Chapter 25

Carlos watched as Kendall, James, and Logan sat next to each other, not speaking a word. He wondered what was up with their sudden silence. What were they thinking about? Him? Something else? If they were thinking of him, what was it about him they were thinking about?

After ten minutes of complete silence, the boys seemed to notice Carlos staring at them, and tried to force smiles onto their grim faces. But Carlos could see right through them. They were hiding something. From him, and from each other. After all he'd been through, Carlos was getting good at reading people, since he'd experienced almost every single emotion related to pain.

"Hey, Carlos! How ya doing?" James grinned, faking cheerfulness. Carlos shrugged. He hadn't spoken a word since he opened his eyes from his coma, and Carlos wanted it to stay that way. He couldn't trust anyone to say anything to them. He was scared that if he said something bad, his friends would leave him. Again.

It was stupid of him, but he was seriously scared of talking to anyone, especially his friends. He was afraid of what could happen if he did.

"Guess what? Bitters prepared this basket full of Fruit Smackers just for you. You know, like a welcome gift?" Kendall announced, looking amused.

"Who knew Bitters could be so… not bitter?" Logan added.

Carlos tried to smile the best he could. It probably came out like a grimace or something, though. Did his friends really not know what was wrong with him? Did they really not know what happened to him? Every time, his friends would get all quiet and ask him what happened. How could they not know?

"Anyways, Carlos, do you wanna tell us anything about this place? Are the nurses hot?" James asked enthusiastically, even though he and the other boys knew Carlos wasn't going to answer him.

Carlos shrugged, his answer to almost every single question now. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

"Carlitos, the doctors said you can come home in a few days! Aren't you excited to go back home and see all your friends?" Kendall asked him, raising his bushy eyebrows.

Carlos shrugged, looking down. Friends. The word seemed to foreign to him. He hadn't had a friend since… since everything happened. Who knew if the Palm Woods residents still cared about him? When he searched through his mind, all he could see were people who betrayed him, hurt him, and didn't care about him. There wasn't one ounce of love in his memories. Except maybe Mrs. Knight and Katie, who still cared about him, even when he'd been keeping so much from them. Maybe.

"We're gonna have a party just for you!" Logan told him, hoping to get Carlos happy again. "It's gonna be awesome! We even got your favorite food. Corndogs!"

Carlos did smile this time. A party? Just for him? Maybe people still cared about him after all…

But then his heart dropped. This was only because he was in the hospital. People felt bad for him only because he got hurt. No one cared… they just felt bad for him. It took Carlos jumping off the roof for people to start paying him any attention. Before, no one even came to ask if he was okay. No one even said "hello" to him. And now they were having a party for him?

It seemed unbelievable, but Carlos believed it all the same. A party. Just for him. He didn't care if it was because he was hurt… the fact that people were happy he was coming back made him the happiest person ever.

"Aren't you excited?" Carlos looked up, not knowing who said that. But slowly, nodded his head. Up and down. Up and down.

The boys were shocked; Carlos's answer to questions was always a shrug. Never a shake of the head. Never a nod.

They quickly got over the shock of Carlos's nod, and started talking to him about how much people at the Palm Woods missed him. It made Carlos feel so loved after hearing about who still cared about him. Who still loved him.

He should've gone to get help from the Palm Woods people. Why hadn't he? Maybe he didn't want to look like a wimp. Maybe he just… maybe he just couldn't trust them to actually care. Maybe… well, those were probably the only reasons.

But if he had gotten help… this wouldn't have happened, would it? The cutting, the jumping off the building scene, the not talking for weeks… everything. Would his friends have changed and loved him again? Maybe… maybe not.

Maybe, maybe, maybe. Carlos's life was full of that word. Maybe. Maybe they still would've cared if he'd talked to them about it… maybe he wouldn't have felt depressed if he tried to make friends…

But maybe his friends wouldn't have cared a bit if Carlos told them what was happening at school. Maybe no one wanted to be his friend… maybe Carlos had to jump in order for people to open their eyes and care about him again. It seemed pathetic, but maybe that was how it was.

The problem was, though, that his friends didn't know he was depressed. How would they react when he told them he'd been cutting, he was beat up at school every day, that he was having suicidal thoughts… that he attempted suicide?

He wouldn't tell them. That was what Carlos decided when his friends had left, when the hospital had closed for the night. He wouldn't worry them with all the horrible things that had happened to him. It wasn't worth it now, anyways, because they said they were his friends again. There was no use freaking them out.

Maybe, maybe if things ever got really bad, maybe he'd tell them. Maybe. But he didn't think that would happen. He'd leave the hospital, and their life would be back to normal.

But what about school? It was what started all this in the first place. What if people just kept on bullying him, not knowing what had really happened? What if Kendall, James, and Logan just went back to ignoring him because they didn't know what had happened? If they though this had just been an accident… then they wouldn't care about Carlos that much after he healed, would they?

Carlos didn't know what to do. Should he tell them, or not? Should he worry them, or should he just let them go back to their old habits? Of course, Carlos wanted to tell them… it was just that… he didn't want people to think there was something wrong with him. What if they sent him to counseling? What if people made fun of him even more?

Carlos didn't know anything for sure right now. He sighed, leaning his head against his soft, fluffy pillow. He reached up with both hands and turned the notch on his hearing aids down to "low". The noises of the machines, the crickets, the voices outside… they all disappeared. Everything was quiet, and soon, Carlos fell asleep, hoping that maybe, just maybe, things would be better and clearer tomorrow.

Maybe.

A/N- So… just a bunch of his thoughts and his inner mind debating about stuff. Hope you liked it? ;) Should he tell them, or not? Well, obviously yes… but if he does tell, how do ya think people are gonna react?

Please review? This chapter was kinda a… filler… *hate that word*… but please tell me what you thought about it. Please?

Who's excited for Big Time Returns and Big Time Rush on Figure It Out? I know I am. I haven't been this excited for a long time…

Peace, Love, and Big Time Rush,

Anonymous Skrtle