It's that time again, readers. This villain song is to "Hellfire" from Hunchback of Notre Dame. There's a standard disclaimer for potentially bad lyrics, the excuse this time being that our main intention was keeping the tune while changing the context. We succeeded in one. Let's see how well we do with the others.

On an unrelated note, the shipping was surprisingly easy to write this time. It's Ferriswheel all over again.

"…and though we have no real confirmation of their identities, the Pokeball Factory will continue to create its wonderful products for all of Kalos."

The Holo Caster shut off, the woman that had given the news report vanishing. Calem wondered why he'd answered it when it was ringing, but soon enough realized that he didn't know it wouldn't be Professor Sycamore asking if they were all fine.

And, after all, it was probably easier for Calem to talk to the professor than it would have been for Serena.

"Well, that was a useless infodump," he said instead, putting away his device. He looked up, seeing that Serena was nowhere to be found. "Rini? Where are you?"

"Exploring," was the answer he got. She was out of sight but not earshot, it seemed. "Looking for treasure."

"Found anything?"

"Oh, I think you'll like this one." She stepped into view from behind a bush, Vibrava beside her and a heavy item in her hands. "We were digging through scrap material and found a Metal Coat. I have no use for it, but if you want it…"

Calem's eyes lit up. "No way." When he looked more closely and saw that Serena wasn't lying, he released Scyther and held it out to him. "What do you say, Scyther? Want to ruin someone's day?"

The same light was reflected in Scyther's eyes, surprisingly enough. "Yes," Scyther said breathlessly. "Yes, I do."

Scyther took the Metal Coat and hugged it. When nothing happened, he began to chew on it, and when that failed he looked up at Calem, betrayed.

"We need a trade to activate it," Calem explained, having been convinced that Scyther knew this before. Scyther impatiently threw the Metal Coat to the ground, but Calem picked it right back up. "We have Serena," he reminded him. "You know she'll return you immediately."

Scyther snatched the Metal Coat back. "She doesn't want me?" he asked, pretending he was offended.

"Nobody wants you," Vibrava commented, so casually that Scyther almost assumed he was talking to somebody else. "Except Calem, maybe, but he got you because nobody else wanted you."

"Who told you that?"

"Mawile," was the immediate answer.

"What does she know?"

"And Juliet, and Pancham, and Pyroar."

"Pyroar? Pyroar's a teammate! He's not supposed to betray me like that!"

"He'll also have a double type advantage as soon as you finish the trade," Vibrava pointed out. "You probably don't want to mess with him."

Scyther's retaliation was cut short as Calem called him back to his ball, and Serena did the same with Vibrava. Their duty now was to return to Laverre City and evolve Scyther.

Calem had known what a Scizor looked like, of course. That didn't change the fact that seeing one up close was a lot different than seeing one in pictures, and having the red Pokémon as a member of his team made it even more different.

Calem reached into his pocket, where the Scizorite that the Guru had given him was still waiting. Now he could finally hand it over. "Do you think you're ready for this?"

Scizor held out his claws expectantly. This was why he'd joined Calem, after all: the potential to kick some serious butt. The Scizorite felt weird in his grip, but that was nothing compared to how it fell to the ground, rolling just slightly out of the way.

Calem went after it and picked it up before it could go out of sight. "We might have a problem," he said after a moment.

Serena looked thoughtful. "Well," she said after a moment, "I may have a solution, but you might not like it."

"What solution?" Calem asked, and almost immediately regretted it.

"We go see the professor," Serena answered plainly. When her friend whined, she held up her hands. "Hey, I know how you feel. Sort of. But the professor studies Mega Evolution, which means that he's probably encountered a Mega Scizor before. Maybe he could give us something that could keep the Scizorite in place."

"Do we have to?" There was more annoyance than ever in his tone. Stupid, beautiful Professor Sycamore. The reports said that he had a girlfriend, and he was taking Calem's girl friend, too. It wasn't fair.

Serena's expression didn't change. "It's that or we use a shoestring," she said.

Calem immediately started studying the frayed strings lacing up his boots. Serena rolled her eyes and hooked her hand around his collar.

"Why don't you want to go see the man who gave you Eddie?" she asked.

"I don't know, why don't you want to go and see Diantha on set?" Calem pulled himself free, not noticing that his Scizor was following them with his eyes, as if this was entertaining.

"Um, because they won't let me due to spoilers?" She shrugged. "Yes, Diantha's an attractive woman before editing, and sure, being around her makes me irrationally annoyed. But my problem with her isn't that she's pretty, it's the gossip magazines talking about her relationship with what amounts to the man of my dreams. I mean that literally, I have dreamed about the professor. I know it's the only place a relationship with him will happen for me."

