Chapter Twenty Five: If I Had It My Way

"What are we going to do, Godric?" I asked as we sat out on the porch of Eric's home a few nights later. I fiddled with the hem of my jacket, my thoughts solely on this war we had on our hands. I hadn't been able to think of anything but since we returned from Arkansas, since Sophie-Anne had died to protect me. I couldn't stop the guilt that consumed me, knowing that two vampires I had cared about had died because of me. I would never forgive myself for that.

"I don't know." He sighed, sliding his hand into mine and squeezing it gently. "All we can do now is wait."

"Wait for what, though, Godric?" I turned my head in his direction. "Wait until they attack Sookie or me again? Wait until they invade? How much more waiting can we possibly do?"

"It's all we can do, Elizabeth. We might know who is behind these attacks, but we don't know when or how they'll plan the next. There's nothing else we can do but wait until we know more."

"We know everything we need to, Godric." I pointed out. "We know who they are, we know what they want, so why can't we..."

"I'm stopping you right there." He cut me off, a frown settled on his face. "No. Out of the question."

"I'm tired of just sitting back and waiting for trouble to come to me, Godric. I can't do this. I can't just wait and hope there's a chance that we can live through all of this. No, I want to fight back. I want revenge for what we've done. I told you I'm going to kill them, and it's a bit hard if we do absolutely nothing." I stood, beginning to pace in front of him.

"It's too dangerous, Elizabeth. It's too risky." Godric shook his head. "What do you plan on doing, running to Nevada, hoping to run into them?"

"Well it beats just sitting around here!" I threw my arms up into the air. "I'm tired of running away like a coward. I'm not a coward, Godric. Sophie-Anne died for me. She could have lived, but she chose to die to protect me. She made sure that I lived, and I'm not going to waste that by just sitting on my ass."

"What do you propose we do then?" Godric raised an eyebrow.

"We fight back."

"But how do you plan on doing that?" he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well I..." I trailed off, stumped at his question. I hadn't exactly thought that far. I just knew that this was what we had to do. We couldn't just sit back and wait for them to attack us. We would die if we did. The only way of survival was to fight back. "I'm a Phoenix, I'll just..."

"We don't know where they are. We don't know how many of them there are." He stood and took hold of my arms. "I can appreciate that you want to fight back, that you want revenge, but diving head first into this will only get you killed."

"I can't die, Godric." I reminded him. "I can't die."

"That doesn't mean a thing, Elizabeth." He snapped harshly.

I pulled myself away from Godric, wrapping my arms around myself as I glared at him. After a moment, he sighed and ran a hand down his tired face. "Elizabeth, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be harsh. I just need you to know that you aren't invincible."

"But I am!" I just wanted to shake him, for him to understand. "If I did die, I would pop up in the In-Between and be back here in ten seconds flat."

"Unless the past repeats itself."

"That will never happen again, Godric." I shook my head. "I know what I want now. I know it better than I ever have. And you can believe me that if I died in the middle of that war, I would be back in a heartbeat to kick some more ass."

"It's just too dangerous, Elizabeth."

"So is driving a car, but no one seems worried when I'm doing that." I pointed out. "Everything in life is dangerous. You can't shelter me from the entire world."

"I can try." He lifted his hand to cup my cheek.

I sighed as I moved into his touch, the action too natural not to do.

"You are everything to me, Elizabeth. Besides Eric, you're all I have. I cannot lose you too."

I knew he was speaking about Kyra. He hadn't spoken about her since she had pulled him into the realm of Phoenixes and helped him, but I knew he thought about her constantly. How could he not? She was the love of his life. I was guilty of thinking about Eric more times in a day than I healthily should. And he was still alive. But you can't help who you love, who you fall head over heels for. Even when they're gone, even when you can no longer touch or see them, you're always thinking about them, they always feel like they're there with you.

"You won't, Godric." I assured him, drawing closer to the vampire so I could wrap my arms around his torso. "I promise you I will be careful. I promise you what happened with the witches won't happen again. I know you're worried, but you have to know just how powerful I am now. I know there's still so much I don't know about my powers, but I can do this. I can fight back and I deserve to."

"I just worry about you, my dear one."

"I know, Godric. Don't you think I worry about you? I was a nervous wreck when the bombing happened and everyone said you were dead."

"I nearly was." He replied sadly. "I was not myself."

"That's in the past, Godric, let's just keep it there." I gazed up at him before lightly kissing him on the cheek. "I think we should get everyone together, try and brainstorm something we can do. I get that storming into Nevada isn't a good idea, but we do need to do something."

