and a perfect mom but her family is picture perfect from the looks of an outsider. Although his dad is having an affair, that's the least of her problems. With all her confidence and artistic skills she can take over anything.
Emily is a closeted lesbian and suffered a handful of aches and pain. Experienced her first kiss, first love, heartbreak and of course recovery. She have a lot more to go for her to be truly happy like coming out with herself and family but having someone to just be beside you makes all those problems small.
Every little problem they all have been rewarded with little perks and subtle gifts. Yes, everything is not perfect but also see that it's always on balance. You just have to make sure you realize all the good stuff too and don't dwell in the bad.
For Hanna, Spencer and Aria, they all know this will bring them closer and burden their hate for Ali and relive the happy memories.
For Emily and Maya this is a new beginning. No attachments. On Emily's heart, Alison is truly her first love and knowing that feeling is mutual but for now she have to hold on to someone to be her rock to do all the things she needs to do to recover. For now Maya is her rock.
What will she do if ever Alison comes back? She will cross that road when she gets there. For now, she will enjoy the feeling that she is being loved, even by afar, by Alison. It doesn't lessen the pain, but happiness and contentment counters it. Simply by knowing this little truth, it puts a genuine smile on her face.
done...
so what do you guys think? is it lame? my dad always says that ending a story is the hardest part..if it goes wrong the whole story goes down too.. i just hope i did some justice with this one..
please tell me what you guys think...bad or good, i can take it...
again thank you for reading and taking the time for your reviews!
sorry, last one...theres one chapter i still want to add this one, a chapter that i have written way before i started this story..thats probably where i got all the ideas for this one..it can stand on its own..so what do you guys think, should i add that story to this one or just upload it differently? please tell me you think...