Chapter Twenty Five: Jumbled

Eliza's POV

A few minutes before dark shades fill the city, I decided to get back at the Dauntless headquarters. I've been away from there since this morning and now I bet there're some people—at least—who're wondering why they didn't see me much often today. That possibly includes Tobias who attempted to follow me but didn't succeed. If I could expect something from him when he sees me, it's only his raising of questions about where I have been. It's always been that way between us anyway. But I have already done what I was intending to do to him. I encountered the newspaper staff of the Erudite and told them that I have some news to share which they might got interested in. It's just that they weren't only interested. They were, in fact, surprised that Four, the Dauntless instructor is Marcus Eaton's son.

I climb down the Pire once I arrived in the compound. I instantly hear voice of conversations and laughter—the usual things in here. Assuming that nobody even bothered about my absence, I amble towards the hallways. It is quiet in there; probably because the people are on work right now or having dinner at the dining hall. As I release a hard breath on the pathway, a sudden voice hugs me from behind as though saying my name with import.

"Where've you been?"

When I turn around, I see Tobias emerging from the other hallway, his features robust and fixed. Here is what I actually expected.

I part my lips to compose a lie but he talks again so I haven't had the chance.

"I was looking for you when you left me at the apartment."

Yeah, he was. That is because he wanted to spy on me and he was suspecting me about something. It's a good thing that I'm aware because if I haven't been careful, he would have caught me accurately.

"And why were you looking for me?"

He steps closer to reach me and when he does, he crosses his arms and locks his eyes on mine.

"I was thinking maybe we could work this out. Our relationship, I mean. We aren't like this before, you know. We were acting like a particular couple. We were doing the things a couple does. We don't ignore each other. We tell each other stories about how the way went off like… remember?"

Was this Tobias? I ask myself. This is definitely not him. He doesn't speak so romantic as if he's very nostalgic of what we have before. Am I hearing and seeing him right? He's the one being so strange now. This is not good, I think but I'd give it a try anyway.

"Uh… in fact, that was the reason why I left this morning. I… I wanted to think about all of it. I wanted to make myself realize that as your girlfriend, I lack in a lot of things. Patience. Time. Understanding. I don't usually compromise if you can notice and I think it's unfair in my part."

He nods—which made me kind of relieved—but he suddenly shakes his head after a second. "I think you forgot one more thing." He says huskily. "You haven't mentioned what I was expecting from you."

"E-expecting from me?" I hug my waist, thinking it could help me relax. "What is that?"

He swallows hard and shoots me the kind of look that he gives to his initiates during initiation. This. Is. Really. Not. Good. I can sense it.

"Honesty." He utters with a knowing tone. "You forgot to mention honesty."

Not knowing how to act on the spot, I just release a nervous laugh. "W-what do you mean with honesty? So… so you're saying that I'm lying? I… I never lie to you."

He doesn't take off that look on me. He just goes on.

"Well you are lying now."

His eyes suddenly become cold. He presses his arms against his chest a little more firmly and we stand there like statues. He must be waiting for me to hide myself another lie—which is the only option that I have in hand.

"What made you say that I'm lying to you? You don't even have a proof."

"I do have, Eliza." For once I thought he might shout but he doesn't. "I saw it with my own eyes at the control room this morning. You've got nothing to hide."

I narrow my eyes and shake my head slowly—a gesture that states the pretense of not knowing anything about what he is saying. But because I've known him as being a smart Dauntless, I somehow doubt I'd get rid of this.

When nothing comes out from my mouth, he speaks again.

"I watched the videotapes of the previous happenings here in the compound. The last time I checked there's nothing that connects you to Peter. But according to the footage, there is. You two seemed as though you're forming a pattern on how to attack someone and it happened with purpose that that someone is Tris."

With this, I no longer hold my tongue. I eventually find the time to retort.

"And how sure are you that we were actually making a plan to attack that Stiff, ha? You didn't even hear anything!"

"Peter told me, Eliza!" he's raised his voice already. "He told me himself! He told me you ordered him to do that to Tris!"

"And why would I do that, ha, Tobias?! Isn't she the one who hates me? Isn't she the one who assaulted me at the dining hall the other day?! You may think I'm the evil one in here but you didn't know that the girl's longing to hurt me!"

"Enough of your lies!" he says bitterly. His eyes go colder and his figure grows more intense. "I'm so tired of these! I'm so tired of the lies that you make to have me! Now I know why you were acting weird the last few days. That is because you don't want to be caught! And I consider your dismissal this morning too, you know? You left and rode on the trains as though you always do that since the previous months. If I am not mistaken, you are playing with your schemes again to have something against the other people here. Right, Eliza?"