"I'll call Pam, perhaps we can meet tonight once Fangtasia has closed." Godric suggested, but he wouldn't move from our embrace.

I couldn't help but smile as we stayed in that position for a few more minutes before I pried myself away. "I'll call the others and we'll convene afterwards."

"You are too feisty for your own good." He tapped me on the nose. "You are too much like Kyra."

"She wouldn't have sat back either." I pointed out before kissing his cheek one last time and slipping into the house to make my calls.

Eric stared at the phone that was ringing, a frown settling on his face as he realized it was his maker. He didn't want to speak with him; he didn't want to speak with anyone. He was tired for a vampire, and that was not a thing he had ever been in a thousand years. But he hadn't been able to sleep during the day, not when all of his thoughts and dreams were centered around the woman he wished he could just forget. Sighing however, Eric knew that Godric would continue to call until he picked up. This was not the time to be playing childish games, especially after what had occurred in Arkansas. This war had been jump started, and now the real trouble began.

"Godric." Eric greeted, lifting the phone to his ear as he took his bottle of blood and slipped from the house and into the cool night.

"Eric, how...how are you?" Godric sounded worried, even hesitant and that caused Eric to frown further."

"I'm just fine." Eric replied sarcastically. "Why do you sound so worried?"

"You're fine?" now Godric was surprised.

"I'm not really in the mood, Godric." Eric sighed. "Just tell me what's on your mind, I'm not a telepath."

"Is your bond with Elizabeth open?" Godric asked curiously.

"No, I've had to close it. I couldn't sleep because of her and I didn't want a constant reminder." Eric grunted.

"Ah." Godric didn't say anything more, and that frustrated Eric.

"What? What are you going on about, Godric?" Eric narrowed his eyes.

"Nothing, my son. We have more important matters to discuss." Godric quickly changed the subject.

"Like..."

"Like how the woman you supposedly love wishes to start a war herself." Godric didn't sound pleased at all by the actions of his Phoenix."

"Well stop her then."

"She's determined, Eric." Godric sighed

"She's acting idiotically, Godric. You cannot let her get ahead of herself. She shouldn't be involved at all."

"It's her life, Eric. She's the one they want. She and Sookie deserve more than anyone to be involved if they like." Godric sighed. "Whether we like it or not."

"Well I won't allow it." Eric gripped tightly onto the bottle of blood as he stood out on his porch, staring up at the cloudy sky, the weather matching his mood perfectly.

"You and I both know that when Elizabeth wants to do something, she'll find a way to make it happen." Godric pointed out.

"She'll only end up getting herself killed. Again." Eric shook his head, though his maker couldn't see him. "She can't, Godric. She just can't."

"If you were here, perhaps you could have talked some sense into her."

"Not this again, Godric. I cannot go through this again." Eric sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Can we just drop this entirely?"

"You know I will never drop this. I don't approve of how you've acted. You've hurt her, you've destroyed her. You're acting like a child, Eric. So no, consider this not dropped."

Eric had to hold his composure together in order to not throw his phone into the middle of the field surrounding his country home. But he had destroyed enough of his phones; he couldn't very well break this one as well. Not that he was attached to technology, but it was his only connection to the real world, to what was occurring around him. It was killing him to be there. Didn't Godric understand that? Every single day he laid awake, wondering if he had made the right choice. And every single day, he was leaning towards the answer of no. Why hadn't he just stayed? Why had he left her? He could have been with her now. He could be the one protecting her. Why had he torn to shreds what they had?

But he had to remember the reason. He had to remember the possibility of losing her. But was that even an argument? Was it even something to consider? If they were together, if they spent an eternity together, she would never give birth to the next in line. As long as she never willingly offered her soul, she would live no matter the injury. He would always have her until the end of his own existence. There was no question about that.

"No." Eric grunted to himself, almost forgetting that he was speaking with Godric on the phone.

"What, my child?" Godric asked curiously.

"Nothing." Eric lied. "Just protect her, Godric. Do not let her do anything stupid. I'll speak with Pam; I'll ensure that she listens out for whatever news of these Nevada vampires. I'll see what I can find out about them."

"Keep yourself safe, Eric. As much as I may not like it, you cannot get yourself involved, not yet. I'll inform you of what we decide tonight."

"Just...keep her safe. Please." Eric allowed himself that rare moment of letting his guard down.

"I promise you that I will." Godric assured him before they parted ways.

