full chapter title: FINE LINE BETWEEN A SKEWER AND A DECENT SENSE OF HUMOR
-from It's Gonna Be It by Norah Jones
Jack woke up quietly five minutes before the plane landed. He could see Lois and Liz chatting quietly while Gwen reviewed case files. Ianto's head was snuggled against his chest. Jack smiled at the sight of the sleeping Welshman and used his free left hand to fish something out of his pocket.
He slipped the ring onto Ianto's finger and kissed his lover awake. "Five more minutes…" Ianto muttered as he broke off the kiss.
"We're landing in five minutes," Jack whispered into Ianto's hair.
Unhappy with his lack of sleep, Ianto ruffled his hand through his hair and felt the weight of the ring on his finger. Confused, he turned to Jack with a quizzical expression.
"I love you Ianto Jones. Will you marry me?"
The Welshman stayed silent for a while, unsure of what to say, before he finally deadpanned, "I was expecting something a little more extravagant, sir."
"I'm going to take that as a yes," the captain laughed and kissed Ianto's forehead.
They were both beaming as they stepped off the plane. This caused Gwen to whisper quietly to the other two females on the team. "What's with them?"
Lois shrugged but Liz whispered back, "Take a good look at Ianto's hand next time."
Gwen raised her eyebrows and let her mouth drop. Even Lois had a surprised look on her face. "No…" Gwen laughed. The three of them giggled as they descended the plane's stairs to the runway.
Immediately as they landed on the private landing strip, they were greeted UNIT colonel Augustus Oduya. Jack's face shriveled in obvious disgust. He could feel the other two senior members of his team stiffen. Wasn't this man supposed to be in Britain? Must've gotten demoted after the 456 incident.
"Captain Jack Harkness," the colonel greeted with an extended hand.
Jack ignored it.
Oduya surveyed the travelers. "Over the phone you said you needed four rooms, but I see that there are five people. Should I make other arrangements or…"
"Just tell us where are rooms are." Jack plastered on fake smile.
Getting the message, Oduya quickly led them to their rooms. The team piled into the largest quarters, the one that would eventually become Jack and Ianto's as well as their temporary base. Once Oduya was out of earshot, Jack sighed loudly.
"Finally!" he cried and kissed Ianto hard on the lips as if that was his reward for being patient. The Welshman only blushed furiously on such a display.
"What was that about?" Liz asked.
"He was one of the colonels in London two years ago," Lois explained. She cast a glance at Jack to see his reaction. He never gave one.
"Well first things first," Jack exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "Get to work team!"
The girls each went off to their separate rooms, each with a small, black, sleek scanner in their hands. Ianto tossed Jack theirs and all of the Torchwood agents activated the device simultaneously. The bugs placed in their rooms immediately flared up and died. The girls hurried back into the main room. Liz held something else in her hand which she threw at Jack. "Happy engagement," she said.
Jack caught it. "And that is?" Ianto inquired.
"Telepathic disturber/sound barrier. Lois rigged it up from some old tech we dragged out of the bay. It, uh… keeps you quiet at night."
Jack raised his eyebrows and the sides of his lips twitched.
"We're guests!" Liz exclaimed. "Sheesh! UNIT may not be on the top of our 'hot' list but there's still something called respect!"
Jack chuckled and began to issue orders. "Gwen, Lois go check out the computers and the tech they have here. They want us investigating aliens here, they better give us full access to all equipment." The two of them nodded. "Liz, go find a team of young doctors and do something smart that will make their years of medical school look like kindergarten. Ianto and I will go meet the president and brief the rest of you later."
Gwen and Lois marched purposefully down the hallways to the main computer room. UNIT specialists were typing away. Torchwood was here for three reasons. One, to protect the President of the United States. Two, to investigate strange readings UNIT had been receiving. Three, to extremely and utterly humiliate the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce.
They were all going to have fun with that last bit.
Gwen and Lois peered around in the room, leaning around people to view the programs. They met in the middle of the room which held a small table. Gwen leaned over and whispered, "Not as good as us."