The moment he asks that, I want to scream in his face that yes, I'm playing games again but this time, it's going to shoot him off the ground like a bus that steals a human body in the midst of the streets. But instead, my voice goes surprisingly quiet when I tell him,

"So what are you saying now? That this is done? That we're done?"

And, as if he doesn't even think twice about it, he answers, "Yes. We're done. We don't even reflect to each other as you can see. And for the most part, that's what's going to end us in the future, too."

From being quiet, I laugh like I'm insane. Tobias looks at me casually and I notice that he rolls his eyes. I say, "Fine. You said so. We're done. I don't bother at all. There're a lot more guys out there who could want me more than you wanted me. Remember, Four? One of the reasons why you chose me to be your girlfriend is because I'm pretty? Well then, it won't be difficult for me to have another boyfriend while you work on taking that Stiff as for your new girlfriend. That Stiff who, in any content, is not much prettier than me anyway."

"I don't care about the face, Eliza." He says with a teasing look. "I don't care if your nose is perfect or your eyes are green or you have a fine shape unless you combine them with the right amount of attitude. It's like when you're in a crowd; nobody will give a damn on how much you prepared your dress or how high your heels are if you have nothing something moral to boast anyway. People aren't always going to look in that pretty face of yours, Eliza. When they get tired of looking at it, they would move on with your insides. And if your insides aren't pretty as what's on your outside, your dress, shoes and all that don't make perfect sense."

Somehow I wish I could just let his words pass from my left ear to my right ear so I don't have to end up being speechless; embarrassed. Somehow I want to come up with a thing to snap back at him but my mind has gone blank, thinking that he's right with some part of what he has said. But because I don't take defeats, I'd better believe that he is mistaken.

"We're done in here." I know it sounds stupid since I've just said it earlier but when Tobias's mention of Peter comes back to my mind, I have the urge to find that sixteen-year-old and pour all my anger at him. "There're better things for me to care about than this crap break-up."

And, before I pass by him, I roll my eyes. Again, I know it's silly of me but his words echo in my head and I cannot think straight. How dare him! But anyway, in just a few days, I could finally see how my payback on him works. I'd let him cover his face in embarrassment and hide in his apartment like the same young boy who runs at his room whenever his father intends to beat him. After all, that's who really is. Or… if that's how I knew him.

The moment I have left him behind, I shut my eyes and imagine that my hands are covering my ears. By now, my intent is to walk faster and find that treacherous cunt who doesn't know how to shut a mouth. Once I lay my eyes on him, he better expect to hear me bicker non-stop.

And, as though the hallways have heard the small voice in my head, he show up right when I'm about to reach my apartment. I bet he was taking a walk around the compound but I don't give a damn as much as he didn't when he spilled our secret to Tobias.

The next thing that I know after waiting for him to purposely finds me standing there, I am already rushing to scope him and grasp his arm.

"You liar!" I'm supposed to smack his face although his wounds don't heal enough yet but he's caught my fist in his palm. "Whoa whoa whoa. And what do you think you're doing?"

I strive to release my hand on his but he tilts hid head to furrow his eyes on me. "Let me guess. Mad because I told Four?"

"Well it's a good thing that you know, you jerk! And what about you? What do you think you did, ha?! Deceive me, Peter, deceive me? Well thank you! Thank you for putting me on shit!"

The Peter who just smirks and laughs whenever I act like this is not here. Peter wears the same look that Tobias wore when he said the line, "You forgot to mention honesty." Only that, Peter's gaze states another subject.

"So you came grasping my arm to blame on me? Like c'mon!" he drops my hand with vigor. "I've been waiting for the reward that you promised but did I get anything, Eliza? Did I get anything? I got nothing but corners of questions about your secrets which I don't even have a damn idea about!"

"It's your problem not mine Peter!" I snap back. "You certainly don't know how to wait so that's what you got!"

"Guess what Eliza? You don't know how to deal with arrangements on precise time that's why you get paid with what you just deserve. And forget about that reward that you were talking about. I don't care about it anymore. You go and handle yourself. Now I suppose your boyfriend has broken up with you, am I right?" for the first time since recently, he smirks. But this isn't a smirk of fun; rather of mockery.

"He doesn't love you anyway and you are stupid for believing that he does. If you only saw how angry he was when he found that you were the one who ordered me to do those crap, you should have witnessed how protective he is to Tris unlike with you."

"Shut up," I say.

"Well it's true."

"I said shut up."

"Can't accept that fact?"

"I said shut up!"

"Fine," he says with an average tone. "Let's just see where're you're going to end up with these games of yours. Let me say good luck before I leave."

And right after that, Peter turns away and doesn't look back anymore. His and Tobias's words come together in my head. Jeanine's words join in. Images of my prior life flash back too. My parents being factionless stare at me in my memory. Iris Caldwell looks at me with those innocent eyes as if she wants to tell me, "You are not you."

Maybe she's right. But maybe not.