Eric sighed as he turned off his phone and slipped it into his jean pockets. He finished the bottle of blood in his hands before tossing it as far as he could, trying to take the edge off. He needed to focus. He needed to remember why he was doing all of this. He couldn't let his thoughts wander. He couldn't reconsider his decisions, not now.

"Ellie." He let her name pass through his lips.

Ridding her of his thoughts was harder than he expected. She was just always there. When he closed his eyes, he saw her beautiful flawless face. He would stare longingly into those brilliant green eyes; he would ache to feel her soft lips on his. He would hear her sweet voice every so often, creating an illusion for himself. It was the closest he would ever get to her. He couldn't go back to her.

Could he?

"No." Eric shook his head. "I can't."

He had done this for a reason. He was saving himself the pain, the sorrow that he may ever feel in the future. He could never lose her. He could never witness her death, not again. But the fact remained, she couldn't die. She was more immortal than a mere vampire was, than he was. So what was the problem? Why couldn't he look passed his fears and just be with her? He knew that was all he truly wanted. Perhaps that was it. Perhaps he was too scared of his own feelings. He was a thousand year old Viking. He wasn't supposed to be at the mercy of his emotions. But there he was, thinking he had fallen in love with the rarest being possible. But it wasn't what she was that he had fallen for. It hadn't been her blood at all. It had been that melodic laugh of hers. It had been that spark in her eyes whenever she yelled at him. It had been for that waist she never thought was perfect enough. It had been that mane of silky brown hair that he wished to run his hands through. He had fallen for her, not for her abilities. All he had seen in Sookie had been how he could benefit from her. But with Ellie, with Ellie it had all been different. He loved her, he knew that.

But was love enough? Was love enough to battle with his fears and win? Eric wasn't so sure. But he also wasn't sure if not having her at all was worth this pain. He loved her, he dreamed over her every single day he fell into a dead rest. She haunted him day and night. It was all he could do to not run to her, to take her into his arms. Perhaps all along, he had been wrong, irrational even.

"Damnit." Eric curled his hands into fists so tightly that he could feel his own blood being drawn, only for the wounds to close almost instantly. The process repeated until he unclenched his hands, staring down at the stained blood on his hand. He thought of the many times he had given Ellie his blood. He thought of the bond they shared together and he couldn't help but open that bond completely, allowing for both of their emotions to flow through one another. "Tell me what to do, my sweet Phoenix, give me a sign."

I shuddered as I felt a slew of emotions that I knew didn't belong to me. I frowned as I realized that Eric had opened our bond completely. He had briefly when Godric had been attacked by the wolves, but this felt different. He hadn't just opened it for a brief moment to send me waves of happiness. This was like our bond had been pried open, unable to shut. I felt the pain, I felt the sadness, I felt the anger, and I felt the surprising turmoil that he was putting himself through. It was almost too much for one person to handle, and I didn't understand how in the world he was dealing with his own emotions right now. Not that I allowed myself to feel sorry for him. I couldn't waste another minute of my own emotions on him, not right now anyways. There were more important matters at hand.

I glanced up from where I sat on top of one of the tables in Fangtasia. The bar had been closed early so the group of us could meet. Sookie and Sam sat to my left, worried expressions on their faces. Quinn leaned against the bar with a beer in his hand, sending me encouraging looks every so often. Godric stayed standing beside me, as if ready to shake me if I said anything too crazy that he didn't like. Pam and Chow rounded out our little group, both standing by the stage Eric's throne was sitting on, as if he was there himself.

"Why exactly are we here?" Pam questioned, being the first to speak as she flicked her hair over her shoulder impatiently. "I have places to be, people to eat."

"We need to talk about what we're going to do." I stated, ignoring Pam's more than a little creepy statement.

"What do you mean?" Sookie frowned. "I know Sophie-Anne died the other night, but what do you mean we should talk about what we're going to do? What can we do?"

"Well we know who these vampires are now." I pointed out. "We know that the vampire king of Nevada is behind it all, with his butt boy," I couldn't help but smile fondly while remembering Sophie-Anne's description of Victor. "Doing all of the dirty work."

"But that doesn't tell us much of anything." Sam commented. "We can't exactly just storm into Nevada."

I caught Godric staring at me pointedly, as if to say 'that's what I said'. I rolled my eyes at the vampire before addressing Sam and Sookie's concerns.

"I know we can't, that wouldn't be very smart at all." I nudged Godric in the side. "But we do know who we're dealing with, and this does help us if we're going to go to war with them."

"Are we, though?" Sookie wondered. "Is that really the smartest idea?"