"We'll have to add in our own spices," Lois agreed and ushered a young looking bloke away. She uploaded the Rift software and communications program, along with a few other Torchwood specialties. The UNIT employees raised their eyebrows. "There," Lois declared. "All better."
Liz marched into medical room. As Jack said, there the medics were, young and working away. She surveyed the room and eyed a scalpel. She picked it up and weighed it in her hand. A young man looked over. "Um… I don't think you want to mess with that with no gloves." He had a distinct British accent.
"You from England?" Liz asked.
"Yeah."
"Name?"
"Rory."
"Hello Rory. I don't think I'll cut myself with this." To supplement her answer, she swung it to the side. It neatly grazed over another doctor and pierced itself in the painting that was hung there. Liz smiled sweetly but sarcastically. She fished a switchblade out of her back pocket. "I've used a lot of sharp things in my life." Liz clapped her hands together, switchblade still in hand. "Right, okay! Until I don't have to stick around and babysit the President, you listen to Torchwood and Torchwood also means me. Is that clear?"
No one answered.
"Is that clear?" Liz repeated a bit louder.
"Excuse me," came a voice. Liz whirled around, switchblade in hand. As she turned, the blade flipped out by accident. It was Oduya. "These doctors are employees of UNIT. They do not take orders from anyone else but us."
"Oh yeah, UNIT. Sure," Liz drawled. "I presume this is coming from the same man who was willing to sacrifice so many children three years ago? Coming from the same man whose actions unknowingly set of repercussions in all of time and space indirectly linked with the return of Captain Jack Harkness? This coming from the man who indirectly had a hand in the death of Ianto Jones and other innocents in the Thames House? Alright," Liz smiled and turned back to the doctors. "Second thought, you can just clear out and I'll have Harkness deal with you."
Not one doctor moved. Liz just laughed.
Ianto was finding it increasingly hard to walk down to the Oval Office. Jack was busy thinking of the things he was going to do to his perfect Welshman once night fell and he could feel it as clear as day. Ianto rolled his eyes and pressed Jack against the wall. The captain was taken by surprise. The younger man forced his lips on the immortal and kissed him roughly. Jack groaned and rolled his hips.
"Now can you think non-dirty thoughts until after we speak with the President?" Ianto asked like a parent.
"Yes sir," Jack leered. Ianto rolled his eyes again. They managed to get to the Office in two separate pieces though. Inside, Whitmore was waiting for them.
"Captain Jack Harkness," the immortal introduced, extending his hand. "This is Ianto Jones."
"Whitmore. Thomas Whitmore." The President shook the hand.
Jack glanced over at Ianto and gave him a subtle wink. Directing his attention back to the President he asked, "I presume UNIT's told you about us?"
"They did indeed," Whitmore nodded, returning back to behind the desk.
"HMS Resolute," Jack commented, eyeing the brown desk. "Seen the one back in England too. I was there when the Queen unveiled it."
"That was over one hundred years ago."
"Queen and country," Jack shrugged. Then he turned serious. "While we're here, things will be run our way. I just hope you're clear with that."
"Actually," Whitmore proposed. "You've got something America wants. Or rather, Social Services. Your medic. She is a minor and she is a United States citizen. She's our responsibility and frankly, she's caused us a lot of trouble. You give us custody of her and things will go your way."
Jack shot a look at Ianto and raised his eyebrows. Turning back around, he chuckled. "I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation, Mr. President sir," Jack began sarcastically. "We're Torchwood. Beyond the UN, outside the government –operating independently. Now the last time I checked, Elizabeth Huang was born in Cardiff, Wales and has lived there her life. I do believe if you search your birth records, there's no mention of any Elizabeth Huang, 17, Asian-American." Jack looked back at Ianto. "She saw it coming and got Lois to wipe her records clean." Ianto nodded. "And so," Jack continued to the President, "our way or the highway."
"Right then," the President breathed, obviously a bit startled by Jack's forcefulness. "You will have all access to resources you need."
Jack straightened up and tugged his coat. "Glad we understand each other."
Oh? Rory's around?
Hmm... Now how can that be?
xD