Author's note: I've had this chapter on hold for such a long time, pretty much since I started writing and I think it was one of the easiest one to write out of all of them simply because I can understand how Susan is feeling and the things she's going through, much like any fangirl, really.

But I'm so thankful to everyone who's stuck with the story until here; it means so much to me to know that you guys liked my story and you continue to show your love and support.

BOOM – double update for y'all because I love you all and I really want to get this story finished so I can focus on other projects. Bonus points if you noticed the nod to my Anya stories in this chapter, too.

Chapter song: Home by Daughter.

But without me babbling on too long, on with the story.

"Now he's moving close,

My heart in my throat.

I won't say a word,

But I think he knows

That I've hardly slept,

Since the night he left.

His body always kept,

Mine inside of it.

Keep the nightmares out,

Give me mouth to mouth.

I can't live without you,

Take me to your house."

It had been five months since Susan returned to her normal life in Finchley and it had been the longest five months of her life – the whole time she had spent in Narnia with Caspian had felt like mere moments rather than two months.

It was November now, the weather was getting colder and the leaves were starting to turn crimson and falling off their branches. The nights drew in quicker and ever since she came back – Susan hated the night-time. All she'd dream about was Caspian – she'd wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying for him. But she knew she could never have him like she did – she made the choice to jump back to her own world to save him.

Back in her own world, she had nothing. There was always the same mindless chatter in school, the same conversations at the dinner table every night, the same view from her bedroom window, the same walk to and from school – she couldn't take much more of it. True, she loved her family but her heart yearned for her true love – and that love was stronger than any bond she had with her family.

Her family had noticed a drastic and slightly alarming change in Susan, but whenever someone tried to ask what was wrong; the same answer was always returned without fail "I'm just having a bad day."

Bad day? Bad life, more like.

Sitting on her window ledge, Susan watched the cold November rain pound down on her windows. She wrapped herself up in a blanket and kept a hand around a warm mug of tea she hadn't even drunk or taken a small sip out of, she just had it to keep herself warm.

Long gone are the days where Susan would drink away her troubles – they had gone almost as soon as she started school again and strangely enough, she didn't miss them and she was sure her entire family agreed with her. She was on her way to being the girl she used to be, quiet and polite. Except she was far quieter than she used to be, she was practically mute around everyone and that scared them a little – but Susan had told them countless times that she was fine and didn't need help or therapy, she was just sad over having no friends at her new school.

She was fine for the most part, it was just at night when she couldn't sleep and all she would think to do was stare out her window and think about everything she had done. She wouldn't cry; she'd do everything in her power to make sure she didn't cry – she was tired of tears and crying every five seconds over something so small.

Moving away from her window ledge, she grabbed a notebook she used as a diary and started writing in it – just to get the thoughts out of her head and stop her from going back to her old ways; "He was there and then he wasn't – like I blinked and he was gone. I feel like I'm moving in slow motion and everything around me is moving so fast, and there's all this pressure because everyone's hovering around me, waiting for me to do something and I can't do a goddamn thing. I miss him – all the time I miss him. It's not waves, it's constant – all the time."

She closed her book after that, a single tear making its way down her cheek and landed on the cover of her notebook. She didn't wipe it away that time and just left it, she was just tired. Tired of living the way she was; sad, alone and knew that nobody would understand her, even if she tried to tell them. She just hoped that soon there would come a sign of hope, but hope would come sooner than she expected and in the most unlikeliest of ways.