Author's Note: Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.
Ooh, a long chapter… for me, anyway. Keep in mind that everyone has known for nearly a week that Bella was coming home, and Renee probably repeated what Bella told her about why she left.
Chapter 24
It's about 8pm on Friday evening when I finally exit the interstate for those last few miles towards home.
Home. I can't imagine what I'll find when I get there. Mike has always been so mild-mannered, never one to raise his voice in anger, but I just don't know what to expect from him. And my children… God, I pray that I can make them understand that Mommy loves them very much and didn't leave because of something they did. Remembering how I took everything to heart when I was their age, I know that my prayers will likely go unanswered.
Since I got on the road just after noon on Monday, I have done nothing but think of the mistakes I have made and the people I have hurt. If only I had just spoken up more when things started to become too much for me. If only I hadn't waited until I got to the edge of a breakdown before I did something about it. If only…
If only won't help me now. I have to face up to what I did.
I pull into our driveway and shut off the engine — I don't have the garage door opener. As soon as I put a foot on the ground, I see the front door swing open and Mike step out onto the porch.
"Bella!" he calls. "Your mother was right? You really are here…"
"I'm here," I say, barely audible.
I stand dumbfounded as Mike rushes towards me and envelops me in his arms. I keep my arms down at my sides stiffly, unsure of what I should do. Finally he steps back and just stares at me.
"Sweetheart, I thought I'd never see you again… We've all been worried sick."
"Mike," I choke. "I am so sorry for leaving like I did. I didn't mean to worry you."
"Come on," he says. "Let's go inside and talk. Do you have bags or anything?"
"Yeah, in the trunk," I reply as I hit the trunk release on the key fob. I turn towards the back of the car, but Mike steps in front of me.
"It's ok, I'll get them. You just go on inside. The kids are all still up and I'm sure they'll be excited to see you. They've talked of nothing but since we got your mom's call Sunday morning."
"All right," I say softly, steeling myself for my children's reaction to me.
I push the door open, step inside the foyer and just stand in place, looking around at my house. Everything seems just as I remember. I don't know what I expected, really.
Hearing voices in the kitchen, I head back there just as I hear Mike open the front door behind me.
"Mommy!" Nessie shouts, standing up from her chair and rushing towards me, throwing her arms around me. I hug her back tightly and try to determine how much she's grown in the last six and a half months.
"Nessie, baby, I am so happy to see you. I missed you so, so much."
"I missed you too, Mommy. Where were you?"
"Um, well, I went to Washington to get some rest, and I hung out with some new friends. But I thought about you every single day and wished that I could be with you," I reply, stroking her hair. "I love you so much. I hope one day you'll forgive me for leaving."
Nessie gives me a tentative smile in return, and I let out a breath, feeling like maybe things will be ok.
I look up and see Mike's mother, Ann, wiping what looks like chocolate ice cream off the face of one of the twins, who is sitting on the granite island top. The other is standing next to her, staring up at me. I approach slowly, as if approaching a frightened animal, and pick up my adorable towheaded son.
"My gosh, Seth, you have gotten so big," I exclaim as I hug him.
"Mommy, I'm Sam," he says.
Oh God… I can't even tell my twins apart.
"Hey buddy," Mike calls as he takes Seth from his place on the island. I stand motionless, still holding Sam and trying hard to hold back tears.
"Bella, it's good to see you, dear," Mrs. Newton says carefully. "Are you… feeling better?"
"I am, thank you so much. Thanks to all of you for making me feel so welcome. Seth, can Mommy get a hug?"
Mike trades children with me and I hug Seth tightly. Of course, I can see the difference now. Seth has always been just a little bit larger than Sam, but of course, Sam has grown over the past six months and is now larger than the size Seth was when I left. I feel so stupid.
"Nessie, honey, why don't you go play in your room," Mike's mom suggests. "I'll take the boys upstairs for their baths so you two can talk."
"Thanks, Mom."
As the others leave the room, I fidget nervously, knowing the inquisition is about to begin. I can't even look at my husband.
"Do you… uh, do you want to go sit down and talk?" Mike asks.
"Sure," I reply quietly.
I sneak my phone into the pocket of my hoodie and head out of the kitchen, trailing behind Mike. We step into the family room and sit, me on the comfortable couch and Mike on the loveseat. I look over at my husband — he looks the same as when I left. Blond hair graying at the temples, a few small wrinkles forming around his eyes, still fairly trim but starting to develop that middle-aged paunch.
I continue to fidget, playing with my fingers, before I finally shove my hands underneath my thighs. We sit in silence for what feels like hours before Mike finally speaks.