"I didn't need to know that," Calem complained.

"What, that I mentally acted out a bad romance fanfic with Professor Sycamore?" Serena looked surprised when he flinched. "Who hasn't?"

"Not me."

"Well, obviously not. I should have specified, but I thought you'd know what I meant." Serena eyed his bag, where he kept his Holo Caster, but reached for her own. "Should I call him for you, or do you need time to put your self-esteem away before he breaks it?"

"No, I got it." Calem pulled out his Holo Caster, hoping that the professor had what he'd need.

Professor Sycamore was not in his lab. He was at Lysandre's café, waiting for his friend to begin the monologue that he knew was coming.

Lysandre was being uncharacteristically quiet, as if waiting for Sycamore to begin the conversation. After five minutes passed and neither spoke, Lysandre finally began.

"There's a storm coming, Augustine," he said, casually using the professor's first name now that they were in his territory. "I would like to ask for your help."

"What do you want me to do?" An innocent question, yes, but it left the possibility open for a refusal.

Lysandre heard it, but allowed him to make his own choices. "I want you to convince Diantha to join me. The two of you are…close, according to the gossip magazines." There was the slightest smile on his face now. "More than close, if the reports of a certain meeting by the Anistar sundial were correct in their assumption."

"That report came from Diantha's agent," Sycamore confirmed. "We agreed that my research and Diantha's movies were more important for the public to know about than our love lives, so we simply don't deny anything that isn't false." His voice was neutral, but the suspicion in his eyes was not something that Lysandre could miss. "But this isn't about that, is it? This has nothing to do with the fact that you're technically a third wheel now."

"You're right," Lysandre said, smile fading. "It isn't. I just thought she would listen to your reasoning over mine." He took a sip of coffee, the thoughts in his head tripping over each other as he tried to put what he needed to say in a way that the professor would understand it. "I approve of the relationship, by the way. I don't know if I told you. Our lives have been busy lately."

"It will settle down once the kids finish their journey," the professor promised. "But back to your request, Lysandre. You never did tell me what it was that you wanted to do."

There was another moment of silence. "You and Diantha are two of the most beautiful people I have ever met," Lysandre said, and the suspicion in his friend's eyes melted into confusion. "You deserve each other, and I want you to join me and be happy."

The confusion wasn't just in his eyes anymore. "Thank you?" Sycamore said uncertainly.

"And that is why I'd prefer to not kill you both, if I can help it."

And back to horror. "What?"

He didn't get an answer. At least, not an answer that would have put the comment in a better context. Instead, the answer came in musical form.

"I know you, Professor
You try to be a decent man
I know your students try to make you proud…"

"Lysandre!"

"You know me, Professor
You know I think we're far above
The common, selfish, weak and worthless crowd.

"So tell me, Professor
Why I see them standing there
The boy and girl are everywhere I go

"I hear him, I see her
Every time I turn around
My rage is burning out of all control…"

"Lysandre, please!" Sycamore didn't even try not to sound desperate this time.

Lysandre didn't listen.

"Like fire
Dark fire
The line is just too thin
My one true
Desire
How can it hope to win?"

"You're not making sense," Sycamore tried to point out, but Lysandre took the opportunity to explain himself through more song.

"It's not my fault!
I'm not to blame!
It was the world itself that lit this spark of shame!

"I've thought it through.
I have a plan.
To send the world back to when it began!"

Professor Sycamore had always sensed that Lysandre would 'snap.' He wasn't stupid. He'd just been convinced that there was hope, that maybe all of his disproportionate threats were empty and the 'snap' would come in simple bursts of anger that ripping up paper would fix. He'd never started playing with black magic, after all. And the time when Lysandre threatened to bomb a guy's house was fresh in Sycamore's mind, though it had been nearly a year ago and he'd never once saw anything out of the ordinary. He'd even sent Dexio and Sina on a stakeout at the intended victim's house, to find nothing.

But it was too late to help him now. There was only one thing that the scientist could do now, and it was not what Lysandre had planned. The only option was to send people to stop him. Hopefully the Pokedex carriers wouldn't get involved this time...at least the 'Heroes of Kalos' had volunteered to fight Team Flare for him.

"So join me, Professor
Don't let those children loose again
Or you may see them roasted to the bone.

"This Calem and Serena
I don't wish to hurt you, my good friend
But these brats of yours just won't leave me alone…"

The waiter of the café cleared his throat, getting his boss's attention. "I don't want to interrupt your big number, sir," he said nervously, "but Professor Sycamore escaped."

