Author's Note: Good afternoon, y'all. Maybe writing something for a fandom that I'm immersed in will jump start my inspiration for the ones that I have work to finish in. Probably not but hey, y'all get an update and it's a good one. We're going back into Trenton and a lot of this chapter came to me in a dream. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"
Stephanie's POV
I walked into the Bonds Office before it opened and heard a sound that reminded me of a dying chicken. Frowning, I cautiously went to Vinnie's office door and pulled it open, not knowing what the hell I'd be looking at. To my utter shock, I saw Vinnie sitting on the floor, big crocodile tears falling down his face and him slowly rocking back and forth.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I greeted in our typical abrasiveness.
"She's…she's pregnant, damn it! She…she…stupid bitch!" Vinnie yelled while throwing a duck shaped paperweight across the room.
Blinking in confusion, I pulled a piece of newspaper to the floor and sat on it in front of him, actually wanting to help him out. Being around Carlos and his family drove home just how important it is to back each other up. And since he wasn't on Team Helen (as Lester had oh-so-cleverly dubbed her and Morelli and the rest of the Burg sheep), it was worth a shot…
"Hey…hey, it's okay. Lucille's wanted your babies since forever for some godforsaken reason so…"
"No! Not her! I don't give a fucking shit if she's pregnant! Joyce is! My…my little goat's pregnant…" Vinnie confessed miserably, making my jaw drop to my shoes.
Oh, god, it's multiplying! Wait…little goat? Why the hell would Vinnie be calling someone…oh…oh, sick! Let's just ignore that and get back to the main idea: Joyce Barndhart is knocked up and obviously it's not Vinnie's. Thank God, I'd hate to have to share DNA with the same whore who insisted on stealing my husband and trying to sink her teeth into Carlos, not to mention Morelli…Morelli…
An evil grin started to tug at my lips and I asked, "Who's the father?"
"That damn cop you used to fuck all the time!"
Forget what I've said before, karma is the greatest woman ever!
/
Ranger's POV
When she told me, I damn near swallowed my tongue in horrified amusement.
"Morelli is the father of Joyce Barndhart's baby?"
"Yep!" she chuckled as she spun slowly in her cubicle chair.
"Is it bad that I actually feel a little sorry for him?"
I really do. Don't get me wrong, Morelli's always going to be a lowdown piece of shit in my eyes for all he's done to my Babe but…Jesus Christ! Joyce Barndhart? I wouldn't wish 18 years of her on my worst enemy!
"No, Batman. That's natural. Better her than me. Don't get me wrong, I want your children but I don't think I could live with being the spawn mother to the next generation of Morelli assholes. And then with Joyce's twisted DNA in the mix? Those kids are gonna be evil, manipulating, animal screwing, choo-choo playing monsters. You think we can put our kids in different schools?" she questioned while worrying at her lower lip.
"We will put them a different state."
"Good idea. Oh, dad wants us to meet him at Pino's for lunch. I'll bet you 10 bucks that Morelli will make an appearance before we can even order."
"That's a sucker's bet, Babe. Wait…if he's impregnated Barndhart, shouldn't that dissuade your mother from all of her shanghaiing plans?"
"Knowing Morelli, he probably hasn't told her but that doesn't mean squat. The Burg grapevine never fails. At least it'll hurt someone other than me this time."
/
Morelli's POV
The bells above the door jingled and I was shocked to see Frank Plum entering Pino's. From what mom's told me, the old man doesn't like straying too far from his recliner but obviously, he's changed. The firm backbone that I saw during that whole attempted homicide thing at the Dinner was still there and his eyes (Cupcake's eyes) were alert. My stomach turned as I recognized that alertness from dealing with Manoso and the rest of his thugs. Army…of course. And the Murdering branch of the Army at that, too. I guess I should be lucky that it was the vase and not my head…
I shoveled in some more of my hangover cure (the Lumberjack Special with a side of spicy marinara sauce) and then in walks Cupcake with Manoso. Christ, why the hell couldn't she have looked that good when she was with me? She had on a green and blue shirt with silver flowers all over it, black jeans, and a pair of low heels. Her hair was no longer the tangled rat's nest that I had to deal with and even with no makeup, she was a knockout! Fuck, why does she always insist on spitting in my goddamned eye…?
"Hi, Daddy."
"Hey, Pumpkin. Carlos."
"Frank.", he replied before shaking his hand.
What the fuck? I had been Cupcake's first everything and he wouldn't even give me the time of day! Manoso gets to shake his hand and call him Frank after like 5 minutes of being with her? Shit! The trio moved to a back booth so I couldn't hear anymore of their conversation but that didn't matter. I just wanted to look at her, to see what I'd be enjoying in less than a month, wedding or not.
I had found an old Navy buddy and after getting him a job in the precinct, we had come up with a back up plan. If (when) all the wedding shit fell apart and as soon as he could find her, he'd snatch her and bring her to his cabin in Maine, where I'd be waiting for her. Images of the punishment I'd inflict on her for her ways made me smile darkly, especially as she reached forward to grab the water pitcher. Mmm…I can hardly wait to get my hands on those…
The smile immediately dropped from my face as Barndhart came in, that dumbass smirk on her face.
Shit.
/
Stephanie's POV
"Well, well, well…look who's stopped sucking cock long enough to come outside!"
I rolled my eyes and looked at Joyce with disdain. Even though she was starting to show, she insisted on coming out of the house in black leather hot pants, black platforms and a pink tube top. She made the ladies on Stark Street look like Southern Belles, for chrissakes!
"Look, just because you've gotten yourself knocked up doesn't mean I won't slap your mustache off your face! What? You thought that I didn't know? Everyone does and I even know who the victim…sorry, father is! Better you than me!" I returned fire as I stood up.
"Huh, right! You're just jealous!"
"Of what? You're the one that's stuck with Morelli for the next 18 years!"
The gawking crowd gasped and then all eyes went to the bar, where a pale faced Morelli was sitting. Oh, apparently, it was supposed to be a secret. Well, I don't blame him. Not only would this nasty bit of news send my mother into a tippling frenzy but I just guaranteed that he'd never get laid again around here. Even the Burgiest Burg Girl would sew it shut at the thought of having to deal with Baby Mama Joyce. Oops…not!
"Oh, and here's the lucky man, now! You wouldn't mind me sending a couple of onesies, would you? I mean, they'll definitely have the RangeMan logo on them but still…" I offered sweetly.
My father didn't even try to contain his mirth and Carlos had his eyes shut and a fist in front of his mouth, his equivalent of hysterical laughter. Morelli merely gave me a blistering glare and stalked out of the restaurant, prompting me to turn back to a rapidly deflating Joyce. What had she been expecting? What had they all been expecting?
"Joyce, I don't give a flying fucking damn about Joseph Morelli anymore. He knocking you up doesn't hurt me. It makes me happy. You know why: Because he's not my problem, anymore. You're gonna be stuck with his Italian hand gestures and his Boys and Bob and every Burg busy-body is gonna be darkening your door and judging your every move, especially if you keep on being the sick slut that everyone knows you are. You're gonna be stuck cooking his meals and washing his disgusting underwear and watching as he drinks himself to death just like his lousy dad and grandpa and every other Morelli excuse of a man, leaving you all alone to raise his demon children. So, you can go around saying that you stole yet another man from stupid little Stephanie Plum but at the end of the day, I win. You know why?"
"W-why?"
"Because I'm going home with a man that loves me, all of me. He'd kill for me, die for me and I'd do the same for him. Can you say that about Morelli?"
Dead, cricket chirping silence.
Fuckin' A right, bitch.