"Where the hell have you been, Bella?" he asks, sounding more curious than angry.
"Um, I was in Forks… it—it's a small town in Washington, near the ocean and the Olympic Mountains."
"How did you — I mean, why there?"
I shrug. "I drove west and ended up in Seattle. I overheard another guest at the hotel talking about the coast and thought it might make a nice drive. I had just passed the 'Welcome to Forks' sign when the water pump went out on my car. Then I just… decided to stay."
Mike's brow furrows as he thinks about what I said. "And were your co-workers right? Did you leave because of stress?"
"Yes," I answer softly.
"I don't understand, Bella. If things were that bad, why didn't you speak up?"
"I did," I plead. "I did ask you about getting another nanny, or maybe having your mom come and stay… But you put me off, you said that lots of two-career couples make it without live-in help… I know, it's partially my fault — I should've made you understand how bad it was getting.
"When I talked to you… that day, and you reminded me about ordering the cake, the invitations… it's like my to-do list was never ending. I started driving to the school and then I just snapped. I had to get out of there. I'm so sorry, I know it was horribly selfish, but I needed that break."
Mike shakes his head. "You can't imagine what we've been through, Bella…"
"I know — I am a horrible wife and mother. You can say it — I deserve everything."
"Couldn't you have at least called? Let us know you were ok?"
I shrug. "Cop's daughter — I know calls can be traced. But I left the note in the minivan, so you'd know I wasn't kidnapped or something. I didn't want you to worry."
"Not worry about my wife missing for six months?" Mike shakes his head. "And the stories I had to tell our kids who were worried that Mommy was never coming back — I couldn't even promise them that you were, because I had no idea!"
"I never would've left them forever! I just needed to stay away until I felt able to return. I wasn't going to be any good for them if I'd have stayed and ended up in a mental institution."
Mike scoffs. "Come on, Bella. It couldn't have been that bad for you. I lived the same life you did, remember?"
"No, you didn't!" I shout. "You did your job, then came home and watched sports all night, or did whatever you pleased. You spent the weekends golfing. Meanwhile, I had to run back and forth for whatever the kids needed, do all of the parenting, every bit of work around the house except clean it, and then entertain the children while you were out having fun," I list.
Mike stares at me, a look of shock on his face. "This is what you felt about our life together? Why didn't you say something?"
I just want to scream. "I did say something. How many times did I ask you to set the table or help me unload the dishwasher? You'd do it for a week and then stop because you claimed you couldn't figure out my methods of organizing the cabinets. You'd throw in one load of laundry once a month and call that helping me with laundry."
"Bella, I — I don't know what to say. You did a great job taking care of the house; I didn't realize you needed help."
"I worked just as hard as you did all day long, Mike — maybe harder — and then did everything to keep this household running. I couldn't take it anymore, and so I left. I am so sorry for everything I put you and the kids through, but for once in my life, my needs had to come first."
"I get it, Bella, I do," Mike says quietly, a look of surrender on his face. "So, um, what have you been doing for the last six months? Where did you live?"
It's just like Mike to change the subject instead of really listening to my complaints. I'm too tired right now to keep discussing this, but we will talk about it more later.
"Um… I got a job as a waitress at a steakhouse called The Lodge, in Forks," I finally reply.
"A waitress," Mike sputters.
"Yes… a waitress. I looked through the want ads in the paper and that was the first thing that caught my eye. I waitressed some in high school," I add, holding my chin up. Does he think I'm not capable of waiting tables?
"I lived in a boarding house," I continue, "With a couple of twenty-somethings. A very nice elderly widow ran it."
"You told Nessie you made new friends there."
"Yeah, I, uh… became friends with the other two people who lived in the boarding house. Um, Alice and… Edward. Alice runs a clothing consignment shop and Edward teaches music," I babble, wondering if I should even mention Edward to Mike at all.
"I see. What exactly did a mother of three have in common with these young people?" Mike asks, almost snidely.
"They accepted me, Mike. They didn't know about you and the kids. They thought I was their age."
"So you lied to them?"
"Yes… I lied. I didn't think they'd understand my leaving, so I lied. Again, I am a horrible person," I say, tears beginning to form in my eyes.
Mike sighs. "You're not a horrible person, Bella. It's just — I've never known you to act so selfishly."
"Exactly. I'm not normally selfish, and trying to please everyone brought me to the edge of a nervous breakdown," I shout.
"I'm sorry," I say more quietly, afraid of everyone upstairs overhearing.
"So… what now?" Mike asks.
