Beth barely heard the door shut behind Mick, all her attention focused instead on the dishevelled man slumping onto the couch. For a second she thought wildly that he'd been in a fight, but Josh never got into fights! The reality was much, much worse.

"You've been marked," Josh was saying bluntly. "They'll come after you."

The photograph was recent, she recognised it from a few days ago; she'd been walking out of BuzzWire when it was taken. How could they possibly have they known to keep her under surveillance? My God, Cal. Josh and the DEA had made no secret of their connection to that case.

Marked? Like that pregnant girl - what was her name? - that they had shot in Inglewood just for helping Cal. Beth felt the bile rise in her throat; they would enjoy the killing. She clutched the photograph so tight the edges buckled between her fingers.

"Beth?" He wasn't sure how to approach this, wasn't sure of what she'd say, if she'd rage at him or worse, kick him out.

"How did you get this?" Her eyes were wide and staring

He spoke painfully and slowly. "We brought Tejada in for questioning. Offered him a deal to see if he would crack. He didn't; we knew he wouldn't. I told him we were filing charges tomorrow." A pause. "I was attacked in the parking lot on my way home. That's a warning.

"Oh my God, are you hurt? Do we need to call a doctor?" Beth moved as if to touch him, but she couldn't make her hands let go

"No, I'm fine. They didn't hurt me, just bruises." Josh leaned forward gingerly to take the photograph from her

"They're going to use me to get to you?

"I recused myself," he repeated. "I just didn't think it would get this bad.

Comprehension dawned, finally - the reason he looked guilty as well as defeated. "You knew about this? That they hunt women?

She watched his head fall as he struggled for the words, "You saw Cassie.... I swear, I swear, I didn't think they would...Beth, I had no idea they knew about you. I was ready for them to come after me."

Cassie, that's the name. She stood up and walked away. Wasn't Coraline enough?

Josh looked around tiredly - the apartment was spotless as usual. It was as if Mick had never been there. What do they do together, Beth and Mick? Not even a glass is out of place.

He went to wash his face.

When Josh looked up from the basin, Beth was standing there again and she was in a crusading mood.

"You can't recuse yourself from the trial, it gives out the message that the DA's intimidated."

She was fighting him now, pushing the point. He knew the arguments, he'd used them himself with reluctant witnesses. But he hadn't even considered the cost to Beth until Carl had brought it up - how could he have been so blind? He knew the dangers, he'd just pushed it to another part of his consciousness, hadn't wanted to think about it. This case was so big it would explode all over the news, it was an ADA's wet dream. He didn't want to step down.

Beth was furious. The anger poured out of her searching for a target. She veered delicately away from using Josh as one, but couldn't settle down enough to find another. Somehow she knew vaguely that it should be HEM, but that wasn't why she was angry. She focused on Josh's decision instead. She'd been angry all evening - would they both always let her down this way? They had roles that they were supposed to keep to. How else was she meant to keep them apart and on equal footing? One was meant to guard her from all harm but hurt her badly instead. The other was supposed to complete her but failed; instead he guarded her and their relationship like some sort of grail.

"Look, if you recuse yourself and the case fails and then Tejada goes on to kill someone else's brother or wife or daughter.... You have to stay on this case, it's the right thing to do."

Right and wrong. It was laughable that it was coming out her mouth. Sinless in thyself, huh? What were you doing three nights ago? Whose fingers were you clenching around? Forgetting so fast? She couldn't let him give this up for her, not when she couldn't give up her desires for him. Equal footing.

He'd forgotten how passionate she got about justice and truth. It was almost funny coming from someone who worked for a media outlet that specialized in sleaze. He'd said that once to her and she hadn't appreciated the observation. He searched her face carefully, eyes grazing the set pout of her lips and the firmness in her demeanour. The intensity felt real, directed solely at him, and it had been so long since Beth had looked at him like that. She'd come back from New York an emotional wreck and she hadn't let him touch her since that case with the Inglewood boy. But there was fire in her eyes now and he couldn't help the reaction.

She pulled away from the kiss a few times to look at him. He never knew what she was thinking when she did that, but he could see there was a decision of some kind being made. Josh didn't care at this point, he only knew he had to meet that passion he'd glimpsed, stoke it so that it never went away again. At some point the decision-making ended and she stopped opening her eyes to stare at him.

They tumbled towards the bed.

--

It is the thing and the whole thing in itself. If it makes no sense, I don't care - I'm not even supposed to be thinking right now. But it is the thing and the whole thing - source and sustenance, question and answer, torment and soothing. Every thrust is different, varied. I feel the microscopic changes because they echo in my body. There, that string of fire linking my lower back to the pleasure is a particularly hard thrust. This moan is the submission of my mouth to his. These hands are not so large, not so strong, but infinitely more familiar and comforting. This weight, my legs fit perfectly around these hips. There is a spot I want him to reach, angled high on the inside wall. There - yes! He hasn't forgotten and I almost cry with relief. Josh mistakes this for passion and pushes harder. I push back against him, but this time, ironically, it means we are working together. Towards a single goal. Is that true? Or does it mean we are both using each other to get somewhere? Two separate goals and one single process? I try to ignore this, concentrate on the breathing, the slow flutter of his hair against my cheek as he slides past and then back. Smooth face - no stubble? - strong arms. He hasn't forgotten - had I?

This odd, rasping noise is coming from me. I sound like an aeroplane taking off from LAX on it's way East. Josh is staring, still moving, his face approaching and retreating rhythmically. I remember screaming the last time - must even the score in Josh's favour. Thrusting faster now. I pushed one man away today to make room for another. I pushed the guilt away to say thank you for a sacrifice. He pushed his needs away for my safety - reciprocity. Reciprocity is love. One of them hasn't recip... - he only pushed me away.

So close, losing thread of coherent. Not the same. Forgive me. Shouldn't feel pleasure again but do. Oh, I do...don't stop. Don't stop and take my mind with you.