Again, Godric was looking at me with that stupid look on his face. I chose to ignore him this time and turned towards Sookie, catching her eye.

"I can't sit back and just wait for them to attack us. They want us, Sook. They aren't going to stop until either we're dead, or they have us. So either way, we're pretty much screwed."

"Oh great." She sighed. "It's always something, isn't it?"

"It pretty much sucks to be us." I agreed.

"Can we get back to the point?" Pam drawled, not looking at all pleased to be here. "What do you plan on doing exactly? Or is this meeting a whole waste of time?"

"I have an idea, but I already know Godric doesn't like it." I glanced at the ancient vampire who was nodding his head.

"Can't we just get all the vampires we know and try to match their man power?" Sam suggested.

"But who can you trust?" Quinn piped up, speaking for the first time. "You don't know who could be a traitor."

"Exactly." I nodded in agreement. "Right now, the only ones we can trust are in this room."

"Are you sure about that?" Pam raised an eyebrow.

"I'd like to think that I can trust you, Pam." I glanced over at the blonde. "We don't see eye to eye, and we sure as hell don't like one another, but really, all of our lives are on the line right now. Because if these vampires invade, they'll either kill you or expect your loyalty. And I know you well enough to know that you'll always be fiercely loyal to Eric, even if he wasn't your maker."

She didn't say a word, only crossing her arms over her chest as if to tell me to continue.

"We're pretty much on our own right now, until at least we can pick out those that we know for sure are on our side." I explained to Sam.

"How did these vampires know you were in Arkansas in the first place?" Quinn wondered. "Only the three of us knew."

"Maybe you told someone." Pam interjected.

"Quinn wouldn't do that, we can trust him." I assured her. "But you're right Quinn, who could have known."

"What about the vampire who the Queen had as an inside man. Didn't he show up?" Sookie suggested.

"It would make sense, if he was a double agent or whatever. But how could he have known in the first place? It could make sense that he brought these vampires to where Sophie-Anne was hiding out, either working with them or not, but then how would he know?" I chewed on my bottom lip as I tried to think of how the Nevada vampires had known that Godric and I were going to be with Sophie-Anne at that specific moment. But whatever ideas I came up with, all of them seemed impossible.

"I think I might have an idea." Sam frowned.

"What is it?" Sookie wondered reaching across the table they were sitting at and grasped his hand. "Sam?"

"Sookie and I left the bar not too long after you and Quinn did. Lafayette and Holly were going to close up, so I was just going to spend the rest of the night with Sook. But I...I thought I had seen something. I didn't think of it at the time, it happened so fast that I wasn't sure I had seen anything at all but now...now I'm certain of what I saw."

"What did you see?" Sookie encouraged him to continue.

"I saw..." Sam looked between Sookie and I. "I saw Bill."

Sookie gasped and my eyebrows raised high into my hair line.

"You saw Bill?" I questioned.

"It was only for a second, but I'm sure he was there. I thought at first he was lurking around, waiting for Sookie to be alone. But now that I think about it, it would make sense if he was there, watching both of you." Sam explained.

"We are unsure of Bill's allegiance." Godric nodded.

"It's true." Chow spoke for the first time since we all met. In fact, it was one of the rare times he had spoken at all. I classified him as one of those types that when they did speak, you certainly listened. "I was monitoring Compton as you asked, Godric. I followed him into the woods around Merlotte's that night."

"Did you hear him say anything, call someone maybe?" I wondered, pressing for details.

"He knows he's being monitored. He's being careful." He kept his gaze on Godric, as if he had been the one to speak and not me.

"Thank you Chow. Continue your monitoring. Perhaps he'll slip and we'll find out more." Godric nodded at the Asian vampire.

"Actually, I have an idea about that." I voiced, pulling everyone's attention back on me. I shifted uncomfortable for a moment before continuing. "Instead of sending Chow to monitor him from afar, why don't we do it from so much closer?"

"What do you mean?" Godric asked with a frown, looking like he did every time I suggested an idea.

Sookie was the one to answer though, as if she had been reading my mind, though I knew that was impossible unless my mental barriers had been broken down, and I knew for a fact that they hadn't been. The only barrier that had been destroyed tonight had been that of my bond with Eric. I could still feel his emotions, still feel the intensity of each and every one of them. It was almost too much to handle, and it took all of my willpower to not acknowledge them. I think Godric knew of my troubles, as he slid his hand into mine for a moment, squeezing it, before letting it fall back to his side as if nothing happened.

