When Beckett first entered the break room she went to lean beside Castle. What they had been unable to see from outside was that Castle was gripping the edge of the sink hard enough to make his knuckles go white, and that he was shaking all over.
Beckett stood for a moment, her eyes never leaving his hunched figure. She couldn't see his face but she soon realised that there were tears on his face. When she saw that she quickly shut the door and closed all the blinds, Castle didn't need other people to see him in his current state.
Once that was done Beckett went back to lean against the counter beside him. She reached across and gently placed a hand on his shoulder before she slid it down his arm to rest on his hand. She then stood still, waiting for Rick to make a move, any move at all. The silence dragged on but Castle stopped shaking.
Behind her Beckett was aware of the door opening and she looked to see Ryan's hand come in and place a piece of paper on the side before it withdrew and the door shut again. Beckett could see from here that it was the piece of paper that Castle had been writing on. She couldn't see the words themselves but she knew she was right because of the holes in the paper and how thick the lines of the letters were because of how hard Rick had been pushing.
Beckett turned her attention back to Rick, telling herself that she'd pick the bit of paper up when Castle looked at her, right now she didn't even want to take her hand away from his. She knew that she wasn't doing much but she also knew that a simple hand on his was about all she could do right now, so she was going to keep doing it.
Beckett stood for what felt like an age but eventually Castle pushed himself up right and looked towards her. Her hand moved from his hand and he turned to lean his back against the sink. Once he had settled Kate moved to stand in front of him. He had his head down, looking down at the floor, so Kate bent her knees a little, so that she could look up and see his face as she got closer.
"Rick," she whispered, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Castle was quiet for a moment and Kate took the chance to take a few steps back and picked up the bit of paper that had put Castle in this mood in the first place. As she walked back to stand in front of Castle once more she gave it a quick glance and then she understood exactly why that look had been in Castle's eyes.
"This is the list I asked you for isn't it?" she asked, wanting to fill the silence with something, hoping to calm Castle down enough to get him to talk.
While she didn't get him to talk he did nod which Beckett was happy to take right now. She was happy with any form of communication right now.
"I can see why you're angry," she tried again, keeping her voice soft as she read through the page more carefully, "If you're right he's been to a lot of your big moments in life."
"Graduation, first book signing," Castle began to rattle off, "And I'm sure I saw him in the audience the first time I did a TV interview. I can't be sure but I recognise the face, I'm sure I do. And then there are all the others too." He stared straight at Beckett and she realised that one of the emotions that were in his eye was hurt. Her suspicious were conformed as Castle continued to say, "I am that much of a disappointment that he didn't want to tell me who he really was?" His voice had lost the harsh quality that it had adopted previously and now he sounded like a lost kid with no idea what he had done wrong.
"Oh Rick," Beckett breathed, moving closer and wrapping her arms around his still bowed neck, her arms going up and round while Castle's head came to rest on her shoulder. "You're not a disappointment to anyone. Martha is proud to be your mother, Alexis couldn't ask for a better Dad and I have never had a partner how I trust as much as I trust you.
Castle's arms remained at his sides for a few moments before he brought them up and returned Beckett's hug, his arms pulling her close to his body. "Then why did he never tell me who he was?" Castle asked, the tone of his voice almost begging in nature.
It was then that Beckett realised just how much the fact that Castle didn't know who his father was bothered him. He had always played it off but now it was clear to see that that had all been an act and it had actually scared him, and scared him deeply.
"I don't know," Beckett responded softly, "But I do know that he's missed out on a lot. He never got the chance to be a dad to you, but he also never got the chance to watch as you grew up and became the caring and considerate man you are today."
How long they stayed wrapped in each other's arms neither knew but Kate was content just to stand there and give Castle a shoulder to lean on, just like he had done countless times for her over the years since he'd first started shadowing her.