A/N: I'm trying. I really do and I hope this chapter proves it as much. I know I've been showing nothing but gratitude for the reviews I got and I seldom respond to your responds. Just one thing I need to clarify; like what I've said in my author's note previously, I don't have anything to work with at the moment and for as long as I can remember, every time I start writing it just comes out of me. So here I tell you, honestly I have no idea where I'm taking this story. I don't know what will be the ending and how this will end but I do have a blurred picture of it. Maybe some doesn't read my author's note and I won't blame you. But if you can't take the way I'm bringing this story around then I'm sorry. Never in my writing experience have I ever intended to annoy or irritate my readers. I guess I was playing with too many emotions I can't handle.

Thanks for reading my extra-long author's note this time and thank you as well for leaving reviews. I appreciate your honest words to me and please don't stop giving them. Those are what that motivates me most. Have a nice time reading and enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns the characters. My only rights are for the mistakes and feelings I share with dear readers. *wink

Chapter 25: One Of The Pasts Before

Let me bring you back two years ago.

I was still in Brooklyn when Jace texted me. The phone screen reads,

Heading off to South California. Sebastian got a job for me. Don't know when I'll be back. Maybe I won't. ;)

It's been a long time since I felt my own ward goes down, the one that I built so perfectly after Isabelle got married and it was then replaced with an old sensation I don't miss.

Annoyance. If anything, I'm annoyed.

For things to suddenly whirled and turned a few degrees of changes, I wasn't ready. Of what I'm never sure but I was already storming off to get to Jace and I remember there was only the two of us when I arrived in the house.

"Alec," he sounds surprised and yet his hands are still moving folding putting his clothes into his bag. "What are you doing here? I thought I texted you a few minutes ago."

"Why are you leaving?" I ask, not caring that my voice carries the anger in me that came out of nowhere.

"I told you. I got a job." He's still packing and he's not looking at me.

I need him to look at me.

"What job?" I ask instead, steeling myself to take a step closer and not harm him with my rage that peaks around my fingers.

"It's more like a project. I can't really explain it to you. Robert doesn't really get it when I told him." He says, shrugging his shoulders a little bit and I'm still annoyed.

"Father knew about this? And he lets you?"

He nods.

"How long are you going to be there?" I ask some more and I know I'm distracting him but I don't find it in me to care.

He sighs. He looks resigned. "I told you I don't know. I might not even come home. I told Robert if things turn out fine, I'll settle there. Clary's only nearby." He explains like nothing else seems wrong.

Everything seems wrong to me then.

"Yeah but Clary's only there for four years and later-"

"What are you trying to do here, Alec?" He cuts me off and I'm never as confused. "I'm already packing and my flight is at 8."

I gulp. "What about Max?"

He frowns. He's confused as well.

"What about him? He's at school if that's what you mean. And he knows I'm leaving." Jace turns his back at me and I feel every part in me in need of release; of what I'm still not sure of.

"But how could you leave?" I ask, sounding accusing on the edge. "Who's going to look after him?"

Jace spins around and he's facing me again and he seems exasperated at my questions. At my presence. "Alec, Max is a good boy. He's almost a grown up and he's much more matured than I was when I'm his age. He doesn't need to be look after." He's trying to convince me. I'm not convinced.

"Yeah but still-"

"Alec, don't make this harder on me." He speaks softly and adds under his voice, "It's already too much."

Right then, I thought see something.

"Jace," I say slowly, "did something happen?"

His head lifts up from where he was looking and now he stares right at me. He stares right into me and I see unplanned future and adventures yet to be exploits. And I don't want him to get hurt. The world is harsh sometimes. Too harsh.

"Nothing. It's just a project, Alec." He looks away again.

I try again. "If this is about-"

"It's nothing! Will you stop already?" He huffs and I swallow even more.

"You're leaving Jace and we won't know when you'll come home." I say, almost too theatrical to my own ears. And I guess to Jace's as well.

"I'm not going to the other side of the world. Jeez, Alec. Relax, will you?" He's trying to sound nonchalant but instead I catch the distress.

I stand there, watching Jace as he gets farther, he feels far already and he notice me after a while of silence.

He looks defeated then.

"If you're worried about me, you shouldn't be. And if it's Max, trust me. He's way capable on his own now." He's looking at me and all I wanted to say was how I trust him. I did trust him.

But I never expected him to leave.

"What makes you agree on this?" My voice finds its way up my vocal cord and it feels like I've hadn't spoken for so long.

He shakes his head lightly and he says,

"I just did."

"You're not going to change your mind, are you?" I ask him more.

He lets out a growl. "No I'm not. And if you have nothing else to say, you can go."

He stops his movement seized. He blinks and then he asks me,

"Why did you come here, Alec?"

I stay rooted at my spot and I can't give him an answer. I left Brooklyn as if the world was ending. Maybe it is.

"I thought I could change your mind about leaving." I honestly say and I wish I could erase my words. It wasn't what Jace wanted to hear.

"Why? For Max?" He laughs a fake laugh. He sounded cynical. "It's not always about you, Alec."

It's not.

"I didn't say it was about me-"

"But it is!" His voice rises and I see fire in his eyes, Jace's eyes always so clear so golden so brave so clever was replaced with contained anger. And all of it was directed at me.

"It's. Always. Been. About. You." He drags the words and I listen. I'll always do.

But trust me; it's not always about me.

"Haven't you noticed? You came here when I told you I'm leaving because you don't want Max to be alone. You gave me the responsibility to take care of him and when I let it go, you won't accept it and now you're trying to hold me back." His voice was gentle at the end. This is about him. Us. We.

I shake my head. Maybe once or twice. I don't remember.

"That's not true." I tell him. "I'm only worried. As a brother it's my job to be worried."

"Of me or Max?" Jace is fully facing me now. I told myself; all of you.

I blink. "Of both of you."

He sniggers slightly and his shoulders move and I know I shouldn't have come. Not when I'm not in my right mind.

"You shouldn't be. I'm not your brother."

A million shards of glass hits me like cold water and I'm bleeding all over myself. I'm covered with shame and sorrow and coldness clings onto my bones I can't feel my hand moves and then I saw Jace's head spin to the side.

My palm feels heavy.

The room was filled with our own suffocation in the form of silence and I didn't break it. It was Jace.

"I guess we're even now." He finally croaks out and I'm still in dazed. I stumble for words I can't find and Jace seems well prepared for the outcome that'd just occurred.

"You didn't mean it." I whisper, not able to look at him.

"No." He whispers back.

I was debating between smiling and hitting him again but in the end, I know this was how things going to work; nothing stays.

I try holding on.

I did.

And I let Max carry my wrath because he's the one that was always left behind.

Jace told me how I got it easy; being the first one to leave and Isabelle follows after me. He had to stay because I ask him to. But then for how long? How long does it take for things to heal when new wounds keep on coming?

So I let him. I told him,

"Take care of yourself. Tell Clary I said hi."

And for two years he stayed in California. For two years, this house has missed his absent. Until Max told me,

"We're having a reunion dinner and you're cooking."

And the annoyance came back. In a good way.

It's short but leave me your thoughts as always! ;)