"I'll go." Sookie spoke, a look of determination set in her brown orbs.

"What?" Sam questioned with furrowed eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

Sookie and I held a shared look between us. I tried reading her face, to see if she was saying this out of obligation. But the longer I stared into those eyes, the longer I realized she really did want to do this. She needed to. This part of the war was hers to fight. She couldn't let someone do it for her. She had two years of scars that needed to heal and fade, and that could only happen if she faced the man, the vampire, that had created each and every one of them.

"I'll go to Bill." Sookie explained, refusing to meet Sam's gaze.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Godric shook his head.

"Absolutely not." Sam agreed with Godric right away. "I'd rather run into Nevada crying bloody murder then let you anywhere near that bastard."

"It's the only way, Sam." Sookie sighed, turning towards the man she loved and grasped both of his hands. "If he is working for these vampires, then if I willingly go to him, even just to talk, then he'll try and do whatever he can to take me to them. Or at least, he'll try and keep me there, with him. It's not ideal, but maybe we can find out some more information, so Ellie doesn't end up getting herself killed with whatever ridiculous plans she has."

"Hey!" I felt offended, but couldn't help but smile at the telepath.

"Sorry." She flashed me a small smile. "But it's true. We need to know more. You want to fight back, Ellie, but before we can even think about doing that, we need to know what we're up against. Just knowing who isn't enough. Bill is the answer. If I can get to Bill, then maybe...I don't know, maybe I'll find out something. Or he'll try and kidnap me and we'll know for sure he's working with these vampires."

"It's too dangerous." Sam shook his head. "I won't let you do this."

"As much as I don't want to put my best friend in danger, I have to say, I agree with her." I looked around the room. "Unless someone else can come up with a bright idea."

"Continue to have Chow monitor Bill." Godric shrugged.

"Except Bill knows he's being monitored. If Sookie goes to him, then maybe she'll be able to break him. Or if anything, she'll be kidnapped and like Sookie said, we'll know for sure."

"Except, could we try and make sure that doesn't happen." Sookie pulled a face. "I'd rather not get kidnapped by a group of vampires. Again."

"Of course, we'll make sure it's perfectly safe." I nodded in assurance. "We'll be there to make sure that if anything were to happen, we'd stop it."

"Oh good." Sookie sighed in relief.

"But how?" Sam's expression hardened, not liking this plan one bit. "I don't think any of us are thinking very clearly. This is obviously a stupid plan."

"Actually, it's quite smart." Pam surprised us all by saying, a smirk crossing her lips. "And I think I know the perfect plan."

"How in the world did you get these?" I nodded at the microphone I was helping Sookie hide in her bra.

Pam looked as bored as ever as she stood with us in Sookie's bathroom just across the cemetery from where the others had set up outside of Bill's home. Chow had already assured us that he was home for the night, giving us time to get everything together. Pam somehow had shown up at Sookie's with a miniature microphone and a separate ear pierce, insisting that whatever Sookie and Bill would say would be caught on the microphone and we would know at all times what was happening. Godric apparently had already approved the idea, though he still wasn't happy about how dangerous it was. I had sent Quinn to just about restrain Sam at Merlotte's to make sure he didn't accidentally ruin anything by being over protective. We had all that we needed right here anyways. Pam, Chow and Godric would be standing by in case this ended badly, and I would be there listening to what was being said. Of course, I was a weapon in itself, so I felt incredibly safe with this whole plan.

"I have a few...friends." Pam licked her lips, flashing us a peek of fang as she did so.

I rolled my eyes as Sookie adjusted her shirt so the microphone was hidden.

"Well, let's test it I guess." I suggested, grabbing the ear pierce and sticking it in before leaving the room.

"You know, you look especially delicious tonight."

"Pam, please don't do that weird lesbian crap tonight, I'm nervous enough as it is."

I snorted as I listened to their conversation, both voices sounded perfectly clear. I pulled the earpiece back out as I wandered back into Sookie's bathroom.

"Alright, it works. Ready to do this Sook?"

"Not really." Sookie sighed, her hands fidgeting nervously as she pressed down the imaginary wrinkles in her dress. "But I don't really have much of a choice."

"You can still back out, Sookie." I reminded her.

"No, I have to do this. It's my life on the line too." Sookie nodded in assurance. "I'll be fine once I'm in there. Just...just make sure nothing happens, alright?"

"Of course Sook." I hugged her tightly. "I won't anything happen, I promise."

"Good. Because Sam will seriously murder you if I get kidnapped."