"What?" Lysandre looked back at where his friend had been seated, and sure enough, he was gone. "I told you to guard the door!"

"He climbed out the window when you were distracted by your song," the waiter continued.

Lysandre's already dark mood turned darker. "This is his choice," he said coldly. "If he picked those annoyances over me, then he and Diantha will spend eternity together in the afterlife. I'm flexible as to where my ship is canon."

"Sir, please stop shipping real people."

Lysandre ignored it.

"In fire
My fire
The world we know will burn.
Those kids you
Inspired
They'll just have to learn…"

"We're going to try to attack the Pokedex carriers directly?" The waiter knew better than to directly go against Lysandre's orders, but quickly returned to his duties as Lysandre moved to the secret room in the back of the café.

Lysandre closed the door behind him, and let himself finish the song in solitude.

"I tried to save the earth
From stupidity
But I had to decide
The world must burn."

Not bad for improvisation, Lysandre decided. But the more carefully planned parts of his plot were obviously more important than the big musical number in the long run.

And his first step was waiting for reports on the Pokeball Factory.

Professor Sycamore had seemed distracted when Calem called, as if he was worried about something and trying to suppress it. He might have noticed their obvious concern, and deflected their suspicions.

"I just haven't slept right," he said, though they both immediately saw through the lie. "Coffee can only get you through so much, after all, but my research is time-consuming."

They weren't stupid. They knew that Lysandre was behind whatever Sycamore was worried about. But if Diantha had been so sure that she was one step ahead of Lysandre, they weren't going to question her decision.

"Can you find something that will let Scizor keep the Scizorite in his grasp?" Calem asked, pretending not to notice. "I know it's against the rules of battle to give your Pokémon more than one item to hold, but I can just not hand him anything else."

"I can do it," the professor promised. "I'll meet you in Dendemille Town. There are some legends I want to investigate in that area, and it's on the way to Anistar City. I assume you're headed there, it has a Gym."

"Good enough reason," Calem said, and was about to turn off his Holo Caster when Sycamore spoke again.

"You have fireproofed your team, haven't you, Calem?"

The Pokedex carriers both went silent. "Pyroar and Sylveon aren't weak to fire," Calem said slowly. "And we regularly beat Serena–"

"Three times isn't regular," Serena interrupted.

"-so we have to have something going for us," Calem finished, ignoring her. She stuck out her tongue like a child.

Professor Sycamore looked disapproving, but he dropped the topic to turn on Serena instead. "And you? Have you found a way to deal with Juliet's Water-type weakness?"

"I plan to catch a Grass-type," she said, much more quickly than Calem had explained his own lack of coverage. "My mom says that I can catch a Phantump or Pumpkaboo on Route 16, so I don't need to backtrack. If I had a Grass-type instead of Electric, I'll cover Juliet's Water weakness and Mawile's weakness to Ground."

Another look of disappointment, but no more explanation for it than he'd given Calem. "I'll get Scizor's thing," he said, once again distracted. "I do need to send Dexio and Sina on a mission first, and make an important call to Diantha…again. I'll see you there."

He switched off. Calem and Serena shared a look as Calem put his Holo Caster away.

"Well, we know Lysandre probably has a Fire-type," he said, reaching for his Pyroar's ball. Pyroar was the best defense he had, even if he did go back and find that his promised Tyrunt was already waiting for him.

"And a Water-type," Serena concluded. She had more to stall Water-types than Calem had for Fire, but a super-effective Pokémon was what they both needed. "Do you really think we're the Pokedex carriers that can handle all of Team Flare?"

"We've handled them so far," Calem reminded her. "Sure, Lysandre's probably tougher than the rest. But if child Link could handle Majora, we can handle this."

"Didn't he have the Fierce Deity's Mask, though? I thought it was required."

She'd missed his point, of course. His point was that his video game protagonist theory was still very much an option in his mind. Still…

"I thought all your money went to clothes and makeup and trainer items."

"Usually." She shrugged, indicating that her priorities did not exclude other interests. "I've only played three games in the whole series, but I watch a lot of Let's Plays."

So that's how she recognized the names of Gordon Freeman and Samus Aran. While his first instinct was to jokingly drop down on one knee and ask her to marry him, his second instinct was much more appropriate for the setting. "I have Portal 2 and a backup controller," he suggested. "You want to become a robot and kill me a million times?"

"Knowing you, Calem?" Serena playfully bumped him with her shoulder. "Who wouldn't?"

"So let's make a plan. If we survive Lysandre, I'll introduce you to my entire collection. Sound cool?"

Serena's answering smile made him almost as dizzy as Diantha's had. "It's a date," she said, and Calem was only mostly sure she was joking.