"Now, I plan to quit my job officially next week, if I haven't been fired already. My last promotion gave me too much responsibility… at least too much for someone trying to mix work and family. I don't know yet what I want to do, but I'll… figure it out."
"You'll figure it out," Mike repeats. "I've never known you to not have a plan."
"The last six months have changed me, Mike. I'm more comfortable taking life a day at a time now," I respond.
Our conversation is interrupted as I hear Mike's mom walking down the stairs. Seconds later, she peeks her head into the family room.
"Hey, guys… I just wanted to let you know I've put the boys to bed. Nessie is playing her Wii in her room. I'm just gonna head downstairs… Goodnight."
"Night, Mom."
"Goodnight, Ann," I say quietly, still unsure of what Mike's mom is thinking of me right now.
"Maybe we should go up and say goodnight," Mike suggests.
"Sure," I agree.
Mike walks over and hugs me after I stand up, telling me he loves me. I'm still too pissed off to reply. We walk upstairs together and quickly kiss the boys goodnight before Mike goes into our bedroom to give me a chance to talk to Nessie alone.
"Ness?" I call nervously.
"Hey, Mom," she replies, barely look up from the game on the television.
"Could we talk for a minute? Do you have any questions?"
Nessie hits Pause on the game and sets the Wii controller on the bed next to her. I sit down on her other side and tentatively put an arm around her. Ness hugs me back tightly.
"I missed you, Mommy," she says, her big brown eyes looking up at me.
"I know, sweetie; I missed you, too."
"Why did you leave? Lauren Mallory said it's because you don't love us anymore."
"Oh Nessie, baby, your classmate is wrong — that isn't true. Not true at all. I left because I do love you and your brothers. I needed to get away and rest for a while, so I could be the best mommy to you, like you deserve." It's so hard to explain this in terms that a nine-year-old might understand.
"I'm sorry I missed your birthday," I add.
"I got your presents," Nessie says, smiling.
"I thought of you that day, and every single day," I say passionately.
"Are you going to leave again?" Nessie asks in a quiet voice.
"No," I say emphatically. "I am home to stay." While it pains me to think of never seeing Edward again, I know that he was right and I have to be here for my babies.
"Come on, Ness, why don't you take a bath and get some sleep?"
"But Mom…"
"I know, it's early, but we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. I thought I'd take you and your brothers downtown. We can go to Shedd Aquarium and Navy Pier, all those places you love to visit. Maybe even the American Girl store," I add.
"Can we get sundaes at the Ghirardelli store, too?" Ness asks, grinning.
"Of course you can," I reply, hugging her again. I stand up and head for the door, then turn around to face my daughter. "Go get ready for bed, ok?"
"If I have to…"
"Yes," I laugh, "You have to. I love you, Ness; don't ever forget that."
Closing the door, I walk down the hallway to Mike's and my bedroom. I take a deep breath, then open the door and find Mike sitting in the chair, reading what looks like a file from work.
"Everything ok with Ness?" Mike asks, looking up at me.
"Yeah, I think things are gonna be ok. I told her I'd take her and the boys downtown tomorrow. I know I probably should've asked you first…"
"It's fine, Bella. I really need to get some work done on a case going to trial next week, so it'll be good for the kids to be entertained all day."
I nod and begin to empty my bags that Mike brought up earlier into the laundry hamper. I dig through a drawer and find some pajamas, then walk towards the bathroom.
"Um, I'm just gonna take a shower… I feel icky from driving all day," I say, though Mike is hardly paying attention to me.
Fifteen minutes later, I am showered, dried and dressed. I walk back out to the bedroom and stare at our familiar king-sized bed. I think of the creaky double beds back at the boarding house, picturing Edward's lanky frame hanging off the end. The thought of being with Mike right now turns my stomach, like it would be cheating on Edward somehow.
"Um, I'll just go sleep in the guest room so you can stay up and work as long as you need to," I say, Mike's work providing a convenient excuse.
"Oh. Ok," Mike replies, blue eyes staring up at me. His gaze is piercing, as if he's trying to figure me out.
I turn and leave the room, quietly closing the door behind me. Inside the guest room, I pull back the covers and climb into bed. Turning onto my side and staring out the window, I wonder what Edward is doing right this minute. It's still early in Washington. I pull out my cell phone, which I had stuffed into the pocket of my pajama pants and send a final text to Edward.
I'm home.
A/N: There will never be a lot of interaction with Bella's children. I have no kids and am only familiar with teenagers, not kids this young, so I don't feel like I can do justice to writing them.